He storms away without a word. Something shudders inside me as I watch his retreat. He doesn’t move to the van, instead marches past the dilapidated building. I shoot everyone a quick glance and then follow, running after him. “Will! Will, wait!”
He rounds the building’s side. As he passes an old vending machine, he turns and sends his fist into the ancient, stained plastic front. The yellowed plastic shatters into tiny pieces everywhere.
I stop, panting less from my short run and more from my anxiousness to reach him. He braces both hands on each side of the old machine with his head bowed, neck muscles straining with tension.
I wet my lips and glance behind me to make sure no one has followed. “Will?” I’ve never seen him this angry … this unrestrained. I’m not sure what to say. “Are you okay?”
He looks up sharply, leveling me with eyes bright with fury. “Am I okay?”
I resist the urge to step back, instead just nod.
“Are you kidding?” The sound of his voice cuts me. He’s not the Will I know right then. Dirt stirs at my feet, curling tufts of earth, and I know it’s his doing, his anger affecting the very ground we stand on. “I’m starting to think we’re never going to be together, Jacinda.”
“Don’t say that.”
He waves a hand. “You don’t want to let any of it go. Not even for me.”
“That’s not true.”
“No?” He angles his head as he studies me. “Can you tell me that you’ll ever be able to let it go? The pride? Cassian?”
“Yes,” I say, glad to hear that my voice is strong and steady. “I will. We just have to do this one thing—”
“Going back to the pride is no small thing. Especially for you.” He swallows and I watch the cords of his throat work. “And me.”
I exhale and nod, a sinking feeling starting in my stomach. I’m asking a lot. Too much. “I can’t expect this of you. You’re right.” I bite into my lip, withering inside at what this means. “By now Corbin would have told them all about you.”
A stillness comes over him. “So what are you saying?”
What am I saying?
I swallow. “We can part ways. Temporarily, of course,” I quickly say. “We’ll meet later—”
He comes alive again. His hands close around my arms. “No. Not again. I’m not leaving you again, Jacinda. Not to face this alone.”
Relief ripples through me. But I push it away.
“No, you’re right,” I say, determined to keep him safe, but no less determined to see this through and get justice. “The risk for you is too great—”
He shakes his head fiercely, his eyes glinting. “We’re doing this.” He slides one hand along my face, his palm cupping my cheek. “And then we’ll see if you come up with another reason to keep us from being together. Then I’ll know.”
I shake my head. “It’s not like that—”
“Really? It’s not? You don’t feel bound to the pride? To Cassian?” He holds my gaze, unblinking.
Silence stretches. I wet my lips. “That’s not why …”
“Then what?” he asks, his eyes soft and melting as they delve into me. The plea there is something I can’t deny. Unable to stop myself, I lean into his hand, revel in the sensation of his skin against mine, the rasp of his calluses on the curve of my face.
“My father—” I stop as the look in his eyes sharpens with understanding.
My voice drops in a fervent, rushed whisper. The pain of my father’s death, his betrayal, stabs through me again with a sudden fierceness. I doubt it will ever go away. It will always be there, ready to greet me first thing every morning. But if I can achieve some retribution, perhaps it will soften the edges of the pain, make it more manageable. “I can’t let that go yet.”
“Will you ever, Jacinda? What if you don’t get the justice you want? How long can we do this? How long do we keep getting dragged back into the web of a life you claim to want no part of?”
“I’ve got to try. I’ll tell you when it’s over.” I wish I could give him a less lame answer than that, but it’s too complicated for anything else.
“You’ll tell me?” He arches an eyebrow.
“Yes.” I hold my breath, unsure of his response.
He smiles then. A crooked, self-deprecating little smile that makes my belly twist. “Okay, Jacinda. I’m in.”
He takes my hand and pulls me along. Something loosens and flutters inside me. I’m sure in a way I’ve never felt before. I know where it is I’m supposed to be. Forever and always. Whether I live among the pride—a new pride, changed for the better once Severin is deposed, or out in the human world—or maybe somehow straddling both worlds, I’m meant to be with Will. Us. That’s what I’ve been fighting for … and somewhere along the way I forgot that, too busy battling for other things: my draki, Mom, Tamra, Dad, Miram.
“Agreed?” He stops before we round the building, his hazel gaze fastened on me.
I nod. And I realize I’m both my strongest and weakest with him. And I guess that’s love. When you’re at your most vulnerable.
“I love you,” I say suddenly.
He blinks as though the words surprise him. Haven’t I told him that before? I thought I had … back in Chaparral, when I had to leave him. But I was in draki form then. He couldn’t have understood. Taking his face in both my hands, I stand on tiptoes. “I love you,” I repeat before I press my mouth to his, kissing him long and slow.
He hesitates only a moment before pulling me closer, tighter against him. Desperation burns between us. His hands move from my hair, to my arms, and my back. Roaming, touching me everywhere. As if I might disappear from him in the flash of a second. He spins me until my back is pressed against the brick wall. His mouth, my mouth … there is no distinction …
There’s only need.
He breaks away, his serrated breath a hot fan in my ear, thrilling me and spiking my pulse faster. His deep voice fills my ear. “We better get a move on.”
Reluctant, I nod and step back.
He looks over my shoulder as if he can see around the corner to the others. “With that homing device on Miram, hunters will be coming. It’s only a matter of time.”
Only a matter of time.
“Yeah. Of course.” Turning, I lead the way back to the van, still holding Will’s hand and trying to shake off the flicker of unease in my heart that this might be a mistake. I have to believe that returning to the pride with Will at my side is the right thing to do. The right choice.
17
Back home, on the mountain, on the ground that I know so well, I feel restored, heartened. A low mist drifts over lush grasses that brush my legs as we walk through thick foliage where no path exists. Cassian’s the only one who might know this mountain better than I do. We proceed carefully. Aside from our fellow draki who could be lurking in the trees, trying to decide what to make of our motley group, hunters can’t be far behind us. Cassian leads the way, his gait a little livelier, his injuries less evident, and I suspect just being back here has rejuvenated him as well.
We follow as he guides us somewhere to wait—hidden from hunters and the pride alike—while he talks to his father. At least that’s the plan we’ve decided upon. We have to deal with the matter of Miram first. My vengeance will have to wait until the danger is over.
We left the vehicles at the base of the mountain. Will holds himself tensely, watchful. “Tamra,” I say for her ears alone as we walk side by side. “I’m still leaving the pride.”
I’m not sure why I feel compelled to tell her this. As though she, like Will, might doubt my ability to cut ties with the pride. As with him, I hope to correct her of that misapprehension.
“You think so?” A smile plays on her mouth. “I remember you saying that before.”
“We’ll fix things with Miram, settle the score for Dad, and then I’m gone. We’ll start over and find Mom just like we—”
“I’m not going.”
I stop to stare at her. Only she keeps walk
ing, so I have to hurry to catch up, sending cautious glances over my shoulder at the others following us. Almost as though I were afraid they’ve heard her make this announcement.
“What about our plans? What about Mom?”
“Plans change, Jacinda. Besides, I never had much time to think it through. It was your plan. Not mine. I was just so angry over you and Cassian bonding that I wasn’t seeing things clearly.”
“That’s right. You were mad,” I remind her, “over my forced bonding. Over the pride banishing Mom. Why do you want to stay here?”
“Because they need me. Not everyone is Severin. I don’t want to quit on the entire pride just because of him. He can be removed. He will be. Cassian or someone else can take over. It’s time for new leadership, and I want to be here to help for that. I need to be. I can be useful and do some good.”
She’d do great things. She’s wise and levelheaded … sees things from all angles. And they’ll take her back with open arms. No questions. My breath falls shallow. Leaving the pride for good might translate into a greater loss than I ever imagined if it means losing my sister. There was solace in knowing she was coming with me. But I’ll have Will.
“So you’ll do this for the pride?” I ask.
“Is that so hard to believe?”
“Um, actually. Yes.” For years she hated the pride—wanted to be free of it forever. I was the one that wanted to stay.
Then she gives herself away.
Her gaze slides ever so slightly away, off to the side.
I follow her eyes to the enormous gray draki, flanking our group. When I look back at her she’s facing forward again, trying to pretend I didn’t catch her unconscious glance. But it’s too late. I saw. I already suspected there was something between the two of them. The beginning of something anyway.
“We all change,” she says vaguely.
“Yes. We do.” I guess Tamra looking at someone else besides Cassian attests to that. She’s right. Everything changes … evolves. And I feel a sense of anticipation bubble through me, eager for the future to come with Will. Whatever happens, I know we’ll be together.
I drop back a few paces, falling into step beside Will. He glances down at me and I smile up at him, just so glad, so relieved to have him here with me.
With my smile I try to convey to him that this isn’t forever, that we’ll leave soon. I’m not Tamra. The pride might need her, but not me. I’m not going to let Will down—or myself.
He gazes down at me rather intently, curiously.
“This is the place,” Cassian announces as we step into a small break in the forest. He removes his backpack and squares off before a wall of tangled brush. I watch as he begins removing it piece by thorny piece, tossing the branches to the ground and revealing a deep cave.
I step forward and peer inside, surprised to find a stash of supplies already there. I look at Cassian questioningly.
He shrugs. “You never know. Better safe than sorry.”
“What is this place? Does the pride know about this? Your father?”
“No. Just me.”
I glance again at the bags of food and various gear and equipment, seeing it for what it is—a stockpile. I can’t believe Cassian ever thought to take such measures. If the pride was ever in trouble or danger, I just assumed Cassian would go down with it rather than escape. That’s what he led me to believe.
Looking over the supplies, I see there are even gemstones. It’s not just an emergency stockpile. It’s everything a draki would want if he was running away and starting over someplace else. Someplace new.
He finishes clearing the opening and begins checking his supplies, casting me quick glances as he works, clearly sensing my puzzlement.
“You thought about leaving the pride?” I struggle with this—trying to reconcile the Cassian I thought I knew with the Cassian before me.
He’s always been about the pride—doing what’s best for the community. But this … my gaze sweeps the well-stocked cache of supplies. It makes me wonder if maybe Cassian didn’t have other plans once. Plans that didn’t include becoming the pride’s future alpha.
Cassian shrugs yet again and this tips me over from confusion to irritation. He’s the one who’s been my conscience, the voice in my head that’s made me feel so guilty for letting the pride down these past few months. He’s the one who’s reminded me over and over that the pride is more important than any single one of us. And here he is … with an exit plan in place. I let him feel my annoyance at his hypocrisy—for once enjoying that he can sense my emotions.
He blinks and looks away, a flush burning beneath his swarthy skin.
We move into the shelter of the cave. Deghan has to duck his head so it doesn’t collide with the low ceiling. Folding his great leathery wings close to his body, he sticks tight to Tamra, joining her as she starts looking through Cassian’s stash.
“You should all be fine here until I return.”
Miram inches closer to her brother. “I don’t want you to go. Don’t leave me.”
Cassian gives her arm a squeeze. “You’ll be all right. Don’t leave the group. They can protect you if you’re tracked.”
She whimpers a little and shakes. “I’m scared, Cassian.”
He hugs her then and my earlier annoyance fades. I understand her fear, her need to cling to Cassian. When I was friendless in the pride, a virtual pariah, I’d clung to him, too. I move close and touch Miram’s arm, trying to lend additional comfort.
“I can’t take you into the pride. You know that. I promise I won’t be gone long. We’ll figure this out and you’ll be back in your bed before you know it.” He looks at me then as he adds, “You can trust Jacinda.”
She considers me for a moment and then nods. Strangely enough, I suspect my bonding with her brother reassures her in some way whereas once it bothered her.
Cassian has to peel her arms from around him. He looks from her to me, to each of us. “I won’t be long,” he repeats and then ducks outside. Branches rustle as he arranges them back over the cave’s entrance, dousing us in shadowy murk.
Will crouches over the supplies and soon a low glow suffuses the cave from an electric lantern. He rises. The lamp casts him in an eerie yellow light. “Someone should stand guard outside. I’ll go.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” All I can think about is one of the pride finding him. Corbin finding him. I shudder, thinking about Cassian’s cousin trying to finish what he failed to do before—murdering Will. As dangerous as it is for me, it’s more so for him. My stomach dips.
“I’ll be careful and stay out of sight,” he assures me, but I’m not placated. He sighs at my grim stare. “Look, someone has to stand watch. We can’t let ourselves get cornered inside this cave.”
Aware of the threat he faces here, I shake my head, frightened to let him go out alone.
“He’s right, Jacinda,” Tamra says. She looks at Will. “We’ll take turns.”
Deghan nods, apparently agreeing as well. Still, I can’t shake my fear. Am I the only who sees Will wandering alone out there in draki territory as a bad idea?
“I’ll go with you.”
“You stay here. You need your rest. You’re no good without your strength.” He glances at Miram. “If hunters show up for her, you’ll need to defend her.”
I fold my arms across my chest. My gaze drifts to Miram. She stares at the lantern, looking so young, so vulnerable. So alone without her brother. I chafe my hands up and down my suddenly chilled arms and inch toward her. “Okay. I’ll stay.”
Like Cassian, Will leaves, pushing his way through the brush shielding the cave. He carefully repositions the branches after him.
Tamra lowers herself into a sitting position beside Deghan. After a moment, I sit beside Miram, hoping my proximity gives her some comfort. As we settle in, I wonder how Cassian is going to explain everything to the pride—the enkros, me, Will, Deghan. And Miram. I grow antsy thinking how close I am to the pride … and
to the traitor responsible for my father’s death. Even knowing that I have to be patient and wait for things to get settled with Miram doesn’t appease me.
Sitting and waiting, I wonder what’s to come and whether I’ll be ready. Whether any of us will.
18
I’m laughing and running, ocean water spraying against my calves. I look behind me. Mom and Dad walk hand in hand at a slower pace, just content with this rare vacation away from the pride. Tamra is closing in, fast on my heels, but I’m faster.
Rock formations dot the beach and tower over me. They’re beautiful, curious things. Tamra catches up and we laugh, falling against each other and pointing at various outcroppings, commenting on the silly things they remind us of.
“That one looks like a clown.”
“There’s a giant rabbit—and that looks like Dad’s nose!”
“That one looks like the Eiffel Tower.”
“And that one looks like a palm tree,” Dad says, pointing over my shoulder at the rock formation that is really wide at the top and then tapers down to a thin trunklike shape.
“Hey,” Mom says, fumbling for her camera. “You two go stand under it.”
I stand beneath it, looking up at the stretch of stone over my head. It sends a faint whisper through my soul, a lot like the earth back home. The rough reddish brown outcropping fascinates me, and Mom has to shout my name for me to look at the camera. I turn and smile, tilting my head so that it rests against my sister.
Then Dad’s there, draping an arm around me. He points to the umbrella of rock above us. “A palm tree, Jacinda.” He says this again, smiling.
I nod, smiling back. “Pretty cool.”
Everything else fades away then. Mom. Tamra. The sound of the surf. It’s just Dad, his eyes gleaming down at me. “No, it’s a palm tree, Jacinda …”
I wake with a gasp, my chest heaving, like I’ve been running a race. The dimness of my surroundings confuses me. I don’t know where I am. The air is murky, tinged faintly with a sickly yellow. Strange shadows dance along dark, uneven walls.
Then it all rushes back over me.
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