‘Thank you again for the meal and everything,’ she said stiffly.
‘And thank you again for the company and everything.’
He gently mocked her formality and she felt her cheeks redden. Hurrying to the door, she reached for the handle only to find that Matt had got to it first. Their hands collided and she heard the swift, indrawn breath he took…
Her eyes rose to his as though drawn by some force beyond her control and she saw the tenderness they held as his head lowered. His lips brushed her cheek and she shivered when she felt a wave of sensation wash through her. He drew the coat collar up around her neck as he stepped back and his eyes were filled with warmth.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Catherine. Drive carefully.’
Catherine nodded purely and simply because she didn’t know what to say. Maybe she should have told him that he shouldn’t have kissed her, that it was inappropriate for him to behave that way, but she was afraid that the words wouldn’t come out the way she wanted them to.
She quickly left the surgery and hurried to her car. Matt was still standing at the door and he waved as she drove past. Catherine desperately wanted to wave back just to prove that she was in control, only her hands refused to obey her. She let herself into her flat a short time later, overwhelmed by relief that she was home. At least here she knew who she was. She was safe here in the world she had created for herself.
She took off her coat then went into the sitting room and stood there for a moment, waiting for the usual feeling of peace to envelop her. Usually, coming home to her own private space was soothing after a busy day at work but tonight the feeling of calm evaded her. The room looked as it always did—peaceful, perfect, orderly—but it was impossible to draw any comfort from her surroundings when her thoughts were in such turmoil.
She closed her eyes and Matt was suddenly there inside her head—his smile, his warmth, the hardness of his body, the gentle, tender feel of his mouth as it had touched her cheek. A single tear spilled from her eyes and trickled down her cheek. That was all she could allow herself, just one tear. It was too dangerous to give in to all the emotions churning inside her, too risky; it went against every rule she lived by. A single tear was all she could spare yet it felt as though every bit of emotion she had kept pent up inside her was contained in that drop as it slid down her cheek…the cheek which Matt had kissed.
‘Hello, Mr Marshall, I’m Catherine Lewis. I believe Dr Fielding phoned to let you know that I’d be coming to see you this afternoon.’
It was Thursday afternoon and it should have been her afternoon off but, mindful of her promise to Matt, Catherine had gone to visit David Marshall, the patient with motor neurone disease. She had been surprised by how big the house was when she had turned into the drive. Matt had given her directions on how to find it but he had failed to mention how enormous the property was. With its walled gardens and terraces, the house had to be worth a fortune by London standards. It had made her wonder what sort of reception she would receive from the owner but she needn’t have worried. David Marshall looked absolutely delighted to see her.
‘So he did. He said I’d be in for a treat and he was right, too. There’s nothing like having a beautiful young woman dancing attendance on you to cheer a guy up!’
Catherine laughed. ‘Thank you…I think!’
She followed him into the study, covertly studying him as she sat down. She knew from his records that David was in his early fifties although he looked much older because of the devastating effects of the disease. He must have been a powerfully built man at one time, but the characteristic muscle wastage caused by his illness had left him looking extremely gaunt and haggard. Nevertheless, there was a definite twinkle in his eyes as he positioned his wheelchair so they were facing one another. ‘So what’s your opinion? How long do you think I have left on this mortal coil? Or are you the sort of doctor who doesn’t believe in telling a patient the truth?’
She laughed. ‘It all depends on the patient.’
‘I see. Well, I promise you that I won’t go to pieces, Catherine…I hope you don’t mind me calling you that but it seems pointless standing on ceremony, doesn’t it?’ He gave a deep laugh. ‘One of the joys of being an invalid is that people rarely take offence when you overstep the normal social boundaries.’
‘I don’t mind at all so long as I can call you David,’ she replied lightly. ‘And I admire the fact that you can find something positive about your illness.’
‘It’s more a question of necessity than choice. I’ve long since come to terms with the fact that I either accept what is happening to me or spend my remaining days feeling bitter. To my mind, that would be extremely pointless.’
Catherine nodded. ‘I agree, although it’s easy for me to say that when I’m not the one who’s ill.’
‘Oh, I imagine you’d feel much the same if it was you sitting in this chair.’ David studied her thoughtfully. ‘There’s a great deal of strength in your face, Catherine, and determination, too. You’re a fighter. I can tell that just by looking at you.’
She laughed although the comment had disconcerted her. It wasn’t usual for people to pass remarks like that. She had always taken care to distance herself and never encouraged the kind of relationship that allowed for personal comments. It made her wonder what had changed. Had she become more open since she’d met Matt, perhaps?
Her heart lurched when she realised how much of an effect he was having on her life. She’d spoken to him only briefly that morning and then only because she’d been unable to avoid it. She’d spent a restless night going over everything that had happened yet by the time dawn had broken she still hadn’t been able to rationalise her feelings. There was something about Matt which made it very difficult to put him into any kind of a category, which was her usual way of dealing with people. Matt was Matt, and it wasn’t easy to judge him against all the usual stereotypes.
She suddenly became aware of the silence and realised that David was waiting for her to reply. ‘You’re right. I am a pretty determined person once I set my mind to it.’
‘I thought so. I’ve become quite an observer of people since I’ve been confined to this contraption. I’ve become a watcher rather than a doer and have discovered talents I didn’t know I had!’
He laughed but Catherine heard the regret in his voice. She knew better than to sympathise with him, however, so smoothly changed the subject. ‘Matt told me that you used to play rugby for England.’
‘That’s right.’
David sounded much more cheerful as he began regaling her with tales of his exploits when he’d been a member of the England squad. He was an amusing raconteur and she enjoyed hearing what he’d got up to although she couldn’t help noticing that he was becoming breathless as he spoke. As the disease progressed, the muscles involved in breathing and swallowing became affected and it was the deterioration of these muscles which usually led to a person’s death. She found herself thinking how sad it was that such a vital man should have been so cruelly struck down.
‘It sounds as though you had a lot of fun,’ she declared when David came to the end of his tale. She opened her case to find her sphygmomanometer so she could to take his blood pressure. Matt had impressed on her how important it was to justify her visit and she intended to follow his advice.
‘I did. I packed a lot of living into those years, I can tell you.’ David treated her to a wry smile. ‘Do we really have to go through this charade? I’d much rather we just sat and talked.’
‘Charade?’ Catherine repeated uncertainly, then caught sight of his face. She shook her head as she closed her case. ‘How long have you suspected that it was just a ruse?’
‘Oh, ages. I just didn’t want to disappoint Matt.’ David’s tone was wry. ‘He’s a great guy and I know that he thinks he’s fooling me by doing all these checks, but I’m well aware that he and Glenda come here to keep my spirits up. For me that’s the best medicine in the world so I certainly wasn�
�t going to let on that I’d sussed him out!’
‘I see. So how come you’ve owned up to me?’ Catherine asked with a laugh.
‘I suppose it’s because I’m tired of pretending. If I’ve only got a short time left then it’s a shame to waste it. I don’t want sympathy, but I do appreciate the fact that there are people kind enough to come here and cheer me up.’ David looked her straight in the eyes. ‘So no more charades, Catherine. At least not for you and me. As for Matt…well, I’d hate to hurt his feelings.’
‘So you’ll keep on letting him take your blood pressure and whatever else he can come up with?’ Catherine pulled a face. ‘I don’t know if I should be aiding and abetting you in deceiving a colleague.’
‘There’s no harm in it. Anyway, tell me what you’ve been up to since you started working at the surgery. There’s nothing I like better than hearing what’s going on in the world beyond these four walls.’
Surprisingly, the next hour flew past. David was easy to talk to and had a very astute mind. She found herself telling him about Mrs Grimes’s predicament, and how the phone call she’d made that morning to the housing department had achieved very little result.
David frowned as he weighed up what he’d heard. ‘So the poor old soul is in danger of being parted from the only thing she cares about, her cat? That seems very callous to me.’
‘Doesn’t it? I know it must be difficult to find the right accommodation for everyone but it seems so heartless to take away the one thing the old lady loves. And if you saw where she’s living at the moment!’ Catherine shuddered.
‘It makes me realise how lucky I am,’ David observed. ‘I have this huge house and people to look after me. It’s a waste in a way because I have nobody to leave it to when I die. Maybe it would make sense to turn this place into a home where people like that old lady could live out their remaining years in peace. It’s usually lack of money which puts people in that kind of a situation, isn’t it?’
‘It is.’ Catherine glanced at her watch and stood up. ‘It’s time I was going. It’s been a pleasure meeting you, David. I’ve really enjoyed our talk.’
‘So have I.’ David smiled at her. ‘I hope you’ll come again soon and that you won’t let on to Matt that I’ve sussed him out.’
‘Cross my heart and hope to die!’ she promised, making a cross over her heart.
‘Good. It will be our secret.’ David followed her out of the room. His wheelchair was state of the art, needing minimal effort to make it run smoothly. He stopped beside the front door and his tone was a shade too casual to be convincing. ‘By the way, how’s Ann these days?’
‘Ann Talbot, do you mean?’ Catherine asked, wanting to be sure he was referring to their practice nurse.
‘That’s right. I haven’t seen her in a while and I was just wondering how she was.’
‘She’s fine,’ Catherine assured him, wondering if it had been just a polite enquiry. Had David and Ann had a more personal relationship than that of patient and nurse, perhaps?
‘I’ll tell her that you were asking after her, shall I?’ she offered.
‘If you like.’
The dismissive note in David’s voice didn’t quite ring true.
Catherine sighed as got into her car. It looked as though another relationship had hit the rocks. It made her see how wise she’d been to steer clear of any romantic involvement. Once love entered the equation, common sense flew out of the window, as her mother had been so fond of saying.
She frowned because all of a sudden the words didn’t seem to carry as much weight as they had once done. How strange.
‘So how was David yesterday when you saw him?’
Catherine looked up from the notes she’d been writing when Matt tapped on her door. It was a few minutes before surgery started on Friday morning. She’d got in early that day, hoping to catch up with the backlog of paperwork that had accumulated during the week. Most days she was too busy to do more than make the briefest notes after she had seen a patient and there were a number of cases that required a more detailed report. So far she’d managed to complete just half a dozen but it was a start.
‘Not too bad. He was a bit breathless but that’s only to be expected at this stage,’ she replied evenly, even though her heart had seemed to fit in an extra beat when Matt had appeared.
‘Good. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn’t deteriorate too rapidly over the next few months.’ He sighed. ‘I know it’s impossible to foretell how quickly the disease will progress, but the fact that David was so fit initially should work in his favour. He’s also very good about sticking to his physiotherapy regime and I’m sure that helps.’
‘He seems to have a very positive view although it can’t have been easy for him, coming to terms with his illness,’ she observed, wondering why the sight of Matt should have this effect on her. It wasn’t as though he was spectacularly handsome although his craggily attractive features would appeal to many women. She sighed because whenever she tried to rationalise her response to him she ended up feeling more confused.
‘It wasn’t, especially when his wife decided that she couldn’t handle the thought of him becoming dependent on her.’
Matt’s expression was sombre as he came into the room. ‘David reached an all-time low after she left him. I was really worried that he would give up. However, he seemed to rally, mainly thanks to Ann. She managed to talk some sense into him.’
‘He mentioned Ann, funnily enough.’ Catherine frowned as she thought back to the conversation she’d had with David about their practice nurse.
‘And?’ Matt prompted.
‘And I wondered if something had gone on between them, something more than Ann just being his nurse.’
‘I’ve wondered about that, too. However, when I tried broaching the subject, David clammed up.’ He shrugged. ‘I didn’t like to ask Ann because she’s such a private person.’
Catherine frowned. Matt didn’t seem to have any qualms about asking her personal questions and it made her wonder how he viewed her. Most people were put off by the cool aura she projected but it didn’t seem to bother him. Maybe he sensed that it was just a front?
It was unsettling to wonder if he was astute enough to see past the barriers with which she surrounded herself so it was a relief when he changed the subject.
‘I got onto Social Services about Mrs Grimes, by the way, but they weren’t much help. Their view is that the council is responsible for rehousing her and it isn’t their problem. Apparently, the council wants all the flats cleared before Christmas because building work is due to start at the beginning of January. They’ve sold them to a private developer and there’s a penalty clause in the contract that comes into force if all the tenants haven’t been moved out by then. The council stands to lose thousands of pounds so that’s why they’re taking such a tough stand.’
‘But it’s only a month till Christmas!’ Catherine exclaimed in dismay. ‘I’m sure Mrs Grimes doesn’t know that she’s going to be put out of her flat so soon because she hasn’t mentioned it. It will break her heart if she has to part with her cat, especially at Christmas-time. Surely there must be someone who can do something to help?’
‘Age Concern might be able to give us some advice. I could try them.’
‘Would you? We have to do something, Matt. That cat is the only thing she lives for!’
‘Then I’ll see what they suggest.’ His smile was strangely gentle and she frowned.
‘What’s that funny look for?’
‘Oh, nothing, really. It’s just that you give the impression that nothing ever touches you, but you’re not at all like that, are you, Catherine? You really do care about people you treat despite that cool face you present to the world.’
‘I just don’t like to see people taken advantage of,’ she snapped, hating the fact that the comment had made her feel so vulnerable. ‘It’s not a question of whether or not I care, but a simple matter of justice!’
‘Of course. Sorry. I obviously misunderstood.’ His tone gently mocked her and she felt a wash of colour run up her face when she realised that she hadn’t fooled him. She did care, and she cared a great deal, but she preferred to keep her emotions safely locked away rather than wear her heart on her sleeve.
She picked up her pen, hoping Matt would take the hint and leave. Little by little he seemed to whittling away at her composure, making her expose a bit more of herself each time. It scared her because she wasn’t sure what would happen if he managed to peel away all her defensive layers.
‘I’d better get to work.’ He grimaced as he headed for the door. ‘I need to pull out all the stops today. It’s parents’ night at Becky’s school this evening and I don’t want to run over time for a change.’
He paused by the door. ‘Talking about school just reminded me that there’s a Christmas fair there on Saturday afternoon. How would you fancy coming with us? They’re having a car boot sale as well so you never know what treasures you might unearth.’
Catherine shook her head. ‘It’s kind of you to invite me but I’ve already made plans. Friends of mine have just moved into a new flat and they’ve invited me for lunch.’
‘I see. I expect it will be a bit more sophisticated than rooting around in other people’s rubbish.’ He laughed but she saw the disappointment in his blue eyes. ‘Not to worry. Maybe another time.’
He left the room and Catherine bit her lip. She had the most insane desire to call him back and tell him that she had changed her mind. She sighed because it would be a mistake to do that. She couldn’t afford to get involved in his life but it was so difficult to remain detached. Maybe it would help if she reminded herself of what she really wanted from life.
Picking up her pen, she wrote it all down on the blotter. Number one on the list was to use her time here at Brookdale Surgery to further her experience. Number two was to find suitable premises for her own practice. Number three had to be to make her practice just as successful as possible. Number four…
The Doctor's Christmas Gift Page 8