Picturing Perfect

by Brown, Melissa

  Relief. Sweet relief filled my body.

  "Yes." I nodded.

  She crouched down in front of the stroller.

  "Well, someone is crazy about you, little man."

  "I know. We're crazy about him, too," I said, glancing at my watch again. "I'm sorry to leave so abruptly, but we need to find Jason. It's kind of important."

  "Of course. Come back and see us again," she said, waving goodbye to Marty, who blew kisses back to her. "I hope you find him."

  "Me too."

  Fifteen minutes later, I pulled my car into Jason's parking lot. My heart raced to my throat as I saw him unpacking his trunk. Stopping the car in front of his, not even bothering to pull into a parking spot, I killed the engine and took the baby from his car seat. I jogged to Jason who looked completely shocked to see us. He looked at me with earnest eyes.

  "What are you doing here?" he asked, looking excited, yet apprehensive. He was trying hard not to get too optimistic. And I hated that I did that to him. That I made him feel so uncertain about my feelings for him. Maybe Auden was right. Maybe I didn't deserve him.

  "We were late to the signing. Traffic, poop, nap troubles…story of my life. I'm sorry."

  "You got the book?" he asked, eyes wide. I nodded emphatically.

  "It was beautiful, Jase."

  "I'm glad you liked it. I'd been working on it for a while."

  "You had?"

  "Of course. It was going to be his birthday present. But, then when everything happened…I figured now was the right time."

  "It was perfect."

  "I was stuck on the ending…until Marty wrote it for me." Jason looked proud. Running my fingers through his hair, he closed his eyes and relaxed into my touch.

  "There's one problem," I replied. Jason's eyes opened immediately and concern traveled across his face. I gave him a smile before continuing. "That was Marty's copy. I need one, too."

  Jason sighed, shaking his head and looking at the blacktop. He rubbed his neck, before locking eyes with me. His emerald eyes were watering. He was fighting back tears with every ounce of strength he had.

  I took his hands in mine. "You didn't deserve the things I said. None of them."

  He pursed his lips and nodded, raising both eyebrows, urging me to continue. I guess I needed to grovel a little more.

  "I just got scared…for me, for the baby, for you. I don't want to trap you. And, you didn't sign up for this. I know that."

  "What are you talking about?" he scoffed. "I signed up for this a long time ago. I want you. I want Marty. I want us."

  I nodded, looking up at the sky, unable to look into his gorgeous, pained eyes.

  "We're a family, Haddie. Don't you see that?"

  "I do now." I nodded, tears spilling from the corners of my eyes as I gripped his hands with all that I had.

  Jason let out a sigh of relief before pulling Marty and me into his arms.

  "I'm sorry," I whispered into his ear. "I'm so, so sorry."

  He sighed again into my hair as he gripped my back with his strong hands. I never wanted to leave his arms.

  "Dada," Marty said, pulling away from me and practically diving into Jason's arms. Jason smiled the widest smile I'd ever seen before pulling Marty in for a hug.

  "That's right, buddy," Jason said, rubbing his back. "Dada's here."

  "Happy Birthday to you…" Everyone sang as Marty clapped his hands and giggled. The number 1 candle sat atop his little Grover smash cake. He clutched Gogo in his arms and looked at me like I was crazy when I showed him how to blow out the tiny orange flame. When the candle went out, everyone cheered. His giggle fit started all over again.

  Jason removed the candle from his cake, made sure the bib was fastened and pushed it closer to Marty on the tray of his high chair. Marty carefully touched the blue frosting with his fingertips, hesitant to eat the bright blue depiction of his favorite friend from Sesame Street.

  "It's nom nom, sweet pea." Gently, I scraped a small amount of frosting from the cake with my finger, and licked the sugary buttercream. Marty smiled and mirrored my actions as best he could. His eyes widened, as he tasted the sweetness of the frosting. Within seconds, he was digging in with both hands, clutching fistfuls of yellow cake and blue frosting.

  Our friends and family watched as he covered himself completely in blue. His cheeks, his forehead, even his hair. I would've groaned, but laughter kept escaping my throat. A very pregnant Kate snapped picture after picture after picture of our messy boy while Jason laughed with Evan. Maya chased her toddler around the apartment as Mr. and Mrs. Kelly smiled at the little boy they adored.

  Auden stood next to Marty, stroking his hair as she watched him cover his body with frosting. She gave him a quick peck on the head before winking at me. She would be leaving after the holidays, so we were trying to savor as much time together as possible. Only a few months left of seeing one another whenever we wished. Unofficial or not, she was Marty's aunt and I was determined to have him remember her. We'd Skype, show him pictures of Auntie Auden holding him, whatever it took to keep her present in his life.

  Once everyone was served a piece of cake, I sat and chatted with my mom. She was as cheerful as I'd seen her in years, basking in the enjoyment of watching her grandson demolish his first birthday cake.

  "He's starting to look like you, sweetheart," she said, staring at my boy.

  "You're such a liar." I chuckled, shaking my head. Marty was still the spitting image of his father. And although he wasn't in attendance or participating, in any way, in his son's life, I'd always be grateful to Tucker for giving me this incredible little boy. Tucker's choices regarding his son frustrated the hell out of me all the time, and there were days that I dreaded ever having to discuss him with Marty. But, I had to take each day as it came. And Jason…well, Jason was his Dada. And an amazing one at that.

  "So…how's Steven?" I asked my mom, curiosity all over my face.

  Mom's cheeks turned pink. "You mean Steven-from-work-Steven?" She swallowed hard as she pushed frosting around her plate.

  "You could've brought him, Mom."

  "No, no. That would've been inappropriate." She shook her head as her lips formed a firm line.

  "I'm just saying…I'd like to meet him."

  "We're just…getting to know each other."

  "Okay. When you're ready." Placing my hand on top of hers, she closed her eyes tight and smiled a relieved smile.

  Steven had been pursuing Mom cautiously for several months. Turned out, he was part of the reason she started paying better attention to her appearance. She was still struggling with the guilt of moving on without my dad. But, I knew he'd want her to be happy. He'd want her to move on.

  Her doctor had her on a much lower dose of medication and she seemed to be handling it fine, for the most part. Although occasionally, if I stopped over unannounced, I'd find her still in her pajamas at noon on a Sunday. Or a new picture of my dad would pop up on the bookshelf, usually one from their first days as a couple. And then, I knew she was having a rough time. But, Steven had been a good distraction for her. He gave me hope that one day she might be happy again.

  "Are you excited to start back at Sunnyside?"

  "Yes, very. It'll be weird, though."

  "Marty will be just fine." She reassured me, tapping me lightly on the hand.

  "Thanks again for doing this."

  "It's my pleasure. I'm excited to spend two days a week with him. We'll have fun." Her smile was genuine, her enthusiasm obvious. It warmed my heart. All the concerns I had were diminishing when it came to my mom. She loved her grandson and she was able to show it. And I was comfortable with her having an active role in his life. It was good to feel that way. Good to let go of the worry, the shame and the concern that weighed on me for years.

  When our guests had gone and Marty was down for the night, Jason and I cleaned up the sea of blue wrapping paper that covered the living room. Ironically, Marty's favorite gift was the empty box from his n
ew tool bench set. He climbed in and out, in and out of that box as the guests shook their heads, each thinking about the real toy they brought that was being ignored for an empty cardboard container.

  "Looks like we missed one," Jason said, pulling a small shirt-sized box from the coffee table. It was wrapped in simple navy blue wrapping paper. He handed the box to me with a look in his eye that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

  "No card," I said, flipping the box over and over, looking for some sign of who the gift was from.

  "Just open it," Jason said with a soft smile as he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He was nervous.

  What is he up to?

  Quickly, I tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box. Two thick stacks of paper sat inside the box. Inspecting the first stack, I turned each page, looking for an answer. All I could see were pages and pages and pages of legal jargon. And on several pages, there was a signature. Tucker Montgomery. In the second stack, there were several more pages full of jargon, only I kept seeing Jason's signature next to another blank box, presumably for my own.

  "I know this was presumptuous of me," Jason said.

  "Oh my god, Jase. What are these?"

  "Tucker…he's giving up his legal rights to Marty. But, only if that's what you want."

  "You got him to do that?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Tucker had been completely uninvolved with his son, but for some reason, he'd always wanted to hang on to the option of coming back into our lives. I couldn't contain the relief in my heart. It poured out in the form of tears.

  "Yes. I spoke my peace…and he got it." Jason adjusted his glasses, still looking unsure of himself.

  "I'm in shock." I couldn't stop shaking my head from side to side in disbelief. I was stunned, I was shocked and I was so relieved.

  "There's more. The second set of documents is from me. I want us to be a family. Officially."

  "You want to…adopt Marty?"

  "Yes, I do. But, if it's not what you want, we can tear the papers up right now. I don't want to pressure you. And if you still want Tucker in Marty's life—"

  "No, no." I held my hand up in front of me, begging Jason to stop questioning himself. "Of course this is what I want," I said, choking on the words, wiping my soaked cheeks with my hand.

  "Then, I need to ask you something." When I glanced up to look him in the eye, he was no longer sitting next to me. Instead, he was kneeling down, holding a ring box in his shaking hands. His plaid shirt was unbuttoned, revealing a navy blue t-shirt that read, "Marry Me, Haddie."

  "Jase." I laughed and cried as I read his shirt over and over. Savoring it. Loving it. And understanding what it meant for me, for him, for us. I breathed in deeply before holding my breath, my teeth digging into my top lip as I awaited the question I've always dreamed of.

  "My love," he said, clearing his throat, "will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? And will you give me the greatest honor of allowing Martin to be my son?"

  "Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes," I said, rising to my feet, jumping up and down.

  He placed the ring on my finger and my heart beat rapidly in my chest.

  He stood, pulling me into him. I rested my head on his chest, knowing this was the happiest moment of my life.

  "We're going to be a family," Jason said into my ear.

  I pulled back and peered into Jason's misty green eyes. Gently, I grasped his chin and looked him dead in the eye.

  "We're already a family. You know that."

  He heaved a sigh of relief, running his fingers through my hair.

  "Yes," he smiled, "yes, I do."

  I'm really lucky. I'm surrounded by some of the most incredibly supportive people out there. Family and friends who are happy to give their input, brainstorm ideas and offer encouragement when I hit a stumbling block in the road…and that is not lost on me. Not at all. I'm going to do my best to remember every single person who supported me throughout the writing, editing, marketing of this book, and I really hope I remember everyone. Because every single one of you deserves to be acknowledged.

  Maggi Myers and Janna Mashburn, thank you both so much for helping me to sort through this story when it was just a couple of ideas. All of our conversations before I'd written anything at all helped me to make the story what it is. You are both responsible for the light bulb above my head that said, "Those two ideas could make one good story!" Thank you also for countless conversations of brain storming, plot elements and characters. I appreciate you both so much.

  Deb Bresloff, you had some absolutely fantastic ideas that helped to shape a very important aspect of the story, and I can't thank you enough!! I loved our chats and your, "what about this?" questions that pushed me to take the plot further! Thank you so much!!

  Lori Sabin, my wonderful editor. You are amazing. Such fantastic suggestions combined with a sharp eye make you absolutely fantastic!!! Thank you for all the time and energy you put into making this manuscript beautiful!

  My amazing beta readers: Melissa Perea, Shelly Pratt, Kate Mathias, Erin Roth, Lindsay Sparkes, Lisa Rutledge, Nina Gomez, and Amy Burt.

  Calia Read, my critique partner. Thank you for pushing me to challenge myself. And thank you so much for gifting me formatting by the awesome Angela at Fictional Formats! You do such beautiful work and it was so fun to pick out cute fonts and symbols! Thank you, Angela!!!!

  Lisa Jordan of Lisa Jordan Photography, thank you, thank you, thank you for the gorgeous cover photo, as well as all the time and energy you put in into making this photo available to me!! You never gave up, even when roadblocks got in your way. I appreciate that so much!!! Also, thank you to the beautiful model, Kate, who captured the feel of Hadley so beautifully.

  Michelle Preast at IndieBook Covers. Thank you for creating the stunning cover. You made it all come together so beautifully!!!! I love it so much!

  Thank you so much, Natasha Tomic, from Natasha is a Book Junkie, for organizing my blog tour. I am so lucky to have you in my corner. You amaze me at every turn!!!! And thank you to all of the fabulous blogs who are participating!!! Angie's Dreamy Reads, Flirty and Dirty Book Blog, The Indie Bookshelf, Beauty, Brains and Books, Morning After a Good Book Shh Moms Reading, TalkSupe, First Class Books, Bridger Bitches Book Blog, The Book Avenue, Reading Books Like a Boss, Always A Book Lover, Mommy's Reads and Treats, My Secret Romance, All Aboard the Book Blog, Three Chicks and Their Books, Becca the Bibliophile, Sugar and Spice Book Reviews, A Love Affair With Books, The Little Black Book Blog, Book Bitches Blog, Into the Night Book Reviews, The Autumn Review, Devoured Words and ToBeThode. I am so grateful to all of you for taking the time to read, share, review, etc. on your blogs!!!! I love you, My Natasha!!!

  Pamela Carrion, your enthusiasm, support and creativity mean the world to me. Thank you for running Brownie's Book Buddies as well as the Release Day Party. You are such an amazing person whom I am so lucky to call friend. I will forever be grateful for every bit of time that you have devoted to my books and to me!!! And thank you to Sharon Cooper for all of your fantastic posts about the books, your help with the release day party and all of your enthusiasm about my writing. Denise Tung and Lisa Kowalski, thank you for all of your help with the Release Party, as well. It would not have been the same without you ladies!!!!

  Leslie Fear, thank you for creating the title of this book. It's such a great fit and I'm so grateful to you for thinking of it for me!!!

  Thank you to my indie "co-workers" who were always there for encouragement, brainstorming, and feedback. You are all so awesome!!!! I would attempt to name everyone, but then I know my brain would leave people out. Just know, that I appreciate every single one of you!!!

  Thank you to the readers. I'm so lucky to have readers who "get me"---who get my style, my voice and my optimism. It means so much to me. Thank you to everyone who took a chance and pushed the "one click" button on this book as well as the first two. I am so, so, thankful for each of you!!

  And finally, thank you
to the clients of Countryside Association in Palatine, Illinois. You taught me so much more than I could have ever taught you. You will always have a very special place in my heart. And I treasure the time I spent being a part of your day to day lives. Thank you so very much.

  Melissa Brown is a hopeless romantic living in the Chicagoland area with her husband, Chris, and their two children. She loves baking, travel, and 80s pop culture. She speaks fluent movie quotes and loves to laugh. She has an addiction to Facebook and a slight obsession with Henry Cavill.

  Connect with Melissa:

  Blog:

  http://melissabrownauthor.blogspot.com/

  Facebook page:

  https://www.facebook.com/MelissaBrownAuthor

  Goodreads page:

  http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6457549.Melissa_Brown

  Twitter:

  @LissaLou77

  Auden's story continues in…

  Hello, my name is Auden Kelly and I'm dramatic. Isn't that nice? Dramatic. I seriously despise that word…it's always been the thorn in my side.

  Everyone in the Kelly family is artistic. Everyone but me, that is. My brother, Jason writes novels, my mom is a master with poetry, my dad paints and my older sister Maya sews ridiculously cute dresses for my niece. But me? I'm 'dramatic.' No, I'm not an actress in the traditional sense. People just think I overreact…to everything. I've been called a brat, self-centered, melodramatic, as well as a slew of other shit. It makes no sense to me. If someone does something stupid…I'm going to tell them. If someone screws up, I'm going to tell them. And if someone pisses me off…I'm sure as hell going to put them in their place.

  Case in point: The day four months ago when I told my parents I was leaving to be a tour guide in Europe for one year. My mom scowled, my dad huffed, and I got angry…like really angry.