Tommy set his empty bowl on the hearth and settled back against the couch, cradling a beer. The fire and the food relaxed them both, and their shoulders were practically touching. “And the kid? Alex?”
She looked at him. A muscle in his jaw flashed, and she knew he was gritting his teeth.
“What’s he like?”
Gretchen pictured her son’s angelic face. “He likes baseball. He plays first base because he’s tall for his age. He plays outfield, too. He’s good. He’s athletic, of course, and he plays basketball. He wants to try hockey and lacrosse, but I won’t let him do football. Strangely, he hasn’t asked, so I feel like I dodged a bullet with that. I like that he’s involved in sports because he needs that exposure to men, that manly influence he doesn’t get at home. Holcomb’s been a godsend. He and Elise are like grandparents to Alex. He’s staying with them while I’m away.” A lump formed in her throat at the thought of not being able to talk to him. She’d called him every night of her trip. “He’ll be worried when I don’t check in.” She sat up and looked around. Why hadn’t she thought to look for a phone before? “Is there a phone here?”
Tommy surprised her by placing a hand on her leg. “No phone, Gretchen, I’m sorry. It’ll stop snowing and we can get back. Eventually.”
Chapter 36
Tommy left his hand resting on Gretchen’s leg. She was still cold, and he knew the fastest way to warm up was to use body heat. He didn’t trust himself to offer anything more than a hand. Besides, she looked crushed. He had no idea what it felt like to have someone depend on him the way a child would. She’d fought for Alex’s life, had nurtured him and given everything she had to him since she was barely a child herself.
She was a mother, and a damn good one if what she said was true. How could Tommy’s mother abandon her and her son knowing how hard it was to raise a child? Everyone who was supposed to love and care for Gretchen had let her down—including him. He should have pressed his mother harder for information after she disappeared. He should have stormed through the house and found her, not left her in the wolf’s den and taken off to lick his wounds.
He’d done nothing but berate her since she’d walked back into his life, and that guilt sat heavy on his shoulders. She’d left him, but she had her reasons. She was right to think he would have harmed Ryan Lowry if she’d told him he’d raped her. He fought the urge to clench his fist and pound the floor. Tommy would have killed him with his bare hands or died trying. She knew that and had shielded him to her detriment. She’d spent ten years alone, raising a child born from an act of violence. Without thought, he scooted closer and put his arm around her shoulders. He felt her breath catch before she let it out and relaxed into his side.
“What about you?” she asked. Her voice sounded strained. “How have you spent the last ten years?”
“Well…” He thought about being evasive, but decided there wasn’t any point. Not anymore. “When you disappeared, I tried to go on with school and football, but I didn’t care anymore.” She tensed, and he tried to soothe her by running his thumb along her arm. “I’m not blaming you. I’m just telling you like it was. I wandered around for a while and ended up working as a ski instructor at Bear Stream. When the season was over, I made my way here to my dad. I’d been heading for him all along. He’d remarried years before and had another kid. I never expected to like his new wife or become so attached to my younger sister, but they were so welcoming. It was the family I always craved. I’d blamed him for my parents’ divorce and you know how upset I was when my mom married your dad, but my dad’s new family was so…normal.”
She chuckled. “Gee, what’s that like?”
“It’s wonderful, or at least it was until he died.”
“Oh, Tommy. I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged. “I had that last year with him. And I got Nadine and Olivia for keeps.”
“Nadine’s your stepmom?”
“Yeah. She owns an herbal shop over the pass. I don’t see her much, but she’s there when I need her. Olivia moved to Denver and is getting married soon.”
“You don’t like her fiancé?” Gretchen asked.
“No, he’s okay. He’s loaded and—interesting tidbit—he’s visually impaired. He loves her. I wasn’t sure about him until I knew he loved her. He makes her happy. That’s all I can ask for in a husband for her.”
“You love her.”
“I do. When I left Chicago, I left everything behind. They welcomed me with open arms, and I’m blessed to have them.” He needed to tell them that more often than he did. He buried himself in work and didn’t spend enough time with those he cared about.
“You are. I would love to have a brother or sister or—ha—a stepmom I could count on. I’m not trying to bash your mom, but she’s the reason I couldn’t press charges against Ryan. I was in shock, and I listened to her blindly. I shouldn’t have, and she should have known better. We should have gone straight to the police.”
“I may not be able to do anything about the last ten years, but you can bet your sweet ass I’m going to let my mom know I know what happened and that I blame her too.”
“I don’t want to be responsible for ruining your relationship with her.”
“What relationship? We exchange phone calls on major holidays. I haven’t seen her since my uncle died two years ago.”
“I haven’t seen my dad in years. He calls. It’s uncomfortable for both of us. I didn’t even go to his retirement party.”
Tommy shook his head. “We’re a couple of sad cases, aren’t we? No family to speak of, your mom gone, and my dad. No wonder we were drawn together. We were searching for some kind of connection.”
She looked at him, her brown eyes huge and intense in the firelight. “Is that all you think it was?”
He tilted his head. “At first, maybe. Until you were all I could think about.”
“I was in love with you from the beginning,” she whispered. He was grateful when she looked away. “You were so angry at me and dad for moving into your house and messing up your life.”
“I didn’t want a stepfather or a sister. I didn’t like change. I never have. I was just getting used to the two of us being on our own. She never even talked to me about it. She just said, “I’m getting married, Tommy. You’re going to have a new father and a sister.’ Like I’d be excited or something. I was sixteen. I wanted a new car and freedom, not family dinners at the dining room table and two strangers in my life.”
“My dad tried to convince me it was partly for me, that I needed a woman in my life. I think he was trying to pawn all my female drama off on someone else.”
“I don’t remember any female drama.”
“That’s because I was trying to impress you with my maturity,” Gretchen said.
“Ah, of course. I wasn’t actually impressed until you matured physically.”
She elbowed him in the ribs. “That is so typical.”
“And true. One day you were this annoying, skinny girl I couldn’t shake and then the next, you had boobs and curves. Trust me, I wasn’t the only one who noticed.”
She rolled her eyes. “Now you’re lying.”
“Nope. I pulled the big brother crap and warned everyone to stay away.”
She stared at him with her mouth gaping open. “You did not.”
“I did, except Chad Morgan didn’t listen. Guy was too stupid to live.”
“Thank goodness, or I wouldn’t have had a prom date.”
He leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. “You looked so pretty in your light blue dress. I wanted you so bad that night. I can’t remember what my date had on, but I can still see the way your dress dipped low to show your cleavage and the way it shimmered when you moved.”
“Your date wore pink taffeta with a plunging neckline. I can’t believe you don’t remember that. I wanted to punch her in the face.”
“I wanted to punch Chad in the face,” Tommy said.
“You sh
ould have. He kept trying to cop a feel on the dance floor.”
“I know.” When she looked over her shoulder at him, he lifted his head. “I was watching, remember?”
“I didn’t know. I thought I was invisible to you.”
“You were everything to me.” He ran his hand along her cheek. “I’m sorry. I should have done more. I should have protected you.”
“From Chad? Don’t be silly.”
“From Ryan. I knew he was a sick bastard. I should have told you to stay away from him.”
Her sigh sounded as defeated as he felt. “It wouldn’t have changed anything. I wasn’t looking for Ryan. I was looking for you. I was always looking for you.”
They grew quiet as a decade of missed opportunity slivered between them. Gretchen yawned. Tommy pulled the throw up to her chin and tucked her against his side. “Get some sleep.”
She nodded and drifted off. He watched her. In the firelight, he held everything he’d ever wanted. He lifted his eyes to the window and wished for the snow to keep falling. He’d waited ten years to hold Gretchen. He wasn’t ready to give her back just yet.
Chapter 37
“Ten thousand?” Shiloh asked. “Four weeks away and ten thousand dollars?”
“The class doesn’t start until January. I’ve got probably four thousand in savings.”
“You’ve got?”
“We’ve got. Sorry. When we sell the house, we’ll have more than enough if we don’t buy right away. I think we should rent something inexpensive until we know this is the right move.”
“You want to spend ten thousand dollars we don’t have, and you’re not sure this is the right move? What if the house doesn’t sell before the class starts?”
“First, that came out wrong. This is the right move. We’re agreed on that, right?”
“Yes.”
“Second, if the house doesn’t sell,”—he lifted his shoulders and hated the bitter taste of the words—“I can ask Mom or Lyle for a loan.”
“Kevin…I don’t know. Borrowing money from family? I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“It’s our only option.”
She sighed and sat back. “Not our only option.” She pushed the hair away from her face. “I tucked some money away from my salary. I was saving up for house renovations that I knew you’d say no to, but I don’t need it for that anymore.”
“You?” He blinked comically. “Saved money?”
She slapped his shoulder. “Yes, I saved money. Don’t look at me like I’ve got three heads. I know how to save money when I want to.”
“How much?”
“A little over five thousand.”
“Really? Then we’re only a thousand short. I should be able to make that up no problem.”
“If we use all our savings, then we have nothing. No money. Not only would we move back home, but we’d move back home with less than what we started with.”
“In our savings, yes, you’re right. But in our marriage?” He stood and joined her on the couch. “Shi, I’ve taken you for granted. When you walked out on me in Denver, that was the lowest point of my life. It was also the kick in the butt I needed.”
“I didn’t want to walk out. You said some awful, hurtful things.”
“I did, and I’m sorry. If we can start over in a new place with new jobs and a new outlook on the future, then we can do the same with our marriage.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you want more of my attention. You deserve that, and I plan to give it to you. You’ve proven that you can save money, which is fantastic. I didn’t think you knew how.”
“You never said no when I asked for something. I wasn’t going out and buying stuff on my own. I’d run it by you first, and you always gave me the go ahead.”
“I love you. I don’t want to say no to you. I never have.”
“You can say no, Kevin, and I won’t leave you. Do you really think I’m with you so you can buy me things?”
“I know you liked me being a pilot.”
“Of course I did. It’s what you wanted. I was proud of you. You’ll still be a pilot, and I’ll still be proud of you.”
“I won’t be a fancy pilot. Crop dusting isn’t anything fancy.”
“So? Your stepdad’s a rancher. You’d be that, too, in the winter. That’s nothing but hard, honest work. I work in a bank. There’s nothing fancy about that either. You love those old boys at the airport, and I know you’ll enjoy your job. I like Mrs. Lyons and the folks at the bank, so I’ll enjoy mine, too.”
“You don’t mind if I take your decorating money?”
“It’s our money, and no, I don’t mind.”
“You’ll wait for me when I’m away at school?”
As if she had any choice. “Loving you is like breathing. I can’t just stop because life got a little difficult. I’ll wait, and I love you all the more because you asked.”
“Will you stay with me tonight?”
“On one condition,” she said.
“What’s that?”
“That we’re together from now on. No more sleeping apart. I don’t care if we sleep on an air mattress in your brother’s office, in your mom’s spare bedroom, or in my old bedroom. When you’re here, in town, we’re together.”
“Deal.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m not going to complain.”
“Of course not.” He nuzzled his lips against her neck, and she felt all her troubles slip away. “I’d wonder what happened if you didn’t.”
“Don’t ruin this.”
“Ruin what?” His lips found hers, and she sighed. Her hands moved over him, under the flannel shirt and over the undershirt that stuck to his skin. She felt hard planes where there’d been curves. “What’s wrong?” he asked when she pulled back.
“Take your shirt off,” she demanded.
“Okay, if you insist.” He yanked the flannel and undershirt off in one swift move.
Her eyes roamed his chest while her hands explored the new contours. “See? This is something new. This muscle right here. I like it.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Is that from helping Dodge?”
“Well, I haven’t been lifting weights in my free time.” He tugged on her blouse. “Now it’s your turn. Strip.”
“Bossy.”
“And, Shi, do it like you did the other night in front of your window. I liked that. A lot.”
She felt her face heat. “I was a little tipsy.”
“Lyle’s got some beer in the fridge.”
“You want to wait for me to get drunk so I can strip for you?”
“You’ve waited for me all these years. I’m willing to wait on you now as a show of good faith.”
“That’s so selfless.”
“That’s me, baby. Selfless for a good cause.”
She pursed her lips and stared at her husband, so thankful they were finally on the same page. “Go grab a beer, but I’m not doing it out here. I’ll be on your air mattress.”
He hopped up, jogged to the fridge, grabbed two beers, and had her backed against the door to his bedroom before she’d managed to go inside. She wouldn’t need the alcohol to strip for him. She’d do anything to have his attention and his hands on her as quickly as possible.
“Drink up, baby.” He handed her a beer. She took a swallow and set it on the floor. She undid his belt and yanked it from his pants. “You first. Get naked, and I’ll strip for you.”
He shed his jeans, underwear, and socks in seconds and lay down on the bed. The air mattress swooshed as he climbed onto his back and laced his hands behind his head. “Okay, sweetheart, put your money where your mouth is.”
She felt a nervous queasiness as she lifted her fingers to her blouse. After unbuttoning the only two buttons left, she shimmied out of her shirt. When Kevin’s smile dimmed and his eyes sharpened on her body, she felt empowered. She turned around and slowly undid the zipper to her skirt. His chest rose and fell with pow
erful breaths, and he swallowed. His manhood jumped when she stepped out of the skirt as it hit the floor.
“Leave the heels on,” he instructed in a raspy voice.
She obliged while flicking open the clasp to her bra and peeling away one cup and then the other. He leaned up on his elbows and stared as she plucked her nipples. Her panties were next, and she turned around and eased them down to the floor. When she turned back, he held out a hand to her. She took it and let him lead her onto the bed.
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. The only woman I’ve ever wanted. I love you, Shi.” He leaned over her, surrounded her, and slipped inside. She groaned in pleasure as he moved. Love poured from her, so familiar and yet so new. He showed her his love in every touch of his hand, in every kiss of his lips, in every word mumbled into her ear. That, she knew, was the start of their new life.
Chapter 38
Gretchen felt something heavy and warm surround her. She nestled against the source, and it enveloped her closer. Her mind was filled with images from the past. Her mother, the pain of losing her, her father’s remarriage to a woman she barely knew, her new stepbrother, their outrageous attraction, and finally Ryan. She tried to push through the pain and shock of what Ryan had done to her, how he’d hurt her and changed her life, but she couldn’t get beyond the feeling of being trapped beneath him.
She squirmed, but he held her tighter. She wanted to get up and move away from him, but there was no escape. She couldn’t believe what was happening. He was holding her down. He ripped her shorts, and the pain, the unbearable pain when he thrust inside her. “NO,” she screamed in her head. “NO, NO, NO.” But he didn’t stop; he wouldn’t stop. She wouldn’t let him do that to her again. Not again.
“Gretchen?”
She heard her name. The voice sounded different and so far away. It sounded like Tommy. Was he there this time? Could he save her from the awful thing his teammate was doing? Would he help her? The heaviness continued. Ryan was on top of her, holding her hands. She had to get away. She must get away. “NO!” He wouldn’t stop.
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