Clark, Rachel - Alicia's Awakening (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour)

by Rachel Clark

  I want to cry like a baby.

  Shit. This sub training stuff is messing with my head.

  And then almost as if he read my mind, Doug leans over, presses a kiss to my temple, and whispers, “I’ll explain it all later.”

  I nod, very grateful for his perception, but also feeling guilty for distracting him. We’re here because a friend of his had a heart attack. The least I can do is not be a burden to him.

  * * * *

  Doug resisted the urge to pull the woman into his arms, settling for the simple touch at the back of her neck. As much as he needed her warmth right now, he had to remember that she wasn’t his to keep—especially now that Lachlan was heading home. Lachlan would see that she was a natural submissive, admit to her he was a trained Dom, and then they’d go off and live happily ever after.

  With a bit of luck Doug would never have to see either of them again.

  Because, fuck it all, he didn’t think he wanted Alicia to be happy with anyone but him. Seeing them together would just about kill him.

  He was still trying to push aside his own grief when Casey’s sister came rushing into the waiting room. “Where is she?” Karly asked frantically.

  Doug glanced around her, surprised to realize the young woman was alone. He moved away from Alicia, already missing her, nodded to Callum and Mitchell, and then turned to escort Karly to find the doctor.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I don’t understand what’s going on, but even surrounded by people who obviously share the lifestyle Doug and I have been leading, I feel very alone without him. Both of the other Doms say something to their subs at almost the same time and then move away to talk to two other men who also seem to be Doms. They don’t go far—barely ten feet and still in sight—but it’s enough of a signal for their subs to turn to me.

  “I’m sorry we’re meeting this way,” the young brunette says as she holds her hand out for me to shake. “I’m Sandra, and this is Haley.” I grab her hand timidly, almost grimacing at how little of my usual self I feel right now. I shake hands all the time in my job. It shouldn’t intimidate me.

  “Alicia,” I say quietly, glancing at their Doms to make sure I’m not breaking some sort of rule I’m not yet aware of.

  Sandra follows my line of sight. “It’s okay. We’re allowed to speak. How long have you been in training?” It seems clear that they’re trying to distract themselves by learning about the new girl, but I really want to know what is happening. I don’t understand the link between a Dom and a heart attack.

  “Only a couple of weeks,” I say quickly. “Do you know what happened? Who the woman is?”

  Haley starts to cry again and I feel like the world’s biggest asshole. I’ve never been good with people, but I feel so completely out of my depth here.

  Sandra wraps an arm around Haley’s shoulders and gives her a moment to collect herself.

  “Casey is a friend from the club,” Sandra says in hushed tones. I don’t ask which club she means because I assume they’re talking about the BDSM club Doug took me to a few weeks ago. “She often plays with a Dom who enjoys asphyxiation games. He’s been warned not to. So has she, but well it seems neither of them listened.”

  I shake my head, feeling trapped and nervous because I really don’t understand any of this. It’s almost like they’re talking in code.

  “Asphyxiation games?” I whisper the question, trying to hold off the panic attack. Doug doesn’t need me losing it in a waiting room while he’s here trying to learn if a sub he trained is going to live or die.

  “Oh, honey,” Sandra says, reaching for my hand. “You really are new, aren’t you?” Her question doesn’t seem derogatory, just sympathetic. I nod as I suck on my bottom lip. Shit, what the hell has happened to me? Am I so dependent on my Dom to control my moods that I can no longer function? How the fuck am I going to do my job if I can’t be an independent human being?

  “Alicia,” Haley says in a voice rough from crying, “erotic asphyxiation can cause a heart attack twenty minutes after the scene. It’s why it’s banned at our club. Doms and subs are warned about these things while in training.”

  Well, apparently I missed that memo.

  Sandra gives me a smile and squeezes my hand gently. “There she is,” she says cryptically.

  “Who?” I ask in annoyance. I’m getting tired of feeling off-balance.

  “The woman you really are.”

  “Oh,” I say inanely as all my exasperation drains out of me.

  “It’s okay,” Sandra says with a reassuring smile, “it can take a little time to get used to, but you’ll soon realize that underneath all that submissive behavior is still a woman capable of kicking ass.”

  Haley gives me a smile, as well, and I finally realize that they’re absolutely right. Even without Doug here to avert my spiral toward panic, I’m doing better than I would have before I met him. He has very literally changed my life.

  It is obviously a bad time to be getting to know new people, but I’m very glad I met Sandra and Haley. We talk quietly for a little while, but our conversation fades away when Doug comes out of the emergency area and starts talking to the other Doms. I swallow hard when I see the anger on his face.

  “She used her safe word,” Haley says in shock.

  “She what?” Sandra asks, shaking her head. “No, no, you must be mistaken, honey. They’re too far away to hear them clearly. Robert’s an asshole, but he wouldn’t ignore a sub’s safe word.”

  “He didn’t stop?” I ask as ice water travels my veins. All this time I’ve had complete faith in my safe word. It never occurred to me that someone might not stop even when I used it.

  Doug is furious. I can see it in every rigidly held muscle. I think Haley really did hear what she thought she heard.

  “We don’t know anything for certain,” Sandra says very clearly. “Nobody is freaking out until we know exactly what happened. Okay?”

  But I can feel her hand shaking. She might be saying all the right words, but it seems that she doesn’t really believe them either.

  “If he knows that,” Haley says with a quiet hiccup, “then at least it means she was alive and conscious when he saw her. That’s something.”

  “True, we should hold on to that good news until we know more,” I say, trying to be supportive of the women who moments ago supported me. They may not realize exactly what they did to help me through a near panic attack, but I’m determined to follow their leads. These are the type of women I want to be—submissive but still friendly, supportive, and whole. Despite the tragic circumstances, I’m more comfortable with these two near strangers than I’ve been with any other group of women in my life. Perhaps my social awkwardness is because I’ve never truly found a place I belong—until now.

  The men move closer to us. Doug seems to have calmed down just a little, but he’s still not happy.

  “She was lucky,” he says as he approaches the three of us. “The doctors have stabilized her. They’re assessing how bad the damage is and are keeping her under constant surveillance in case she has another heart attack. They’re hoping her young age and relative fitness will help her through this.”

  “Did she use her safe word, Doug?” Haley asks. Her voice may be quiet, but there is a thread of steel running through it. Any sane person would answer her quickly, very quickly. I’m surprised to see how easily Doug controls his reaction around us subs.

  “Yes, she did, Haley,” he answers far more calmly than he had when he’d been speaking to the other men. “I’ve asked her to consider pressing assault charges against Robert. He should be made accountable for anything he did after she used her safe word.”

  He glares at the other four men standing around them. They don’t seem to be in complete agreement, but they don’t argue either. I get the impression that what happens at the club stays at the club—and I can’t imagine law enforcement officers would be all that understanding of the lifestyle the members lead—but I can also agree with
Doug’s assessment. If her Dom ignored her safe-word plea to stop and the warning that things were getting out of hand, then he should be held accountable. It’s like a boxer throwing in the towel during a match. If his opponent hits him after the bout, it would be considered assault. I can see no difference with a sub and her safe word.

  And, I admit to myself silently, I am very relieved that Doug is so upset about it. I’ve not needed my safe word since beginning my training, but his attitude goes a long way to rebuilding my confidence. If he’s this angry at a man who didn’t follow the rules, then he should be less likely to break that rule himself.

  Unless he’s one of those people who thinks the rules should apply to everyone but him. I sigh when he lifts my hand into his and helps me out of the seat. I feel sick to the stomach for doubting him, but the thought wriggles insidiously through my mind. He deserves far better. He very literally hasn’t done a thing to earn my fear, but I can’t quite squash that niggling little doubt. I am, however, very determined to ignore it.

  “I’ll take you home,” he says. “There’s nothing else we can do here for the moment.”

  “Please, no,” I say quickly. “I want to come home with you.”

  He looks a little embarrassed as he glances at the other men, but nods his head in agreement.

  I say a quick good-bye to Haley and Sandra and then almost before I can blink we’re in the car and heading back to Doug’s apartment. I’m rather surprised to realize it’s barely seven in the morning as we walk into the foyer. I start to take off my clothes immediately, feeling a little bit concerned that he might want to cancel our agreement early.

  When he stills my hands I can barely hold back a whimper of grief. When he pulls me hard into his embrace, I go willingly, wrapping my arms around his waist as he simply holds me.

  “I’m sorry, Alicia,” he says against my temple. “I should never have taken you with me.”

  “I wanted to be there.” He’s already helped me so much—maybe even more than he realizes. The very least I can do is be there for him when he needs me. “We should probably go back to bed,” I say as I trace the dark circles under his eyes, hoping he realizes that I just mean to sleep. I don’t want him to think I’m pressuring him to get back to our contract. Right now, this is about what he needs.

  “Thank you,” he says, tiredly.

  We walk back to his room holding hands. It almost feels weird to be in this area of the apartment and still be wearing clothes, but Doug removes them for me as soon as we step into the bedroom. He helps me climb back into the unmade bed, quickly strips off his own clothes, and joins me under the light cover.

  He pulls me into his arms with a sigh. It’s exactly the same way we’ve slept for the past eleven nights. This time, however, not only do I feel protected and comforted, but I also realize the satisfaction Doug gets from it. He needs to protect and comfort. It’s what makes him happy.

  He’s a full-time Dom protecting everyone around him.

  But even heroes need support sometimes.

  * * * *

  Doug took a deep breath, absorbing the peace that having Alicia in his arms always seemed to bring. He’d been trying to deny it ever since he met her, but there was just something different about the woman. He’d never met another like her, and all the reminders in the world that she belonged to another didn’t seem to mean jack-shit when he had her naked in his arms.

  Even though he knew it was wrong, he turned her in his embrace, kissing her passionately until she wrapped her arms and legs around him and cradled him with her body. Desperate to be inside her, he reached over to grab a condom. Her quiet words, “I’m on the pill,” froze him in place.

  “Are you sure?” he asked. Their medical tests both came back clean, so he knew it was safe, but he’d never taken a sub without wearing a condom.

  “I need to feel you. To have no barriers between us,” she said quietly.

  He needed that, too. He longed to be close to another human being, his desperate need to claim Alicia as his own finally silencing the small, internal voice that kept reminding him about Lachlan.

  Alicia wriggled so that the head of his cock was pressed against her entrance, her pussy already wet and swollen with her need. Unable to deny the gift she was offering, Doug pushed his cock into her body, groaning at the incredible sensation as her wet heat surrounded him.

  Slowly, carefully, lovingly he moved into her gently, bringing her to orgasm over and over again as he savored every moment of this woman in his arms. When he could no longer hold back his own need, he thrust deep one last time and kissed her passionately as his seed bathed her womb.

  * * * *

  Lachlan had a sudden insight into what Alicia must have felt every day as a panic attack threatened to choke off his oxygen.

  Fuck.

  He knew Doug was protecting her. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was safe with the experienced Dom, but the need to see her, to hold her, to confess everything was overwhelming.

  His ever-professional personal assistant had been unfailingly polite when he’d called her frantically asking her to book his flight home. It wasn’t until after he’d hung up the phone that he’d given any thought to the time. She probably should have told him to book his own damn flights, but he was grateful that she hadn’t. There was a very good chance he might have yelled at someone and gotten himself banned from flying.

  Considering how long it would take to travel home by rental car, he was doubly grateful. The cell phone vibrated before it rang, startling him from his introspection.

  “Lachlan,” Catherine said in her efficient voice as he grunted a greeting. No one would have guessed that he’d dragged her from a deep sleep less than twenty minutes ago. “I’ve managed to secure you a seat on the next flight home but it’s not until three fifteen this afternoon.”

  “Do I have any alternatives?”

  “Unfortunately none that will get you home any faster,” she said quietly. “I checked alternate flight destinations with rental car availability and expected travel time, the bus schedule, and the trains, but they will all take longer.”

  He shook his head, frustration drilling through him even as he acknowledged how lucky he was to have such a diligent and organized secretary. She made his life much easier and he’d make sure she got a seriously huge increase in this year’s Christmas bonus after he saw with his own eyes that Alicia was all right.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I wake feeling sticky. It’s not until I move that I realize that it’s Doug’s cum dribbling out of my pussy and I remember the way he made love to me earlier this morning. The fact that he has his hand pushed between my legs, cupping me intimately, almost as if he’s trying to hold his seed inside me just makes me fall in love with him even more. I feel like I’m special to him. I really hope he feels the same way about me. I want him to love me.

  Of course that creates a serious problem. Rather than my growing feelings for Doug altering my long-held love for Lachlan, I find that I simply now think of both of them as mine.

  Fuck, I’ve spent the past few weeks worried that Doug has always been surrounded by selfish subs who’ve never given his needs a thought, and yet it turns out that I’m the most selfish one of all.

  I wriggle slightly, unsure what to do. I don’t think I could go back to sleep, but I’m uncertain what rules I need to follow now. Am I still his sub? Our contract has three more days. Will he choose to break it now to deal with what happened to his friend and ex-trainee sub, Casey?

  I actually feel pain pour through me at the thought of Doug having sex with Casey. I know I have no right to be jealous, and if I’m honest with myself, it’s not the thought that he might have had sex with her in the past but rather that he might want the woman again in the future. As a well-trained, highly experienced Dom I imagine he is quite sought after by the submissives at the club.

  “Lie still,” he says roughly as I once again wriggle in his embrace.

  “Ye
s, Sir,” I say experimentally, holding my breath as I wait for him to tell me that he’s breaking our contract and that he’ll drive me home.

  But he doesn’t. I breathe a sigh of relief, unable to hide my reaction from him, as he pushes his fingers into my pussy. It’s sticky and messy and I’m actually a little turned on by the discomfort, but then my pussy pulses more lubricant onto his fingers and he starts to thrust harder. I’m gasping even before he pushes another finger in beside them, but the wriggling does me in. It’s such a strange feeling to have what seems to be all four of his fingers moving inside me in different directions.

  When he grinds his palm against my clit and orders me to come, I can’t deny him.

  He uses his free hand to push my head forward, his teeth grazing the back of my neck as I shudder with my release. All over my body is tingling, liquid fire seeping through every pore as he continues to finger-fuck me and drag out every moment of my climax. I’m almost back to myself when he nips me with his teeth and I gasp in shock and fly back into orgasm. Fuck, I’ve never had a vampire fetish, but I’m beginning to understand the appeal.

  Finally I shudder all over one last time and then relax in his arms. I’m completely exhausted, and now I’m wondering if we could get some more sleep. But Doug moves his hand from my pussy, his wet fingers leaving a trail on my hip and ass before delving between my ass checks. I move away in shock.

  We discussed anal. I said no. End of discussion.

  “Trust me,” Doug says as he paints my crack with our combined juices. I whimper as he slides lower. “What is your safe word, little sub?”

  I almost shiver with relief. I’d nearly forgotten I have a way to stop this. The fact that he’s reminding me now would certainly suggest he intends to honor it.