Nerds on Fire

by Grady, D. R.

  “No.” Louisa’s mouth firmed. “I hate telling parents we couldn’t keep their child alive.”

  “The one thing we can do though is be certain each order is immediately put in the computer.” Even if Brandon’s death wasn’t the fault of the wrong humidity level, the incorrect setting had at least contributed to the stress on his underdeveloped body.

  “I’ve met with every shift and explained what happened and how this can absolutely not happen again,” Louisa stated, her voice hard.

  “Is there anyone who hasn’t been told?”

  “We have one nurse on vacation and one down with the flu.” Louisa’s expert eyes roved over her. “Speaking of the flu, you look like you had it.”

  “I did. It’s gone through my house.”

  Her mentor’s lips curled up. “I heard a certain neurosurgeon called in sick yesterday. I also heard a rumor he lives in your house.”

  Cheeks flaming, Trixi still met Louisa’s curious eyes. “Yes, Mark rents my guest wing. He was sick yesterday. My grandmother, who lives with me in the main part, got it first. I came down with it on Saturday, although mine has been fairly mild, and then him yesterday.”

  Louisa nodded. “A little birdie also mentioned you and the good surgeon were dating.”

  This time Trixi had a harder time meeting her eyes. “That’s also true.”

  “I hoped it was!” There was glee and happiness in her voice and it made Trixi’s tense spine relax.

  “I’ve heard recently I’m not good enough for him.”

  “Who told you this nonsense?”

  “My father’s former fiancée.”

  “Sounds like there’s a reason why she’s his former fiancée.”

  Despite Louisa’s exuberance, Trixi had a hard time feeling hopeful. Brandon’s death left a gloom over the unit that somehow settled inside her.

  Chapter 41

  It was hard returning to work when your head felt like it was stuffed with cotton. Hearing and thinking were therefore a challenge. Thankfully, it was a lighter day, as Mark had only a few meetings and some patient visits but no surgery.

  “Dr. de Vosse, there’s a call for you on line one.” One of the receptionists waved her phone at him.

  He waved to indicate he heard and then picked up the line. “De Vosse.” Mark forced himself to concentrate on the woman’s frantic spiel. Her husband had been in surgery last week and she was seeing problems everywhere.

  Mark spoke to her in as unhurried a tone as he could, because she wasn’t going to help her husband if she operated in full panic mode like this. After she calmed down, he explained what constituted serious and what didn’t. This conversation made him late for a meeting, so he hurried down the hall, struggling to keep up with the day’s lighter schedule.

  It was a definite precursor to the morning. Everything that could, made him late, add to this the slight flu fog and Mark wondered if he could manage the afternoon. He was lethargic, a little chilled, and scratchy voiced, but also still congested. It was obvious he had a cold, at least to people who knew him.

  By the time lunch rolled around, he was grateful to escape to the cafeteria. Leo was already there, and Katy trailed in soon after. They did their weird sonar thing, homing in on each other within seconds. Mark sighed as he watched them together. Trixi plopped down beside him, her lunch bag rattling.

  At least she had made it to lunch today.

  “You’re not feeling great,” she said in a slightly roughened voice.

  He shook his head and explained the morning. She nodded. There were extra lines around her eyes. “What happened?”

  Katy and Leo both turned to them and Katy noticed the same thing. Between them they coaxed out that she’d lost a patient. Further prodding revealed news of the incubator setting and how the patient chart hadn’t been updated.

  “You’re blaming yourself.” Leo shook his head. “You were doing your job to the best of your ability.” He spoke with conviction.

  Mark agreed. “Don’t beat yourself up.”

  “It’s not worth it,” Katy added.

  The three of them ganged up on her, trying to lift her spirits. Mark wasn’t convinced they reached her though. Trixi nodded and smiled, and maybe fooled Leo, but not Katy or him. Since he lived with her now, he could read her fairly well. She didn’t believe what they spouted.

  Trixi opened her lunch bag and tugged out daytime cold medicine which she shared with him, then a sandwich but he ended up finishing the other half. He also indulged in the apples, cookies, and carrots. Leo and Katy both stole a cookie, but Trixi ate none of it.

  Five minutes later, she left her lunch bag with him and exited the cafeteria with her usual smile. However, those captivating silvery-blue eyes didn’t glow. They had appeared almost dead.

  He glanced at Katy who stared after Trixi with a troubled expression. “Should we be worried?” he asked.

  Katy’s nod was slow in coming, but it was definite. “Yes.”

  His heart sank.

  Was her life too perfect now? Is this why she was so unsettled?

  Before she could answer her own questions, the doubts simmering under the surface overwhelmed her so Trixi ducked into a bathroom.

  Was she really well suited for neonatal? One mistake and she might have helped baby Brandon to his death. What if she made another and was fully responsible for a baby dying? In the back of her mind, she unkindly wondered if Brandon might still be alive if the nurse had done her job.

  What if she, Trixi as a near doctor now, failed to do something vital? Did she want this responsibility? Could she handle it?

  Those awful thoughts fed others. Could she handle a man as magnificent as Mark de Vosse? Why did he want to be with her anyway? Was it because of her house? Chrissy’s theory rose up to remind her of her insufficiencies. There were so many she might drown in them.

  If she could pick a woman for Mark, she certainly wouldn’t have chosen herself. But he did choose you, a little voice reminded her. His family like you another voice piped up. Those things were all true.

  Why her?

  The only thing that made her special was her house. It wasn’t really hers, though. It belonged to her family, to the females in her family. Therefore, the house wasn’t necessarily hers, but her family’s.

  So this took away anything that made her special then. Didn’t it?

  As the doubts multiplied, they expanded and bounced off each other like a nuclear reaction. Was this because she still wasn’t feeling well? Or had these misgivings been simmering all along, threatening her happiness?

  She stood in front of the first stall, facing the metal door and wondered what to do. No voice answered her. No one entered the room. No one offered sound advice.

  Trixi realized she could stand there and feel sorry for herself or she could turn around and reenter the hospital and her life there. She needed to return to work. Whether or not she was cut out for the job was yet to be seen. They were busy, there were patients put in her care and she needed to return to them.

  Even if it was the last thing she wanted to do.

  “Trix, are you sure you’re okay?”

  The sincerity in Katy’s voice didn’t hide the worry. Katy entered the bathroom just as Trixi was exiting it.

  Brushing an annoying strand of hair out of her eyes, Trixi gazed at this woman who knew her far too well. “I don’t know. Right now all I do know is I still have patients to care for and we’re still a nurse short and there’s a pile of test results I need to read...”

  “I get it.” Katy held up a hand. “Promise me you’ll talk to me before you do anything stupid.”

  “Of course,” Trixi promised recklessly. It wasn’t like she was planning to do anything foolish.

  Katy looked reassured. “Okay, I have to tell Leo something I forgot before I return to work.”

  She offered a jaunty wave before disappearing into a stall and for some reason Katy’s easy relationship with Leo caused a crazy surge of jealousy. Th
is should have been beneath Trixi... Why couldn’t her life be effortless? Not that it was hard like some people faced.

  It wasn’t. She was lucky, and the little voice in the back of her mind reminded her that she had a lot more than most people. Instead of feeling sorry for herself she needed to be thankful for all she had.

  Why was feeling sorry for yourself so much easier than being thankful?

  “Chrissy,” Rylan uttered in surprise.

  She jumped out from behind a plant just as he entered an elevator to take him to his office.

  What was she doing here?

  “Rylan,” she all but purred.

  His hackles rose. He raised an eyebrow at her, because he was weary of her antics.

  He glanced at his watch. “You have one minute and twenty-eight seconds.” She still entered the elevator with him.

  “Don’t you want to get back together with me?”

  “No.” He didn’t even have to think about it.

  “I can’t believe you said that.” To her credit, she did sound stunned.

  Since she was here, he decided to put forth a suspicion. “You’ve been harassing my daughter.” He stared at her hard.

  There was a quick dart of surprise. It gave her away before her features eased into a mask of astonishment and hurt. “Rylan,” she produced a credible burst of aghast, “how can you say that?” She didn’t pretend to misunderstand. Nor did she deny it.

  “You have motive and Trixi’s troubles all started right after we broke up.”

  Giant tears pooled in her eyes. How did she do it? Crying on demand was an impressive skill.

  “It wasn’t me.” The droplets formed but didn’t leak out to mar her heavy makeup. There was a moment when he wondered if her tears could be real. Maybe, but he wasn’t going to be taken in by this particular professional again. As they ascended, he noted the lights that indicated each floor. His office would have to be at the very top.

  He decided to play the ace up his sleeve since they had time. “Mark’s family caught the man responsible. He says it was you. He described you.”

  This time her gasp sounded all too real. “That’s ridiculous. There are plenty of women who match my description.”

  There was no doubt in his mind this woman was responsible for the harassment to Trixi. “There had better be no more trouble from you, Chrissy.” He used his hardest voice. “And I’m tired of you stalking me and Nina.” He wasn’t a successful businessman for nothing. “You need to get on with your life and forget about me and my family.”

  Her eyes widened, probably because she had never seen his no-nonsense business face before. There were skills you acquired when you reached his age.

  “I haven’t been stalking—”

  “Stalking is what I call it, and I believe a police officer would as well. You’re not welcome in my life or in any of those I love.” He emphasized the word love, because they had already established this. Numerous times.

  Entering into a relationship with someone who didn’t love him was worse than any cold-blooded business deal he had ever conducted. He aimed to sever this deal for all time.

  Contemplating her now, he couldn’t believe he had ever been attracted to her. “Chrissy, I’d far rather be single than marry you. As it is, I’m not single. I’ve met the woman I plan to marry.”

  The light indicated his floor as the car stopped and the doors whooshed open. He stepped through them, then turned to face her.

  “Why don’t you want me? I don’t understand.” Her plea rang true.

  He felt for her. “Because you don’t love me. You want my money and now my home, but any man would do.”

  “No, Rylan. Not any man would do.” Her voice echoed with sadness, and he wondered if she meant it. He hadn’t seen this side of Chrissy before.

  It was oddly appealing, because he suspected this was the real Chrissy.

  “Show yourself as you are right now to the next man and I’m guessing you’ll get a wedding ring, and a man who not only loves you, but also adores you.”

  She sniffed and it was delicate and feminine. When she blotted at her eyes, her hand shook. “Thank you. You really love this Nina you’re seeing?” It was as if a light had lit in her mind. She finally saw what he’d been trying to tell her all along.

  “Yes, I love Nina. If I can’t have her, I don’t want anyone.” Even to his own ears he sounded sincere, because he was.

  The Chrissys of this world held no allure to him now, not after experiencing a real woman.

  Chrissy’s gaze turned piercing, flashed with awareness, then she quietly punched the down button. The elevator doors slid shut. He hoped it was the last he saw of her.

  Heart heavy, Mark returned to work. He didn’t know why exactly, but he suspected Trixi was planning to sever something vital. Even though the lobes of his brain that were supposed to be for relationships were underpowered and weak, he could still diagnose a brewing storm. The signs were undeniable.

  Not the kind of storm where he could sever a misbehaving nerve, repair a skull fracture, or remove a tumor, but something all together different. He stopped in the middle of the hallway, barely aware of the activity of the busy corridor. The tiles were the same, the soothing paint color was the same. Even the posters informing patients of good hygiene were all familiar. But he didn’t see any of it.

  He replayed Trixi’s parting words and more importantly, the tone of her voice and her expressionless eyes. Those things all indicated she was considering doing something drastic. Pain ratcheted through him so hard he gasped.

  No one came close to his skill with a scalpel. He knew his way around the brain blindfolded. Naming the bones that formed the skull came without thought to him. He could identify them by feel alone. Ask him to explain a woman’s mind, much less her emotions though, and he came up blank.

  Someone bumped him and it ripped him back to the present, so he continued on his way down the hallway. Still not seeing anything there, but wondering in the back of his mind, now, if he could stop whatever headed right at him.

  He needed to convince Trixi they were worth weathering the storm together. But how to do so was so far beyond his means, he wasn’t certain it was possible. Since he had a better chance of helping his next patient, he wrestled his mind back to other people’s brains. His own, and especially Trixi’s, were well beyond him right now.

  Meeting up with Mark after work, Trixi didn’t understand why she wanted to cry. Fear bubbled inside, choking her. The reason for this escaped her. What was happening? And why did it have to happen now?

  Two women, well known at the hospital for their ability to date whomever they pleased, passed them. They were talking but both paused to offer Mark a once over with come-hither smiles. To his credit, he didn’t appear to notice.

  Trixi frowned at them, but they ignored her as though she was invisible. So long as she wasn’t inconspicuous to Mark, she didn’t mind. Without him, she’d be so lonely.

  Then she remembered Gran lived with her and that was comforting. Yet Gran wouldn’t live forever. Trixi shoved additional negative thoughts aside. These weren’t helping her and could plummet her spirits faster than falling down an elevator shaft. No good ever came out of either.

  The women, when they saw Mark wasn’t paying attention to them, moved on. He instead turned to her and his eyes were naked. So raw in fact, she gasped. Trixi reached out to him. “Mark.”

  “You’re thinking of leaving me.”

  She swallowed hard and shook her head. “No.” Her voice was as raw as his eyes. How to say what was in her heart?

  Most of the problem was she didn’t know. It was all there, jumbled together, simmering, growing hotter and hotter, like it was put on to boil and she was afraid it would overspill before she was sure of what was there. Before she had time to remove anything dangerous.

  Her life had changed so fast she wasn’t certain where she was.

  “Yes, you are.” His voice was thick.

  “I�
��m just questioning where we’re going.” Her throat ached.

  Mark’s eyes turned another notch bleaker. “Apparently nowhere.”

  Pain tore through her. With such intensity she couldn’t speak.

  They were standing beside his car, in the middle of the doctor parking lot. Since this conversation proved to be excruciating, this was a fitting place. She might need intensive care if her heart was in fact being ripped out.

  If this is what breaking up felt like, she never wanted to go through the experience again. If being in love was like this torment, she certainly didn’t want to be in love again.

  He must have read her decision in her eyes because his eyes froze over and he nodded firmly and then helped her into the car. Mark drove them home, the fully blasting heater doing nothing to dispel the chill. It remained downright freezing.

  Mark drove, remaining unresponsive to her overtures to resume the conversation, maybe salvage it. When they arrived home, he followed her inside.

  She was standing helplessly in the kitchen when he burst through again with a packed bag and his briefcase.

  “Mark,” she whispered.

  “I can’t live here with you like this,” he said brusquely, as though he had shut off a part of himself, from both of them. She needed to say so many more things, but he closed off, and the opportunity passed.

  Her heart twisted and throbbed. As a medical professional, she was well aware this was a serious condition. Yet she was helpless without his cooperation.

  Tears welled and she fought them from falling because they weren’t fair to him.

  “I don’t want to lose you,” she said, but he had already shut the door.

  The sound of his engine reverberated through the quiet evening as he tore off. She was still sifting through their conversation, trying to figure out when they had broken up. Had they?

  It seemed like he thought so. This was exactly what she didn’t want. The silence around her was daunting. She got up to check on Gran, only to find a note stating Miriam had visited earlier and Gran intended to spend the evening with them.