Mothers and Daughters

by Howard, Minna

  Then they were naturally curious about him too. They wanted to know whether he had a wife or girlfriend and children to bring to the wedding. Obviously Julian had not told them much about him, he felt miffed at that, he’d asked Frank to be godfather to his oldest daughter, and yet it seemed he had not spoken much about him. But perhaps they – by that he meant Alice – had not asked Julian about him.

  But now they wanted to know about his life and so he told them about Simone, whom he was still fond of but their marriage had not turned out for either of them to be the great love they’d hoped for. They’d split up but still lived close enough to each other for the children to come and go to either house whenever they wanted. He told Alice that his wife had fallen in love with someone else but not that her lover – a politician – was also married and Frank couldn’t stand her excuses and lies when her lover had suddenly called and wanted her to meet him somewhere, and so they’d parted. They’d both done their best with the children, but it was a relief they were now old enough to make their own lives, though he still saw them as often as he could.

  He’d had his knocks, who hadn’t, but it hadn’t stopped him loving life, getting as much out of it as he could.

  He enjoyed talking about his children, he adored them, they were both doing well, and he found himself boasting a little about his son’s life at Harvard and his daughter’s in Florence. But there was so much he had to keep hidden, guard his tongue and not let it run away with him.

  Alice was obviously worried about Laura’s marriage, though perhaps Alice was finding it hard to lose her so soon after Julian.

  Evie reminded him of Alice when he’d first known her, the same fine features and a sense of adventure, though now she’d taken adventure too far with a child on the way and no man to support her. Laura took more after Julian and she was what would be described as a ‘handsome’ woman, an attractive woman, but not a great beauty as Alice and Evie were.

  He understood Alice’s anxieties for her daughters, but they were in their twenties not teenagers, able, he thought, to make their own decisions, even though they – well especially Evie’s – seemed to be the wrong ones.

  Perhaps Alice was right, thinking that the girls’ behaviour was a reaction to Julian’s death. There was still time for Laura to call off the wedding, though she seemed happy enough about it when he’d questioned her. Perhaps she craved the security of a good man, and Alice described Douglas as a good and kind man, just dull, but he might not be dull to Laura, though she could confuse dullness with stability and a calm life. Taking on another person’s children was a challenge however, but it was hardly unusual today, and Laura seemed capable enough and, as she’d said to him, she felt every child deserved a secure upbringing and she’d do her best to provide it to her stepchildren.

  Not everyone was fortunate enough to spend their life happy and fulfilled with the person they loved. Perhaps the majority of people just took the best that was offered them, Mr or Miss ‘almost right’ and, caught up in the excitement of planning a wedding, imagined there was more to their romantic feelings than there really were, until the gloss came off with everyday living.

  Evie’s predicament was more of a concern than Laura’s. She was different to her sister, bright and lively as Alice had been, still was, by the sound of her antics. Evie must have been lonely too without her father, easy meat for the sexy, old roué who’d come to call.

  He was so glad he was here. He felt Alice was in need of some support coping with her daughters’ new lifestyles. He admired her courage faced with such problems, but she shouldn’t have to shoulder them alone. He’d hang around in case she needed support he told himself. There was no need to tell her he was still in love with her.

  20

  A few days after the dinner with Frank, Evie insisted on returning to the cottage in Suffolk.

  ‘I can’t concentrate in London and with everyone about,’ she said, her face moulded with defiance, her mouth tight with determination.

  ‘But, darling, we’re not about that often and the house is empty most of the day,’ Alice’s heart sank, wondering if Evie was feeling jealous with the commotion of Laura’s plans for the wedding, the decision of whether to buy a dress or have Edith and Amy make it, the talk of shoes, flowers and all the trimmings. Alice didn’t want Evie to go back to Nick, fearing he no longer wanted her, possibly because Freya had reined him in or, more likely, because Evie had lost her allure being so pregnant, or perhaps he’d already moved on to the next woman, but whatever it was, she wanted to shield her from the worst of the fallout of her unwise affair.

  ‘I know, but I keep thinking of Dad and sort of waiting for him to come in here and ask me what I’m doing in his holy of holies,’ she said sadly. Alice hugged her, saying that she understood, felt the same sometimes remembering how he hated his papers to be disturbed, even if they were sitting in a fluff of dust and once even a spider’s web, beautifully woven between the lamp and a pile of folders when they’d been away.

  ‘But don’t you think it best to stay here for the moment?’ Alice hoped she sounded calm. ‘You could work in the spare room if you’d rather. We could fix up a table there and the light’s good.’

  ‘No, Mum, thanks all the same. I want to go back. I love it there, especially as autumn’s coming and the colours are so stunning. I’m not going to let Nick spoil it for me.’

  Alice wrestled to find the right words to say what needed to be said, afraid to provoke one of Evie’s fortunately rare but spectacular rages, which, apart from winding her up, might upset the baby. She said firmly, ‘But you, my darling, are in a way spoiling it for Freya and her children. No wait,’ she held up her hand as Evie began to protest. ‘Like it or not, Nick is married to Freya and, unless she kicks him out, will stay that way. He also has his children to consider, the children he has with his wife,’ she pushed on over Evie bleating, ‘But I’m having his child.’

  ‘I think you should stay away until things die down a little, and the baby’s born, then see how things are and possibly go back then.’

  Perhaps she should sell the cottage as Cecily suggested and put down something on a place for Evie, but she wouldn’t get much in London and Evie would probably insist on somewhere in Suffolk, so the whole nightmare of moving would be pointless.

  ‘But I’m all booked in for the birth there, I’ve got lovely midwives, people I know who’ll support me. I don’t know anyone in London and what if there’s no room in the hospital here when I turn up, or I’m left alone in labour for hours as there aren’t enough midwives to go round?’ Her voice rose and Alice understood her fear, it was important to feel calm and confident while giving birth, especially the first time.

  The telephone rang and she went over to the corner in the kitchen where it stood among her cookbooks to answer it. It was Laura, her voice hesitant plunging Alice into yet more anxiety.

  ‘I need to ask you a favour, Mum,’ she started and then before Alice could speak burst out, ‘I might have told you that Douglas and I are going to a wedding in Scotland this weekend of a great friend of his. The children were going to their mother’s parents, but her father’s collapsed, had a heart attack, or stroke or something, so they can’t have them and Elspeth is tied up with some outing away with the National Trust.’

  ‘So you want me to have them?’ Laura’s request filled Alice with anxiety; she hardly knew the children, whatever could she do with them, that poor little boy and his cocky sister?

  ‘We’ve arranged for Zara to stay with a friend but it’s Johnny, he needs to be with an adult we know, who’ll take care of him, he’s quite needy. If you can’t, Mum, then I’ll stay behind and Douglas can go without me,’ she finished, her voice flat with disappointment, making Alice feel mean as she trawled her mind for an excuse to refuse. Like it or not she was going to be their step-grandmother and would surely have to take her turn in doing ‘grandparenty’ things.

  ‘I’m sure I can, but let me just check my diary, dar
ling;’ she said, her mind blank now, not knowing if she had anything planned, and even if she did she’d probably have to cancel it. It would not be fair of her to make Laura miss the wedding with Douglas. They were a couple now and should be doing things together whenever they could.

  She leafed through her diary, there was a lecture at the Tate she said she’d go to with a couple of friends of Julian’s, but she didn’t have to go, they had grandchildren themselves, so they’d understand. But Alice felt nervous of having Johnny, he was such an insecure little boy, but there was no reason why she couldn’t have him.

  ‘Yes, he can come here, but will he be all right?’ she said anxiously. ‘I mean, he’s only met me once and that was with you and Douglas and his sister.’

  ‘Oh, thanks so much, Mum.’ Laura sounded relieved. ‘He’ll be fine, he likes drawing and Lego, he spends hours doing that, and we’ll bring some with him.’ She went on to tell her what to feed him as if he were some strange, mystical creature instead of a small boy who would probably be happy with hamburgers, pizza and chips, like the other children she knew. She half wondered if Elspeth would insist on doing a health and safety check on the house before he arrived.

  It was arranged that Johnny would be dropped round at dawn on the Saturday on their way to the airport and they would pick him up on their way back the following evening.

  Evie who’d gone upstairs during the call appeared and said, ‘So how’s the bride, is the wedding off?’

  Alice recognized her resentment, her older less glamorous sister had got herself a husband, a man who would stick by her and give her a home, while she’d been virtually dumped and left pregnant. No doubt in the beginning of this great love affair she’d felt exhilarated and secure, perhaps Nick had even briefly loved her in his way, made her feel he’d love her forever. Then she’d fallen pregnant, and perhaps she’d imagined that having his child would cement their relationship, but, sadly, true to form, it had not worked out like that.

  ‘No, they’re off to Scotland for a wedding but there’s been a crisis over minding the children so I said I’d have…’

  ‘Oh Mum,’ Evie frowned, ‘why should you have them? They have other grandparents.’

  ‘They can’t do that weekend, one’s ill and… anyway they will be my step-grandchildren in a few months and you’ll be their step-aunt. We’re a family now. I’m only having Johnny and it’s only for one night,’ she said, annoyed with Evie’s crabbiness, even though moments ago, Alice had felt the same way about the situation herself.

  ‘Well I can’t possibly do any work with a child rushing around, and I’ve got to get all this done before the baby’s born and I’m behind already,’ Evie said firmly. ‘I’ll take the train tomorrow, go back home. I’ll stay out of Nick’s way, I’ve heaps of other friends there.’

  But now everyone knew about her and Nick would the friends still be there? Alice felt as if a great load had been dumped upon her, worried about the welfare of these innocent children in the line of fire of their parents’ actions. She was about to remonstrate again with Evie when she thought of Cecily, who never having had children and been through a war when she was younger than Evie was, would no doubt expect her to let Evie get on with the mess she’d got herself into.

  ‘If that’s what you want,’ she said wearily. ‘But if things get difficult I think you should come back here.’

  She dropped Evie at Liverpool Street station the following morning, giving her money for a taxi at the other end, not asking if she’d told Nick she was returning and expecting him to meet her.

  She got up very early on Saturday to be ready for Johnny. She’d just made her coffee when the doorbell rang and she opened the door to see Douglas and Laura standing there, their faces strained and Johnny clinging like a limpet to his father’s leg.

  ‘Morning Alice. Thank you so much for looking after Johnny at such short notice. Douglas tried to sound cheerful as if his leg was Johnny’s usual form of transport, but it was obvious that the boy was terrified and didn’t want to stay at all.

  Laura threw her a despairing look. ‘He’ll be all right in a minute.’

  It didn’t look likely, but what could she do, his parents had a plane to catch and if they didn’t leave now they’d miss the wedding. Johnny hid his face from her as she squatted down beside him.

  ‘It’s so nice to see you again, Johnny, we’ll have such fun together and Daddy and…’ she didn’t know what he called Laura… ‘will be back before you know it.’ Whatever was she going to do with such a distressed child for two, whole days?

  Douglas eased him off his leg, saying sternly, ‘Come on Johnno, we’ll miss the plane. I’ll ring you when we arrive and we’re back tomorrow.’ He yanked him off his leg and thrust him at Alice. Laura pushed his overnight bag, a box of Lego and a booster seat for the car after him. Johnny screamed louder but Douglas held him off. ‘See you tomorrow, old chap, I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time.’ He put his hand on the door to pull it shut but Johnny stuck his leg out and Douglas had to bend down and shove it out of the way, a look of annoyed despair on his face. Alice took the child in her arms and pulled him inside and Douglas slammed the door and they were gone.

  Johnny curled up on the doormat and wept, his skinny, little body shaking in misery. Alice was almost in tears herself; he was distraught. He should never have been left with her.

  She sat beside him on the floor, wondering if holding him would cause him more grief. Then an idea came to her, she said, ‘Remember we were going to check out paragliding, why don’t we do that this weekend?’

  21

  It was a thoughtless thing for her to say, unkind too for she had no idea where on earth to go to paraglide, or how to set about finding a reputable place, but now she’d said it – in panic over his despair at being left here without his father – Johnny would surely expect her to take him, now, this instant.

  He sat up, gulping back his tears, a shudder shaking his body, his mouth quivering. His misery tore at her heart. How could his mother dash off to Hong Kong leaving such a vulnerable child behind?

  And what about Laura? What a start to her marriage. Would she be able to cope with such a child, fill up the void in him caused by his parents’ bust-up and his mother – in his eyes anyway – all but abandoning him? What damage would that do to a child knowing that their mother had chosen to live without them? But then, a voice reasoned within her, his mother was obviously a successful businesswoman and been offered a prestigious job. If it had been Douglas going for it he wouldn’t be criticized, accused of abandoning his children, though perhaps, if their marriage had been strong, she would have stayed or they could have all decamped abroad together.

  It was wrong to make assumptions about people she didn’t know – one of whom was going to marry her daughter. She’d been so fortunate with Julian. They both believed if children were born in a relationship they were equally responsible in raising them with love and security, but then they were happy together and the possibility of breaking up the home was never on the cards.

  ‘When will we go?’ Johnny asked, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, gulping back tears.

  She smiled to hide her anxiety. Where would they go more like? ‘Let’s look it up on the Internet,’ she said, putting out her hand for him to take it so they could both get up from the floor. ‘Are you hungry, did you have time for breakfast?’

  Still holding his hand, she led him into the kitchen, offering him a paper handkerchief.

  ‘We had breakfast,’ Johnny said, his voice wobbling as he regarded her with agonized eyes. ‘W… when will they be back?’

  It struck her then that as he’d lost his mother to Hong Kong he might imagine that if his father went away he too might not return, and he’d be left here like an unclaimed parcel vainly waiting for collection. She put her arm round his shoulders; he was as delicate as a bird. ‘Tomorrow, Johnny. They go to the wedding today and fly back tomorrow and will come straight here and pick you
up.’ She hoped she sounded positive but he smiled sadly.

  ‘I s’pose they will.’

  ‘Of course they will, they just couldn’t take you to the wedding and you’d be bored anyway as there won’t be other children. They’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.’

  She put her laptop on the kitchen table, clearing away the debris of her own breakfast and a pile of half-read newspapers, to make space for him to see, and turned it on. The telephone rang and, expecting it to be Douglas or Laura checking on Johnny, she moved slightly away from him, not thinking it a good idea for him to know it was them just as he seemed to be settling down.

  ‘Alice, it’s Frank, hope it’s not too early.’ There was an energy in his voice that lifted her spirits.

  ‘Oh… Frank, how are you?’

  ‘Fine, I know it’s short notice but I wondered if we could meet up today. I have to go away tomorrow on business, something’s come up, and I’ll be away a week, a nuisance, but there it is. Would you like lunch?’

  ‘I’d love to but I’m looking after Johnny, Douglas’s son,’ she smiled at Johnny, who was watching her with trepidation, ‘my new step-grandson-to-be. Laura and Douglas have gone to Scotland for a wedding.’ The thought suddenly hit her: Frank might know about paragliding. She went on, ‘We have a problem you might be able to solve for us actually. Johnny wants to go paragliding, well, just watch for the moment, we might have a go when his parents get back, and I wondered if you knew of a place, a reputable place, near London.’

  Johnny was holding his breath, his eyes huge on her face. She felt trapped by his anticipation.

  ‘I do know a place, not too far away. I’ll come round and take you both, I might even have a go myself if the conditions are right. What about you, Alice? I thought you said you wanted to do it, Laura said you did anyway.’ He laughed, ‘She’s so like Julian and she’s quite worried that you seem to be breaking out, test-driving sports cars, talking of doing extreme sports… good on you if you are.’