Because It's Not Love

by Kitty Parker

  Silence came next before her muffled voice answered him, "It's not you, it's me."

  That line was too familiar for him. He was starting to get nervous if she kept on doing this. "Please don't tell me you're breaking up with me."

  "What? No!" She finally rolled over again and stared at him with a small smile. "I still like having you as my boyfriend."

  "Then what's wrong? How is it 'you' and not me?"

  She groaned as she closed her eyes. "I'm ashamed of myself. That's all."

  And then his frown came bouncing back on his face. "Ashamed? For…making out with me?"

  "For throwing myself at you!" Her eyes opened in an instant as she realized she said that out loud. She caught a pillow next to her and covered her face with it, hating the fact that he was still looking at her. It made her feel nervous and shy. "Forget I said anything."

  "Now how could I do that? Besides, you shouldn't feel ashamed by making the first move; it's actually kind of hot."

  He was sure that she was blushing underneath the pillow. She shuffled uncomfortably before replying a quiet, "Really?"

  "Yeah, it really turns me on, you know?"

  "But Carson…I—I…" He heard her sigh again. "I can't believe I'm going to say this," She muttered slowly.

  "What is it?"

  "I kind of felt like a…um, a slut?" He raised his eyebrows at the pillow above her head. "I was throwing myself at you out of the blue, and…and I couldn't keep my needs all to myself. And I'm sorry for that."

  What did he do next? Well, he suddenly laughed. It wasn't a laugh because of a very hilarious joke, but it was a laugh that he used when he found something amusing. And she also knew that. Maggie slowly pulled away the pillow above her head and took a deep breath as she warily glanced at him. "Why are you laughing?"

  He chuckled once more before saying, "You're right, you really are stupid."

  She glared at him right there. He only smiled and lied down beside her, wrapping his arms around her form before rolling her over above him. "You're stupid for believing all those things."

  "Excuse me?"

  He kissed her, knocking away all of her senses. "Maggie, having you making the first move, is like a reward for me. I like a woman with power. And I will welcome you anytime you want to have sex with me."

  She blushed at the mention of sex. She hid her face at the crook of his neck, liking the scent she was smelling from him. "What about our special night on New Year's Eve?"

  "We can still have that, if you want to."

  Maggie relaxed in his arms, relieved that he wasn't accusing her of a slut. "You know, Lisa laughed at me when I said about our night. She couldn't believe that we scheduled our sex time."

  "Well, she doesn't get that we want our first time to be special."

  Maggie looked at him as a smile appeared on her face. "First time?"

  He only grinned at her and hugged her even closer to himself. It was nice having her in his arms again. She sighed happily and rested her head on his chest, loving the feel of his heartbeat. They didn't speak; they both were too comfortable with the silence in the room. It had been a long time since they had felt calm with one another and it was a feeling that he would never get bored with.

  He was stroking her back slowly when he heard her say, "Carson, I really do miss you."

  He knew what she meant by that. He too missed her touch, the touch of her soft hands on his rough skin. He missed the feel of her pure skin onto his, missing the feel of hearing her call out his name, missing the feel of pleasure whenever he was inside her.

  He grabbed her chin and looked into her eyes, feeling himself getting hypnotized by her longing gaze. "I'm going to throw myself at you now," and he proceeded to do so.

  He rolled her over and slipped between her legs, pressing himself closer to her core as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He lowered his head and captured her lips with his own, tasting her flavor all over again, nibbling her tasty lips as if it were the most delicious desert he had ever tasted. He was kissing her too slowly that it ached her for wanting him more, but he was gentle, and it was so new from him that she never thought he had the ability to be so soft.

  He was even surprised by himself that he was enjoying every bit of this in slow motion, he was always used to be rough and quick, but this time, he felt like kissing her was the best damn thing he had ever done. He could live his life just by kissing her forever.

  He pushed his tongue deeper into her parted lips and growled hungrily as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body closer to this. He pulled apart from her lips only to trail small kisses along her jaw, down to her throat and pressing another hot kiss on the spot bellow her ear. She groaned wildly as he sucked the spot leisurely, feeling herself shudder by every movement he made on her body.

  He ran a hand by her exposed thigh, admiring her soft skin that was hot to his touch. He liked seeing her wearing his shirt, but he liked it even more than to take it off of her.

  He carefully unbuttoned the shirt with his magical fingers while his lips captured hers again. Their tongue was battling once again, not knowing who was winning. Once the last button was done, he pulled away from her and sucked a sharp breath when he was what she was wearing underneath his shirt.

  Nothing.

  Not even a bra.

  She was perfectly made—full breast, hips, thighs—the body of a woman as a woman was meant to be.

  She smiled shyly as his eyes roamed over her exposed chest. He licked his lips hungrily as he braved himself to graze one of her throbbing nipples with his thumb, liking the moan that escaped from her lips. He may have touched her before, but something about touching her now was very different than before. He grazed her other breast as he bent down to her level and eyed her with pure lust.

  "If this is going too far, stop me now." He kissed her softly again before pulling away and leaning his forehead against hers. "Stop me now, Maggie. I won't be able to stop later."

  She smiled at him as she cupped his cheek with her palm. "I'm not letting you stop, not this time. I want this as much as you do." A blush crept on her cheeks. "I've really missed you, Carson."

  She was honest with her answer and it was all the push that he needed. "I've missed you too, damn it, I've missed you so much."

  She gasped and arched her back the moment his mouth captured her right nipple, sucking onto the softness of her chest as she buried her hands in his hair. Carson grabbed her breast, tasted her milky skin, and sucked her soft skin once again before planting a deep kiss on her lips. The kiss was hot yet gentle, and she couldn't ask anything more delicious than this.

  Maggie snaked her arms beneath his shirt, amazed at how his flat stomach greeted her palms. She forgot how perfect his body was and she couldn't get enough of his bare skin.

  Carson chuckled lightly as he felt her hands trailing up his chest underneath his shirt. He pulled away from her a little, but not leaving his spot between her legs, and pulled off his shirt in a hurry before throwing it to the ground. The moment her eyes traveled onto his broad shoulders, his toned chest, and his tanned skin that was glistening in the light of the room, Maggie ran a hand along his torso. Loving the feel how masculine he was.

  Carson bent down again and kissed her lips, tasting the sweetness of her mouth in a daze. It was like a dream, a dream that was too wonderful to wake up. He didn't want this moment to end, never.

  He placed a soft kiss at the corner of her lips as his fingers trailed down her side, tickling her sensitive skin at the process. He smiled wildly when he remembered that she was wearing nothing now. To be honest, he was curious why she threw on his shirt without bothering to wear her panties or a bra. But hey, he wasn't one to complain.

  Carson hadn't felt this kind of hunger in ages. He wanted to touch the satin span of her thigh, the warmth between her legs, to make her as hot for him as he was for her.

  She let out an audible gasp when she felt his fingers grazing over her hot flesh, teasing
her ever so slightly as her eyes rolled at the back of her head. It felt good. Too good. She forgot how his fingers could make her go wild.

  Carson watched her face as he rubbed his fingers along her core, liking the face she made whenever he grazed on the right spots. It was an expression of pure pleasure; her eyes closed, her back arched upwards, her mouth gasping from his touch, her head turning from left to right whenever he pressed into the wetness of her body. Her grip on the sheets was too tight as he could see her knuckles becoming white. He knew how good this made her feel.

  "Do I need protection?" He whispered so huskily by her ear, biting her neck softly as his fingers pushed further more into her.

  Her hips buckled to his touch as she shook her head, her eyes still closed. "I took some…pills…" Her breath quickened its pace as he tortured her even more, brushing his thumb over her with a faster rate that made her toes curl in pure ecstasy.

  He pulled away from her for a moment, making her open her eyes at the emptiness on her body and found him unbuckling his pants. She watched him take off his pants quickly, throwing his boxers at the process and inhaled sharply at the sight of his naked body. He looked so wonderful, yet he was shown as a man, a strong and masculine man that made her realize she was actually scared by the look of lust in his eyes. He looked like a beast.

  He came back crawling over her body, capturing her lips in a passionate kiss that made both of them breathless. His hands were already down on her lower part of body to check if she was fully ready when he heard her whisper softly, "I'm scared."

  His eyes scanned her face as he brushed her hair away from her eyes with his other hand. "Why? We've done this before haven't we?"

  She bit her lip. "I just…I just feel like this is somewhat different." She sighed in pleasure when his fingers touched her deeply again. "We haven't done this over a month."

  "Maggie, I'll go as slow as you want. I'm not going to be rough on you like I used to be, you have to trust me." He assured her with a smile. She didn't know where this side of him came from, but she wasn't going to protest.

  "Now." He said, reaching for her. He leaned his forehead onto hers and watched her face as he slowly slipped inside her. It actually hurt her a bit, but the moment he was fully inside her, she felt like she was flying to heaven. She moaned loudly as she felt him moving his hips back and forth, knowing that he was teasing her with this slow pace.

  "Faster," she managed to whisper softly. He obeyed her quickly and growled deeply when he thrust into her the way she wanted him to be. Their breaths were out of control and they were pooled by their own sweat, knowing that they would definitely be tired after this.

  He could feel her walls tightening around him and he was also aware that he was as ready as she was. He bit her bottom lip before stroking her face slowly. "Maggie, open your eyes."

  She grunted, not having any strength to open her eye lids. But he ordered her once again, and after battling her own muscles, she finally managed to open her eyes lazily. She was aware that he was hovering above her, all sweaty and manly that made her even wilder than she already was.

  "Look at me, I want you to look at me for the climax." He said in a low growl as she wrapped her legs around him even tighter.

  She sighed at the feel of his weight on top of hers, it felt good. "I'll try my best." She managed to say in between her loud moans.

  And that night, where the stars looked upon them, when their body became one, the shadows on the wall were a witness to their pure desired bliss. The silence broke with their sound, their moan and groan of pleasure and a destiny to reach to heaven. As the time captured their moves and hunger for each other, it seemed like a fantasy forever to reach climax.

  So there he was, after releasing his sexual needs, he leaned his head on the crook of her neck, breathing into her skin. Her smell was wonderful, it was wild and soft, a beautiful mixture he adored. He couldn't help but to think how powerful she made him…how deep feelings were attached to the movements of their body earlier. He couldn't help but to think how it meant so much to him, it was definitely different from any other times he had sex.

  Sex? Was this even sex?

  He shook his head as he planted a kiss on her neck. This was too powerful to be just sex. He knew what it was…and it was on the line of making love.

  I Love You

  Despite the fact that Christmas was yesterday, I woke up with the most fluttering and happy feeling ever. Words couldn't describe how light-hearted I felt this morning. It was as if I was flying on cloud nine while an unknown woman wearing a white cloth draped across her shoulder played a beautiful tune on a golden harper, and then god was waving at me while I flew further up the sky with the most heavenly smile, even though I might have looked like a wasted chick.

  I've had sex with Carson before, but hell, I've never wakened up so happy like this. And it wasn't like he said he loved me or anything (though I would not mind if he did), it was just a night of great pleasure. I didn't even know why I was grinning like an idiot early in the morning, it was, after all, just sex. Maybe I was making a big deal about this.

  But last night was freaking amazing.

  His body stirred beside me and I suddenly closed my eyes, not wanting him to catch me watching him sleep (as weird as that sounds), but I heard him let out a small laugh as one of his arms tightened around my waist. "You're already awake aren't you?"

  "No," I answered him with a small smile, my eyes still closed. "I'm still asleep."

  He ran his fingers on my bare skin from my waist to my hips. I didn't say anything and merely enjoyed the lovely feeling of his touch on me again before I opened my eyes. I was surprised to see him gazing at me with a meaningful glance, intrigued by the way the swirls of emotions danced in his eyes. I reached my hand and placed them on his cheek with a grin, running my thumb along his small dimple.

  I never realized he had a dimple, to think of it. It took years of knowing him, months of having a crush on him, weeks of being involved with the guy, days of falling in love with him, hours of great sex, minutes of watching him sleep and seconds to sink in his perfection to finally realize that he had a small dimple on his right cheek. Albeit small, but it was there.

  He grabbed my hand in his and kissed my palm without leaving his eyes away from mine. I kind of thought that it seemed such a tender and lovingly gesture, but I didn't want to think too much on the possibility. So instead I closed my eyes and inhaled his masculine scent and said, "This is nice."

  "What is?"

  "Sleeping in bed, lazing around, you know...while naked."

  He chuckled lowly. I didn't expect an answer from him but he surprised me when he said, "Yes, it kind of is."

  Okay, he might have said 'kind of', but he also said 'yes', which quite startled me at one point. This was the same teenage guy who before was nicknamed a playboy, a guy who supposedly said he hated the thought of relationships, the same guy who once slept with a girl after he slept with me, who once didn't like the thought of cuddling after sex and here he was, the exact same guy who just agreed that him lying on bed with me in the morning was nice.

  Wow.

  "What?" He asked me at my stunned face. He frowned slightly. "Did I say something wrong?"

  I shook my head, maybe a little too fast, and propped myself up with one of my elbows as my head settled on my hand. I didn't want to look into his eyes, so instead I looked at his second best feature-no wait, his third best feature, which was his lips. I couldn't be looking even further down now could I? Well not now.

  "I'm just surprised you agreed that the thought of cuddling with me is nice."

  His frown deepened. I never knew a frown could look so cute on a guy. "Why would you be surprised?"

  I finally looked up and met his eyes. "Well you're...you. You've always hated cuddling after sex. I never thought you would agree. You, of all people."

  His gaze softened as a small smile tugged on his lips. This even surprised me more, because he (again, of all
people) looked shy.

  Carson. Looked. Shy.

  Carson Malloy looked like he was embarrassed, and by me. Me! (Yet again, of all people)

  "A lot of things have changed with me," he looked down as his cheeks flushed slightly that I had to held back my laughter at his sudden shyness. "And it's mostly because of you, I guess."

  I was stunned, yet again. And he was embarrassed, yet again. He was trying to avoid any eye contact with me, which I found quite amusing. Who was this shy guy? And where was the arrogant and confident guy I knew of? It was funny seeing him fidgeting under my gaze, and to top it all, I wasn't even doing anything to make him look this nervous.

  "Carson? Are you okay?"

  He ignored me and continued with his unusual rants. "I mean, I never thought I could be this attracted to you. You, of all people."

  What was up with this 'of all people'? I then realized what he just said and it was my turn to frown at him. "Wow, thanks."

  He looked up at me sincerely, but only for a split second before he lied on his back and stared up at the ceiling above us. "I didn't mean it like that. I mean, you were my best friend's younger sister, and I was this dickhead who thought about getting laid all the time. I knew I shouldn't have been involved with you in any way, but you intrigued me. I wanted to get to know you more."

  My amusement was slowly fading at his serious tone. He did look kind of embarrassed to say all of this, but he also looked distant and serious. His sudden outburst was shocking me even more that I suddenly felt my heart rate quickening. Where was he going with all this?

  "I guess I kind of underestimated everything," he continued on. "I thought that having a sexual relationship with you was going to be easy, but boy was I wrong. It got even more complicated and I think I was the one that made things worse. I was stupid to take advantage of you-well, not that I was. I mean, maybe I kind of was. I...look, I'm not really good saying all my feelings out so...uh-"