by Ronica Black
She nearly screamed when Rae pulled away for a second, chin glistening, eyes flashing. “I want to you to come now, Krista. Come with my tongue inside you.”
Krista didn’t answer. She couldn’t. Somehow a squeak escaped her and she nodded. Rae pressed her mouth into her again and then the long, slick, thick magic was back, moving around inside her. Rae held her tight, tongue-fucking her. Krista began to moan and whimper again as the pleasure built, this time on a different sort of wave. It started from her legs and worked its way up into her belly and then into her chest. Her entire body was beating with the slow rhythm of a drum.
Suddenly, as the drum sped up, she needed more, would kill for more. She clamped onto Rae’s head and thrust herself upward. “Rae, Rae, Rae,” she chanted.
Responding, Rae moved her mouth, maneuvering it so that she could suck all of Krista with her lips while her tongue kept fucking her.
“Oh my…um…” Krista could no longer make noise. Her throat was tight and strained, her whole being pulsing with intense pleasure. She held on to Rae’s hair, totally unable to control herself. She thrust and she bucked, she strained and she clawed.
It kept coming and coming, closer and closer. And then she opened her eyes and saw Rae’s and it hit. It burst in her chest and spread rapidly throughout her body, everything inside disintegrating, like the biggest, brightest fireworks she’d ever seen. She arched her back and opened her mouth, but no noise escaped. She rocked and rocked, her neck strained as if what was inside needed to drift up out of her mouth like smoke from a spent shell.
She remained like that for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she stilled and collapsed back onto the sleeping bag. The rain still fell, but it sounded strange and distant. She felt Rae move up her body and she opened eyes that she hadn’t realized were closed. Krista looked into her face and her heart ached for her lips. “Come here,” she whispered.
Krista fingered Rae’s thick hair and then gently pulled her in for a searing, wet kiss. Never before had she tasted herself on another. A lingering spark of hot light fired inside her as her taste mingled with Rae’s mouth. Tugging her away, Krista looked into her eyes and felt her own well with tears. She was so moved and she couldn’t understand why. Overwhelmed, her body warmed under Rae and she knew she never wanted to be anywhere else. Suddenly she understood. This was love. Rae was love.
“Rae, I…” and the tears tightened around the words. Rae’s eyes too began to water and suddenly Krista felt her pull away. Krista tried to hold on but Rae gripped her wrists and pressed them down.
Her eyes were pained and her voice strained. “I can’t. You don’t understand but I, I just can’t.” She moved away and grabbed her jacket and hat. Stumbling up, she unzipped the tent and turned one last time to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry.” And then she was gone, into the cold, wet night.
The hot, stinging tears flowed freely then as Krista pulled up her jeans and curled into a ball next to the coyote. She cried and cried, mirroring the patter of the rain on the tent. Feeling too vulnerable and hurt to go after her, Krista forced her eyes closed and did her best to close the wounds inside. Just when she’d thought nothing in the world could feel better, the earth had tilted on her, leaving her all alone with nothing but darkness, confusion, and pain.
*
The gray light of dawn found Rae slumped near her horse, rain drizzling down her Stetson onto her shirt and jacket. The cold and wet had long ago turned into uncontrollable shivers that rocked her body every minute or so. She had stopped fighting the weather and the bleak emotions that had driven her out into it. Overwhelmed, she simply let the mist consume her until she felt dead and dark inside.
There were no more tears, only the raw soreness of her throat and the dull ache in her chest. Twenty different times she’d risen to go to Krista, to hold her in her arms, to tell her how she felt, to crawl into her soul and be sheltered there. But she couldn’t. There was no shelter, no escape. Ever. Love was a mirage that could crumble and blow away in the breeze in the blink of an eye.
The feelings she had for Krista—they were insurmountable, and she feared that if she let them, they would eventually hurt her and take her to a place where this time there would be no coming back. She couldn’t bear to lose again. The way she felt about Krista, if anything should ever happen to her, she would never recover. Ever.
Her breath hitched as she looked up into the pinpricks of rain, remembering that kind of hurt all too well.
It was raining, a steady fall that had softened into a misty drizzle. She held the vehicle door open for Shannon, the country music from the club a low drone in the near distance.
“I can drive, baby,” Shannon slurred, leaning into Rae, trying unsuccessfully to plant a kiss on her mouth. “It’s my Jeep.”
Her teeth found Rae’s neck and she bit a little roughly.
Jerking, Rae gently pushed her away, smelling the wine on her breath resonating through the heavy drizzle. “I know. But you’ve had a little too much to drink.”
Shannon stepped up and collapsed on the passenger seat, laughing as Rae placed her feet inside. “I love you, baby,” she told Rae with a sloppy smile.
Rae said nothing, leaning over to strap on her seat belt. Shannon had been declaring her love for over a week and Rae never knew what to say. She cared about Shannon but she knew it wasn’t love. Was it? No. She was certain it wasn’t. Love was powerful, passionate, and overwhelming. What she felt for Shannon was different. It wasn’t intense, at least not in the way it should be. Shannon was young and aimless, sexual and wild. It had even been fun at first. But now, now it was taking an unhealthy turn. She had to talk to her.
Rae closed her door and rounded the Jeep. She got into the driver’s seat, closed the door, and strapped on her seat belt. She brought the engine to life and shifted into reverse. She hadn’t driven the Jeep since Shannon had purchased large mud tires. The Jeep now sat a good two feet higher and Rae found that she liked the extra height as she maneuvered out of the parking lot.
They drove in silence for a while until Shannon reached over and grabbed Rae’s knee. “I want you, baby.”
Rae sighed. She’d learned that frequent use of the word “baby” meant Shannon was plenty drunk. She removed the hand from her knee and adjusted the windshield wipers as the rain intensified. “We need to talk.”
Shannon seemed to ignore her, leaning forward to turn up the radio. She sat back and smiled and unbuckled her seat belt. “Shush, baby.” Her hands found their way back to Rae, cupping her breast and squeezing her knee.
Rae swatted her away, trying to focus on the road. “I’m serious, Shannon. I think we need some time apart.”
Silence.
Rae stared through the slippery image of the windshield. She switched off the radio and listened to the whine of the wipers as they worked overtime.
“You’re wrong.” Suddenly Shannon was speaking very clearly. Rae could feel the venom in her voice and the heat in her stare.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” Rae said.
“I don’t care how long you’ve been thinking about it. You’re wrong.” Shannon reached for Rae’s hand, pulling it off the steering wheel. “I love you.”
Rae shook her head. “Shannon, you’re young. This isn’t love.”
“I’m young, so what? That means I don’t know what love is? I know more than you, Rae.”
Her voice was high and sharp, a warning. Rae couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t bear one more fight, one more heated exchange of meaningless words. “You see? This, this is what’s wrong. The fighting. We do nothing but fight.”
Shannon squeezed her hand. “You don’t listen to me, that’s why! And you hang around Lindsay, and she’s just waiting for us to break up so she can get in your pants.”
Rae jerked her hand away. “That’s enough. Don’t talk about Lindsay like that.”
“I bet Lindsay put you up to this tonight. She did, didn’t she?” Shannon clutched
at Rae’s head. “Look at me! Look at me, damn it!”
“Shannon, knock it off!”
“Pull over!” Shannon seized the steering wheel. “I want you to look at me!”
Shannon jerked the wheel to the right, and the Jeep whipped across the slick road as Rae desperately pumped the brakes and fought for control of the steering wheel. The tires shrieked and a powerful force threw the Jeep off balance as it collided onto the earthy bank on the side of the road. Shannon screamed as they flipped once, twice, three times. With a loud smack, the Jeep stopped rolling and shuddered.
Rae groaned, her eyes wide open. She was hanging, strapped in her seat, the Jeep upside down.
“Oh, hell.” She hurt everywhere. She tried to move but her bones felt like mush under her skin. Her hand found her head, where she felt blood. “Help,” she croaked.
She heard clicking and smelled the strong scent of spilt liquid on the hot engine. She smelled gasoline and coughed against the black smoke. Her head throbbed and she fought hard against the darkness that threatened to consume her. Shafts of light shone through the vehicle at different angles and she heard doors slamming shut. Someone was coming to get them out. She tried to yell but her ribs screamed back. Sobs racked through her, paining her even more. Frantically she stared at the passenger seat. It was empty. “Shannon!”
She coughed as the smoke stung her lungs. She heard keys jangling and then there was a man kneeling at the open passenger door, looking in, a large bundle of keys dangling from his belt.
“Are you okay?”
Rae tried to focus through the sobs and smoke, staring at the swinging keys. “Shannon,” she finally managed, pointing.
“There’s someone else?”
“Yes, please, find her.”
“Can you get out?” He started to crawl inside but Rae snapped at him.
“I can get out! Please, go find Shannon!”
He disappeared outside the vehicle and Rae licked her bloody lip. Her head felt like it was about to burst. With trembling hands, she managed to release the seat belt buckle and quickly used her arms to break her fall. She groaned in pain and lay on her side while the blood rushed from her head down to her body.
Shannon.
She heard the man outside, yelling as more car doors slammed. “We need help over here!”
More slants of lights pierced the darkness and Rae could hear the rain pinging off the Jeep. Slowly, she crawled to the open passenger door. She made it to the wet grass and collapsed in pain and fatigue. Sleep. She just wanted to fall asleep. She blinked, fighting it. In the distance she heard more voices.
“How many?”
“Two. One conscious in the Jeep, the other here.”
“She conscious?”
“No. She’s gone.”
Rae trembled under her soaking-wet jacket, numbly aware of the sun rising to shine through the rain and the light changing the color of the earth around her. She watched Krista climb from her tent, holding the baby coyote. Her face said it all.
Love hurt. Always and forever.
Chapter Seventeen
Krista gripped her saddle horn, frustrated and burned. She’d exposed herself, and the rejection hurt. With other women she’d always been in control, never giving pieces of herself, never letting anyone in. With Rae, she’d gone against all she believed. She’d let her in before she even knew what she was doing. Allowing her to kiss her, touch her, make her come like there was no tomorrow. So hurried, so intense, like Rae was dying to get at her. It was wonderful.
And then she was gone.
And now…Krista fought off tears. And now she was paying for it.
She glanced sideways at Rae. She was still soaking wet from her night outdoors and shivering occasionally as she rode. Her red-rimmed eyes and obvious suffering only made Krista more upset, and despite her own confusion and pain, she wanted so badly to reach out and touch Rae’s face. She wanted to understand what was happening. Had she somehow caused this pain? If so, how? She’d thought their passion in the tent was mutual. She knew it was. She’d seen it. She’d felt it. She’d felt Rae.
But then, rejection. Rae had up and left, saying she couldn’t. Couldn’t what? Couldn’t touch her? Couldn’t feel anything for her? What could possibly be so awful that Rae would choose to sit out in the rain all night long rather than share Krista’s tent?
Krista thought about all Tillie had gone through with her divorce. You just truly never knew another person. Something about Rae’s behavior didn’t add up, and Krista was determined to find out what was not being said. But now was not the time. Up ahead in the distance, the ranch was finally in sight. Her own hurt feelings and the strain between her and Rae would have to wait. Her aunt needed her.
Krista straightened her back and increased her trot to a canter. She felt a pang of guilt about leaving Rae behind, stuck with Howie, who could not ride single-handed at any reasonable speed. Even though Rae’s behavior confused and hurt her, Krista still felt for her. Love, she was quickly learning, could not be controlled. Krista glanced over her shoulder as she gained distance from the other two riders, and tried again to dismiss her worries that Howie might have heard them making love. He was passed out when she’d opened his tent at first light, having finished the whiskey and half the aspirin in his bottle. No one could have stayed awake after swallowing all of that.
She leaned down and patted Dollar’s neck, aware the horse was tired and had traveled a long distance over the past few days. She was asking a lot of him, having him complete the journey at a pace, but she dug her heels in and sustained the canter as they covered the final few miles to Wyler ranch. They were both breathing hard when she pulled back on the reins and slowed to a walk before halting a few yards from the house.
Krista led Dollar to the stables and made him comfortable. Relief flooded through her as she stepped out into the weak sunlight and rounded the long front porch. She paused there and took in the quiet of the ranch, so glad she was back. The rain had stopped and the dew sparkled like diamonds on the grass. Only the occasional call from Pepe the rooster shattered the calm. At her feet the little coyote hopped and scampered about, wide-awake and raring to go. Krista decided to call him Jagger. It fit with his jagged scar and the jagged tear she seemed to have in her heart.
She couldn’t wait to kiss Judith on the cheek and sit next to her with a hot cup of coffee, letting her know all about the first cattle drive for their new venture. Her smile quickly vanished as she remembered what Rae had said. Judith was in a coma.
The darkness in her head only intensified as she stepped up on the porch and found Clinton snoring in the rocking chair. A half-empty bottle of tequila sat in his lap and his skin felt cold as Krista touched his cheek with the back of her hand. A loud creak broke the silence, and Sonja came hurrying out the front door, a thick blanket in her hands.
“Krista!” A warm hand closed around Krista’s arm and Sonja gave her a long, thankful look. “I’m glad you’re back.”
“Me too.” Krista hardly knew what to say. The kindness in Sonja’s eyes threatened to make her break down entirely from exhaustion and sorrow. “Thank you.”
Sonja tsked as she tucked the blanket in around Clinton and scooped up the tequila bottle to take inside. “He can’t handle this,” she said in a voice broken up with sadness. “Every time he sees her it’s a fresh wound. It’s hurting him terribly. Now he’s taken to the drink.”
They watched him snore softly, head back, mouth open. Krista closed her eyes as the pain swept through her. It would be so easy to break down, to crumple in a heap and pretend none of this was happening. Her mind drifted back in time to other mornings, when she’d risen early to do chores with Uncle Clinton. The fresh scent of the morning, the tending to the animals, the things he’d taught her, she recalled it all with a great fondness and wished she could go back in time.
Krista sighed. Forcing herself back to the present, she picked up Jagger and followed Sonja into the house. She sat the pup o
n the rug in the living room and he immediately began wandering around, growling and pouncing at objects that were strange to him.
“He’s a feisty little fella.” Sonja chuckled over her coffee mug. “I can fix some breakfast for you,” she offered.
“No, thanks.” Krista stared down the hallway, knowing her aunt was in her bedroom, in a coma.
She tried to swallow but couldn’t. Her throat felt like a vise. She’d been anxious and had hurried to get to the ranch all night and well into the morning. Now she was here and her feet felt glued to the floor. She was afraid to go down the hallway. She was afraid to see her aunt lying helpless and unconscious in that bed. Judith had always been so strong and vibrant. To see her pale and withered away, caught in a world between this life and the next—Krista suddenly wasn’t sure if she could face it.
Her fears were momentarily pushed aside when Rae and Howie walked in the front door. Rae closed it behind them and placed her duffel bag on the floor.
“What in the world?” Sonja smacked her on the upper arm. “Go take a hot shower before you catch your death!” She stopped Rae’s mumbled protest with a pointing finger. “Don’t even think about arguing with me.”
Rae remained where she was, staring at Krista.
Sonja frowned, swinging her gaze suspiciously between the two of them. “Something I should know?”
They were saved from having to answer when Howie groaned loudly and clutched his arm like he was about to keel over. Sonja responded to this bid for attention by motioning for him to sit at the table. She set down her mug and rolled up his sleeve. Krista turned away from the prominent bulge under his skin.
“Looks pretty bad, cowboy,” Sonja said. “How ’bout some coffee?”
Howie nodded. “Yes, please.” Suddenly his manners were back.
Krista thought it was a good thing because Sonja would’ve knocked him clear across the room if he’d smarted off to her. Rae was on the phone in the kitchen, speaking too softly for Krista to hear. When she hung up, she said, “Ambulance is on the way. They’re going to take you to the local hospital.”