Midlife Crisis

by La Jill Hunt

  “Kenny!”

  “What?” Kenny asked.

  “You need to stop. As a matter of fact, you need to leave.” Janelle stood up.

  “Leave?” Kenny was confused.

  “He doesn’t need to leave.” Sylvia shook her head. She knew Kenny meant well and was only trying to motivate her into getting the work done.

  “Yes, he does,” Janelle told her sister. “He can’t just walk in here and talk to you that way. You don’t have to take it, either.”

  “What are you talking about?” Kenny asked. “Your sister knows I’m joking. Well, sort of. I am sick of this damn wedding.”

  “Well, I have great news for you. There may not even be a wedding,” Sylvia announced.

  “What? Why?” Kenny frowned.

  “Sylvia,” Janelle said, leaning over and whispering, “Should you be talking about this to Kenny?”

  “Kenny has been my friend and business partner for years. He’s going to find out sooner or later, and so is everyone else.”

  “Find out what?”

  “That my husband’s mistress was killed in a car crash, but luckily, his teenage daughter survived.”

  Surprisingly, telling Kenny was easier than she expected. Maybe it was because she had just told Janelle. But saying it this time made it more like fact rather than the fiction that she had been hoping it was. Somehow, it was as if she needed Kenny to know because he had always been real with her and honest. It was one of the qualities that she loved about him, and it made him the ideal person to go into business with.

  Sylvia waited for him to say something, anything, to give her some idea as to what she should do. Hoping that whatever Kenny had to say would be the words of wisdom to put this entire ordeal into perspective for her, she waited with bated breath for his response.

  After what seemed like the longest pause ever, sadly, the only thing Kenny said was, “Damn, Syl, that’s fucked up.”

  Janelle

  “Did you have a nice time?” Jarvis asked as they walked out of the restaurant.

  “Of course I did,” Janelle said and smiled. “I always do.”

  “You seemed kind of distracted,” he said, taking her by the hand as they walked to his car. It was a nice spring evening, and they had enjoyed an action-packed Leonardo Di Caprio movie before coming to dinner at a well-known local seafood spot.

  Although Janelle was having a great time, her mind had drifted to her sister. When she had left Sylvia’s home earlier, she and Kenny were working on their latest projects, and Sylvia had assured her that she would be fine. Janelle knew that she would, but she was still worried.

  She couldn’t believe that Garry, whom she had known for years, had been having an affair. There hadn’t been any signs. She thought they were happy, and although she wasn’t crazy enough to believe that there was such a thing as a perfect marriage, she thought Sylvia and Garry were damn near close. She had never seen them argue and Sylvia never seemed angry or sad, until now. Janelle kept wondering why he had done it, and how Sylvia could not have known.

  “So, you want to go back to my place for a little while?” Jarvis asked her.

  She looked up at his dimpled smile and nodded. “Of course I would.”

  Jarvis leaned over and kissed her softly. Janelle closed her eyes and enjoyed the taste of his mouth on hers. His lips were soft and gentle as he caressed her chin gently. Heat began rising from within her, and she couldn’t wait to get to his place. Even her concern for Sylvia and her marriage wasn’t enough to distract her from the great sex she knew they would be having as soon as they got to his home.

  Once they arrived, Jarvis wasted no time slipping her out of her clothes and leading her into his bedroom. She lay on the bed and wrapped her legs around his body as he kissed her all over, starting with her neck and working his way down, sucking one hardened nipple while playing with the other one. Janelle arched her back and moaned his name as he slipped his finger into her wetness and fingered her clitoris. Soon, his finger was replaced by his tongue, licking and tasting her until she climaxed. He eased his way back up on top of her, and her fingers found their way to his hardness.

  She felt along his thick shaft, enjoying the feel of it in her hands, and guided him inside of her. For a few moments, Jarvis didn’t move, allowing her to enjoy his being there. He slowly began to go deeper and deeper, following the rhythm of Janet Jackson’s “Anytime, Anyplace” that she could hear playing from his nearby speakers. At some point, they shifted, and she got on top, and it was her turn to set the pace. She slowly rode him, staring into his eyes and enjoying the sounds he made as his hands gripped her ass. Her body moved up and down, and she leaned forward to play with his chest. Janelle could feel his body tightening, and she knew it would only be a few more minutes until he exploded within her. She moved faster and faster, rotating her hips in a circular motion and calling his name out as the walls of her hotness tightened with each thrust.

  “Ahhhhhh!” Jarvis moaned as he came inside her, and she collapsed on his chest, satisfied.

  “You okay?” he asked after a few moments.

  “I’m good. You okay?” she asked him.

  “Definitely,” he said.

  They lay there together, listening to the music, until she could hear him snoring softly under her. Janelle slipped from under his arms and into the bathroom, where she quickly washed up and got dressed. When she walked back into the bedroom, he was still sleeping. She kissed him on the forehead and let herself out.

  An hour later, she was showered, in her pajamas, and watching television in her own bed when her cell phone rang. She looked and saw that it was Titus. Remembering the dilemma her sister was in, she almost ignored the call, but then figured there was no harm in talking to him on the phone. After all, they were friends.

  “Hello.” She sighed into the phone.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “Watching TV and about to go to bed.”

  “How was church?”

  “It was good.”

  “Did you pray for me?”

  “Always.”

  “I know you do. So, what did you do today? Did you and your boo go out tonight?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I know y’all hang out every weekend, and last night you were with your girls, so I figured y’all would be boo’d up tonight.”

  Janelle shook her head and confessed, “We went to dinner and a movie.”

  “Aw, that’s so nice. Was it good?”

  “The movie or the dinner?”

  “Both,” he replied. “And the sex.”

  “I’m getting off this phone,” she told him. “Good night, Titus.”

  “Wait, I’m sorry. Don’t hang up. I’m sorry. You know I was just messing with you.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Tell me something good,” he said, and Janelle couldn’t help smiling. When they first started dating, it was how he would start all of their phone conversations late at night. The fact that she was able to talk to him about any and everything was one of the reasons she had fallen in love with him. Titus had the uncanny ability to just listen to her like no one else could.

  “I don’t know.”

  “What’s wrong, Janelle? Talk to me.”

  Janelle paused, wondering if she should tell him about Garry and Sylvia. But then she decided not to. Instead, she said, “Nothing. I think I need a vacation, that’s all.”

  “You just went to the Dominican Republic a little while ago.”

  “That was last summer. I need another getaway.”

  “You stay getting away, girl. I know your passport is full, and you probably need a new one.”

  Janelle laughed. She loved to travel, and although she had been to Jamaica, Italy, the Dominican Republic, London, and Greece, there were still a lot of places she wanted to go.

  “Don’t hate because you can’t come with me.”

  “Ouch, that hurt,” he told her. “But you know anywhere with me is par
adise.”

  “You really are ridiculous. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah, I do. But why the sudden need to get away? Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Nothing,” Janelle lied.

  “I know you better than anyone. Something’s wrong. But if you don’t wanna talk about it tonight, that’s cool. I’m here when you’re ready.”

  “I know you are, but I’m good. Really I am.”

  “You’re better than good; you’re amazing. But even amazing people go through stuff. Including you and me.”

  “Thanks, Titus. Listen, it’s late, and I gotta get up early in the morning. I will talk to you later.”

  “Good night, Nelly. I love you.”

  Janelle hung the phone up without saying anything else. She looked at the time on her phone and saw that they had been on the phone for longer than she thought. It seemed cliché, but time really did seem to fly whenever she talked to Titus. She wished that she could have that same level of joviality with Jarvis sometimes, but it just wasn’t the same. And time had shown her that she would never share that with another man. Titus knew her deepest, darkest secrets, her fears, and her thoughts. He knew how she was feeling without her having to say a word. If only she hadn’t made the mistake of letting him go all those years ago, things would be so different. If she hadn’t been scared and had followed her heart, they would be together.

  She remembered that day as if it were yesterday.

  It was her junior year of college, and she had just buried her mother a month before. Janelle stared at the white plastic contraption in her hand with the bright pink plus sign, indicating that she was pregnant. She had only been dating Titus for a few months, and she thought they were being careful each time they had sex. But clearly, they hadn’t been careful enough. There was no way she was ready to be a mother. She quickly called a nearby clinic and made an appointment to take care of her unplanned problem the following day.

  She didn’t tell anyone. Her mother was gone, and Sylvia was still an emotional wreck every time she called her. Janelle didn’t want to add any more stress. She thought about telling Titus, but he had gone home for a family emergency himself. Janelle knew he wasn’t ready to be a father either. They had both said they wanted to wait until they were in their late thirties and established in their careers before even thinking about being parents. They wanted to live life, have fun, travel, and enjoy one another. A baby was nowhere in the plans. So, Janelle made the decision for both of them. It was the hardest decision of her life, yet the procedure seemed so simple. Within four hours of her arrival, it was over and done. She caught a cab back to the dorm and was in bed resting when her phone rang.

  “Janelle, we need to talk,” he told her.

  Janelle knew something was wrong because he called her by her name. She wondered if somehow he had found out what she had done.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “You know how much I love you.”

  “Titus, just tell me what’s wrong,” she pleaded. “Why did you have to go home?”

  “Janelle, Tricia, my ex . . . she had a baby.”

  “She had a what?”

  “She had a baby. A boy. I didn’t even know she was pregnant, and neither did my family, until her mom called my house and told my parents she was in labor.”

  Janelle felt herself becoming nauseated. She didn’t know if it was from the anesthesia she had earlier or from the news Titus gave her. Either way, she knew that not only was she going to be sick, but she and Titus were over. He had a baby by his ex, and she had just aborted one.

  “Baby, say something,” he begged her.

  There was nothing Janelle could have said that day. She quickly congratulated him and hung up the phone. For weeks, Titus had tried to contact her. She ignored his calls, so then he sent letters to which she didn’t respond. He ended up leaving school, joining the military, and marrying Tricia. In Janelle’s mind, it was her punishment for killing the baby that she carried without even telling him.

  No man that she dated ever compared to what she’d had with Titus. She never felt anything like what she had felt for him. They didn’t speak or see each other for years, until one day, nearly three years ago, she was pumping gas, and she heard a familiar voice behind her.

  “Nelly?”

  She turned and saw that it was him, a little older and a few pounds heavier. When their eyes met, it was the same electricity that she felt all those years ago when she first met him. He ran up to her and hugged her so tight that he lifted her off the ground. They parked their cars and went into a nearby diner where they had coffee and played catchup. She was telling him about her job at the firm and how much she enjoyed it when her eyes fell onto the small gold band on his left hand.

  “I see you’re still married,” she said softly.

  He reached across the table and touched her empty left ring finger and said, “I see you’re not.”

  She shrugged and sat back in the booth across from him. “Nope, I’m not. I am glad things worked out for you and Tricia. Do you have any more kids?”

  “No, just the one son, Tarik.”

  “Tarik, okay. And how old is he?”

  “He’s thirteen.”

  “Wow, thirteen,” Janelle said. She thought about the decision she’d made, and it made her realize she would be the mother of a twelve-year-old. It seemed like eons ago, not just over a decade.

  “Yeah, thirteen long years.”

  “So, what are you doing here?”

  “I . . . well, we’ve been in the area a little over a year. This is my last duty station before I retire in a few years, so we decided to buy a house in Landville Estates.”

  “That’s crazy. I bought a condo a year ago in Landville Courts.”

  “We’re neighbors.” He laughed.

  Janelle stared into his handsome face and remembered how much she missed that sound. Again, she looked at his finger and came back to reality. “Well, it was nice catching up with you. I should be going,” she told him and stood up.

  “Janelle, don’t leave. Not yet. Just stay a little while longer, please. I have missed you, missed this, so much. It’s like when I lost you all those years ago, I lost a piece of myself. I swear, I think about you all the time, and it’s like God finally answered my prayers and allowed me to see you again. Come on. Just one more cup of coffee, please.”

  Janelle looked into his eyes. As much as she wanted to stay and talk with him, the fact was that he was still married. He said one cup of coffee, but she knew it would have the potential to be so much more.

  “I’m sorry, Titus, but I have to go. It was great seeing you. It truly was. I am glad things turned out so well for you.”

  “Nelly.” Titus stood up and touched her arm. “Please, I can’t let you go again.”

  “Titus, don’t do this. I have to go,” Janelle told him. She gave him a quick hug and kissed his cheek.

  “Goodbye.”

  From that day on, for about three months, Janelle avoided going to the gas station in her neighborhood, fearing that she would run into Titus again. It didn’t matter that they had the cheapest gas in town and the best nachos. She couldn’t risk it. She didn’t know if she would have the willpower to say no if he asked to see her again. Seeing him that one time had opened up a floodgate of emotions that she thought she had locked away for good. But now, she constantly thought of him. It killed her to know that he lived a few streets away, with his wife and son, of course, but he was still there. It was as if God was adding insult to injury. Not only had He not allowed her to meet anyone else and fall in love after Titus, but out of all of the states, the cities, the neighborhoods in the world, God had placed Titus and his happy family right up the street from her.

  “It’s not fair,” she said out loud to no one while she was picking up a bottle of wine from the grocery store late one Friday night.

  “What’s not fair?”

  Janelle dropped the bottle of Moscato she was holding, an
d it shattered at her feet.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” she snapped at Titus.

  “Buying some snacks,” he told her, holding up a bag of Doritos and smiling.

  Janelle looked down at the mess she caused. “Damn it.”

  “It’s okay. I’m sure they have a mop.” His eyes twinkled with amusement as he laughed. “Not that you know how to use it. You always sucked at housework.”

  “Shut up,” she said and walked away, Titus right on her heels. “Excuse me. I dropped a bottle in aisle seven,” she told the cashier.

  “Pete, clean up on aisle seven,” the woman said into the microphone then looked at Titus and said, “Are you ready to check out? We close in five minutes.”

  Janelle walked off, and he said, “Not yet. We’ll be right back.”

  “Why are you following me?”

  “Why are you running away from me?”

  “I’m not. I’m going to get my bottle of wine to replace the one that you made me drop,” she told him. She walked down the aisle and grabbed an even bigger bottle of Moscato, thinking that it was going to take more wine than she’d anticipated after seeing him.

  “Nelly, come on. Don’t do this.”

  “Don’t do what?” Janelle asked. “What do you want from me?”

  “I want you to talk to me,” he told her. “I want you to stop acting like I got the plague. I want you to stop tripping.”

  “Fine.” Janelle stopped in the middle of the aisle. “Hello, Titus, how are you? How’s your wife and kid?”

  Titus shook his head at her. “You’re trying to be funny.”

  “I’m not. You want me to talk to you, so I’m talking. How are you enjoying this weather? Hot enough for you? What about those Lakers? Kobe is having a helluva season, isn’t he? Have you seen the new—”

  Suddenly, Titus’s mouth was on hers, and she found herself lost in his kiss. She literally lost her breath, and without warning, she dropped the second bottle of wine. The sound of it crashing to the floor gave her a reason to pull away from him.

  She turned and faced the lanky teenager who had just finished cleaning up the mess she caused previously and said, “I’m sorry.”