I Won't Be Home For Christmas

by Amanda Prowse

  Ellen marched her up the small incline to their seat.

  ‘I can go out without checking with you first, you know,’ Vivienne said.

  Ellen laughed, and hugged her arm towards her, as if this wasn’t true. ‘So, I called the internet number I got from Robbie and spoke to a lovely man, who said he’d chuck in free car hire in Hong Kong.’ She sat back on the damp wood and folded her hands into her lap.

  ‘Have you heard yourself? Free car hire in Hong Kong? Who are you, Judith Chalmers? We don’t even go up the mall without a lot of pre-planning and packing a flask just in case, and here you are talking about Hong Kong as if it’s round the corner.’

  ‘The man at the internet travel place made it sound so easy.’

  ‘Maybe it is for him. I just can’t see us driving a car around Hong Kong, can you? I’ve heard it’s quite busy and neither of us are very good at driving in crowds, are we? Remember that time we were trying to find that garden centre and accidentally got stuck on the ring road? That was scary enough.’ She shivered at the memory.

  Ellen seemed to consider this. ‘I don’t know, Viv, I just think we are knocking on and maybe we should go and grab a bit of adventure. We said in our New Year’s resolution last year we were going to be a bit more daring.’

  ‘Yes, but I thought things like invest in a spiralizer or take up Zumba at the community centre, not jump on a plane and go to the other side of the world!’

  ‘Your Emma is getting married. Are you telling me you would be happy to miss that?’

  Vivienne shook her head. ‘No, of course not, but…’

  ‘But what?’ Ellen asked as Bob lumbered over and sat down by their feet. He had clearly had enough of rooting around in the cold.

  ‘It’s such a long way.’ She stared ahead. ‘I honestly thought she might be coming home. I planned it in my head and I was looking forward to it. Getting married to a Kiwi means she might not be home for any Christmas, let alone this one.’

  Ellen nudged her friend with her elbow. ‘Don’t think that far forward, Viv. Let’s just plan as far ahead as we have to, but I do think you’ll regret it if you don’t go.’

  Vivienne nodded. ‘I know. Let me speak to her later and if it’s a goer, we can book it tomorrow, how does that sound?’

  ‘Sounds like we might be going on an adventure, Viv.’ Ellen raised her shoulders in excitement, as she had been doing since she was a child. ‘What side of the road do they drive on in Hong Kong and do they have English-speaking satnavs?’

  Vivienne rolled her eyes. ‘God help us.’

  *

  Having washed up her supper plate, and set aside the scarf she was knitting for Aaron’s Christmas present, she looked again at the clock and did the maths. It was 7.30 p.m., which made it 8.30 a.m. in New Zealand. She pictured her daughter’s previous boyfriends, all of them night owls, with whom Emma would sit up into the wee small hours, sipping tequila by candlelight, smoking and figuring out their own great adventures. So it was highly unlikely that Emma would be up and about at half eight in the morning, but she decided to try anyway.

  ‘I’m nervous, Bob. Silly, really. She’s my little girl.’ She lifted her chin and carefully pressed the buttons of the number written on the Post-it note, not wanting the embarrassment or the expense of getting it wrong. She spoke the first digits aloud, as was her habit – ‘0064 9434…’ – then got to the end and waited.

  The alien ringtone made her sit up straight. She was unsure if it was ringing or engaged, until the call was answered and she gripped the phone in her palm.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Mum!’ Emma’s voice sounded bright and happy, instantly putting her at ease.

  ‘Hello, love! Hope I haven’t woken you up.’

  ‘No, not at all. I’ve been up for an age – Michael always says it’s the best part of the day; cool enough to get lots done and the sky is so beautiful. So I’m making a big effort to get up earlier and get going.’

  Vivienne smiled; this was good to hear, if a little strange to her – it was the first time she had heard Emma flexing to fit someone else in this way. Maybe she was growing up.

  ‘I got your invite. Well I never, darling, that was a big surprise!’ Emma was too far away for her not to cut to the chase.

  ‘Can you believe it!’ Emma’s accent had changed in the year she had been in New Zealand and the word ‘it’ sounded more like ‘ut’. It saddened Vivienne how quickly the West Country was being erased from her daughter’s life and her voice.

  ‘I must admit, I wasn’t expecting it. Is he nice?’ She cringed at the question; what did she expect the answer to be? ‘No, Mum, he’s a proper waster, but I love him.’

  ‘Oh, Mum, he’s…’

  Vivienne noted the catch to her voice, the emotion, and it made her smile. She remembered when she had sat at the table in the kitchen and tried to explain to her own mum how Ray made her feel.

  ‘He’s brilliantly clever, a doctor! And even though he’s so smart and could be arrogant, he isn’t, he’s kind and funny and very good-looking.’

  ‘Wow!’ This was not what Vivienne had expected – a doctor. That was a turn-up.

  ‘I know, wow! I never knew someone like him existed and if I had known, then I never would have thought that he’d be interested in someone like me, but he is and I feel like the luckiest woman on the planet.’

  ‘I’ve never heard you like this.’

  ‘That’s because I’ve never felt like this. God, I’m nearly thirty-two and I feel giddy, like a schoolgirl with a crush.’

  ‘And you are certain? I mean, you haven’t been with him for that long, I know you liked Hai…’ Vivienne felt a little mean about bursting Emma’s bubble, but with time and distance against them, it was vital she gleaned as much as she could.

  ‘I know it seems quick, it is quick! But Hai was never a serious thing and Michael was with someone for four years, no kids, she was a doctor too, but that didn’t work out and it’s made him realise, made us both realise, that life is there to be lived. So we’re going for it. We met on a night out and haven’t really been apart since. We’re moving from Auckland to stay with his dad up on the coast and Michael has a new job at Whangarei Hospital, which is commutable. He’s already started and loves it. We are so happy, Mum, and it feels amazing to be choosing a new life. Michael says that time seems to go faster as you get older and you just don’t know what’s around the corner.’

  Vivienne closed her eyes, marvelling at how mature and together her girl sounded. ‘He’s right about that,’ she said.

  ‘You are going to love him, Mum. I’ve told him all about our little house in Bedminster and he thinks it sounds cute. I told him it’s just crappy, but he is a real romantic. I won’t shatter his illusions.’

  Vivienne let her gaze sweep the rooms from her vantage point on the stairs: her parents’ home, which had provided shelter when they’d needed it most. In her mind it was far, far from crappy.

  She pictured her dad sitting in his sandy-coloured velour chair that he reclined when the fancy took him, usually every afternoon at about three o’clock, and on Sunday afternoons if the cricket wasn’t on. He would nap, shielded from the street on which he liked to spy by the pristine white, net curtains that billowed lace into the room when the breeze took them. Her mum with her feet curled under her, always took up residence on the left-hand side of the sofa, where she turned the leather cushion regularly to make sure it didn’t lose its shape; it never occurred to her to move to the other end of the sofa to even out the wear.

  Vivienne had changed very little in the house over the years. She’d kept the clusters of her mother’s ornaments and the corner display cabinet with its collection of crystal glass. Sometimes she felt like a caretaker, dusting and returning items to their proper place, a spot allocated by another hand, long dead. She rubbed waxy polish into the old pine units and buffed the terracotta floor tiles, as if she was watching over everything, just as her mum had. She wasn’t sure wha
t would become of it all; she certainly didn’t see Aaron and Lizzie or indeed Emma ending up there, especially not now. What would happen to all the objects so lovingly cared for over the decades – the charity shop, possibly? That would certainly be the case if Lizzie had her way.

  Above the fireplace sat a large gold frame around a bottle-green mount containing twelve different-sized shapes, from oval to square. From each shape poked a photo of Emma’s face, taken at various ages. Toothy school photographs in the main, with a couple snapped in the back garden as she devoured an ice cream and turned a cartwheel. An identical montage of Aaron sat next to it. Vivienne had seen the images so often that she didn’t notice them any more; they were, like everything else in the house, simply part of the backdrop to her life, her history.

  Cars, clothes, jewels – Vivienne had always known that this was not where her happiness lay; never in things. This she had learnt from her lovely mum, who had passed away when the kids were still little. Even a fleeting memory of her mum, of the way she used to smile, her scent, the image of her back at the sink as she busied herself in the kitchen, these were enough to bring a catch of longing into Vivienne’s throat. Her grief felt as raw as it had on the day she died.

  Emma continued to babble, talking animatedly about flower displays in terracotta pots and handmade bunting cut from vintage fabrics. Her excitement was infectious.

  ‘You will come over, Mum, won’t you?’ she pleaded. ‘You will come to the wedding? I know it’s a long way and it’s close to Christmas, but it goes without saying that I really, really want you there. You’re my mum!’

  ‘Do you think I’d miss my child’s big day? Of course I’ll be there, and Elle, of course.’

  ‘Of course.’ Emma laughed. ‘Will Aaron and Lizzie come too, do you think?’

  ‘I’m not sure, love. I will ask them. It is a very long way.’ She felt stupid, as if Emma might be unaware of how many miles separated her and her brother. ‘Did you send them an invite?’

  ‘Yes, but it went in the second batch. I wasn’t sure of their address, don’t think it will have arrived yet. To be honest, I wanted to ask just Aaron and tell him to leave Lizzie at home – don’t want that plastic face to melt in the sun.’

  ‘Oh, Emma, you can’t say that!’ She shook her head in mock admonishment, secretly liking the shared indiscretion, a link across the miles.

  ‘I’m only teasing, Mum. But I still haven’t really forgiven her for how mean she was when I left Bristol, the way she huffed and spoke out of the side of her mouth, saying I’d probably only make it as far as Heathrow and would be back in a few days after a crisis, that was just horrible.’

  ‘I know,’ she had to agree, it was horrible, ‘but maybe it was a bit of the green-eyed monster?’

  ‘I don’t care Mum, whatever it was, I don’t choose to spend any time with her, which is a shame because I really miss Aaron, but one thing is for certain, nothing is going to spoil this wedding. I am so excited! Michael’s dad is a sheep farmer and has a beautiful farm up here on the Tutukaka coast. We’re having the ceremony outside, overlooking the water, on the cliff edge – in December, can you believe it? It’s going to be amazing. You are going to love it.’

  ‘I’m sure I will.’ She tried to sound convincing, actually thinking that a tiny place on an island on the other side of the world didn’t exactly sound like her cup of tea. Give her the hustle and bustle of North Street and a quick cuppa in Pedro’s any day. She changed the subject.

  ‘What should I wear?’ The thought occurred to her for the first time.

  ‘Anything you are comfy in – floaty frock, summer dress, nothing grand or special or new, it’s going to be very casual.’

  ‘Can I help with anything? Send some money? Organise something?’ She felt a little awkward, knowing how little she would be able to do from this distance.

  ‘No, it’s all taken care of. But thank you, Mum. Tutukaka is like nowhere on earth, it’s special, and you are going to be here and just to have you here will make it perfect!’

  ‘I love you, Emma Lane.’ Vivienne swallowed the unexpected tears that clogged her throat.

  ‘I love you too. Just think, Mum, Christmas in the sunshine – what would Nanny say?’

  ‘She’d be worried that her chocolate log would melt and her trifle might turn in the heat.’ She smiled, picturing her dear old mum and knowing this was an accurate assessment.

  ‘Mum, I have to go, Michael’s giving me a lift into Whangarei and I need to pick up some bits – speak soon?’

  ‘Yes, of course. I better go and book my flight.’

  ‘Yep, fly to Auckland and we’ll pick you up from there. Let me know what flight you are on. I’m so excited!’

  Vivienne again noted how ‘excit-ed’ had become ‘excit-ud’ and this time it made her smile. She sat for a little while after the call had ended, stroking Bob’s head and letting the dark fill every space in the hallway.

  ‘Looks like I’m going to New Zealand, Bob, can you believe it? Question is, what am I going to do with you for a fortnight?’

  He lifted his face to gaze at her and gave what she could only describe as a look of disdain.

  ‘You are too clever by half.’ She smiled and patted his head as she yawned. It was nearly bedtime.

  3

  ‘A doctor!’ Ellen banged the table, alerting the woman and her child on the table next to them, who briefly abandoned their toasted bagels and gave them a look of interest. ‘Well, I never. That’s a turn-up for the books. What kind of doctor is he?’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Vivienne smiled apologetically at the woman for her friend’s loudness, something she was rather practised at.

  ‘Well, is he a medical doctor? A plastic surgeon rolling in dosh—’

  ‘Oh God, you’re not thinking about your new boobs again, are you?’

  ‘No, but I am thinking about Emma’s future. He might be one of those medics who has bought his doctorship off the internet. I’ve read about it. There are millions of them all over the UK, people who set up as GPs but have no more skill than a Girl Guide with a first-aid badge and a bottle of aspirin. They could be advising you to have surgery when all you actually need is a glug of milk of magnesia and a quick lie down.’

  Vivienne laughed out loud, accidentally snorting. ‘I’m sure that’s not true.’

  ‘It is! I read it somewhere.’

  This assertion only made her laugh harder.

  ‘You can laugh, my girl, but it’s the difference between her spending her days lounging by a pool with a pina colada in her hand or working behind a bar serving cocktails to women married to real doctors.’

  ‘I don’t think Emma likes pina colada.’

  ‘That’s not the point.’ Ellen sighed.

  ‘I know, you’re saying that I know nothing about this man, and you’re right, I don’t, but there is very little I can do about it right now.’ She spoke through gritted teeth.

  ‘Here we are, ladies.’ Pedro placed their coffees in front of them. ‘How are we today?’

  ‘We are planning our trip.’ Ellen cocked her head, waiting for him to enquire further.

  ‘Oh lovely. Where are you off to? Morecambe again? Might need a brolly.’ He obviously recalled their last summer holiday.

  ‘Not quite, Pedro. Actually we’re off to New Zealand, via Hong Kong,’ Ellen announced proudly.

  ‘New Zealand? You lucky things. That’s somewhere that’s definitely on my list. When do you go?’ He placed his knuckles on his hips.

  ‘In a couple of weeks. Viv’s daughter is getting married.’

  ‘Congratulations!’ He smiled at Vivienne as she sipped her coffee. She was a little embarrassed to be the topic of discussion.

  ‘Where’s Bob off to?’

  ‘Oh, I think Trev, Ellen’s husband, might have him. Or my son, Aaron, not quite sure yet.’ She had yet to firm up the plan.

  ‘Ah, shame. I’d love to have had him for a bit. I could have nipped up to the fla
t during the quiet times and taken him round the block.’ He looked wistful.

  ‘I wouldn’t want to put on you like that, Pedro.’ She spoke softly.

  ‘Put on me?’ He shook his head. ‘I would love it. You have no idea how much I miss that company of an evening, and just strolling the street with my little sidekick on a lead. I met some of my great friends, too, through owning a dog – like-minded people with dogs in the family.’

  Vivienne noted the lump in his throat. ‘I tell you what, Pedro, if you’re serious, I’ll bring Bob over for a visit, see how you like having him around and vice versa. Then, if you still want to, I think he’d be very lucky to come and stay chez Pedro while we’re away.’

  ‘Oh, really?’ Pedro visibly jumped with excitement. ‘I’d love that!’ He scooted back to the counter with a definite spring in his step.

  ‘Oi, and a teacake to share, if you don’t mind,’ Ellen called after him. ‘And not one from the back neither!’

  Vivienne pulled a face at her rude friend.

  ‘What?’ Ellen looked puzzled and sipped her coffee.

  *

  The two friends had hopped on the number 76 bus and were now wandering around the town centre. It was far easier somehow to tolerate the drizzle-slicked streets, where crowds jostled for space on the pavement when they knew they were heading for sunnier climes.

  ‘What do you think, Viv?’ Ellen called across the rails in Primark.

  Vivienne craned her neck to see her friend holding up a neon-pink tie bikini with a sheer neon vest that would barely cover the bikini, let alone anything beneath it.

  ‘I think I am not going near a beach with you in that.’ She tried to sound decisive. ‘I might crochet you a nice bikini that would offer more cover. Anyway, we don’t even know if they’re near a beach, do we?’

  ‘Course they are. Emma said, didn’t she? It’s on the coast. It’ll be like Spain but with more sheep, less paella and that Dame Kiri whats’er name singing up a storm.’

  Vivienne ignored her and continued to peruse the pedal pushers that came in an array of colours. ‘Weird, isn’t it, buying for warm weather in the middle of winter. It makes it doubly special, somehow, going to the sun when it’s so cold here.’