Shadow (A Bad Boy Romance): The Hoods MC

by West, Heather

  He was amazing in bed and made me feel alive in ways I hadn't thought I could. After the car accident and waking up in the hospital, I had been seriously depressed, almost to the point of asking the doctors for medicine for it. I hadn't been able to walk or talk, and it had been a long and trying road back to recovery. The depression had stayed with me throughout it all, my one constant companion, considering no one had realized where I was. Only Shadow had been able to get me out of that funk. He'd been, well, not quite a ray of sunshine, but he'd made me laugh, made me feel, made me want to live again.

  But not everything was perfect. It wasn't all rainbows, happiness, goodwill and peace and all that. He was seriously worrying me. More than that… he frightened me at times. He shot a man! Killed him right in front of me. Shadow had his own demons, his own issues with the past, and now darkness was enfolding him again. I had to bring him to the light, if that was even possible.

  Although I wanted to burst into the room, I refrained. It would be better to talk to him one on one, so I stood off to the side and waited until the door opened. His men trickled out. Shadow was the last to leave, as he went to walk past I stepped up then and put my hand on his chest. His jaw was set, his eyes hard, and he was back to having the expression on his face that he'd worn before he'd pulled the trigger in that guy's apartment.

  Undeterred, I pushed him back into the room and closed the door behind us. We were alone now, and hopefully he would listen because we needed to talk, and talk right now, not after he tried to track down the daycare guy. Trust me, I wanted the guy nailed as badly as he did. I just thought the job of nailing should be in the police's hands and that the guy should be behind bars, not in a coffin.

  I glowered at him, daring him to not take me seriously. "Shadow—"

  He shook his head. "Sky, I can't—"

  "You will let me talk." I leaned against the closed door, my arms crossed. He would have to physically remove me if he wanted to leave the room. Of course, he was more than strong enough to lift me out of the way, but I hoped I meant enough to him that he would at least be willing to hear me out.

  His nostrils flared slightly, but after a moment he nodded.

  I released a sigh. So far so good, but maybe it would be better to try and talk about something else first, to try and calm him down some. "I know this is kind of random…" I paused. He was staring at me, but he didn't seem to object to my changing the subject. "What exactly do you do for a living? I know about your… ah… missions… but they don't pay the bills."

  He didn't blink or react or seem willing to answer me.

  "What's your job?" I asked, my heart starting to pound. Was this not a good topic of conversation either? What the hell! Was he hiding something else from me?

  He rubbed the back of his neck. "Damn it, Sky," he growled.

  When he used that low rumbling tone during sex, it aroused me. At the moment, it only angered me. "Damn it, Shadow," I said mockingly, jabbing a finger at his chest. "Answer the question!"

  "We steal," he muttered, not meeting my gaze.

  "From the pedophiles?" I asked, confused. He hadn't stolen from the guy he'd killed in front of me, but maybe that was just because he had been in such a rush to abandon me there. Yeah, Shadow could be an ass sometimes.

  "Not those lowlifes." He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Most of them don't have two quarters to rub together. No, we steal from the rich."

  "You steal from the rich," I repeated numbly. Was I hearing him correctly? "You steal to fund your vigilante lifestyle." A part of me wanted to slap him. Who the hell did he think he was? Robin Hood?

  He shrugged and crossed his arms, his muscles bulging. Normally I would appreciate that, but I was practically seeing red.

  Shadow nodded his head back and forth. "It's not as if we steal more than we need," he said. "We live modestly."

  "Steal. Modestly. Those two words don't exactly go together." I shook my head.

  Maybe I shouldn't be surprised by his nerve, but seriously? He thought it was fine because he didn't steal enough to be rich himself?

  Okay, time to get back on target before I lost my freaking mind. I cleared my throat. "Shadow, why do you feel the need to keep chasing your past?"

  "I'm not," he growled. He ran a hand through his hair and tugged on the ends hard, as if he wanted to rip them out.

  "Yes, you are," I countered. He had to realize that. "I understand that you were molested, but murdering pedophiles—"

  "They're scum who deserve to die." He glowered at me, but there was something soft in his eyes. He wanted me to accept him, but I just couldn't.

  "Murdering them won't change your past. It won't fix anything," I said desperately.

  "You don't understand." He turned around and shoved a chair forward to be under the table. Then he did the same with the next chair, only he slammed it so hard it fell. Shadow kicked it up and stood it upright.

  His anxious energy made me all uptight. My shoulders felt like knobs of stress. "You need to get out of this sick cycle," I said calmly, trying to keep my emotions at bay, so he wouldn't feel as if I was attacking him. "You need to stop trying to fix a problem that will never go away. There will always be another pedophile—"

  "Yes, there will be!" Shadow curled his hands into fists so tight his veins bulged. He slammed them onto the table. "It takes just one. One pedophile can corrupt and ruin the lives of hundreds of kids. Each one can affect and destroy multiple children. Even if they only touch one, that one…" He was shouting so loud, his face so red, I feared he was going to have a heart attack.

  I narrowed the distance between us even though the amount of fear I was feeling was growing rapidly. Of course I didn't believe Shadow would do anything to hurt me, but right now, he seemed so volatile, so out of control…

  He just stood there, his body trembling, staring straight ahead, eyes unfocused. My hand touched his fist. I don't know what I hoped to accomplish. That he would relax his fist and take my hand, that he would allow me to hold him, to comfort him… But he stood there rigid, hard, firm, and unyielding. Shadow wasn't going to open up to me. He wasn't going to confide in me more than he already had. He was going to shut me out. I just knew it, and that killed me. How could I help him if I didn't know t exactly what I was up against?

  "If you only knew…" He shook his head sadly. His voice was so deep and raw, I just wanted to cry. He sounded broken.

  "I would if you would just tell me," I whispered, hoping against hope to draw him out. Maybe talking about it would help.

  But he shook his head violently, shifting his fist so that my hand fell away onto the table. He was a ball of wild energy, a loose cannon. "If you had gone through what I went through, you would completely understand."

  "Shadow…" Didn't he realize how much neither of us were in control of the past? The past was gone to us.

  "You can't understand." He sounded pissed.

  "Try me," I pleaded. I grabbed onto his shirt, sliding my body between him and the table. Still, he refused to look at me. His eyes were glazed, and I didn’t think he was seeing much of anything. "Tell me. I'll listen."

  "You can't, don't you fucking get it? You can't understand. No one fucking can. The depth of pain and betrayal I went through as a child… It was awful and terrible and so fucking wrong. So fucking wrong!" He was trembling with rage.

  I tried to touch him, to hug him, but he jerked away as if my touch would burn him.

  "Something like that… it changes a person. Changes the child. It scarred me, and I'll wear those scars forever. Whoever I might have grown up to be, if I hadn't been raised by that asshole, that person will never see the light of day."

  My heart ached for him. "I know that—"

  He sneered. "You don't know anything, Sky."

  I couldn't help bristling at the way he said my name. That was a low blow. "Look, I'm just trying to help you—"

  "You want to change me. You can't. This is who I am. I'm damaged beyond repair, all kinds of fu
cked up. I'm not ever going to be a ‘roses and chocolate’ kind of boyfriend. This is what you get. I don't know anything else. I don't know how to be anyone else."

  "There are other ways for you to cope." I wasn't about to let him push me away. Not now. Not when he so clearly needed help, even if he couldn't see it. There had to be a way for me to help him.

  "That's where you're wrong. The only way for me to cope is to make sure other bad men never again do what was once done to me. And the only way to ensure that is to kill them. What's jail to them? Nothing. They just wait, act rehabilitated, get out early on parole and bam! They're right back at it again. Pedophiles can't be fixed. They can't change. They're repeat offenders. That's why they need to be wiped out. And that's why I have to do this."

  With that, Shadow turned on his heel, threw open the door, and stormed out of the room, leaving me behind with my jaw hanging open, wishing I knew how to help because right now, I was afraid I was only going to do more harm than good. He wasn't beyond saving… was he?

  Chapter Fifteen

  Shadow

  I was burning inside. My body felt like it was on fire. I could not be angrier right now. I had never felt this sort of red-hot hatred before. How the fuck could Sky think she could tell me what to do? How the fucking hell could she think I would just stop my missions? Just because we were back together didn't mean I was going to let her try and fucking change me. I needed this. I had to do this. It might be wrong on some level, yeah, I did realize that, but it would be even more wrong to allow those fucking pedophiles to continue hurting innocent children. That was the bottom line. That was all that mattered.

  But even worse than her trying to change me, was realizing that she didn't understand me. How could she be my salvation if she didn't get me? How could she be my salvation if she wasn't even on my fucking side? She might make me want to be a better man on some level, but not when it came to this.

  There were only two ways for me to work out my pain. One was killing pedo’s, obviously, and how I typically handled things. The other way?

  Sex. Fucking.

  I had just left her behind in the meeting room, but I turned right back around. She was still standing there as if rooted in place, maybe shocked by me, my words, my behavior. I didn't know, and right now, I was too blinded by my pain to give a damn.

  "You aren't the boss of me," I said gruffly, my voice raw.

  She blinked but otherwise didn't move. "I wasn't—"

  One long stride and I was directly in front of her, barely any space between us. She didn't step back. I grabbed her face, my lips touched hers, and that was it. I had to have her. I had to control her. I had to show her just who was boss.

  I was.

  This was about control and dominance, and I’ll be damned if I wasn't going to have my way.

  She was pushing on my shoulders, her hands on my chest, trying to push me back. But, although her hands were telling me one thing, her lips and tongue were answering my kiss with equal passion and fervor. Angry sex could be so fucking hot. And since both of us were furious, this sex was going to be over the fucking top.

  She broke off the kiss and continued to try to push me away. I wasn't going anywhere, though. "I—"

  "Don't fight me," I growled, staring down at her, willing her to understand just what I was going through.

  Sky put her hands on top of mine. "Shadow—"

  "Don't fight me," I repeated. Not begging. Demanding.

  She narrowed her eyes. "You're the one—"

  "Just shut up and fucking kiss me." I stared at her, smoldering, daring her to ignore me. My body still felt way too hot and with how ice cold she was being toward me, one of us was going to have to give in.

  It sure as hell wasn't going to be me.

  But then she actually took a fucking step away from me.

  "Want to be in charge, huh?" I smirked and reached my hand up under her super short skirt. She might be trying to play hard to get or to resist me… Whichever the case may be, she wasn't fooling anyone. She was dripping wet, ready for me, just like always.

  Sky grabbed my wrist and jerked her body to the left so I wasn't touching her anymore. Her eyes were wide, and her breathing was heavy. Probably from both arousal and anger. I knew better than most, how well those two worked together.

  "Why try and resist?" I whispered, my voice deep and low, almost a rumble. "Submit to me."

  She shook her head, eyes half closing like they did when she was about to come. I knew that look well. It hadn't changed like her name had. "No. We need to talk—"

  "Fuck talking." I grabbed her face and kissed her hard and frantic, needing her more than I needed air.

  She didn't resist. She never could resist me, but shit, she had to stop teasing me. I couldn't handle that. Not right now. Not while being so angry with everyone. Someone had to be with me, and I was going to force her to be that person. If I didn't have her, I was nothing. Less than nothing. I'd never have a fucking chance without her.

  I broke off the kiss and held up my two wet fingers, bringing them close to her face. "Lick them."

  Sky looked me straight in the eyes, defiant as fuck. She gave her head a saucy little shake that had my cock growing so hard I thought it would burst. "No."

  I narrowed my eyes, both enjoying our sparring and wanting her to give into me. "I said—"

  "You lick them," she countered coolly.

  Damn it all. I was the one in charge, but I did want to taste her. Her juices always tasted so fucking good. My cock was so ready for her pussy right now, but she had to learn her place. I was in charge. Not her. Maybe she could be another time, but right the fuck now belonged to me.

  I held up one of the fingers to her lips. She parted them and sucked it, hard, my arousal so strong I felt some pre-cum ooze out of the tip of my cock. Fucking amazing. Although I thought about sucking dry the other finger, she kept her mouth open when I pulled out, so I gave her the other one. This one she caressed with her tongue, and even more pre-cum dripped. Fuck. I was in trouble.

  "Isn't it better when you listen to me?" I whispered, clinging to some measure of control.

  "I…" Her eyelids fluttered closed briefly, before opening again, her eyes were dark with desire and something else that I couldn't quite read. "Shadow, we can't just ignore what we talked about and—"

  "Why not?" I grabbed her ass and shoved her body against mine, grinding our pelvises together. She had to feel had hard I was, and her eyes widening a little told me she did. "Sometimes, words aren't enough. We can let our bodies do the talking instead."

  "We need…" She sounded as breathless, as she always did, when we finished our fuck sessions, and we hadn't even really started yet. "We should…"

  "We need to fuck. We should fuck. We will fuck" A promise. One I was more than willing to keep.

  She shook her head as if in a daze, but she didn't resist when I brought her hands up and around the back of my neck. "Shadow, no."

  "You can't tell me you don't want to." I pressed against her again.

  "I do want to. I do want you," she all but whined, "but now isn't the time or the place—"

  "Not here?" I grabbed her hands and dragged her around the table to the desk in the corner. How many times had I daydreamed about this? After she'd left me and I should've been focused on missions during meetings with the guys, I would glance over at the desk and imagine what it would be like to bend Allie over it and fuck her from behind.

  And now, I was going to turn that daydream into reality. I couldn't get started fast enough.

  With a flick of my arm, I cleared it off. Books and pens thudded onto the floor, scattering about, loud and echoing throughout the room, just like Sky's shouts would be soon.

  She jumped at the commotion, clearly startled.

  "Just submit to me." Despite myself, I was pleading. With my voice, with my eyes, with my body… with everything I had to offer. I needed her to be on my side. I needed her with me. I couldn't have her leaving me.
Not again. I wouldn't be able to handle another heartbreak. Not when she was finally mending the heart she'd broken in the first place. Only she could heal what she'd ruined.

  Without her, I was nothing. With her, I actually had a chance at being somebody. Couldn't she see that? Didn't she care? Or did she think the only things I could offer her were sex, a bed, and crappy food?

  "You're too much, Shadow. I can't…" She shook her head, avoiding my gaze. Her hair partially covering her face. "I can't do this."