Family Interrupted

by Barrett, Linda

  I turned into my driveway just after the school bus pulled away. Maddy waited for me with a big smile across her face.

  “Mama’s coming over,” she said, hugging me. “She said she’d meet me here after school because we want to make art with you. For Kayla.”

  I forced myself not to cry as I held her, inhaled her. “You want to draw? You won’t be bored?” Maddy had a better eye than Kayla, but she wasn’t an undiscovered genius. More to the point, she didn’t have Kayla to gab with. I wondered how her kind little heart could bear it.

  “Nope. I won’t be bored. I need pictures for my stories. Mom says I write great stories.”

  “I sure do think so. Hey, Claire. I hope it’s okay for us to take advantage of all the goodies you’ve got in there.” Anne joined arms with me, and we trekked up the driveway.

  “Of course. In fact, there’s not much being used now. Help yourself.” I sighed a deep, quavering breath and felt Anne’s grip tighten.

  “Easy does it,” she murmured.

  “I’ve had a bad day,” I said. “Just give me a second.” I entered the studio and flipped on the light. I made sure my finished works and work-in-progress were covered with cloths. “All’s clear. Come on in.”

  Maddy headed directly to the kids’ table, dropping her books on the bench and searching out the supply of colored paper. “I need to make a collage for art class,” she began. “And I already know what I’m going to do. Our soccer team. On the field. So I need a big background sheet, and a scissor...”

  She chatted on about her plans for the project, gathering materials—glue, colored paper, popsicle sticks...

  Maddy knew what she wanted to accomplish, and I didn’t make suggestions. I tried never to interfere with the creative process, especially with children.

  “And Kayla will be on the team too,” she said. “Do you have crepe paper? I need yellow for the halo.”

  My stomach tightened, and I glanced at Anne. She shrugged back at me. “It’s healing for her,” she said. “She’s sad when she begins her ‘Kayla projects,’ but she’s smiling when she’s finished. Her efforts seem to be doing some good.”

  “Therapy?”

  “Well, yes. I think you could say that.”

  Anne led me outside. “I know your grief—yours and Jack’s—is unimaginable. And God knows five months is not long. But I have to help my daughter through this too. It’ll take time, so thanks for letting us use your studio. Maddy very much wanted to come here today.”

  Well, if I couldn’t help Kayla, at least I could help her best friend. “Would you like a key? I might not be home each time Maddy wants in. Today was a disaster at the office, but I’m probably going to work for Jack again.”

  “Is that such a bad idea?”

  “I’d rather be in there,” I replied, nodding at my retreat. Anne glanced away then, as though taking courage, held my gaze. “I noticed quite a few items under wraps. You’ve been busy. Do you smile, like Maddy does, when you’ve finished a piece? Does working here make you feel better?”

  She sounded concerned, not snarky, a dear friend wanting to help. But I didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know,” I whispered. “I’m just driven to making another one.”

  “I wish I were I psychiatrist,” she said, “instead of a book seller. Hey! Shall I bring home some books about grieving?”

  “No, thanks,” I replied. “I’ll figure it out on my own.”

  She turned down my offer of the key but left me with a hug and the promise of another walk around the lake very soon.

  Now all I wanted to do was take a nap. I’d boil hotdogs for dinner. Dinner! Jack! Dang. I’d almost forgotten about picking him up at the office.

  Chapter 6

  IAN

  March-six months after accident

  “Have you told your dad yet?”

  I slammed my locker door, hoisted my backpack, and pushed my arms through the straps. “Yeah. Last night.” And I didn’t want to think about that conversation.

  “How loud did he yell?”

  Danny Goldberg had been my closest friend since Kindergarten. Now we were both in our high school honors program. He knew me better than my parents did, knew how to score a direct hit. Somehow he had a way of asking questions that made me want to bawl louder than a calf getting branded. I had to turn away.

  “He didn’t,” I finally replied. “He didn’t raise his voice at all.” But maybe he should have. Maybe he should have shouted: Not go to college? What are you talking about? Now get those applications in. I don’t care about late fees.

  “So you got off easy, huh?”

  “As easy as riding a bull. He hauled my mom into it.”

  “Oh boy.” That’s all he said, all he had to say.

  Let him alone, Jack. Let him do what he wants. He’s miserable here. Then she stared at me for a long time. What will make you happy, Ian? No, never mind. That’s a stupid question. Better is, what can make you hopeful again?

  “Hopeful? What world is she in?” I muttered as Danny and I headed to the exit, to the lot where his third-hand vehicle was parked. “She doesn’t say it, but she still thinks it’s my fault about Kayla and that I’m the most juvenile, irresponsible person she knows. I can’t do anything right. How could I know the damn car would turn the corner just then?”

  “You couldn’t! No way.”

  “And Dad thinks I just need a break from school. He should know school’s the easy part. I need a break from my family. I had to give him all kinds of other reasons for job searching instead of working with him.”

  “Your dad’s a good guy. That must’ve been tough.”

  “Yup. And tricky ’cause...because...” I almost couldn’t tell him. “You’re my best friend, Danny, and my own thoughts are getting me nowhere. I’ve got to share this. Can you keep your mouth shut?”

  “C’mon, Ian. Don’t we always?”

  Yeah, we did. “I think there’s trouble with the company. Dad’s worried. If I were a good son, I’d drop out of school and work with him like I do in the summer. Maybe I’d save him some money. Whaddyathink?”

  Danny’s brow furrowed, and he stared off into space—his usual expression while figuring stuff out. I knew to give him time. A shrink would probably say I’m “too close” to the situation to evaluate clearly. All I knew was that I needed Danny’s help, and I’d get it.

  Nothing had been right at home since Kayla died. My mom was in her own world, I guess cleaning the house all day, or working in her studio. She didn’t talk much to me except to complain. But I wasn’t arguing with her anymore about anything. It wasn’t worth it. I kept remembering how she keeled over at Kayla’s funeral, and I thought she’d died too. So I was keeping my mouth shut before something else bad happened.

  As for Dad, well, he claimed to hear me, but he didn’t really listen. He couldn’t believe I wanted to turn down college and go out on my own. Before Kayla died, he assumed I’d join him in the business after I got my degree. But I’d never said so.

  “You couldn’t save your dad enough money to make a difference.” Danny’s dark eyes held my gaze, his usual easy going demeanor absent. “Compared to his real expenses, at your level of work, your salary’s nothing. What’s happening between you and your dad is not about the money. It’s about leaving home, leaving him and your mom.”

  “That’s what I was afraid of.” In my gut, I’d known it. Just needed affirmation.

  We got into Danny’s car, but I didn’t feel like going to a silent house. “How about a little one-on-one?”

  “Your driveway or mine?”

  Ten minutes later, we were dribbling, driving, and shooting for the rim. Sweat ran down my face. I was quick, but Danny was taller. I took one shot after another, pivoting left, then right. Soon, my vision blurred. I became two people, like in a dream, one of me making baskets and one speeding toward the street, toward my sister. Pointing at the car. Shouting at her and running, but I was too late. Always too late.

&nbs
p; Kayla was into sports like me. She had a better arm than most girls and even some guys, and she was always ready for a catch. I drove the football; she ran backwards, jumped, caught it, but Newton’s Second Law kept her going right into the road. And that’s when I saw the car coming. Kayla was there, and I wasn’t. I couldn’t stop her, and I couldn’t stop the car. I saw her go down, and I’ll never forget it. Never ever.

  The police asked a million questions, but I was shaking so hard I could barely talk. I pointed at the driver.

  “She’s the one. Ask her. She called you. She told me to get a blanket for Kayla.”

  That was true. The woman—her name was Sarah something-or-other—had to take charge. I wasn’t too proud of myself but glad she knew what to do. I thought she’d really kept her cool until I saw her vomit after the cops showed up. Then she fell to the curb, her arms and legs shaking as hard as mine. Maybe she was the one in shock. In the end, it was all about angles and velocity and coincidence.

  “Not your fault, man.” My friends gathered round all through the following weeks, their presence needed, their loyalty matching the Marine Corps code. Without Danny and the guys to lean on, I would have gone nuts. Sometimes, they couldn’t hide their pity; sometimes they still couldn’t, but I’d rather hang out with them than be at home. My senior year of high school had gone down the sewer.

  “Hey, Ian. Give it a break, will ya?”

  “Huh? What?” I looked around. Danny was on the sidelines, watching me play alone, watching me take all the shots, catch all the rebounds, dribbling and driving.... I was soaked with sweat. I looked over at him then down at myself. My legs began to shake just like on that day, and I slowly folded to the ground.

  Stay with her, Ian. I don’t want her alone in the house.

  But, Mom, I’ve got my own life. Danny’s waiting. We’ve got practice and projects. C’mon. I’m not a friggin’ babysitter!

  “Oh, shit, Ian! Don’t die on me.” Danny was hauling me to my feet. “Come on inside. You need some Gatorade. And we’ll have something to eat.”

  “You sound like your mother. Have something to eat,” I mimicked, trying to regain my composure.

  Danny roared. That’s exactly what I liked about him. He could laugh at everything, especially at himself. “So, maybe she has the right idea,” he countered. “Food’s always good.”

  I began laughing too. And for a moment, it was like old times at Danny’s house or mine.

  We washed up and dug into leftovers that could pass for a meal anyplace else. Chicken drumsticks, meatballs, and Italian bread. I filled up. Now I wouldn’t have to eat with my folks.

  “So, if you’re not going to work with your dad in the business, where are you going to work?” asked Danny, continuing the conversation we’d started in the locker room.

  “I’ve got some ideas floating in my brain. I went to the career office today, and the staff is helping me get organized for that job search.”

  “I didn’t even know we had a career office. So, you gonna work on the Geek Squad at Best Buy?”

  “Nope. At least I don’t think so. The counselors are lining up an interview for me at Gulf Coast Oil Refinery.”

  Danny’s eyes almost popped out of his head. “An oil refinery? Hell, Ian. That’s crazy! What do you know about oil plant operations?”

  “Not much, but we figured out in the career office that I’m hot with a computer, great in math and science, know something about the construction trades, and I’m used to tackling projects and organizing information.” That last one definitely came from the counselor. My mom would appreciate it too. Yeah, Mom, I can organize some things.

  I had Danny’s full attention now and gave him the clincher. “The most important part is that the job’s fifty miles away from here, and that’s absolutely perfect.”

  I didn’t care about being an apprentice, about the low pay. All I cared about was leaving the dark days behind me and escaping my mother’s gaze.

  Chapter 7

  CLAIRE

  Ian’s decision to “postpone” college and move out had shaken us up. His mature demeanor when explaining himself revealed a young man we’d not seen before, and that jarred us too. Jack and I told ourselves that our son was simply putting off his college education. Ian suggested he wanted to build a career elsewhere. He planned to accept a job right after graduation in June, only three months from now.

  Of course, Jack was crushed, but Ian had an answer for everything. “Does a doctor’s son have to become a doctor? Construction is all I know. I need to try other things.”

  He sounded almost reasonable until he turned on me and snapped, “That’s what will make me happy. Okay? I need to be independent, earn my own way.”

  Since when? But I’d nodded and hoped he’d change his mind before high school ended.

  As though Ian’s decisions hadn’t upset us enough, I’d finally agreed, once more, to return to Barnes Construction. I agreed, because a few nights ago, I’d lost track of time again. Jack found me in the studio and went ballistic.

  “You’re done here, Claire! Done.” He waved his arms to encompass the entire room. “If you can concentrate on this...this stuff, you can come to the office. I worry about you being alone all day, moping in the house. You need to get out, and I need your help. Barnes Construction is a family business.” His eyes blazed, his nostrils flared. He stepped outside, twirled on his heel, and shouted at the clear night sky, “Why doesn’t anyone understand that? Doesn’t anybody care?”

  His wife. His son. That’s who he meant. The ones he loved the most. My man was in pain, and only a harder heart than mine could have refused his request. I couldn’t. So, once more, I tried to brace myself for the onslaught of customers, staff, blueprints, site visits, and decisions. Jack laughed at me but didn’t sound too joyful.

  “If we had an ‘onslaught’ of customers, I wouldn’t be worried about our company. You can’t have it both ways.”

  My husband is such a people-person—a term I’ve grown to hate—he can’t conceive of how hard I find making myself smile and acting friendly all day long. It’s exhausting. And I’ve had no energy since we lost Kayla.

  My second Day One would begin tomorrow. Jack had tried to be encouraging. He knew I was nervous again and after dinner led me into the family room, turned on the radio, and opened his arms. I’d always loved dancing with him. Fast. Slow. The beat didn’t matter. Tonight we heard the sounds of soul.

  “Pretend you’ve been a stay-at-home mom,” he said as Gladys Knight sent us on the Midnight Train to Georgia. “And pretend you’re re-entering the job market after fifteen or twenty years. Lots of women face that sooner or later.”

  “Pretend? But that’s exactly the way I do feel, and it’s damn scary,” I replied. “How about continuing my two days a week at the office like I did before...before Kayla died, and I’ll work from home as well? I really think that would be better.” I wasn’t finished bargaining yet and flashed him the smile he adored.

  I received a big kiss and a chuckle in return.

  “I love you so much, Claire, and I need you. The business needs you. You can do the work. We’ll take it slower this time.”

  “We certainly will,” I said, “because I have a plan.”

  His blue eyes twinkled. “Let’s hear it,” he said immediately.

  Gladys was still singing about her man leaving L.A., and I kept dancing with mine.

  “Baby steps,” I said. “Little by little, I’ll get it done. I’ll go to the new subdivisions and walk the houses by myself. I want time alone in the office to study the blueprints. And if we’re upgrading our options, I need to call our suppliers and visit their showrooms. But I need to do it at my own pace, or...or...” I tilted my head back. “Or I’ll get overwhelmed, and it just won’t work at all. And I also might take on a helper—your favorite mother-in-law.”

  His sigh of relief should have been audible to our neighbors.

  “But there’s one thing I cannot promise,
Jack.” He leaned back in order to see me clearly.

  “I can’t promise not to cry.”

  His arms tightened around me, and I felt him kiss the top of my head. “Neither can I. Does that surprise you? And I also can’t stop my stomach from burning. At the rate I’m going, I’ll be popping these pills for the rest of my life.”

  “I’m so sorry about...everything.” I’ll be sorry forever.

  “Me too. I miss her so much.”

  Choking up, I couldn’t speak so just nodded.

  “But Claire?”

  “Hmm?”

  “You’ve got nothing to blame yourself for. Being late is not a crime. Please...please, honey, don’t do it anymore.”

  Oh, I wished it were as straightforward as that. I deserved Jack’s hatred, not his understanding. Except Jack didn’t know the whole truth, and I could never tell him how I flirted with Colombo, how I basked in his praise and responded to the gleam in his eye with one of my own. Now my stomach started to burn.

  I took a deep breath when we pulled up to Barnes Construction in the morning. I also took a moment to appreciate my former second home. It was a stone and glass building, which now struck me as darn impressive. Ignoring it for almost a year prompted me to view it with new eyes.

  “People might think we’re awfully wealthy when they see all this,” I murmured, gesturing at the building, pointing out the professional landscaping. “I guess looks can be deceiving.”

  “If you’re suggesting we relocate the company to some small shack...”

  “No, no, nothing like that,” I replied quickly. “That would be a public announcement and run off our vendors and potential buyers alike.” Shivering, I patted Jack’s hand. “If anyone can turn the numbers around, you can.”