“Gretchen, wake up. Gretchen?”
“NO!” With a jolt, she opened her eyes. The face above hers startled her. It was so close. Too close. “NO! Get off of me!” The hands released her, and she sat up, clutching the blanket to her chest. She scooted away until her back crashed into the couch.
Tommy sat on the floor next to her, his chest heaving, his hair sticking up as if he’d been asleep. “You were having a nightmare.”
She couldn’t get her breathing under control. She looked around and tried to get her bearings. The cabin. They were in the cabin because of the snowstorm. Ryan wasn’t there. It was just a dream. A nightmare. “I’m sorry.” She jerked back when he reached out and tried to touch her. “I’m sorry. I need a minute.” She ran a hand through her hair and took deep breaths to calm her racing heart. “It’ll pass, just give me a second.”
Her heart rate slowed from a gallop to a trot to a fast walk. When her breathing returned to normal, her skin flushed from embarrassment. God, she wanted to be normal. Why couldn’t she just be normal? She felt tears spring up behind her eyes, and she willed them away. “I’m okay. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“You didn’t wake me. You scared the shit out of me. You were fighting me, and I couldn’t get you to wake up.”
“I know, I’m sorry. It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, I can’t control it.”
“Is that…was that because of…?”
She stood up so fast the room spun. She reached out and found purchase against the fireplace while her head settled. When it did, she bolted for the bathroom. She sat on the closed toilet and held her head between her knees. She wouldn’t get sick. The last thing she wanted was for Tommy to hear her vomiting because she’d mixed up the past and the present in her head. When the nausea passed, she splashed some water on her face. Her skin appeared ghostly pale in the light coming in through the window, and her pupils swam in her eyes. She glanced outside. From the position of the sun, it had to be early in the morning.
The snow had slowed from a blizzard to a steady trickle, but it had accumulated and sat stacked almost to the window. Even with the morning sunshine, she knew it would take days of direct sun to melt what had amassed overnight. She eased the door open and tiptoed into the den, hoping Tommy had gone back to sleep. No such luck; he sat where she’d left him looking wide awake with a dangerous gleam in his eye.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded and sat down, wrapping the blanket around her like a shield. “Sorry about that. It’s still early. You should go back to sleep.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “What happened? What was that?”
“Just a nightmare. I suppose the events of the last few days have gotten to me. I’m okay now. You should go back to sleep.”
“That wasn’t just a nightmare. It seemed more like a panic attack. You made it sound like you’d had them before.”
“I’m fine now, Tommy. Really, just fine.” She glanced at the window, trying desperately to escape his scrutiny. “It’s still snowing. Not like before, but it hasn’t stopped. The sun is out, so hopefully it’ll melt.”
He reached out and placed a hand on her foot under the blanket. “Honey, tell me.”
She stared at her hands where they twisted in her lap as her heart rate accelerated. “Tell you what?”
“Tell me what just happened. Did you think I was Ryan?”
She slammed her eyes closed and pinched her lips tightly together when a sob threatened to break free. She wouldn’t break down in front of him. She couldn’t. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
***
“Baby,” Tommy used the endearment without thinking. He knew he was pushing her. He saw her chest rise and fall as her breath hitched. “I’m not trying to pressure you. I’m concerned.”
“It’s just something that happens. I was exhausted. I haven’t been sleeping well, and you were…you were close. I don’t do well when people get too close.”
“You were cold. The fire had gone out, and we were keeping each other warm. I wasn’t trying to…I didn’t…”
“I know. I was dreaming, that’s all.”
“It’s happened before?” She nodded but said nothing. She was too pale, and she shook beneath the blanket. He stood, stretched his back, and eyed her while he put his shoes on and reached for his jacket. “I’m going to get the fire going again.” She stayed where she sat, more frail and vulnerable than he’d ever seen her.
The hit of cold air was as effective as a gallon of coffee. He stepped to the edge of the porch and looked around but didn’t really take anything in. If he’d had any doubts about her story of what had happened in the past, about Ryan and the role he played, they vanished when he woke up and found her kicking and flailing her arms. She was scared to death and fighting off an attacker in her dream. Fighting off Ryan Lowry.
A surge of violence rose in him so quickly and with such force, he wanted to punch through the cabin wall. If he could get his hands on Ryan, he’d beat the son of a bitch to death. But Gretchen didn’t need him thinking violent thoughts or plotting revenge. She needed to warm up and get food in her stomach. She needed comfort. He could give her that. He would do everything in his power to make sure she was okay.
Before going inside with an armful of firewood, he glanced around. The snow was waist high in some spots and over the tires on his truck. They would have at least another day in the cabin before he would suggest they try to make it down. They had food, they had each other, and he would use the time to try to mend what was broken between them.
She sat in the same spot as when he’d left, her back arrow straight against the couch, huddled under the blanket and shaking. He moved to the fireplace and stacked the wood. Bosco had several boxes of fire starter and matches, so the fire came quickly to life. Tommy sat on the floor next to Gretchen, close enough to share his blanket but not touching.
“Thank you,” she said. “I should have thought to get some wood when I was up. You don’t need to wait on me.”
He spared her a glance with lifted brows. “You couldn’t lift a feather. You’re so pale. Warm up, Gretch, and then we’ll see about making some food.”
“Ugh.” She grabbed her stomach. “I don’t think I could eat.”
Concern and rage dueled in his gut. “You need to keep your strength up. Something warm in your stomach will help.”
They sat staring at the fire, listening to the wood pop and zing onto the hearth. “It’s early still,” he said. “You should go back to sleep.”
She shook her head as if he’d suggested she strip naked and run around outside. “No. I’m up.” Her chin had stopped quivering, but her hands shook when she gathered the blanket around her shoulders. He held his arms out to help her. “Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me for everything.”
“Sorry.”
“Honey.” He took a chance and drew her face toward his with a finger on her chin. “It’s just me. Relax. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I know. That’s not what I meant. I was just being polite.”
“Well, don’t. I don’t want to have polite conversations with you while we wait for the snow to melt. That’ll just piss me off.” A flash of heat spread to her cheeks. Good. Maybe a spark of temper would get her blood flowing faster than the fire.
“Do you want me to be rude? Or yell at you perhaps?”
“No.” He swallowed and fought the warning bells in his head that told him he was pushing too hard, too fast. The words came forth before he could stop them. “I want you to tell me when you’ve had these panic attacks before.”
She stared at him, her eyes fierce. “That’s none of your business.”
“I’m making it my business. You were scared to death and fighting for your life. You said it’s happened before. You said it happened because I was too close.” That was the crux of it, the reason he couldn’t shake what she’d said. “If you have trouble with people being t
oo close, how in the world do you have relationships?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“I’m just trying to understand.”
“You don’t need to understand. I haven’t asked you about your relationships.”
“Do you want to know about the women I date? About the meaningless hookups I’ve had since…since I moved to the valley?”
“I don’t have meaningless hookups! I don’t have the time or the inclination. I have a son, and I have—”
“Panic attacks when people get too close. Are you telling me you haven’t been with a man since Ryan raped you?”
She flung her hands over her face. “I don’t want to talk about this. God, why are you badgering me?”
“Honey, I want to help you.”
She stared at him with an angry glint in her eyes. “By asking personal questions that are none of your business? How does that help? Do you want to feel sorry for me because I can’t be with a man? The one time I tried, I freaked out and screamed and sent him away as if he’d tried to force me. Do you want to know how it feels to be so abnormal, so messed up, so broken?”
Her tears started flowing, and she wiped them away impatiently. He felt like a bully, forcing her to admit what he knew was true: Ryan had stolen her youth, and he’d stolen her womanhood. The man would pay if it was the last thing Tommy did.
“You’re not broken, baby. You’re not broken.” He scooted closer and reached for her, pulling her into his chest. She fought him and pushed against his arms, but she barely had the energy to resist. He held tight and rubbed her back as she finally went limp and sobbed in his arms. He soothed her with nonsensical words, with gentle touches, and with the love he’d never forgotten.
Chapter 39
Lyle cautiously opened the cabin door and peeked inside. The den was empty, the kitchen bare, and Kevin’s door closed. Lyle stepped in, closed the door, and figured his brother and Shiloh were still asleep. He’d seen her car in the drive and figured she’d spent the night. About time. Maybe Kevin wouldn’t be in such a bad mood.
He heard feminine giggles as he passed his old office and went to his room. He was relieved they’d made up. As Lyle marched head first into marriage, he was unsettled by the idea that his brother was having trouble with his. Kevin didn’t know what to do or how to act without Shiloh. With her car in the drive and her voice seeping through the walls, Lyle felt everything was right in his world.
He changed into running attire and laced his shoes up in the den. Shiloh came out wearing her wrinkled clothes from the night before, and Kevin sauntered out behind her wearing jeans and no shirt.
“Good morning,” Shiloh said.
“Morning.” Lyle nodded. Kevin went into the kitchen to make coffee while Shiloh fussed with the blanket that had fallen off the back of the couch.
Shiloh studied him with a furrowed brow. “You’re running in this weather?”
“Yep.”
She looked out the window and squinted against the sun. “There’s snow on the ground.”
“Not much. The mountains got blasted, but there’s barely an inch here.”
“Doesn’t the cold air hurt your lungs?”
“Not really. It’s refreshing, like a cup of strong coffee or a round of morning nookie.”
She blushed. “Okay, I think I see the appeal.”
“Thought you might.”
Kevin delivered a steaming cup of coffee to Shiloh, and she kissed him on the lips. “Do you have a to-go cup?” she asked.
Kevin’s face fell. “You’re leaving? Already?”
“You’ve got to get to work, and I want to get home, shower and change, and go talk to Mrs. Lyons at the bank before she gives the job to someone else.” She glanced over her shoulder at Lyle. “I’ll be back tonight, if that’s okay.”
“Fine by me.” Lyle had never understood why Kevin hadn’t asked her to stay before.
“I’ll walk you out.” Kevin grabbed a jacket from the peg by the door. They disappeared outside. A few minutes later, Lyle was just about to leave for his run when Kevin pushed him back inside. “I want to talk to you for a minute.”
“Can’t it wait?” Lyle asked. He was itching to get started.
“No. It won’t take long.”
Lyle sat on the couch while Kevin paced in front of the fireplace. “What gives? I thought you’d be in a good mood since you finally banged your wife.”
Kevin stopped pacing and put his hands on his hips. “I don’t bang my wife.”
“Sorry. Nail? Pleasure? Make love?”
“Do you nail Erica?”
Lyle’s face fell. “Okay, point taken.”
“I need a favor.”
“I said she could stay,” Lyle said. “You’re the one who wouldn’t ask.”
“You’re sure? It’s going to get awfully cozy in here.”
“I can bunk with Erica if Shiloh gets on my nerves.”
“You’re being very agreeable this morning,” Kevin said.
“I’m in love with a beautiful, fascinating woman. I enjoy my work. What’s not to be agreeable about?”
Kevin sat on the couch next to Lyle. “So you’re finally going to admit you love her.”
“Of course I love her. She’s perfect. There isn’t a thing about her I don’t love.”
“You got it bad.”
“And I’m not letting her go. We’re getting married.”
“Whoa, married? How long have you known her?” Kevin asked.
“Long enough. Don’t say anything to anyone yet. I haven’t even told Mom.”
“You think she’s going to freak?”
“No. I don’t think so, but I don’t want her hearing about it from you,” Lyle said.
“When are you going to tell her?”
“I want to get Erica a ring. A nice one. I should have enough after I turn the book in. It won’t feel real until then.”
“If you asked and she said yes, it’s real.” Kevin slapped Lyle on the shoulder. “Congratulations, man. I thought you’d hold out a little longer, but I guess us Woodward men see what we want and go after it.”
“She’s what I want. She’s what I’ve always wanted.”
“Then I’m happy for you. Life’s better, sweeter, when you can share it with someone you love. Being without Shi these last few weeks has been tough.”
“I take it you’re back together?” Lyle asked.
“Until I leave for ag aviation training.”
“Manny’s gone?”
“Yep, and the job’s mine, but I’ve got to get certified first.”
“Skip can’t do it?” Lyle asked.
“Nope. Gotta be official. There’s a school in Louisiana. Classes start after the first of the year. I’ll need you to look out for Shi when I’m gone.”
“No problem. Are you sure this is what you want? I thought once you left the valley, you wouldn’t be back.”
“I’m back,” Kevin said. “Back for good. This feels right. It’s home. We’ll settle here, start a family. I feel really good about this.”
“The nookie helps clarify things.”
Kevin chuckled. “Damn straight it does.”
Chapter 40
Gretchen woke up and blinked against the sun shining through the window onto her face. It wasn’t until she moved that she realized she wasn’t resting against the floor or a blanket but a leg. Tommy’s leg. For all intents and purposes, she was sprawled on his lap.
She felt his hand at her hip and jolted. His hand fell away as she sat up.
“Good morning,” he said. “You look better. How do you feel?”
She couldn’t imagine how bad she looked with her eyes swollen from crying and her hair in tangles. “I feel okay. I’m sorry for falling asleep. I’m not even sure how that happened.”
“You don’t owe me an apology. You were exhausted, emotionally and physically. I’m sorry I made you upset.” She shrugged and rubbed her arms. “Are you cold?”
&nbs
p; “No. It’s warm in here now.”
He bent his legs and eased onto his knees. They popped as he stood, proving that he’d been trapped underneath her for God only knew how long.
“Where are you going?” Gretchen asked.
“You need to eat. Your stomach was growling while you slept.”
“You don’t have to wait on me.” She tried to stand, but dizziness took over and she slumped onto the couch.
“Sit down and don’t move. I don’t mind.”
“I mind. I’m not used to being waited on.”
“That’s going to change.” Her head snapped up and she tried to understand his comment as he opened the cupboards and surveyed the contents. “We’ve got more soup, some chili, green beans, peaches, and jackpot: oatmeal. How does a bowl of oatmeal sound?”
“Sounds better than chili.”
“That’s on the dinner menu.”
She glanced at the window and was blinded by the light. “There’s no chance of getting out of here today?”
“Not unless a snow plow comes down this lane. I’d be surprised if it even comes up the main road. Snow’s piled as high as my tires.”
She could only think of Alex and how he’d wonder why she hadn’t called. Would Robert and Elise be worried?
“You’re worried about Alex,” Tommy said.
“Yes. He’s fine with Robert and Elise, but he’ll wonder why I haven’t called.”
“You will, as soon as we’re back.”
“How are we going to explain this? No matter what we say, it’s going to look bad.”
Tommy carried another pan and wooden spoon into the den. He sat on the hearth and stoked the fire. “We tell the truth. We can’t help what it looks like. We came up to look at Bear Stream.”
“As a storm was approaching? Near nightfall?”
Tommy sighed. “Not my smartest move, but I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“You were mad at me.”
Taming the Moguls Page 15