Starting Over

by Cheryl Douglas

  She smiled. “I met him about nine years ago. I was working in a health food store, taking some natural healing classes, and he came in to chat with me from time to time. He had some ailments he was trying to treat with natural remedies, and he would ask for my advice.”

  Listening to her mother talk about Tim was like meeting her for the first time. She transformed into a different person. The light in her eyes and her smile was evidence of how much she loved him.

  “Did you two marry?” Eve asked, her eyes drifting to her mother’s left hand. She wasn’t wearing any rings, but Eve knew that didn’t mean she wasn’t married.

  Jane smiled and ran a fingertip around the edge of her cup. “No, we didn’t feel the need for a piece of paper to prove our love to the world. We knew how we felt about each other, and that’s the only thing that really mattered.”

  “Why didn’t Tim come with you?” Eve had mixed feelings about meeting her mother’s boyfriend. She didn’t have any sense of loyalty to the father who hadn’t been a part of her life in years, but seeing her with a man other than Eve’s father would shed a different light on her mother.

  “He passed away a few months ago,” Jane said quietly.

  “I’m sorry.” When Eve witnessed the pain on her mother’s face, she touched her hand. “That must have been very difficult for you.”

  “It was, but Tim made me promise I wouldn’t waste time feeling sorry for myself.” Taking a deep breath, Jane sat up straighter. “I owe it to him and to myself to continue on my path.”

  “Your path?” Eve asked, trying to reconcile the raving lunatic who attended her wedding with the serene woman sitting beside her.

  “I was lost and broken when your Aunt Sharon offered to let you stay with her. I didn’t want to let you go, but I knew how much staying with me was hurting you. My home was a toxic, negative environment. I was angry at the world, myself, and your father. That wasn’t a life for a young girl, but the thought of letting you go broke my heart.”

  Eve had always thought her mother was happy to be rid of her. It never occurred to her Jane might miss her. For the first time, Eve put herself in her mother’s position and imagined what she must have been going through during her darkest hours.

  Jane continued, “I resented everyone for a long time. The anger was like a cancer, eating me alive. I was even angry at you for leaving me and my sister for being a better mother than I was capable of being. Eventually, I started to find my way. I met people who taught me I was responsible for my own thoughts. I could choose to be sad and angry or grateful and happy. It was liberating. Once I was finally happy with who I was and learned to love myself, I began to believe I could attract a wonderful man who would love me too.”

  “That’s when you met Tim?”

  “It is,” Jane said, laughing. “When I imagined the kind of man I might attract… Well, not even in my wildest dreams did I believe the perfect man could exist.”

  “You think he was perfect for you?” Eve asked, wondering if she would ever be able to say that. Alex had been perfect for her in so many ways, but their differences were leading them down opposite paths.

  “I’m not sure there’s such a thing as perfection, but he seemed perfect to me. He taught me how to be in a healthy, loving, respectful relationship, and I’ll be forever grateful for that.”

  Her marriage had once been all of those things, Eve realized. She couldn’t pinpoint the moment when it stopped fulfilling her. Or perhaps she had been unfulfilled with life in general and she expected her husband to make her happy, which was impossible. If she wasn’t happy with herself, she couldn’t expect anyone to satisfy her. “You said you were looking for a place to stay? Why?”

  Jane traced the delicate, antique teacup with a pink rose in full bloom painted on either side. “Two of your aunt’s favorite things: pink roses and herbal tea.”

  “You’re not answering my question.” Eve knew her mother was being evasive for a reason.

  With a heavy sigh, Jane said, “I had to sell the house I shared with Tim to pay his medical bills. It closed a few days ago, and once the expenses were taken care of, there wasn’t a lot left.”

  “Is that why you came here—you wanted a free place to stay?” Eve didn’t want to sound bitter, but she couldn’t just believe that Jane was a changed woman because she was showing a side Eve hadn’t seen before.

  “No.” She took a sip of tea, appearing unaffected by Eve’s accusing tone. “I came to pay my respects to my sister and see if my daughter needed me. I don’t expect you to believe me. I’ve never given you reason to trust me, but whether you believe it or not, that is the truth.”

  Eve looked for some hint of anxiety or dishonesty, but she found none. “Don’t you have a job to get back to?”

  Jane smoothed her graying bun. “I had a job I loved. It didn’t pay a lot, but I was happy.”

  “Was?”

  “The studio closed down a few weeks ago.”

  Losing her partner, job, and home in a few months couldn’t have been easy. No wonder her mother had shown up on her doorstep looking to make amends. “What kind of studio?”

  “Yoga.” She smiled at Eve’s surprise. “I taught yoga and meditation for beginners. Helping people to find a moment’s peace in a chaotic world was wonderfully rewarding.”

  Eve thought about her aunt’s plans to add yoga and tai chi classes and a garden sanctuary for quiet time and guided meditation. If she had just met Jane for the first time, Eve may have thought she was an ideal candidate to build a part of the business Eve knew nothing about. But she didn’t know if they could get past their history to work together—even if Jane had evolved.

  “Can I share something with you?” Jane asked, reaching into her soft cotton bag.

  “Sure,” Eve said, her curiosity getting the better of her. Her mother withdrew a lovely floral scrapbook. Eve was surprised to see word “Sisters” handwritten in calligraphy on the cover over a photo of Jane and Sharon as little girls. They were standing in front of an old car with a beach ball a foot away, wearing brightly colored one-piece swimsuits and gap-toothed grins. “When did you do this?”

  “I took up scrapbooking as a hobby years ago. I really love it.” Propping her chin in her hand, Jane smiled as Eve turned the pages. “I didn’t know if I’d ever have the chance to share this with Sharon, but I’m glad I’m able to share it with you. These are some of my favorite memories of the two of us.”

  She’d even saved newspaper articles chronicling Sharon’s success as an author. Eve absorbed the words Jane had selected to caption the photos. Unforgettable. Treasured Memories. “I think Aunt Sharon would’ve liked to see this. It would have meant a lot to her to know that you still thought of her.”

  “I thought of her often. You too,” Jane said, accepting the book. She traced the pink rose pattern on the cover. “Sharon was my big sister. I idolized her. Not because she was some famous author, but because she was so strong, so independent. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.”

  “Me too,” Eve said, smiling.

  “I think you are a lot like her,” Jane said, slipping the book back in her bag. “You’re strong and confident—”

  “You don’t even know me,” Eve said. Her mother had missed the mark so completely, and she reminded her of how dependent she’d been for so many years. Eve’s life had revolved around her husband because she was too afraid to venture outside of her comfort zone and risk failure.

  “You’re right. I don’t,” Jane said, seemingly unaffected by Eve’s outburst. “But I’ve become pretty good at reading people, and I believe you’re on the verge of an incredible journey. Besides, your aunt wouldn’t have left you this place unless she thought you could handle it.”

  “How did you know—”

  “I had a nice chat with your mother-in-law while she was here. She told me a little bit about my sister’s plans for the inn and how they included you.”

  “Hmmm…”

  “Is t
hat why you and Alex are divorcing? Because you’ve decided your life is here and his in New York?”

  “Something like that.” Eve was uncomfortable sharing with her mother. Jane had become a wonderful listener, someone who was easy to talk to, but Eve was still trying to come to terms with what happened to her marriage, and she wasn’t ready to share that with anyone yet.

  “It’s obvious he still loves you very much.”

  “I still love him too,” Eve said, almost surprised to admit it aloud. “That isn’t the problem.”

  “Ah, but what else is there, really?” Jane smiled when Eve raised an eyebrow. “We often make the mistake of making things more complicated than they need to be. If this personal development journey I’ve been on has taught me one thing, it’s that we need to simplify things and listen to our inner voices instead of worrying about what everyone else says and thinks.”

  “That’s good advice.” Eve tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll try to remember that.”

  Jane slid off the barstool, hooking her handmade bag over her shoulder. “I want to thank you for letting me stay for the service. It meant a lot to me.”

  “Does that mean you’re leaving?” Eve asked, frowning. She didn’t know why, but the idea of her mother leaving without a home to go back to didn’t sit well with her.

  “I should be on my way. I have to start looking for another job soon.”

  “Are you returning to…” Eve realized she didn’t even know where her mother called home.

  “No,” Jane said, smiling. “I have too many memories there. Don’t get me wrong, most of them are wonderful memories, but it’s still a little too fresh, if you know what I mean?”

  Eve could only imagine what it would be like to be back in New York City, living in the home she’d shared with Alex. She didn’t want to take anything from the house because she didn’t think she could stand to remember what her heart wouldn’t let her forget. “I think I understand. Where will you go from here?”

  “I’m not sure,” Jane said. “Wherever the road takes me, I guess.”

  “Maybe you could stay here for a while.” Eve hadn’t expected to make the offer, but it felt right.

  “I have always loved this place, but I don’t want to take advantage of your generosity.” Jane looked at the glorious grounds through the picture window. “If I agree to stay for a while, could you find a job for me, so I could earn my keep?”

  The woman Eve knew would never have thought to ask that question. Perhaps her mother really had grown and evolved into someone Eve would like to know. “One of the sous chefs just quit. Are you still a marvel in the kitchen?”

  Her eyes lit up with excitement. “I’d love that! If you’re sure you wouldn’t mind?”

  “I wouldn’t mind,” Eve said. “We’ll just take it day by day and see how it goes. If it’s not working, for either one of us, we’ll just part ways. No hard feelings. Agreed?”

  Jane extended her hand and looked cautiously optimistic as she waited to find out whether her daughter would accept her gesture. When Eve slipped her hand into hers, Jane said, “This is more than I ever could have hoped for. Thank you, Eve.”

  “Maybe everyone deserves a second chance,” she said, biting her lip as she withdrew her hand. “You can stay on in the room you had last night, if that’s okay?”

  “It was lovely. Thank you.”

  “Okay, then I’ll just introduce you to the kitchen staff and see if we can find you a uniform.”

  “I can’t wait to get started.”

  Chapter Eight

  Alex’s hand shook as he gripped the silver pen his wife had given him as an anniversary gift. He was poised to sign his name on the dotted line when a bead of sweat broke out on his forehead.

  “You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready,” James said, leaning forward.

  “It’s not like anything is going to change,” Alex said, swearing softly as he set the pen back down on the desk. Their divorce was simple, with neither party asking for anything. With the stroke of his pen, it would be over. “I haven’t seen or spoken to Eve since her aunt’s service over a month ago.” The longest and most miserable month of his life. His new reality closed in on him, smothering him. He hated life as a single man. More than anything, he wanted to turn back time to when he and Eve had been young and carefree.

  “I hate to say it, but she obviously hasn’t changed her mind,” James said. “You know, since she’s already signed the papers.”

  It wasn’t like Alex needed any more confirmation she wanted out of the marriage. He had promised to let her go. If only it wasn’t so damn hard… With a deep breath, he picked up the pen and scribbled his name on the appointed lines. Sliding a hand over his mouth, he threw the pen on the desk and pushed back his swivel chair.

  “You okay?” James asked quietly.

  Alex stared at him, stunned that he’d actually gone through with it. “Do I look okay?”

  “No, you look like you just escaped death.”

  “Really? I feel like I walked right into it.” He covered his face, hoping that when he opened his eyes, he’d wake up in their king-sized bed, pull his wife into his arms, and chuckle about the crazy dream he’d just had. She would reassure him, and they would make love until she drove all of his fears away. Instead, when he opened his eyes, James was sitting there and the signed divorced papers reminded him he was never going to wake up from that nightmare.

  “Well, I guess I should get these to Morris,” James said, reaching for them.

  “Don’t.” Alex grabbed them, straightening the copies into a neat stack. “I can’t let it end this way. I’ll go there, give them to Eve myself.”

  “What? Why would you do that?”

  “Because you don’t end a ten-year marriage through lawyers.”

  “Uh, I hate to break it you, bud, but that’s usually how it’s done.” James chuckled. “Most people can’t stand the sight of each other by the time the judge finally grants the divorce.”

  “It’s not that way for us,” Alex said, feeling confident Eve would agree. “We still love and respect each other. Just because we can’t figure out how to rebuild a life together doesn’t mean we don’t want to end this marriage as friends.”

  “Man, I don’t know how you’re holding it together,” James said, shaking his head. “If I were in your shoes, I’d be a mess.”

  “I am a mess,” Alex said, knowing he wouldn’t admit that to anyone else. “You have no idea the hell I go through sleeping in that bed every night. I can’t get the scent of her perfume off the sheets. No matter how many times the housekeeper washes them, I can’t get rid of it.”

  “Maybe you should think about buying new sheets.” James lifted a shoulder when his friend glared at him. “I’m just sayin’.”

  “I don’t want to forget her.”

  “It’s not healthy to hold on to the past,” James said. “Especially now that you’ve made it official.”

  “I may have let her go on paper”—Alex stood with the papers in his hand—“but she’ll always have my heart.”

  ***

  Eve stared at the plastic stick in disbelief. Two pink lines. She was pregnant. She’d taken the test because her period was a week late and she’d been sick four out of the last five mornings, but she honestly hadn’t expected to find out that she was carrying Alex’s baby. She thought of the last time they’d been together… the night her aunt died. They hadn’t used protection, but they hadn’t been using protection for years, and no matter how hard she prayed, they hadn’t gotten pregnant. Why did it happen when her divorce was only days away from being finalized?

  “Hey, didn’t you hear me knock?” Dan asked, poking his head around her bedroom door.

  She instinctively curled her hand around the stick, but it was too late.

  “What have you got there?” He stepped into the room and closed the door.

  “Nothing.” She stuck the stick under her pillow in a pathetic at
tempt to pretend she wasn’t trying to hide something from him. “What do you need?”

  Raising an eyebrow, he asked, “Is that what I think it is?”

  “No.”

  He walked closer and braced his hands on her footboard. “Try again, Evie.”

  “You can’t say anything about this to anyone,” she whispered fiercely. “No one, and I mean no one, can know about this.”

  “Jesus,” he muttered, dropping his head. “You’re pregnant? I thought maybe… because you’ve been so tired and sick lately, but I didn’t want to believe it.”

  “This is the last thing I expected,” she said, trying to comprehend what it meant. They had already started the renovations on the inn and she had more work than she could handle, but Dan was right. She had been too tired to check most of the items off of her list lately, and it would only get worse as the pregnancy progressed. “What am I going to do?”

  “When did this happen? I mean, you’re not showing so…” Dan said, looking uncomfortable.

  The conversation was too personal, especially for two people who had once been lovers. It was only a matter of time before everyone found out though, and they would all ask when the baby was due. Since she and Alex had been separated for months, it could only have happened during one of his brief stays at the inn. “The night Aunt Sharon died…”

  “That sonofabitch knew you were vulnerable. How dare he take advantage of you like that!”

  “Keep your voice down,” Eve said when she heard footsteps outside her bedroom door. “It wasn’t like that. He was still my husband. He wanted us to reconcile. He thought—”

  “If he got you back into bed, he could convince you to go back to New York with him?”

  Stress wasn’t good for her or the baby, so Eve took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and rolled her neck and shoulders the way her mother had taught her during their private yoga and meditation sessions. “I don’t want to talk about this with you, Dan. You obviously can’t be objective where my husband is concerned.”