The Iron Butterfly

by Chanda Hahn

  Joss sat back in shock. I don't think he was actually prepared for what I had said. “What were they trying to accomplish?” he asked.

  “I really don't know and don't care. And I would prefer not to wait around until they find me.” I glanced around the camp in urgency to see what I could find that could be used as weapons. Joss and Darren were hardly prepared for an attack. “But I can tell you this. There were others with me, even Denai, and if they can capture them, there is no doubt that they could take on you two as well.” I tried to make my voice as steady and determined as possible so that they would understand the seriousness of what I was saying.

  “How did you come to be with them?” Darren asked, as he filled my bowl with more soup. I watched as he only filled it a quarter of the way full. I gave him a pointed look, but he refused to budge and add anymore to my bowl.

  “I can’t remember? I only remember waking up bound and gagged in a dark, dank windowless cell with two other girls. I was the only one who couldn’t remember anything about my previous life. I held out my bowl to Darren. He stared at me in shock before shaking himself and refilling my bowl. This time it was almost full. He kept reassuring me that I would be safe.

  “I don’t know if we were purposely chosen, kidnapped or bartered away, but all of us down there were experiments. The two girls I originally shared the cell with disappeared within a week. Others came and went, I was the only one they couldn’t kill or break.”

  “What did they do to you, with these experiments?” Joss asked.

  I dug my fingernails into my palms and my chest felt like it was going to explode as my breathing came in shallow gasps. All of the control that I had carefully gathered was waning as fear took over. Darren saw my panicked face and intervened.

  “Joss,” he spoke quietly, “Maybe you don’t want to know. Some things are best left unspoken.” Refusing to make eye contact, I turned my head and decided that I wasn’t going to say anymore, no matter how many times they filled my bowl up.

  Joss, who had been sitting quietly up until this point, jumped up in anger, throwing his tin cup he was holding into the fire. The splash of liquid on the flames made it sputter and I jumped in surprise.

  “I really wish that you were making it up,” he fumed.

  I stiffened at the comment and looked at him in confusion. “I'm not. I could never make up something as awful as that.”

  “No, I believe you, I just don't want to admit there are people as cruel and evil as that in our country, but I know that you are indeed speaking the truth because I have seen the evidence. Maybe you really were in Sinnendor and didn’t know it!” He began to pace back and forth, his anger evident in his posture and the clenching of his fists. But the way he did everything bespoke a natural grace.

  I watched him pace as I asked myself the question I’d plagued myself with for weeks. Why I was there in the first place? I didn't understand why the Septori didn’t let me go. Of course, deep down, I knew the reason. The Raven would never let me go because I had seen too much. The only way I was leaving that prison was if I was in a wooden box.

  And then I started to dwell on Cammie, and how I sent Kael back for her and he was probably dead because of me. The guilt became overwhelming and I buried my head in my knees and wrapped my arms around them to comfort myself and began to rock back and forth. It was too much, I felt as if the shock was finally wearing off and I could finally feel again. But the feelings and emotions were too much, they were consuming me. A few choked sobs escaped my lips as the rocking became faster paced. Joss and Darren glanced at each other in total helplessness.

  “Don’t look at me,” Darren said to Joss. “Melani said I’m useless when it comes to understanding or comforting the female kind.”

  Joss tried to kneel next to me and put his hand on my back but I stiffened in fright and spat out, “DON’T! Don’t touch me!”

  He dropped his hand dejectedly to his side and reached for an extra blanket to wrap around my shoulders instead. I could tell by the look in his eyes that I had hurt his feelings. But after months of being tortured by cruel people, it hurt too much to have anyone touch me without the memories of the tortures coming back.

  Darren stoked the fire and spoke with a quick look over his shoulder. “Get some sleep; we have an early morning ahead of us. We are putting as much distance at dawn between us and the Septori as we can. I want to get farther away from Sinnendor’s lands. You are right, I have a feeling that whoever captured you will be looking for you. At first light we will be heading to Haven, the capital of Calandry.”

  Darren must have seen me flinch at the news of them postponing leaving until tomorrow, because he went on to quickly explain.

  “Our horses are too tired to travel any farther tonight. We’ve been pressing them hard the last few days heading to the Citadel, so Joss can finish his training. There ain't anywhere in the world safer than the Citadel in Haven. It’s the Denai training ground.”

  I felt goose bumps travel up my arm at the thought of being surrounded by a whole army of Denai. There was something deeply ingrained in me that made me wary of them. I wasn’t even sure why or where these feelings of mistrust originated from. But I was forced to share a cell with other Denai, like Cammie, and we were all subjected to the same punishment. And over time, because of an inherent need for survival, I learned to ignore most of my misgivings. The Raven was particularly obsessed with the Denai race.

  Darren and Joss were whispering to each other and kept casting me furtive looks, before Joss went and sat by the fire. “I will take the first watch,” he said to me. “So you should get some sleep.”

  They may have set up a watch to guard against the Septori, but deep down I had a feeling it was to make sure I didn’t run away in the night. They were right. I probably would have run. I had little desire to go to the Citadel but I also had nowhere else to go.

  I closed my eyes and tried to piece together what Cammie had said about her kind. She said the city of Haven was populated with both human and Denai. But the Denai race was slowly becoming extinct and fewer each year were born. Whole clans tried to intermarry with them in hopes of breeding young and powerful Denai. It didn’t work.

  I forced my mind to think of the tomorrow and resigned myself into going to the Citadel in Haven with Joss and Darren. Maybe they were right, and leaving this all far behind would be for the best. Maybe in this city a young girl with no past could possibly forge a future? “Haven,” I whispered before I let sleep take hold of me.

  Chapter 3

  We were on the road riding before the rays of the morning sun made an appearance. I could tell Darren was anxious to have us moving in case the Septori were searching for us. His eyes kept scanning the woods as he hastily tossed me one of Joss’ shirts and a pair of his own soft brown pants, I was swimming in both. Joss’ shirt felt soft against my skin and I couldn’t help but hold the fabric to my nose and breathe in the masculine scent. I felt a rush of heat fill my cheeks from embarrassment at what I was doing, hoping neither one caught me in the act.

  Darren’s pants on the other hand wouldn’t stay up around my hips and kept falling down. I did the best I could with a spare piece of twine to keep them up. I didn’t have boots but I was fine because we were going to be riding. My feet were calloused from not wearing shoes for so long that I didn’t even notice the cold anymore.

  My tattered garments which barely resembled clothes anymore from all of the dirt and blood, lay burning in the fire. I stared emotionless as the cloth burned; the edges turning black and going up in flames, the fire hungry for fuel. I stared until the smoke made my eyes water and sting but I refused to turn away until nothing remained but the gray ash. Feeling a sense of freedom I turned my back on the remains of my past.

  Breakfast consisted of day old bread and cheese, things that did not require a fire to warm. I bit into the bread and longed for the day when I would be eating something else. The cheese had a nice smoky flavor to it so I savored it takin
g small bites. The camp was already broken down and packed away with last night’s ashes spread into the trees, dirt and leaves covering where our campfire was previously. All signs of a camp were erased.

  Riding behind Darren on his beautiful white mare Gypsy, I was able to rest my cheek against his back and doze a bit while we rode. Joss and Darren had a total of three horses. I was all for riding solo, but I didn’t have the physical strength to keep the pace that Darren had set.

  The tension in the air was suffocating and no one spoke for most of the morning. We stopped to rest the horses and give ourselves a break and then we were on the road again. The farther we got from Sinnendor’s border the more relaxed Darren became, and soon he was back to his jovial state again and even ribbing Joss by telling childhood stories.

  “And then there was the time Joss decided he was dead set on courting a girl in town so he cut all of the rare Zythan flowers out of his grandmother’s herb garden. He gave them to the girl and they both had a bad case of hives for the next two weeks. Little did he know that they were a medicinal flower that if prepared right can be a great salve, but when cut fresh and handled with bare hands causes an unbearable rash. She never would talk to him again after that, and to this day she turns white at the sight of Joss and avoids him to all heaven!”

  Joss’ ears turned bright red, and he defended himself bravely, “I was eight years old and how was I supposed to know? They were a light blue. I thought that anything medicinal or dangerous would look like a weed!”

  Darren’s loud guffaws made Joss kick his horse to trot ahead of us, so he wouldn’t be privy to any more embarrassing childhood stories.

  “So have you known Joss long?” I asked.

  “Only forever and a day,” Darren sighed and his eyes took on a faraway look as he began to recall his days of youth. “His father and I were the best of friends. You should have seen us, we used to get into all kinds of trouble growing up. I try to visit every year during the warm seasons and in the fall, and I never miss the Wind Festival.”

  Darren’s smile faltered a bit. “Joss’ father decided to give up on the life of adventure and settle down to have a family. I’ve tried to settle down and stay in one place, I really have but I can’t. The open skies and the road calls to me like a beautiful woman. I never know what’s around the next bend, and life on the road is like a story that never ends. But despite my roving lifestyle, I’ve been named Joss’ godfather and I take it pretty seriously.” Darren looked toward Joss who turned around in his saddle and rolled his eyes at his godfather.

  I smirked at the friendly banter between the two. “So there isn’t anyone that you’ve loved enough to settle down and marry?” I felt ashamed as soon as the question left my mouth.

  “Ah, Melani,” Darren sighed. “I hold her heart but the road holds mine. I’ve tried to stay and do right, but the longer I stay in one place the moodier I become and the harder I am to live with, or so I’ve been told. Until one day, Melani will get fed up and start throwing dishes at me. She’s a passionate one and a beauty when she’s angry; which is why I love her. She’ll be hollerin’ for me to get out of the house with a demand to not come back until I have ridden off my restlessness.” He shrugged good-naturedly. “So I try and find jobs along the way, errands to run, messages that need delivered. And I will usually go visit my godson. Until a warm hearth, good food and my woman call me home. I’ve tried to tell her that I’m no good for her but she believes that I will one day tame my ways and stay for good. I tell you it’s in my blood. My ancestors were rovers, scoundrels and thieves.”

  “Really?” I was shocked.

  “Why of course,” Darren went on, “but Melani always takes me back, I mean, why wouldn’t she? I’ve got great taste in clothing, I buy extravagant gifts and I know how to grovel when the RARE need arises.” He looked over his shoulder and raised his eyebrows at me comically.

  It felt good to laugh. I felt as if a chunk of the imaginary shield I put around me had fallen off. The thought of continually being courted by someone like Darren had a warming feeling and made me laugh. Joss brought his horse, Anthem, up alongside us with a questioning look on his face.

  “Don’t worry, Joss, I didn’t tell her about the time you got into your mother’s powders.” Joss turned bright pink again and started to sputter. I laughed even louder at his expression. And then I caught Joss sharing a look with Darren and his face became calmer and turned understanding; as if Darren did this for my benefit only and was silently conveying it to him. After I had settled down, I gave voice to the questions that have been plaguing me.

  “Darren, tell me about the Citadel.”

  Darren paused a moment, as if deep in thought, before answering, “The Citadel is the heart of the city, not only by its location but because of its purpose. It was established as a facility to train and protect the few remaining Denai.”

  “Sounds like a prison,” I quipped lightly, but actually felt my stomach knot up at the thought of going there.

  “Oh, no. The Denai’s gifts are slowly disappearing so the late Queen Portia II established the Citadel to help them try and strengthen their gifts. The Queens have always been partial to helping the Denai.”

  “But why are you taking me there? I’m not a Denai?”

  “No, but Joss is. And other than the Palace, the Citadel is the safest place in Calandry. Even the Queen thinks it’s almost impenetrable. So I will take you there and let the Adept Council choose what to do next. They run the Citadel and make the reports to Queen Lilyana. After all, this is a Denai matter. You said so yourself that there were Denai imprisoned as well. Just because many of the Denai live in Calandry without fear of being exterminated, doesn’t mean that they will accept the help or the rule of the Queen. So it is best we notify the Adepts as well. Would you rather I bring you to the Queen’s court?” I let Darren’s words sink in and before I could start to feel scared at facing a whole council of Denai, Joss rode up.

  “There’s an inn up ahead and it would be good to stop for the night.” Joss actually looked eager.

  “I don’t know, Joss,” Darren slowly stated, “I would feel more comfortable once we are inside Haven’s city limits.”

  “It’s better than being outside. Besides I know the inn owners and can guarantee their silence,” Joss argued.

  The thought of a warm bed and fire made me ache for the ability to make the horses magically appear at the inn.

  “Oh please, may we stay?” I asked longingly, touching Darren lightly on the shoulder. “I know I don’t have any money for a room, but I could write you a lenders note and pay you back as soon as I’m able.”

  Joss looked horrified at the thought.

  “Thalia, please don’t even think of paying us back, after what you’ve been through you deserve this. I’m only sorry we don’t know who did this to you.” I could tell by the look in his eyes that he meant it.

  We may have only been a few miles from the inn, but it felt like a hundred. I was practically dancing in the saddle in anticipation of sleeping in a real bed and I could feel Gypsy pick up her pace. I was excited to see the two-story Ginger Dragon Inn. It was well kept with large stables in the back.

  The stable boy eagerly took our horses and began unsaddling and wiping them down. After Darren made sure the boy knew his way around a horse, he gave him a silver piece. The boy’s mouth dropped open when Darren promised the same if he would give them each one treat out of his bag. He handed the boy his own leather bag.

  The boy’s eyes grew wide at the silver piece, and nodded his head. “Yes sir, I’ll take care of them, sir. One apiece.”

  “What’s in the bag?” I asked Joss.

  “Carromint Cookies,” he grinned. “Darren makes them especially for his horse. I’ve never seen a man so peculiar about his horse’s treats, but he makes them from a secret recipe himself. This way, he guarantees his horse’s loyalty, and then they are less likely eat treats fed to them by eager children. Human food is not for hor
ses. Gypsy is spoiled on his cookies and will throw a venerable fit if he doesn’t get one.”

  Joss pulled his saddle pack from Anthem before handing his reins to the boy. “My horse Anthem likes them as well. They don’t taste bad either. I snitched one once and Darren caught me, and he about had my head. They taste like carrots and peppermints.”

  I glanced at Darren’s strong back and pictured him in a kitchen with an apron on making cookies for his horse and it made me chuckle. This information, though bizarre, only made me like him more. Joss, on the other hand, wasn’t forthcoming about information about himself or his family. It was usually Darren feeding me tidbits and they were still very vague. Just then my stomach growled.

  “Let’s get inside, Mara will get us situated.” Joss led the way while Darren gave final instructions to the stable boy and gathered our things.

  Inside, the warmth enveloped us as a stout man with moppy brown hair greeted us. I discovered he was Bran, the Inn Keeper. I watched him exchange pleasantries with Joss with a few slaps on the back. Bran gave a toothy smile to Darren and nodded his head politely to me in greeting. The Inn Keeper’s features were bland and almost instantly forgettable, but his alert expression and hazel eyes belied a wise benefactor.

  Bran led us upstairs to two rooms at the end of the hall that were adjoined by a door if unlocked from each side. The room was clean, with a fire in the fireplace already burning, warming the small room. There must have been someone watching us arrive to have been able to get the fire going already.

  A blue, hand-woven rug covered the wooden floor and light white curtains over the shuttered windows added a touch of femininity to the room. A single wooden chair, a table, wash stand with a pitcher of water, towel and soap were all the contents of the room. My gaze drifted to the bed pushed against the wall, the soft clean mattress with a blue flowered quilt beckoned to me. A knock at the hallway door kept me from diving toward the bed.