Contingent

by Livia Jamerlan

  “Gus—”

  “No! Living for the nights he crawls into your room isn’t living. It isn’t love. He continues to go back to her when he’s done with you. Devon still has a ring on her finger—your ring.” I felt his strong hands on my shoulder. “This can’t be your life, Braelynn.”

  “I know.” Gus spoke the ugly truth.

  “You have to end it.”

  “I know.” I did know. I needed to end it, and never look back. Because there was only one way this would end for me—in a dark hole with a broken soul. And I knew if I fell back into that hole I would never come out again.

  Braelynn

  I sat in my small office a week later with piles of files staring back at me. The ache in my neck and burning in eyes told me I had been doing this for too long. It was Friday night and I had been working late all week. A part of my new hectic schedule was to avoid Landon; the shame I felt for leading him on was eating away at me. But I also worked long hours to overexert my body so sleep would come.

  My growling stomach pulled my attention away from work to feed it. I grasped the handle on my desk drawer and pulled it open revealing my snack stash. I was digging through looking for a chocolate bar when I heard heels clicking on the floor. I popped my head up and was rendered speechless.

  Devon.

  Devon dressed in a tight, royal blue dress looking ready for a night out. Her hair was blown out and, as always, her makeup was flawless. She looked like a perfect ten model.

  Bitch!

  I hated her, envied that she had him, despised that my ring was on her finger. Feeling inferior to her, I rose from my chair. Where she looked like a perfect ten model,

  I was in my usual pencil skirt, barefoot since my shoes were kicked off somewhere under my desk and an old faded blouse. To top it off, my hair was disheveled, a pen held it up in a messy bun on the top of my head.

  “I want you to stay away from my fiancé,” she said, dropping her Louis Vuitton purse on my desk.

  “I have better things to do with my life, Devon, then have this conversation with you.” I stood and began gathering the paperwork that covered the top of my workspace.

  “You go anywhere near him again and so help—”

  “Do you follow him?” Her threats were pointless to me. I had nothing else to lose. “Does he tell you where he goes? Because I have yet to show up at his job or his home. He comes to me, not the other way around, so take your threats to him.” I slammed my papers on my desk.

  “He doesn’t love you.” Her shiny lips curled up, showing a snarky grin.

  “That ring wasn’t bought for you,” I barked. “I turned him down when he asked me.”

  “He chose me.” She slammed her hands on her hips.

  “Yet he knocks on my door at night. Is your bed cold, Dev?”

  I noticed her jaw tighten and her lips quiver. After a few seconds she leaned on the desk, shoving her body forward. “I’ll tell Landon. I’ll tell him everything. ”

  I didn’t want to hurt Landon. Unscathed by my stupidity was how Landon had to walk away from this relationship. I crossed my arms over my chest, hating that she had the upper hand. I did have something to lose. Landon mattered to me. “You’re okay knowing that your fiancé comes to me?” I asked because I genuinely needed to know the truth.

  “He loves me. He is marrying me,” Devon continued. “He may knock on your door because he has an itch that needs scratching but don’t confuse love with a good lay.” She took her purse off my desk, tossing it over her shoulder. “Stop fucking my fiancé or I’ll tell Landon what a heartless, gold digging whore you really are.” She spat.

  She spun around leaving my office before I had a second to fight back.

  My knuckles rapped on the wood door. Then I waited all of five-seconds before I knocked louder. I was using Landon to block Haas from my mind, but I couldn’t stop myself. I was following my head since my heart couldn’t function anymore. Landon was my escape; he was my exit from what my life had become.

  I raised my hand to knock again, but the door was pulled back. Landon’s annoyed face changed the second he looked at me. His grin grew wider with each passing second. He had been in and out of town for the past few weeks and we had plans to meet tomorrow night.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked. Opening his door wider, I lifted up the plastic bag I had carried across Manhattan for him.

  “You said you’d never had Junior’s Cheesecake.” Lifting on my toes, I pressed my lips to his. Landon’s callous hand graced my cheek, and his cocoa eyes shined brightly as he looked at me.

  “You brought me dessert?”

  I wrapped around his firm frame. I wanted to tell him how I felt. I wanted to share with him that sweets were how I cured my broken heart. Hell, I needed to tell him how I was so screwed up that I hoped he could fill Haas’s place in my heart.

  “Maybe.” I burrowed my face into his chest. Landon didn’t move. Thinking that Devon was already inside, I pulled away from him. “Is this a bad time?” I looked back at the house, looking for the twat on heels.

  “No, come on in.” He stepped back opening the door wider for me. “You caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting to see you until tomorrow night.” He locked the door behind him and walked to the kitchen.

  I instantly felt like I was imposing. “I should’ve called.” I placed the box of cheesecake on the counter and turned back to face him.

  “No. I’m surprised that’s all. You okay?” Landon was at my side, his eyes searching my face for answers. His fingers slid my loose tendrils behind my ears before placing a soft kiss on the tip of my nose.

  “We aren’t talking about me today.” I hated lying to him, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. Especially since I was running from it. “You’re going out of town again and I don’t want to bore you with my repetitive life.” I looked down at the white paper box that held the creamy, velvety cake. This would cure the pain that resided in my chest.

  “Braelynn.” He lifted my chin back towards him and I squeezed away from where he held me. Guilt was a son of a bitch that decided to appear at the most random times. Opening the cupboards above the counter, I heard him behind me. “What are you doing?”

  “Looking for your plates, I told you that. I brought dessert.”

  “Have you had dinner?” He wrapped his arms around my body, his nose tickling my neck as he inhaled my scent. “You’re different.” He released my body.

  Could he tell Haas had been with me? I held the cabinet door opened, my eyes pinching shut. How much longer could I keep up this charade?

  “Because I want to eat cheesecake?” I asked, twirling back to face him. Landon rested with his back on the counter and his chiseled arms folded over his chest.

  “I took a cab to Brooklyn. Junior’s is not in the safest neighborhood, by the way. Then I had to find a cab to bring me here. So yeah, I want some cheesecake.”

  Landon chuckled. His arms unfolded and he grasped my wrist. “You, Braelynn Wolf, are like no other woman.”

  “You have no idea.”

  Landon was a friend, one I could rely on to bail me out of a jam. He was the type of guy who I could talk to about anything and know he was never judging me. He had a heart of gold and any woman who had the opportunity to feel his love, would forever be happy. Though I tried to be that woman, I just couldn’t stop loving the asshole.

  Landon and I stood over the open box of cheesecake. He watched my every move as I slid the knife into the round cake. I served him a piece and he waited until I had a piece of my own before he crumbled a piece off with his fork. I followed in his footsteps bringing the fork to my mouth.

  Landon devoured his piece and served himself a second slice. I watched his every move, reveling in how a simple New York cheesecake brought a smile to his face. His phone began to ring from somewhere in his house. Placing the plate on the counter, he began walking to his phone but stopped before he was out of the kitchen. Spinning back around, he marched toward
s me, his hands gripped my face and he kissed me. It wasn’t tender. It was hot, carnal. His tongue dipped into my mouth, the taste of the sweet cake folding over our tongues. His hands moved up to my hair, tangling it around his fingers. When his phone began to ring again, he released his hold. His eyes locked with mine.

  “I’m sorry, but I missed you,” he spoke softly. I couldn’t respond, my fingers trailed over my lips.

  Whatever I had with Landon needed to end. He wanted more from me and I couldn’t give it to him. That kiss should have had me panting, wanting more, but instead I kept wondering what Haas would taste like with cheesecake. I dropped my plate on the counter and rushed outside. I needed fresh air. I needed the clarity of the dirty Manhattan breeze before I lost control of everything.

  I stood on Landon’s balcony, looking at the sun setting. Guilt wasn’t a strong enough word for what I felt. I couldn’t stand the person I was becoming. I heard the sliding door shift and knew I was no longer alone. His arms enveloped around my bodice pressing me between him and the railing. I couldn’t keep up the pretense; I wouldn’t keep using him as my crutch. I leaned my head back on his shoulders, releasing the trapped air that was suffocating me with each passing second.

  “You want to talk about it?” he whispered into my neck. Pulling my hair to the side, he kissed the bare skin on my shoulder.

  “I’m a shitty person.” I closed my eyes.

  “Is this about Peyton?” Landon asked. How he knew, I’d never know. Maybe he sensed it.

  “Yes.” I felt a warm tear slide out of the corner of my eye and create a warm path down my cheek. “It’s a mess. I’m a mess. God, I should’ve never brought you into this.” I let out a sigh filled with regret. “Landon, I’m so very and truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

  Landon pulled on my arms, releasing the hold he had on my hair. Spinning me around to face him, his eyes met mine. He brushed a tear from my cheek. Shaking my head, I looked at the ground.

  “I could tell it was him. Your eyes change. It’s the same look you had at Caleb’s housewarming. The look you had at the engagement party.” He reached up and wiped a tear away from my face. “I don’t know the relationship you have with Peyton,” Landon embraced me, “but I know you love him. The kind of love I hope to find one day. In the few months you let me in, you have changed a part of my life, Braelynn.” He kissed the top of my head. “You’ve made it brighter, made the days better.”

  I sniffled and looked up at him. His eyes were soft, caring in the most soothing way. “So if he can’t see how truly beautiful and outstanding you are, he doesn’t deserve to have you in his world.”

  “I tried, Landon,” I said, my voice shaky. “I really did try to fall for you.”

  “I know.” He wrapped his arms around me once again. My tears soaked his T-shirt. Inhaling his scent of orange and leather, I let my mind capture this final moment with him.

  Braelynn

  My stomach turned; my body felt like a truck had run over it and chills ran up my spine. I headed towards Jerry’s office my hands trembling. Sweat began to coat my skin.

  “Jerry?” My hands thumped on the door. I pushed the door ajar peeking my head in. Jerry was the office manager.

  “Braelynn, come on in.” Each step inside his office took a toll on my body. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked, noticing my sluggish steps.

  “No.” The bright sunlight coming from his office window caused my headache to throb. “I’m going to take the rest of the day off. I’ll be in first thing tomorrow morning.”

  “Take as much time as you need.”

  Most days I’d take the subway home, but I felt so weak that I was afraid I’d pass out on the subway and miss my stop. Thomas’s car was still parked at the end of the block, but he was nowhere in sight. Of course, the one day I needed his help . . .

  I walked to the opposite corner of the street, and with one hand pressed to my forehead, I raised the other to hail a cab. The yellow cab pulled up to the curb next to me. My hands tugged at the back passenger door and it felt like it weighed over a ton.

  “Where to, miss?” the cabbie asked. My throbbing migraine made it impossible to speak. “Miss?” he asked again when I didn’t answer.

  I leaned my head forward as a wave of nausea hit my body. I yelled to the cabbie my address and he took off. I leaned my head back on the blue leather seat. Trembling from the cold chills, I rested my eyes. It was a twenty-minute car ride, but it felt like seconds.

  I paid the cabbie and yanked my body from the car. Walking up the steps one at a time, I saw my front door was ajar. Gus was never one to leave the door open . . .

  Pushing the door, I tossed my tote on the floor and slipped out of my shoes. “Gus?” I tried to speak but barely any noise came out. Unbuttoning my dress shirt, I headed towards my room.

  I blinked multiple times as I suddenly noticed Haas taking pictures of my day planner that lay open on my bed.

  “What are you doing here?” I shouted.

  “What are you doing home?” He slid his phone in his pants pocket. His wide eyes and raised eyebrows told me that I had caught him.

  “You don’t get to ask me questions. What the fuck are you doing in my house? Where is Gus?”

  “What’s wrong with your voice?” Haas asked. “You’re barely audible.”

  My hands coiled around my throat. I’d thought I was yelling, but there was nothing coming out on the other end. “That’s beside the point. How did you get inside my house?”

  “Braelynn—”

  “Don’t you move! What the fuck you are doing here, how did you get in, and why are you taking pictures of my agenda?” I rested my hand on the doorframe to hold me up.

  “I’m trying to protect you.” His voice made my brain throb. “You don’t look so well. Is everything all right?”

  “Shut up!” Rage began to mix with my weary body. “Answer the goddamn fucking questions, Haas. I’m not in the mood for your mind fucks. I want to know how the hell you got into my house.”

  “I have a key.”

  “How do you have a key to my house?” The locksmith had changed my locks three days before Haas and I broke up and I hadn’t given him a key. “And don’t fucking lie to me.” I looked him dead in his eyes.

  “I took Gus’s key and made a copy.” He walked toward me, but my hand rushed up to stop him.

  “Braelynn?” Gus asked, peeking his head back in the kitchen.

  “Yeah?”

  “Have you seen my keys? I thought they were in the fish bowl and now I can’t find them.”

  “No, I haven’t seen them.”

  “Fuck!” He stomped back to the living room. His cell phone began to ring, which I assumed was Jon waiting with the cab outside.

  “Gus, take mine. Don’t make him wait.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, go. I’m not leaving the house tonight.” I had no plans. Sad as it was, my life now consisted of work and ice cream.

  “Morning, baby girl.”

  I laughed. “You looked like you had a good night.”

  “One for the books.” Gus stretched his arms over his head before turning to drop my keys in the fishbowl by the front door.

  “Oh no, I need those.” I extended my hand for them.

  “Hey! You found my keys!” He took his set from the bowl.

  “I did?”

  “Well, they weren’t here when I left last night and now they are.” He held them between his fingers.

  “I have no idea. That tea you gave me . . . It does shit to people, Gus.”

  “You fucking asshole. That night . . . that night I took the tea. It wasn’t a dream. You sick bastard.” I marched towards him, my hand slamming against his chest. “You took Gus’s key and you came into my room and made love to me!” My hand slammed against his chest again. “Get the fuck out of my house. I never want to see you again Peyton. Ever!”

  “I needed to make sure you were safe.” He reached for my arm but
I moved away.

  “What you needed was a way inside my house so you could fuck me when your wife wasn’t in town.” I marched to the living room. “Get out or I’m calling the cops. Now, Haas.” I yanked the door open. “Don’t you ever come back. You’re not welcome here anymore.” Hass strolled out of my house with his head hung low. I slammed the door and I locked it though it was pointless since he had the key. I also needed to call the locksmith and have him change the locks . . . again.

  I don’t know where I’d found the energy to kick Haas out from, but it was vanishing rapidly from my body and the ache and chills were returning. I drew my phone from my purse and dialed Gus.

  It rang a couple of times before he answered. “What’s up, baby girl?”

  “Hey, I have a quick question for you.” I walked into my room and tossed my day planner in the trash. I began to undress.

  “Shoot.”

  “The last time Haas was here did you give him your keys?” I huffed.

  “No, why?”

  I ignored his question and asked another. “And the time you lost your key, the night you gave me that Sleepytime tea, had he been by?” I slid my undershirt over my head and tossed it in the hamper.

  “Uh . . . he had come by that morning, but he didn’t stay long. Everything okay?”

  Mother, shitty, shit shit! Haas had taken Gus’s key and returned it that night. And every other time he had entered my house without permission. This was a new low for him.

  “Yeah, now it is.” I slid into my pajama pants, my body aching for bed. “I feel like shit, Gus. When you come home make sure I’m not dead.” I didn’t wait for him to respond. I tossed the phone on my nightstand and crawled into bed.