The Rules of Gift Giving

by Parker St John

  Elliot managed a laugh despite the chunk of ice that had been steadily growing in his stomach the closer they came to landing.

  “It snows in Kentucky like it snows in Oregon… just enough to make everyone freak out. I became a grandmaster at building sad, skinny, two feet tall snowmen when I was a kid.”

  “I can imagine that.” Lucas grinned. “I would’ve been the kid pelting you with snowballs.”

  “I wouldn’t put that past you now.”

  One week before Christmas and the airport was in pure chaos. It didn’t take them long to grab their bags off the luggage carousel, but cutting through the swathes of seasonal travelers was an exercise in patience and agility.

  Kevin had texted to say he’d be waiting at the main entrance, but their progress was bogged down considerably by harried families and packs of exhausted-looking businessmen.

  “It’s as bad as Portland,” Lucas cursed, spinning a tight circle to avoid getting knocked off his feet by a pair of teenagers with earbuds jammed in their ears.

  “Louisville is almost as large.”

  “No shit?”

  Elliot smirked. “Did you imagine we were all riding tractors out here?”

  “It crossed my mind.” He grinned sheepishly.

  At least he had the grace to look embarrassed about it. Elliot decided to let him off the hook, especially because he looked so dashing in his jeans and leather jacket, with his hair mussed and his duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

  If there weren’t such a risk of getting trampled, he would have stopped right there in the middle of the airport and kissed him.

  There was no way to express the gratitude he’d felt when Lucas had taken it for granted that he’d be accompanying him.

  That certainly wasn’t the type of dedication he’d grown to expect during the five years he’d spent in a relationship with his ex, Greg. Even the most basic emotional needs had made Greg uncomfortable and passive-aggressive, so Elliot had learned to hide them well.

  There was no holding back with Lucas. Even if he’d wanted to handle it on his own, he doubted Lucas would have let him.

  Considering all he’d been through, and the rough way he’d been raised, Lucas was remarkably sensitive and giving. He held nothing back, and he encouraged Elliot to do the same. Elliot was terrified he’d never be able to repay such open-hearted generosity, especially considering the rough week ahead of them.

  The two times he’d introduced his family to a boyfriend, their reaction had been a mixture of confusion and distaste. Elliot didn’t anticipate their reaction to Lucas being any better, particularly considering the way Lucas tended to get flippant and aggressive with strangers when he felt uncomfortable.

  It was easy to spot his older brother as they approached the lobby entrance. With a full five inches on Elliot’s own six feet, he loomed above the crowds like an irritated giant. The cocky smirk was classic Kevin, but the lines around his eyes and mouth were deeper than Elliot remembered.

  He missed a step when he realized how old they’d all gotten. In his mental scrapbook, his entire family had stopped aging when he’d gone off to college.

  A strange melancholy swept over him as he realized how much time they’d lost. Regret welled up inside him when he met his brother’s dark eyes.

  “Elliot.” Kevin scowled. “Your flight was delayed.”

  Elliot’s lips twitched. “Yeah, sorry about that. I explained to the pilot that you were waiting, but he didn’t fly any faster.”

  Lucas chuckled, and Kevin transferred his frown to him. “Who are you?”

  “Lucas Kelly.” Lucas held out his hand, and Kevin shook it with obvious reluctance. He glanced between Lucas and Elliot as if he were attempting to force a picture of them into his head… or out of it.

  “I told Mom I was bringing someone,” Elliot said defensively.

  Kevin shrugged. “She didn’t tell me that. But she’s been distracted. Come on, I’m running out of time in parking.”

  The air was cold and wet and smelled of exhaust fumes, much like the Portland air. He could tell Lucas was underwhelmed by it all.

  “It gets greener. Just give it a few minutes,” he murmured, sliding into the back seat of Kevin’s Range Rover and allowing his brother to sit up front by himself.

  They’d flown into Louisville, but the drive out to Elizabethtown was like entering a different world. Gradually, the city’s steel and concrete skyline blended with trees and patches of grass. The buildings melted into residential housing, and those gave way to dense forest and rolling green pastures.

  Lucas gazed out the window, fascinated. “I didn’t think it was possible for a place to be greener than Oregon,” he said.

  Elliot grinned. At this point, he’d lived more of his life in Portland than Kentucky, but in a strange way, it would always be home. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted Lucas to approve of it until that moment.

  He couldn’t resist lacing their fingers together, though he left their hands discreetly on the leather seat between them.

  He cleared his throat. “How’s Dad?”

  Kevin’s shoulders stiffened.

  “You should probably brace yourself,” he said, not unkindly. “He doesn’t look much like Dad right now. It’s like he aged thirty years overnight.”

  “Have you talked to him?”

  “If you could call it that. He tires out easily. The docs are saying he’ll pull through, but there’s too much damage to his heart for him to ever recover completely.”

  His mother had said something similar, but it effectively told him nothing. Elliot did better when dealing with facts and details. “What does that mean?”

  “You’ll have to ask the doctor,” Kevin said irritably.

  Elliot clamped his jaw shut before he could give voice to his frustration. Instead, he glared out the window and chewed on everything he wanted to say.

  Kevin was only two years younger than Elliot, and he was also the only member of the family apart from Elliot to spurn a career in education. He was incredibly intelligent, but he’d never thought so. Elliot remembered the way he used to pretend not to understand his high school classes rather than draw attention to himself by speaking.

  Some things never changed. He undoubtedly understood their father’s condition better than their mother did, but he’d clamped his mouth shut and preferred to allow Elliot to hear it from a stranger. It was just the way he’d always been.

  Lucas wrapped his arm around Elliot’s shoulders and pulled him close.

  Kevin snorted from the driver’s seat, but Elliot bit his tongue. He refused to be baited into an argument. Desperately, he struggled to put a leash back on his emotions before they reached the hospital.

  His mother greeted them in the CCU waiting room. She held a paper cup filled with coffee in one hand, and in her other hand she clutched her bible with its pink leather cover. She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed Elliot’s cheek.

  She was a beautiful woman, even at her age, though just now her face was pale and thin with dark violet circles beneath her bloodshot eyes. Her hair had probably gone gray years ago, but she religiously dyed it the same dark chestnut it had been in her youth.

  “Welcome home, sweetheart,” she whispered, dabbing at her eyes with the back of her wrist. Coffee sloshed over her fingers.

  Lucas grabbed a tissue box from a nearby end table and plucked a few to clean her hand.

  His mother managed a smile that looked more bracing than bright. “Thank you. You must be Lucas.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Call me Angie. I’m happy to meet you, even under these circumstances. Elliot has told me nothing about you. I wasn’t even aware he was seeing anyone!”

  Elliot winced, but Lucas replied smoothly, “The best things make the best surprises.”

  His mother’s laugh was short, but it sounded genuine enough. Elliot took that for a win under the circumstances.

  “Your father has been napping,” she said, �
�but he might be awake by now. I’ve added you to his visitor list.”

  “Shouldn’t Mark be here by now?” Elliot asked.

  “Shirley was at a work conference when your father… when it happened. Mark was alone with the kids. He had to wait for her to fly back, but he should be here soon.”

  She led them down a long, utilitarian hall painted the same uniform beige of every hospital and government building Elliot had ever been inside. The facility was remarkably quiet, but it was still cold and harsh, and it stank of industrial cleaner.

  Lucas had been on edge since they arrived. At first, Elliot had assumed he was nervous about meeting his family, or perhaps, like many people, he just didn’t like hospitals.

  The truth slowly dawned on him: despite the occasional generic painting slapped on a wall, hospitals compared rather strikingly with courthouses and prisons. They all shared an authoritarian element that made even Elliot claustrophobic on occasion.

  He slipped his hand into Lucas’s palm, gratified when it earned him a startled glance and a quick squeeze rather than a retreat. Lucas probably thought he was looking for comfort himself. That was fine. He didn’t have nearly as much pride as Lucas did.

  The thought brought him full circle to what Miguel had said yesterday.

  Perhaps the watch had been a bad idea. But he desperately wanted to give it to him, anyway. It felt like a sneaky way to lay down his claim, to have Lucas wear something that Elliot had bought him. But not just anything would serve. It had to be something worthy of him. Everything fell short, but the watch was the closest Elliot could get without stealing the Hope Diamond.

  Fretting over the gift provided enough distraction to get him to his father’s room without breaking into a cold sweat, but once they were there, his queasiness returned and his pulse kicked into overdrive.

  The door was open and the lights were off. Just inside the dark room sat an elevated bed. A figure with a shock of white hair was sleeping beneath layers of thin blankets.

  His palms grew clammy, and he disengaged from Lucas’s grip to wipe his hands on his slacks.

  “He looks like he’s asleep,” he whispered.

  “He’s just saving his energy,” his mother said softly. “Go on. He’s been asking for you.”

  Elliot cast her a doubtful look, but he obeyed and stepped into the room. Lucas remained in the hall with his mother and brother. That was for the best. This would be hard enough.

  “Dad?”

  His father’s eyes opened immediately. He really hadn’t been asleep. His face was haggard and his mouth pinched with pain as he turned to look at Elliot.

  “Hey, kid.”

  All at once, Elliot was a child again. Tears sprang to his eyes, but thankfully they didn’t fall. Shows of emotion had always made his father uncomfortable.

  “How are you feeling, Dad?”

  “I’ve been better.” He hitched himself up a little higher in the bed, arms shaking from even that small effort. “But it’ll take more than one little heart attack to get rid of your old man. I’ll be home in time for Christmas.”

  “Is that what you say or what the doctors say?” Elliot teased gently.

  “I’ve said it enough damn times that the doctors finally agreed with me just to shut me up,” he said proudly.

  Elliot laughed, blinking back his tears. He took his father’s hand between both his own. His fingers were cold, but his grip was surprisingly strong.

  He’d always been a large, athletic man. He ran a loud, boisterous classroom and his students all adored him. Balloons and childish homemade cards cluttered his bedside tray.

  Growing up, Elliot had always been envious of his students. It had always felt as if they got the best pieces of him, and Elliot and his brothers were left with the tired, irritable leftovers. Or maybe he’d just been harder on his sons because he loved them more.

  “You’ll stay for Christmas, right? We know how busy you are…” His father’s energy was already flagging. His eyes began to stay closed longer and longer between blinks.

  “I’ll stay for Christmas,” Elliot promised him.

  “Good. Angie tells me you have a new boyfriend.”

  “Yes.”

  He nodded, then settled back on his pillows and closed his eyes.

  “Just so long as he’s better than the last one. I want you to be happy, son. Life… life is too short.”

  Thankfully, he’d already drifted off to sleep when Elliot hung his head and let the tears fall.

  5

  Lucas

  It looked as if a Hallmark store had vomited all over the Smith house.

  Elliot was already taking off his coat and removing his shoes in the entry, but Lucas stopped on the threshold, mouth agape as he took in the clutter.

  Glittery, brightly colored knick-knacks filled the room. An upright piano sat in the corner of the living room, covered in snowy cotton and tiny porcelain houses that resembled a village from a Thomas Kincaid painting. Cheery elves and reindeer sat on the bookshelves with their little cloth legs dangling over the sides. An animatronic Mr. and Mrs. Claus twisted slowly back and forth on their gears, gripping LED candles. Santa occasionally let out a mechanical ho-ho-ho. Red and green blankets and pillows festooned the room, decorated with applique inhabitants of the North Pole.

  The crowning glory, however, was an enormous carousel set in the center of the coffee table, flashing lights and playing a cheery, tinny version of We Wish You a Merry Christmas.

  The air smelled strongly of cinnamon and ginger.

  Lucas sneezed.

  “Mom has gotten into that wax melt thing lately,” Kevin explained apologetically, coming in behind them with a bag full of groceries. “These days, the house always smells like it’s edible.”

  “She collects holiday decor.” Elliot was clearly struggling not to laugh as he took in Lucas’s expression.

  “It doesn’t matter what holiday. It looks like Betsy Ross’s quilting bee in here when Independence Day comes around,” Kevin added, marching the groceries into the kitchen.

  “It’s cute,” Lucas offered. He turned to set his boots by the door and jumped a mile. “Jesus!”

  A four feet tall nutcracker grinned maniacally at him from the corner.

  Elliot lost it, cracking up so hard he had to lean against a wall.

  Lucas didn’t mind. It was good to see him laughing. He’d been far too pale and sad when he’d left his father’s bedside, and Lucas had been helpless to comfort him.

  Losing his own father had been the single most defining moment of Lucas’s life. But he wondered if it might actually be harder for Elliot, who had such a complicated relationship with his family. Grief and worry were tangled with anger, resentment, and guilt in his mind.

  Lucas couldn’t imagine the agony of separating it all out, but he figured it was similar to how he felt about his sister Trisha.

  They were putting in the work to repair their relationship, but it was slow progress. They talked on the phone a couple of times a month.

  He’d even spoken to his niece, though she wasn’t very interested. He’d gotten down on himself about it until Trisha had assured him Meggie’s complete and utter disinterest was normal for a seven-year-old.

  They weren’t at a place where spending the holidays together would be comfortable, but they’d tentatively discussed a visit during Meggie’s summer vacation. The idea simultaneously thrilled and terrified him.

  Selfishly, he’d been glad he wouldn’t have to deal with seeing her again over the holidays. It was the first Christmas he and Elliot had spent together. He wanted to make it special.

  Spending it in Kentucky hadn’t exactly been in the cards, but he could work with it. There was no way they were getting through Christmas Day without Elliot knowing exactly how loved and desired he was.

  If the Smith clan was uncomfortable with it, fuck it. Lucas had never apologized for his sexuality and he wasn’t about to start now.

  “Brace yourselves!”
Kevin had finished restocking his parent’s refrigerator and was drying his hands on a dishtowel embroidered with colorful Christmas trees.

  He unlocked the back slider, and within seconds, an enormous black furball came rocketing into the room. It headed straight toward them, claws clattering and muddy paws leaving streaks on the wood floors as it scrambled to gain traction.

  Lucas squinted sideways at Elliot’s tailored pants and cashmere pullover and decided to take the hit.

  He stepped in front of Elliot and crouched down to greet the dog. “Whoa! Who’s a good girl?”

  She screeched to a halt and propped her front paws on his shoulders, tongue lolling, grinning all over her shaggy black face. Her tail wagged so hard her entire back end swayed from side to side.

  “Kitty, down!” Elliot ordered. She ignored him in favor of the way Lucas was fondling her floppy ears. “What the hell have you been feeding her? She’s huge!”

  “Yeah, we’re thinking she might be part Newfoundland.” Kevin scratched his chin, eyeing Lucas skeptically. “She’s getting mud all over your jacket, dude.”

  “I can wipe it off.” Kitty had rolled over and exposed her tummy for rubs, so Lucas obliged.

  He loved dogs, though he’d never owned one. He’d never owned any pets that he could recall. The closest they’d gotten was the stray cat his dad used to feed leftover pot roast to whenever it came scratching.

  He glanced up to find both men staring at him. “What?”

  Elliot wore a bemused expression. His brother looked thoughtful.

  “Huh.” Kevin shook his head and turned his attention to Elliot. “I cleared some space in your room before I picked you up at the airport.”

  “Did she turn my room into storage again?”

  Kevin’s face took on a constipated cast. “Yeah. But there should be enough space for both of you… to do… whatever.” He waved a hand vaguely.

  Lucas smirked, but he kept his face tipped down under the guise of loving on the dog. The man sounded so hapless and squirmy at the idea of two men sharing a bed that it brought the devil out in him.