Acheron Highway: A Jonathan Shade Novel

by Gary Jonas

One thing you can count on from folks in the wizarding business is that they will lie to your face about little things like ending programs to build nearly indestructible assassins.

  “Now, Phil, was that really necessary?”

  “Just doing my job, Mr. Shade.”

  “By calling in your vocal group?”

  “Vocal group?”

  “Yeah.” I pointed to the warriors. “The Crypt Kicker Five.”

  Phil smiled. “Or in your case, the Shade Kicker Five.”

  I laughed. “Phil made a funny.”

  “We should go,” Miranda said.

  “No, we’re here to get some help.”

  “They’ll help you out of the building,” Phil said. “The last time I let you past me, too many people died. Important people.”

  “Then, as now, it wasn’t your choice.”

  The warriors didn’t move. They simply stood there like Buckingham Palace Guards.

  “Please leave, Mr. Shade, or I’ll have them make you leave.”

  I held up a finger. “Give me a minute.” I pulled out my cell, scrolled through some names, and selected Mike Ender from the contacts list. The phone rang and rang and went to voice mail, but Mike never answers his phone. I waited for the beep then left a message. “Mike. Jonathan Shade here. I’m in the lobby, and I need you to call down to Phil to let me in, or I’ll have to destroy the five Sekutar douche bags you have as a sorry excuse for security.”

  I kept my eyes on the warriors as I spoke. No reaction. Tough crowd. Literally.

  “Call me back,” I said, “or I won’t be in a good mood when I come see you.” Then I ended the call and stood my ground.

  Miranda stood slightly behind me. “We should really go, Jonathan.”

  “Soon,” I said.

  “He’s not going to call you back,” Phil said. “He knows you can’t do anything to five warriors.”

  “Clearly they’ve engineered the personality right out of the nutless nimrods. You really think five of them can stop me if I have two Sekutar warriors on my side?”

  “You only have one.”

  “You haven’t been reading my blog, Phil. I’m hurt. I’ve been posting about my sparring partner for months now.”

  “You just—”

  My phone rang. “Hold that thought,” I said and took the call. Phil looked pissed, but I just smiled at him while I spoke to Mike Ender, the head of security for DGI. “Hey, Benedict Arnold, how you doing?”

  “Contrary to your take on the situation, I didn’t betray you.”

  “Spoken like a true politician.”

  “I played the hand I was dealt, Mr. Shade.”

  “You threw me under the bus, Mike.”

  “That’s ancient history.”

  “Dude, it was six months ago. I still have scars. My therapist says I’ll never trust anyone again, and I had to order a new batch of self-esteem on eBay.”

  “What do you want, Mr. Shade?”

  “I need to hire a necromancer for the morning.”

  “Why didn’t you simply call ahead?”

  “Oh, come on, Mike, that takes all the fun out of it.”

  “You like getting pummeled by Sekutar?”

  “To be fair, I didn’t know your copy machine was running on overtime.”

  “We’ve made a number of security upgrades since your last visit.”

  “Good for you.”

  “Did you say you want to hire a necromancer?”

  “I did indeed.”

  “As in pay for the services.”

  “If you take MasterCard or Visa, sure.”

  “You really should have called. You could have saved yourself a confrontation.”

  “I need at least one good confrontation every day before lunch or I feel like I’m losing my touch.”

  “Right. I’ll send the elevator down for you. There aren’t any secret number sequences anymore. The elevator will take you up to us. We control that from here.”

  “Like the Outer Limits. Do not adjust your television…”

  “Something like that.”

  “Cool beans.”

  “We’ll discuss price when you get here. Put Phil on.”

  I handed my phone to Phil. “Daddy says you’re grounded.”

  Phil rolled his eyes as he took my phone. “Phil here… Yes, sir… Anything you say, sir.... He has Miranda Hammond with him, sir.... Are you sure? … No, sir, I wasn’t questioning your orders… I understand, sir. Thank you, sir.”

  Phil handed the phone back to me.

  I patted him on the shoulder. “You’re doing a good job, Phil.”

  “Up your ass.”

  “Sorry, m’man, some things are exit only.”

  We walked past him, and as I pushed between two of the Sekutar warriors, I looked one of them in the sunglasses.

  “You dance tango or salsa?” I asked. I looked him up and down. “No, that’s too spicy for you. You’re clearly a square dancer.”

  The warrior said nothing.

  “They breeding you without tongues these days?”

  “Jonathan,” Miranda said, “can we please just go up? These guys give me the creeps.”

  The warrior removed his sunglasses and gazed into my eyes. Then he slowly grinned. “Perhaps I’ll have an occasion to dance a jig on your skull sometime in the very near future.”

  His gravelly voice sent a shiver down my spine, but I made sure it didn’t show on my face. I smiled back at him, pleasant as a noonday sun. “Oh, but that would get brains on the floor and you might slip and fall, and I doubt the medical here is any good these days.”

  The smile remained on his face. “Clearly, you don’t have any brains, so slipping is out of the question. Next time you come out here, bring my grandma. I’d like to meet her.”

  “I’ll bet you would. What’s your name?”

  “Drake.”

  “Do all Sekutar have five-letter names?”

  He smirked. Hey, it was a reaction. I figured I was doing well.

  Miranda pulled me into the elevator as the doors opened.

  The warrior winked at me. Then the doors closed.

  “Are you stupid?” Miranda asked. “There were five of those guys. They looked dangerous!”

  “They are dangerous.”

  “So your plan is to rile them up so they’ll kill you?”

  “They won’t kill without being ordered.”

  “Right. I’m not ready to die, Jonathan, and don’t you dare say I’m already dead. I’m scared and I’m pissed and I’m stressed out.”

  “Take a deep breath.”

  “Those guys scare you too.” It was a statement.

  “Not really,” I said and realized it was true.

  “Then you’re crazy and stupid.”

  She turned away from me and rode the last few seconds to the thirteenth floor in silence. I wondered if she was right. Maybe it was stupid to mouth off to someone who could rip me limb from limb and not even consider it good cardio. The fact was I just didn’t care.

  The doors opened and Mike Ender stood there waiting. He wore his usual suit and tie and initially wore his special sunglasses. I knew he was looking to see if Esther was there. He removed the glasses and tucked them in a pocket. “Follow me,” he said without any niceties.

  We followed him down a hallway that brought back a lot of memories. They’d replaced the window at the end of the hall. The office doors were all closed, including the one that had belonged to Anselma Kaiser. The name on that door read Paul Tanner. I didn’t know him. A bit farther down the hall, Al Davidson’s old office had a different name too.

  Mike opened a door that led to a meeting room that reminded me of Naomi. That threatened to pull up some old feelings, but I forced them down. I didn’t have time to think about her.

  “Von will be right with you.”

  “Thanks, Mike.”

  He looked at me. “No smart-assed remarks?”

  “I’m saving them for later.”

 
He stared a moment longer then nodded. He glanced at Miranda then turned and left.

  “He doesn’t like you,” Miranda said.

  “I’m not looking to win a popularity contest here. Besides, he’s a prick. He almost got me killed.”

  “You’ve been a jerk to everyone since I met you.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Fine, you weren’t a dick to Kelly, but other than that…”

  I sat down and put my feet on the table. “You going to tell me to take a Dale Carnegie class?”

  She pushed my feet off the table. “No, but I will tell you to show a little respect to people.”

  “I show respect if they deserve it.”

  “Seems to me you start with disrespect and expect people to kowtow to you. Try starting with respect. You might get better results.”

  I was about to shoot that down, but an old woman entered the room. She had olive skin and silver hair. Her eyes shone with the wisdom of the ages. I couldn’t even guess her age. She could be sixty, or she could be a hundred. She held herself with strength, though, and she had an aura of calmness.

  “My name is Von,” she said.

  “Short for Yvonne?” I asked.

  She nodded. “Yes. I hold sway over the dead.”

  Oh, I wanted to throw a smart-ass remark at the wall for that one. Miranda shot me a look, so I bit my tongue.

  “Thank you for coming, Von,” Miranda said. “We really appreciate it.”

  Von gazed at Miranda, glanced at me, then focused on Miranda again. Von scrutinized her for a moment. “Dear child, your spirit is strong, but your heart is not beating. No, wait… your heart is actually missing.”

  “Thanks to someone in your department,” Miranda said. “Zach Banner?”

  “Is that why he took a sudden vacation? Oh, child, how are you even standing?”

  I noted that she said vacation, not that he’d been terminated, but DGI didn’t broadcast their business and his state of employment wasn’t our concern.

  “Zach has my heart,” Miranda said.

  Von furrowed her brow. She shook her head slowly. “That would be beyond his ability.”

  “Tell that to him.”

  “I hate to interrupt,” I said, “but we came here to see you about something else.”

  “Yes. I understand you require my services.”

  “That we do,” I said. “There are dead people hanging out at my apartment and we’d like to know if you can put them back in their graves and keep them there.”

  “I have felt some tremblings in the spirit world,” Von said.

  Oh, the things I could say to that, but Miranda actually kicked me in the shin.

  I gave her a dirty look. After all, she was the one mouthing off about Von’s employee. Not that I blamed her, of course, but, pot, meet kettle.

  I turned back to Von and forced myself to stick to a professional business manner. “This started a month or so ago with a few corpses coming back, but it’s escalated in the past week and now it seems like the dead just won’t stay dead.”

  She shook her head. “These are not really the dead returning. They are spirits using the bodies of the deceased.”

  “I can name at least one guy who came back and killed his wife after she killed him.”

  Von nodded. “A murder victim would be an exception. This is true.”

  “Other than that, I think you’re right. Spirits are dressing up in meat suits.”

  “Meat suits?”

  “Sorry, obscure TV reference.”

  “It’s an apt term, though. The fact is that a murder victim would have unfinished business. As such, the spirit might stay in our realm as a ghost and if its body rose, the ghost would return to it for the familiarity.”

  “I’m with you so far. I know a little bit about ghosts.”

  “Generally speaking, ghosts who remain in our world are victims of violent death or suicide. Even with those, unless the spirit feels it has unfinished business, it moves on to the next world.”

  “Go on,” I said.

  “I don’t wish to bore you with a lecture about spirits.”

  “Dead bodies are up and about,” I said. “Does that sound like a necromancer at work?”

  “Possibly.”

  “What about Zach? Could he do something like this?” Miranda asked.

  “I told you, Zachary does not have that much power,” Von said. “Like most necromancers, he might be able to raise one body. Two if his concentration is extremely focused.” She shook her head. “Alas, Zachary does not have that much focus. He is easily distracted.”

  “Could he be faking it?” Miranda asked.

  She kept shaking her head. “This is something else. I do not believe this to be the work of a necromancer or even a team of necromancers.”

  “What else could it be?” I wanted to know if anyone at DGI had a clue about Persephone. Sharon had been here, though she’d only been in the catacombs. I doubt the guys who met her had any clue about her true nature. Then again, they might not admit it.

  “I do not know.”

  “More importantly,” I said, “can you send the dead back to their graves?”

  “I would need to see one of them up close.”

  “Well, there are at least a hundred of them at my place.”

  “Really?”

  “Oh yeah. How many necromancers would it take to send them back?”

  “Again, I can’t answer that without seeing them.”

  “Can you bring a team over to my place so we can at least check things out?”

  “I am curious about this. I don’t need a team. I will go with you.”

  “How much will this cost?”

  “That depends on what the job requires.”

  “Free estimate?” I asked.

  She smiled. “Of course.”

  “Since Miranda works here, can we get an employee discount?”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Dead people congregated on the sidewalk, crowded the stairs, and clogged the entryway to my apartment. Others milled about on the grass. A few of my neighbors peeked out their windows, but nobody approached the walking cadavers. The landlord stood, cell phone in hand, as I pulled up in Kelly’s SUV and parked. Von and Miranda slid out of the vehicle after me, and I nodded to the landlord, a slender old man clad in a bowtie and suspenders. He wore thick glasses, and every time I saw him, he reminded me of Les Nessman from the TV show WKRP in Cincinnati.

  “Mr. Shade, do you have a permit for this?” he asked, shaking the movie audition page I’d had Kelly place on the building. “These people will not listen to me.”

  “They’re staying in character, Mr. Tyler. My friend is going to film a movie in town, but I had no idea we’d get this kind of turnout for auditions. I guess everyone wants to be a zombie these days.”

  “They don’t shuffle along like in the movies. Some of them have no sense of makeup, and quite frankly, many of them are severely lacking in personal hygiene. You need to get them out of here, or I’m calling the police.”

  “I’ll have them gone within the hour. Cool?”

  “So...” He adjusted his bowtie. “A movie. Would there be a role for someone like me?”

  I nodded. “I can talk to the director and the writer, maybe work in something for you.”

  “Can I kiss a girl?”

  That would be a first. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “I’m really not happy about these people being here, Mr. Shade. It’s a major inconvenience for all the neighbors. They’ve been complaining all morning. And some of these people are far too method.”

  “Tell you what,” I said. “If the movie goes forward, I’ll make sure that you get a small role. I’ll even guarantee that you’ll get to kiss a gorgeous girl. A nice, deep, long, passionate kiss.”

  He looked around, his face a burning red. He waved a hand in front of his face then leaned toward me. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  He hesitated, cle
arly dreaming about having a hot woman kissing him. After a moment, he gave me a nod. “You have one hour. The neighbors can whine if they want.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Tyler.”

  “I want a redhead.”

  “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “A blonde will work, but I’ve always wanted to be with a redhead.”

  When he left, he stopped to knock on one of my neighbors’ doors. No doubt he would tell them he’d told me to get these unseemly people out of here.

  I turned to look at the women. Miranda remained by Kelly’s truck.

  Von approached the closest dead person, a middle-aged woman. I motioned for Miranda to stay by the truck then followed Von over. The dead woman turned and gave me a once-over.

  “Bring her to us,” the old woman said.

  I played stupid. “What do you want with Miranda?”

  The woman moved toward me, but Von held up a hand, and the woman stopped.

  “You shall not pass,” Von said in her best Gandalf.

  “Can you get rid of them?” I asked.

  Von walked around the woman. A few corpses started toward her, but again, she held up her hand, and they all stopped.

  “The flesh is freshly dead, but the original spirit is not here,” Von said. “They are not zombies.”

  “Bring her to us,” the woman said again.

  Von looked into the corpse’s eyes. “Bring who?”

  “The one we came for.”

  “And who might that be?”

  The woman pointed at me. “He knows.”

  Von looked at me. “Are you holding out on me, Mr. Shade?”

  “I could make a few guesses, but . . .” I gave her a shrug.

  She gave me a look that said, bullshit, then looked back at the corpse. She moved to the next dead guy then walked along a line of them, holding her hand up to keep them in place. Some of them fidgeted but none advanced.

  Von returned to me.

  “Thoughts?” I said.

  “There are many spirits here using the dead as vessels to get around. This is powerful magic.”

  “Can you get rid of them?”

  “The spirits?” She shook her head. “I do not control spirits. I can clear out the bodies, though.”

  “Great.”

  “There are one hundred twenty-two bodies here.”

  “But more will come.”

  “What makes you think that?”