Because It's Not Love

by Kitty Parker

  "How do you do there, love?" He asked with a smirk playing on his lips. I have to say…he looked quite handsome. Even though he seemed a lot older than Jennifer herself, he looked like a wonderful British rock star. Yep, his hair was longer than his neck and it was pushed back gracefully, he had 3 earrings on his right ear and with his strong British accent…he really looked like rock star.

  I finally took a seat beside Lisa while Carson took one beside mine. I was trying to relax myself on the chair when my best friend whispered, or should I say she actually sang quietly to my ear, "Mother-in-law…"

  I rolled my eyes and called out for my mom. When she turned her head to me I pointed at her sheepishly as I glanced back at Lisa. "Mother-in-law…" I confirmed her, making a smug face as a tinge of red crept on my best friend's cheeks. At least that shut her up.

  Dinner, as I never thought…surprisingly went well. I found out that Jennifer and her fiancé were planning to get married in spring, the time were the flowers would start to bloom gradually. The moment she mentioned a garden party, I could picture my own self wearing a white big fluffy dress walking down the isle with my future husband waiting at the end of the isle with a foolish grin. My eyes then landed to Carson slowly as I watched him laughing and smiling on whatever people on the table joked about. I found myself grinning at the sight of my boyfriend being this freely happy.

  It seemed that Carson didn't mind on going to have two fathers because he managed to communicate with both of them equally. I could see why he was fine with having a new father because it turned out that David McAllen was such a funny guy. Although his looks screamed like a fancy British rock star, his personality was like a great entertainer.

  Dr. Travis on the other hand…seemed kind of uncomfortable. In fact, I could see that Jennifer was trying hard not to run away every time her eyes landed on her ex-husband. I saw that Carson also could feel it too when all of us started to eat our meal calmly because he kept on looking from his mother to his father with worry. I squeezed his hand that stayed under the table and gave him a smile that I hoped showed that everything was going to be fine. I guess he understood what I meant since he bent down slowly and planted a soft kiss on my lips. Some were teasing us at that moment but I ignored them because I smiled at the feeling of his lips on mine again.

  Although the adults tried their best to join us teenagers with their conversation, I could still feel the boring aura around us. Even Cameron thought it was too boring that the moment a waitress asked all of us what we wanted for dessert, he asked, "Are you on the menu?"

  We all laughed at the cheesy line…well of course except our parents. Cameron instead got scolded for not being a gentleman by his mother while his father glared at him with a hard look on his face.

  Cameron just shrugged and turned his attention to an attractive woman that looked way out of his league because a, she looked older than us…maybe around her late twenties. But nonetheless she looked amazingly beautiful. And b, she was with her boyfriend. But that didn't stop Cameron from being his foolish self by winking at her openly. The woman looked at him with disgust and flipped him the bird while her boyfriend smirked at Cameron arrogantly. That made us teenagers laugh louder.

  The adults seemed to have enough of our jokes because Lisa's father looked at us sternly, which meant that he was mad. Lisa's father was surprisingly very kind and if he ever made an angry face, then it meant that he was getting annoyed. "Why don't all of you go somewhere else to laugh?"

  At the sharp tone of his voice we all stayed silent, especially Lisa. Cameron, being Cameron, grinned at him and stood up. "Great idea, let's hit the bar." He suggested and then left all our shocked face.

  "Dad…" Nick slowly stood up after a moment of silence and gave an apologetic look to our father.

  He sighed and nodded. "You should all get some sleep." I raised my eyebrows at his words, of course we wouldn't 'get some sleep if we left here. We'd probably follow Cameron ar the bar…and I know that dad knew us well enough that we wouldn't be heading to our cabin after this. But then again, I guess adults nowadays never understood our jokes even though they were once a teenager themselves.

  Lisa, Nick, Carson and I finally gave our farewells to our parents before we left them. Huh, so much for dinner going smoothly well.

  The four of us headed straight to the bar afterwards as we all agreed on how shallow all our parents were being. We laughed at that and made our way to the bar with a stupid grin on our face. We were sooo acting like a teenager.

  When we finally arrived there, we spotted Cameron already occupied with many girls around him as he was sitting on a long couch surrounded by a sea of attractive girls. I nodded my head toward him as the four of us headed to get a drink with my brother and my best friend ahead of us. "I remember you being like that." I said out of nowhere.

  I could feel Carson stiffen for a while but he relaxed afterwards, letting out a long sigh as he sat on a high stool while I took the one beside him. "Please don't remind me that."

  "What? You don't miss being able to do that again?" I couldn't help but ask with my eyebrows arched at him. He sighed again and took my hands in his and looked at me with sad eyes.

  "Are you doubting me again, Maggie? Don't you even have any faith in me?"

  I looked away from his deep blue eyes that seemed to haunt me completely. "I just think that—"

  "That I'd leave you one day and forget about our relationship?" He asked dryly.

  I stayed silent for a while. I didn't know he was going to be this snappy about this conversation. Why would he be so angry anyway? I was just wondering if he would forget me and follow his brother's step again. I glanced up at him and saw the hurtful expression in his eyes. I sighed, maybe I was just thinking too much. But then again, he was a manwhore after all.

  I licked my lips before I took a deep breath. "I just think about how we'd end up after…you know, after you graduate."

  Carson nodded slightly. "Me too." He whispered slowly and didn't say a single word afterward. Well, this night just went downhill. I was too busy getting all nervous at the thought of meeting his mom for nothing and now I felt kind of guilty for making him this gloomy. Who knew that guys could also react this way?

  I stood up from the stool and pulled his hands. "Come on, let's get some fresh air."

  He didn't say anything as I guided him away from the bar. Okay, now this was quite irritating me. I lead him outside to a balcony beside the bar area. We silently made our way by the railings as the cold of the night greeted us. We were silent for a while, just enjoying the view of big mountains that was mostly covered up with thick snow. It looked so fluffy that I wanted to sleep in it. Of course that would be such a stupid thing to do.

  I glanced back at Carson and saw that he was looking up at the stars in silence with a small smile playing on his lips. I bumped my shoulder onto his. "What's so intriguing about the shiny thing at the sky?"

  Even though he seemed quite of annoyed about me doubting his faithfulness, he nonetheless wrapped an arm around me as I felt myself leaning closer to his warmth. "When I was a boy before my parents divorced, mom and I would always stay at the backyard underneath the stars. It was always only the two of us since dad was too busy at the hospital and Cameron thought he was too cool to be spending time with mom. Mom would bring a blanket for us to share…we would lie down on the cold grass and count how many stars were shining brightly above us.

  "Mom would always say that if I was staring at any one star, somebody else in the world would also stare at the same star I was staring at. She'd also say that whoever the person was, he or she would love me as for I am." He smirked at his childhood memories. I listened for him to continue as I leaned onto him even further.

  "One day she wanted both of us to point at any star randomly at the same time. I wasn't going to choose the one that shined the brightest one, no. I decided to choose the one that was alone that stayed very far from the rest of the stars that bundled up together, form
ing a shape or a picture that I didn't care. So on the count of three; we pointed at the same star."

  He laughed slightly and continued. "At that time, I believed that the only person who ever loved me was my mother. I know I sometimes seem to look a lot like my father, maybe I sometimes do act like him…but to be honest, I don't feel anything similar with him. He's never around the house and the years that I've known him, I don't feel like I understand him. It's like we're strangers in the house, you know?"

  I nodded quietly even though I've never felt how he felt before. I've always been so close with my family member. "So why are you living with him?" I asked him instead.

  I saw him ran a hand through his hair before he answered me. "He got full custody of me and Cameron when my parents divorced."

  I found myself nodding again. Should I ask him? I took a deep breath and looked away, not wanting to see his face when I was about to ask a question I didn't know if it was fine for me to ask. "If you don't mind me asking, why did they divorce?" I asked quietly.

  He stayed silent for a while as the cold breeze swayed back and forth around us. I sighed; I guess he wasn't comfortable telling me about his past. I was about to step away when the arm around my waist tightened around me. "Don't go." He whispered quietly that I almost hadn't heard him had not he whispered near my ear.

  I turned to him and saw the sad expression his eyes were clearly showing to me. I cupped his face with my shivering hands as I looked at him meaningfully. "I'm not going anywhere." I assured him.

  What surprised me the most was when he stepped closer to me and wrapped his arms closer around my body, squeezing me into a tight embrace, radiating so much warmth that I needed. It came to the fact that he was actually hugging me and not kissing me…and it felt just as wonderful.

  Whenever he kissed me, the desire between us grew bigger every time he places his lips onto mine. But as I felt his head lying on the crook of my neck, the passion and feelings between us felt very powerful and magnificent. It really felt as if we have a very special relationship that we both care.

  I wanted to say those three words properly, but my pride told me to hold on, to wait for the right time. Although my heart desired for me to scream them out now, I stayed quiet. I may be a coward, but I was scared of the way he actually felt about me. I know we were together, but it still felt like a big wall was standing between us. And as many people liked to tell the saying of 'just go for it'; me, being the pessimist person I am, would always think about the consequences afterwards if I really do 'go for it'. And believe me, I was scared of it.

  "She cheated on him." Was what I finally heard from him after moments of silence. I stepped back and watched his eyes that were darker than usual.

  "What?"

  "My mom. She slept with another man." He affirmed.

  I peered up at him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "It's true?"

  He looked quite taken a back. "You knew?"

  I quickly hugged him tighter and leaned my head on his shoulder. "Nick might have mentioned it once but I wasn't sure as I thought I heard wrong. So then…it's true?" I asked again.

  I felt him nodding slowly. "My dad was too busy with work, mom kind of got tired of waiting for him and decided that another man had to do for what she needed."

  "How did you go through it?"

  "I was only a child, a boy that didn't know much stuff. All I was told by my mother was that she had to go to another country while I had to stay here with dad. I was closer with my mom, and since then I never really had a civil conversation with my father. I kind of blamed him at that time."

  "Do you still blame him now?"

  He shrugged his shoulder. "I don't know. Sometimes I do think that if he wasn't that busy, we'd still be a family. But as the years grew by I also grew to understand what had happened behind the separation between my parents, it was still not a reason for mom to cheat on him."

  Somehow my mind landed to the night when I found out that he had slept with another girl after we had sex. I felt the pain all over again and couldn't help but let a frown cover my face. Carson kissed the tip of my nose; a small gesture that I had always thought it was sweet.

  "I'm terribly sorry for what I've put you through. If I could turn back time, believe me I would." He said in a soft whisper.

  "Everybody would." I agreed. "I'm also sorry for upsetting you by…doubting our relationship. I didn't mean it that way you know?"

  He let out a sigh and pressed his forehead against mine. "I know. I was just upset seeing my first girlfriend to feel that way. Not a very good thing to hear...especially when you're new in the relationship world."

  I giggled. "You have no idea how I'm sorry."

  "Well then, apology accepted." He drawled and caught my hands as he brought both of us inside.

  I found out that we weren't going back to the bar or the restaurant; he was actually taking us back to the cabin. Suddenly I felt my heart beat quickening as his hand made a way to my hand. He smirked at the way my cheeks burnt. I knew we wouldn't be doing anything since the 'romantic night' we planned out. But imagining myself to be sleeping in the same room with him was nerve racking.

  Damn Lisa for making this sleeping arrangement. Carson even agreed enthusiastically when I told him that Lisa was going to slip inside the guy's cabin and that he would be stuck with me. He already thought the same thing about Cameron using a stranger's cabin. A woman's cabin, of course.

  I didn't want to feel all nervous about spending the night just the two of us so I decided to turn back the attention to him. "So how did you feel when you saw your parents at the same table after years of separation?"

  "It went better than I expected, which was a shock. I thought they'd be bickering…although I did sense some hateful aura between them."

  I saw the cabin ahead of us and thought how extremely near it was. I shook my head and decided to ask another question. "And how do you feel about having a new father?"

  "What is this, twenty questions? Or are you some kind of reporter?" He smirked at me as I dug out the keys and let him slip it in the door. There went the vulnerable guy that I hugged before; the smirk was back once again.

  "I'm just curious is all."

  He opened the door and pushed it far for me to enter. "After you." He bowed and I rolled my eyes but nevertheless stepped inside the cabin. I saw him closing the door behind him before finally answering my question. "I don't mind. As long as my mother's happy, then I am too."

  I smiled at him. "Such a gentleman."

  He laughed and walked to the fireplace. "I'm going to heat this up."

  I nodded and decided to make us a hot cappuccino in the kitchen. After I was done making them, I went back where he was and found him standing in front of the fireplace with a soft expression on his face. He was watching the fire dancing with his hands on his hips. I realized that he had already taken of his jacket and I couldn't help but to appreciate the muscles that showed behind his shirt. Even in a long sleeve he still looked incredibly gorgeous.

  I sat down the two mugs I was holding. He heard the sound of them being placed down before turning around slowly. His lips turned into a small smile while his feet took long but slow steps towards me. I merely looked up at his small paced movement with a dumbstruck expression.

  He finally stood in front of me and with his swift hands, he unbuttoned my jacket. He unbuttoned them without looking away from my eyes while I looked at him with, I guess, was a lust expression. He took off my jacket easily and threw them to the ground with a soft thud when it made contact with carpet. Before he could make any more movements, I braved myself and threw my arms around him, finding myself hugging him all over again. And this time, I wasn't holding a sad boy. This time, I was holding a strong man. A strong man that was my boyfriend, a strong man that had already showed me every side of him. His quirky side, his emotional side, his angry side and his side that was full of desire.

  My own strong man.

  I took a big whiff
of his cologne and relaxed in his arms, leaning my head on the crook of his neck as I heard his low chuckle. I couldn't help but mouth the three words quietly, expecting him not to see or hear them.

  And as I predicted, he didn't.

  This Temptation

  My hands were starting to sweat, my heart was pounding harder than necessary and I was fidgeting on the couch I was sitting on like my ass was on fire.

  One thing for sure: I was nervous.

  The five of us were lounging by the bar, all cozy and happy with many conversations involved…but I was pretty quiet when we arrived here, and through the conversation we had, I kept my head down to hide my flushed cheeks. And to be honest, my cheeks were not flushed due to the cold.

  "Well, I'm exhausted." Lisa yawned widely with her arms stretched out, just to prove her point. Far from the point that I was anxious about this whole situation waiting for me, I narrowed my eyes at her and found that her eyes weren't sleepy at all. Her eyes were twinkling with amusement as they caught my anxious ones. "I think I'm going to call it a night."

  I wanted to scream at her not to leave me, but being the person who pushed me into this situation itself, she only gave a knowing look before standing up with my brother in tow. "Come on, Nick. Let's get some rest."

  My brother, oblivious with this whole situation, stood up as well and dropped an arm around her shoulders. "Well guys, see you tomorrow."

  "Yeah, night everyone! Merry Christmas once again." Lisa shot me another look before leaving the room with Nick. I sighed slowly, dreading the part I had to face much, much sooner.

  "Well," Cameron stood up abruptly, kind of swaying from side to side as he tried to stand straight. I wonder how much alcohol he drank tonight. "If you'll excuse me, I don't want to disappoint the ladies over there. They've been eying me quite joyfully."