Blood, Sweat and Demon Tears (The Grateful Undead series Book 3)

by Susan Stec

  I heard a scuffle on the stairs and knew it was Christopher, trying to sneak Betty out. I jerked the picture of JoAnn off the altar and planted a big kiss on the glass over her face. It really got some attention, given my usual lack of sisterly love. I blushed and then stammered, "I really miss her, don't you guys?" Now I was using JoAnn as a distraction. I could feel the burn, baby, and see myself sitting right next to my sister in the flames of Hell.

  Their flabbergasted reaction to my loving statement didn't last long. The garage door opened. Resi turned in that direction. "Marcus?" she asked hesitantly.

  "It's just me," Christopher yelled from the stairs. "Everyone stay out of the garage for a few minutes. I'll be right back, and then I want to show you something."

  "What's he up to now?" Mom asked as the electric garage door opened and shut.

  "He has a new pet," I said, not really a lie, just another distraction. "He wants to surprise us. He told me it's gonna take care of all our fanged critter problems."

  Mom grabbed the picture from me, placing it carefully back on the altar. Before she could open her mouth again, the computer on the picnic table in the dining room buzzed, and we all heard Dorius ask, "Chick, are you there?"

  My mother abruptly turned from the altar and walked over to the computer. "Jeni told me you guys have two rogues you're after. How's it going?"

  "Not good. We can't seem to find a trail that doesn't dead end. They're covering their tracks. How about the immortal animals? How’s the hunting going?"

  I placed my arm around my mother.

  "I hear Marcus found the spell book." Mom shouldered my arm away.

  I gritted my teeth. "Can we try to summon Raphael as soon as he gets here?"

  Dorius didn't miss a beat. "I know you are all concerned with JoAnn's servitude, but the rogues are our first priority, the immortal animals our second. Have you destroyed any of them?"

  "We burned another fifty in the last three days," Mom answered, all business-like. "Dorius, I want my daughter back."

  Dorius rubbed his goatee, shoving his long, black hair off his brow. "Chick, I warn you, we need no further problems at the moment. Do I make myself clear? There will be no more family members brought back from the dead."

  The first time I tried a summoning, we thought maybe my great grandmother would be a good choice. JoAnn broke my concentration and I ended up with her dead dog, Tootles, which was my first immortal meal. It didn't go over well with Dorius.

  Mom took in a deep breath and sighed. "I can't feed or hunt. JoAnn's all I can think about, Dorius."

  Dorius rumbled "You need to feed, Chick. When was the last time you went out?"

  "Three days ago. I wish I could just suck a blood bag like the rest of them. I get tired of having to go out in search of human donors."

  "That's the price we pay for being Seraphs. I am aware of the inconvenience only too well," he replied.

  Dorius and my mother are the cream of the immortal crop. There are only ten Seraphs in the world and none of them can stomach processed blood. They're sanctioned to drink from humans. However, blood lust is very powerful, and a warm body could end up dead, especially when the victim fights back. Dorius found that mixing sex with feeding not only relaxed the mortals, but kept him from killing them. Mom followed suit.

  My mother sighed again and walked back over to the altar. Dorius' eyes followed her for a moment before he turned back as Resi and Zaire stepped up to the screen.

  "We checked out the sight of the Orlando crime scene," Resi said. "Nothing new to report—just like the others—the trail ends at the road just outside of the woods. They must have had a vehicle waiting."

  "Speaking of vehicles, I got a new car. Wait until you see it," Zaire added.

  "You mean hear it," Mom grumbled, finger-brushing the glass on JoAnn's picture.

  Dorius ignored both remarks. "Marcus should be there soon—keep me posted—no demon summoning without approval."

  The screen went black as Christopher walked in the front door. He was dressed in cargo shorts, a SpongeBob tee, Spiderman tennis shoes and his Florida Gators cap on backwards.

  "Ready to see what I got in the garage?" he asked anxiously, giving me a half grin.

  "We don't need any more surprises," Mom warned, placing the picture back on the altar.

  "Don't worry, Chick, I have the answer to all of our critter problems," Christopher said, pulling off his little Gators cap and fanning it towards the stairs leading to the garage. "Shall we?" He looked perfectly innocent, but I couldn't shake the image of his little, naked butt cheeks slamming against Betty as he bounced down the stairs in front of me.

  He opened the door wide and we moved in for a look.

  "Meet Monty," Christopher said, pointing to a cage in the corner of the garage.

  "It's a snake! A big snake! Get it the hell out of here!" I grabbed Christopher by the collar of his SpongeBob shirt and shoved him at the cage, damned glad I didn't venture out here alone earlier. Living most of my life in Florida, I had a great respect for snakes, and this one was at least twenty-five feet long and a good twelve inches in diameter.

  "It's a python. Get it?" Christopher laughed. "Monty the Python? And it can swallow a full-grown pig, maybe even a deer."

  "What about us, you idiot?" Mom spat.

  Zaire walked up to the cage. "F'n brilliant! A damn python! Why didn't I think of that? I wouldn't worry about it hurting one of us, Nan. We can take it."

  Resi cringed, fanning her hand over her breast. "Well, I'd rather not try."

  "It'll be hell on the smaller vamp-animals, and since it unhinges its jaws and has lots of small teeth, it can get the bigger ones too," Christopher said, all happy with himself. I wanted to slap his stupid, little head off his cute, little shoulders. "No fangs, by the way. It's a constrictor, and right now, it's hungry."

  "What about the humans!?" Mom yelled.

  "Dorius is not going to like your idea," Resi sang.

  "Screw Dorius, I have a plan. And as soon as Marcus gets here, I'm gonna discuss it with him." Christopher patted the cage.

  I cringed when the python slowly headed for his hand. "This snake's not indigenous to Florida, and you can't just set it free. Are you crazy? JoAnn's screwed up the ecology enough already."

  "Actually it's a great idea." Zaire tried to help, getting closer to Monty.

  "What if one of the animals infects the snake?" Resi tried.

  "That's my plan. Well, kinda-sorta," Christopher said.

  "Christopher, this is butt-ass stupid," I said. "Now get rid of it."

  "I'm not getting rid of it until Marcus gets here. I want to see what he thinks. See, I'm thinking when JoAnn gets back, she can turn it, and we can mind push the vamp-snakes toward the vamp-critters, and plant the no-touchy humans and uninfected animals in their itty-bitty minds."

  "That hasn't worked so far," I reminded him, finding the thought of my sister sucking on a snake quite amusing. I was teetering on top of the gates of Hell.

  "That's because Resi hasn't tried it yet. You know she has the power," Christopher said.

  Resi jerked her head in his direction. "I will not become a leader of pythons!"

  "Don't you already mind push the immortal animals while Zaire bags them?" Christopher asked.

  "Well, yes, but… but..." Resi stammered.

  "Exactly, and no one has thought to let you try to control the immortal animals, have they?" Christopher smiled at her.

  He was right, damn it. No one thought of that. Resi was a mentalist. That was her gift from our family blood lineage of demons and witches. She could mind push anyone, and was practicing with mated immortals. Not an easy task. When two immortals drink from each other while mating, they create a barrier that no one can breach. Which means no one can read their thoughts or mind manipulate them. Therefore, having a mate is a valued thing amongst immortals. Resi was just starting to master her abilities and could jump into my mind; even though she shouldn't be able to since I was mated
to Marcus.

  I turned to the old immortal in the child's body with a newfound respect and was just about to address it when we heard a booming male voice.

  "Honey, I'm home!" We all turned toward the door. It was Marcus.

  "Shall we?" Christopher asked, fanning his little hand in an arc. "No one says a word until I'm ready, got it?"

  An hour later, after drawing the pentagram and placing the candles on the floor, Marcus was sitting on the couch with Mom, Zaire, and Christopher. Resi was in an armchair, reading the chant to me out of the old spell book she held in her lap.

  From the Otherworld, I summon you here

  My drawn blood protects; harm brings no fear

  An exchange of words is what I seek

  I summon you, Raphael, come to me and speak.

  I looked at her with questioning green eyes. "Is that the same chant as we used before?"

  "It probably is a bit different, but it says in the book it's for summoning a demon," Resi answered.

  "Darling, I believe it's a close enough rendition," Marcus said, grinding his chiseled jaw. "Just try it, but I warn all of you, keep the conversation centered on JoAnn and her whereabouts. Demons are very good at mixing words. We don't want…"

  "I hear you, Fang-Boy. Now back off before I throw something at you." He'd only been home an hour and already, I wanted to bitch-slap him, even though my nether parts disagreed.

  I paused for a moment, drinking in his deep blue eyes and long, black hair. Taking a deep breath, I bit my wrist, and let a drop of blood fall by the candle I'd just lit. I crawled to the next two candles and did the same thing, then stood and tossed up a protective shield around my family.

  My ability to put up a shield was one of my family blood gifts. That and the witch thing. No one, not even an immortal, could penetrate it. Jake, a shape-shifter dragon and part of our team, once tried to set it on fire when he was in dragon form. The shield didn't even get hot.

  I chanted the summons.

  The room crackled with the smell of burnt amber. The atmosphere wavered and Raphael appeared in a pair of bright orange pantaloons with yellow tights encasing his skinny legs. He wore a bejeweled scarf over a purple silk shirt, laced with every color of the rainbow. Over snow-white, long wispy hair, his red cowboy hat perched precariously atop his head. His slippered feet glided over the floor, and his long, purple fingernails tested my bubble.

  "Well, to what do I owe the pleasure of being in your presence again, my lovely, little, immortal witch?" Raphael asked.

  "You know perfectly well what we want, you son-of-a-bitch!" my mother yelled. "I want my daughter back!" Marcus touched her shoulder in warning. She pushed his hand away.

  "Ahhh, my lovely, little concubine, JoAnn. I fear she is unwilling to come back to your world," Raphael said.

  "You're full of shit!" Zaire burst out.

  I yelled, "I want to talk to her myself!"

  Christopher sat very quiet, deep in thought. Per his request, we didn't mention Monty yet. I was sure he was working on his presentation.

  "What if she prefers not to speak with you?" Raphael ran his scarf through his fingers, flipping it at me, an amused grin on his gray-skinned face. His lavender eyes sparkled.

  "I want to hear that directly from her," I said.

  "Very well. We anticipated this day. JoAnn and I have created a tool for Susan to use. She is the only one able to make contact, but you will all be able to hear and view JoAnn."

  The demon pulled a four-inch, circular object from his pantaloons. It looked like a woman's compact and it was bright pink. Not my favorite color. I was sure JoAnn had something to do with that. When the demon opened the lid, it looked kind of like a cell phone inside. On one side were three different colored, florescent buttons in the shape of 6s, and on the flip side was a mirror.

  He held it up to face us, his long fingernails dancing across the keys as he spoke, "You merely press the pink number 6 to leave a message for your sister, the crimson 6 to hear a message sent to you, and the purple 6 to make a call." He laid the phone thingy on the floor in front of my shield. "And there is a cute, little tune your sister designed as a ringer, so you will know when she calls. But I assure you, she is quite content living with me." He tapped the phone closed with a slippered toe.

  "Yeah, I bet. Like shit on a shoe." I looked down at the phone and wondered why, in the name of all that was holy, my sister agreed to this.

  "May I go now?" Raphael asked.

  I shot him a sassy smile. "Yes, but I know how to summon you back, and don't you forget it."

  He stood smiling at me. I tapped my foot, waiting for him to leave.

  He exaggerated a sigh. "You must command me to leave, immortal witch." He flapped his arms in a "Give me a break” gesture. "Must I keep reminding you?"

  I shot him nasty eyebrows. "Be gone with you, demon!"

  The room crackled again, his image wavered, and he was gone.

  Mom hit the bubble at a run for the mirror, bounced, and fell flat on her ass. "Get the damn thing down! I wanna talk to your sister!"

  I touched the shield and it disintegrated.

  Mom grabbed the pink phone and immediately tossed it across the room, rubbing her hand. "The damn thing burned me!"

  "This better not be a joke!" Zaire said, reaching for the phone. The minute she picked it up, she tossed it at Marcus, who bounced it in his hands, and then tossed it at me.

  I held it in my hands and Christopher burst out laughing. "He warned you. I wouldn't have touched it. You women never listen."

  "Oh, give me a break, asshole," Zaire said.

  Resi laughed. "We never listen? This coming from the boy that thinks Monty is the answer to our problems?"

  Christopher smiled a warning.

  Marcus studied both of them, but before he could speak, Mom ordered, "Call your sister, Susan! Now!"

  "Patience, Chick," Marcus said. "Darling, do you wish to have some privacy when you make the call?"

  "I'll give her privacy!" Mom strutted over to me, pointing her finger inches from my nose. "I'll kick your private little ass into the next state if you don't make the damn call! Push the purple 6."

  I pushed the 6.

  JoAnn's image appeared in the mirror, looking like she just stepped out of a fairytale. She was standing in a field of clover, the sun at her back. She wore a long, billowy white dress with a ring of wildflowers crowning her head; the wind blowing her blonde hair about her face. She smiled into the pink phone. "I've been waiting for your call." She parted her lips, pulling a strand of hair out of her mouth, which she tucked behind her ear. "So, how're things down on earth today?"

  "Up here. You're in Hell, JoAnn. And you look ridicu…"

  Mom grabbed the phone. "Ouch! Ouch! Damn it!" she yelled, shoving it back in my hands. She grabbed my wrist and circled the camera lens in her direction. Everyone else gathered around us. "JoAnn, if you were in this room, I'd slap the shit out of you. I've been praying for months, and all you have to say is, 'how're things down on Earth today?' What the hell?"

  JoAnn moved the phone closer on her end and shot Mom warring brows. "I saw you break Mary's head off. It wasn't nice. God will get you for that, Mom." The reflection in the phone changed as JoAnn sauntered around the field of clover, playing with the lace on the bodice of her dress.

  I turned the screen in my direction. "JoAnn, don't be a bitch. What the hell is going on? Raphael said you don't want to come home." I wrapped both hands around the mirror and shook hard.

  JoAnn sighed and must have leaned down, because the screen filled with blue sky and one side of her dress flapped with a gust of wind. "Tootles, go watch Lilith. I don't like her wandering around alone." Her finger pointed off in the distance. We heard a hacking-bark and then zombie poodle ran in and out of the screen's viewer.

  "Hey, you!" I said. "You can see us down here without the phone? And who's Lilith? Get your damn face back in front of the phone! We miss you, darn it," I lied. Only this time, I fe
lt good about it.

  The image splashed sky, clover, dress, and hair at us. Finally, JoAnn's smug face appeared. "Yes, Raphael fixed it so that I can watch all of you in this crystal ball thingy, but he's the only one that can bring up an image, so I don't get to see you all the time." JoAnn's eyes wandered away from the screen and a warm smile touched her lips. "Lilith is my daughter. She's almost three. Wait until you see her, she's beautiful."

  "No fuckin' way!" Zaire said.

  My legs got weak. I almost hit the floor.

  Resi grabbed for the phone and whipped her hand away the minute it made contact. She blew on her fingers, and then peeked at the screen. "Aunt JoAnn, it's only been six months. You can't have a daughter!"

  Marcus growled in the background.

  Christopher rubbed his little hands together. "Sounds like a job for Monty. We don't need a little demon offspring running around with JoAnn's gift."

  I shot him a scowl, but the thought of a union between JoAnn and Raphael just about made me puke. "No, God, say it isn't so. Not Raphael's kid!"

  Mom elbowed Resi aside. "JoAnn, tell me you're only being the idiot that you are, and this is some kid the demon sucked into Hell for you to play with."

  "It's been almost three years here. Time is different down there." JoAnn smiled at us, like she was addressing family members she dutifully called on holidays and birthdays.

  "It's up here, goddamnit," I snapped, "and if time moves that fast down there, how come you're not moving at warp-speed while we talk?"

  "Raphael paid extra for an Abyss-to-Earth phone service; some ethereal-realm, time-zone thingy, or something. I don't understand it—and he bitched about the cost—but it seems to be working just…"

  "When did you meet this…Lilith?" Screw the phone—I wanted to hear more about the kid.

  "The day she dropped from my womb. Hold on, I'll go get her." With that, we watched JoAnn flutter off, her dress billowing behind her, her arm raised, hair blowing around her face. "Lilith, Lilith darling, Mommy wants you to meet your Auntie Susan, and your grandmother. Come here, dear!"