“Not at all,” she answered cordially. “Are you here for the five-ten no limit game.”
“I am,” he replied. “The floor said it should get going in a few minutes.”
“I am sure it will then,” Amanda smiled and prepared herself for the inevitable small talk. “Can I sell you some chips.”
“No thank you,” he smiled back at her. “I already got them at the cage.”
And, that was it.
No small talk, no flirting, no telling her how beautiful she was, no asking her out. It was a pleasant change of pace from the usual verbal barrage she was subject to whenever a customer found her by herself at the break table, a ritual that sadly, she had become accustomed to.
Amanda had wrongly thought that the proposals from the Romeos would cease when she transferred to the poker room after having been a cocktail waitress for years. It was one of the reasons she made the move, and while the money wasn’t quite as good, the hours fit well with her school schedule, and she no longer had to parade around in high heels and a short skirt, her cleavage exposed, a forced smile on her face as she fought off the advances of what seemed like hundreds of men a night.
But, this man was definitely different, and as she checked his finger for a ring that wasn’t there, Amanda was taken aback at the immediate attraction she felt towards him and decided to make conversation.
“So, where are you from,” she mentally kicked herself for using such a worn out introduction.
“I live in Florida, but am originally from Philadelphia. How about you,” he responded politely.
“I am from Atlantic City, born and raised, believe it or not.”
“No one is from Atlantic City, you must be mistaken,” he smiled.
She enjoyed his smile, pleasant and well framed against the backdrop of his ruggedly tanned face and closed cropped dark hair flecked with gray. But at the same time, Amanda sensed a certain sadness beneath the pleasant exterior, as if this strong, durable looking man had been hurt or damaged in the past. This man really is different, she thought to herself as she decided how to reply, surprised with how nervous she suddenly felt.
“I’m not mistaken, I even have the birth certificate to prove it,” she finally replied as the table started to fill up with players and she wished she had come up with something clever to say . “Good luck to you tonight.”
“Thank you,” he responded before starting to count his chips.
The Floor Manager arrived at the table, and Amanda initiated the ritualized routine of removing the cover from the chips, counting down the tray to make sure it contained $10000, signing off on the count, and double checking the cards. Luckily, she could perform this routine in her sleep, because she couldn’t stop thinking about the man in seat seven and whether or not he had felt the same intense attraction that she had.
It wasn’t just physical attraction, the kind that many people mistake for love and then proceed to ruin their lives accordingly. No, this was different. Maybe it was because it was the holiday or perhaps it was due to her loneliness, but Amanda had the feeling that this man was meant to sit at her table tonight, that some unique circumstances had conspired to bring them together. Could it be love at first sight? Could it be destiny? Could he possibly be feeling the same thing?
Finally, the game began, and Amanda immediately recognized that this man wasn’t any ordinary poker player. He controlled the table with a tight but aggressive style, his bet sizing and sense of timing a well oiled machine. He was quiet, yet polite, confident but not arrogant, a good tipper, but not showy or extravagant. It was a pleasure to watch him play, almost erotic at times, and at the end of her half hour down at the table, he stood up and placed a tip in her hand and finally spoke to her again.
“Thank you, Amanda,” he smiled once again. “You were very lucky for me. I will see you soon.”
“You are welcome,” she smiled back at him as she realized he must have seen her name on her ID badge. “See you soon.”
As she moved to the next table, Amanda couldn’t stop thinking about the man in seat seven, and realized she hadn’t gotten his name.
* * *
It was nearly midnight as Jack laid in his surprisingly comfortable bed, reviewing the results of his night at the poker table.
He had played well and had a fortunate run of cards, and the end result had been a profit of $1800, almost enough to pay for the entire trip. More importantly, he had maintained his concentration and focus, and as he mentally reviewed the hands from the evening, he couldn’t recall a single mistake he had made.
Not a single missed bet, bad call, mistimed bluff, and nothing even close to a hint of tilt, a word appropriately used to describe poor play resulting from the loss of emotional balance, something akin to the loss of control when tilting on an old pinball machine.
And, that was important.
As he reached over to the night stand to retrieve a bottled water, Jack recalled the reason he had stopped playing nearly a year ago. He had thought poker would help take his mind off the tragedy, but with his focus and concentration non-existent, Jack had for the first time been subject to going on tilt after making a mistake. The result had been the first losing month he had ever experienced, and Jack decided to quit before it got any worse and he lost any more money.
This pattern had repeated itself in all facets of his life during the past year. Work, poker, relationships. Jack had been on life tilt. He just couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened and how much he missed her, and before long, he had decided it was best that he just withdraw from basically everything.
Now, as he looked up at the ceiling of a hotel room a thousand miles and a year removed from where and when it had happened, he finally realized that withdrawing wasn’t the answer. It was time for him to rejoin the world and put the past behind him, even if it was going to be difficult, and that new start was going to begin tonight.
As he closed his eyes, Jack was surprised to find his mind clear, and pleased to finally be able to move on with his life.
* * *
Amanda quietly entered his hotel room a little after midnight, thankful for the room card he had slipped her and the early ending to her shift. As she looked at him sleeping in the bed, she slowly took off her clothes, careful not to wake him.
What am I doing here, she thought to herself as she removed her skirt. I just met this man, I shouldn’t be doing this, this isn’t like me, Amanda started to panic.
But, there was no stopping her. I need this so badly, she realized as she removed her bra and stood exposed at the end of the bed, one last chance to reconsider what she was about to do.
It’s only one night, she rationalized to herself, one night to feel something again, one night to get over Jim once and for all, one night to forget who I am.
Her final decision made, Amanda slid under the sheets and slowly awoke him with a kiss, her hand feeling the warm muscles of his chest as he gently returned her kiss and his hands moved to her body. This feels so good, she thought to herself as he moved on top of her, his mouth caressing her breast, the hardness of his body a needed distraction from her problems.
They proceeded cautiously at first, getting to know each other and trying so hard to please, both of them enjoying each moment of anticipation as they explored each other from head to toe. Aroused by what they had found, his mouth returned to hers as they kissed more passionately, her tongue finding his as her body invited him to join her. Finally, he accepted her invitation, their bodies a perfect fit, her thirst for him finally quenched.
Their introductions complete, they moved in perfect rhythm, instinctively surrendering their inhibitions and releasing their inner animals, their struggle intense and all consuming, their excitement building and building. No longer in control, Amanda felt her mind leave her body, and as she watched herself roll over on top of him, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing, what she was doing, and what she was feeling as she braced herself for the inevitable, the first tim
e it had ever happened with a man.
“Oh my god, oh my god,” she heard herself panting as she trembled with ecstasy, climaxing prematurely as she released all of the emotions and feelings she had held back for so long.
Her mind finally exploded, and Amanda awoke with a start, her heart beating rapidly and her nightie damp from perspiration.
“Oh my god,” she whispered to herself as she finally realized she had been dreaming, alone in her apartment.
Chapter Three
“Uncle Jack, Uncle Jack, throw it over here,” Jack smiled as he watched his nephew, Matthew, go out for a pass, surprisingly well covered by his little sister, Elena.
Jack tossed the Nerf football, a perfect spiral likely good for touchdown he thought as he watched it sail towards Matthew in the corner of the makeshift end zone. But, just as he was about to celebrate his record ninth touchdown pass of the day, Elena tipped the ball away from Matthew. An excellent pass defense, Jack admired the play of his niece.
“Uncle Jack, that was pass interference,” Matthew pleaded to the referee for a call as he came back to the huddle, embarrassed to have been beaten to the ball.
“It was close, Matt, but I think it was clean,” Jack made the final decision. “Nice play, Elena.”
“Thanks, Uncle Jack,” his shy niece smiled at him, pleased at the compliment.
“You are welcome,” he smiled back at her and gave her a high five. “Looks like we have another tie, guys,” Jack officiated the end of the game, in total control of the outcome in his role as both the steady quarterback and the referee.
“Uncle Jack, we have a little more time,” Matthew pleaded, not pleased with the final play. “Can’t we play one more series, winner take all.”
“I would love to Matt,” Jack replied as he put his arm around his shoulder. “But, my flight is at 2:00, and I want to make you guys a quick lunch before I get going.”
“Okay, Uncle Jack,” Matthew agreed, although Jack could sense his disappointment. “But, promise to come back soon, we have to do my fantasy baseball team together.”
“I will be back before the season,” he promised. “Now, you guys go inside and get cleaned up for lunch. I’ll be in in a minute.”
What great kids, Jack thought to himself as he watched them run inside and he picked up the ball and the towels that had served as goal line markers. He had driven to his brother’s house in the mountains north of Allentown the day after Christmas, expecting to spend just a couple days before returning to Atlantic City and flying home on New Year’s Eve. But, enjoying the relaxation and slow pace of the environment, he had ended up staying the entire week, the daily football game an important part of his schedule.
The kids were a lot of fun, Matthew a couple years younger than Delaney, Elena a year older than Bailey, and Jack smiled as he thought of both the girls and his niece and nephew. Spending so much time with them brought back a flood of great memories of time spent with Brittany and the girls, and Jack had for the first time since the accident been able to focus on the good times without spiraling into a depression, the wonderful memories usually a harsh reminder of everything they had lost.
He had also finally been able to eat and sleep again. Jack felt like a bear in hibernation, sleeping ten hours a night after enjoying a homemade dinner prepared by his brother’s wife. Maybe it was the unfamiliar environment that changed his habits, but Jack knew that simple life functions like eating and sleeping had not come easily during the past year, and it was almost if he was making up for lost time as he gorged himself on food and rest.
And while he still dreamt about her every night, gone were the horrible nightmares that had plagued his mind, so real he was forced to relive that night over and over, a never ending film running through his head. The phone call, the flashing lights, the hospital, the funeral.
“Don’t do this to yourself, Jack,” he thankfully caught himself slipping and gave himself a quick pep talk entering the house. “It’s been a year now, it is time for you to move on.”
* * *
Amanda’s shift started as it always did, promptly at 6:00 PM on the break table in the high limit section, no change in the routine even though it was New Year’s Eve. It was Amanda’s eighth straight night working and she looked forward to finally having a day off the next day, a good way to start the New Year.
As she checked her watch and wondered where the players were, she figured they might show up a little later than usual, delayed and distracted by their party planning. It was not a good night to be working as the amateur party goers came out in force, slowing down the games and subsequent tips with their inexperience and drunkenness, and Amanda looked forward to sleeping in on her day off and getting away from the casino for a day.
What day is it today, she wondered to herself, having lost track of the calendar due to her hectic work schedule and not having been in school for two weeks. It’s Saturday, she remembered, and suddenly looked forward to going back to school on Tuesday, the winter break thankfully coming to an end.
Amanda loved going to school, the sense of accomplishment and purpose in sharp contrast to the feeling of drudgery and superficiality she felt working in the casino. Sure, she did have some great customers, people she truly respected. But for every one of them, there were a hundred of the stereotypical casino gamblers, greasy-haired womanizers out to party and hit on the girls. Men like her ex-boyfriend, a wolf dressed in professor’s clothing.
No, she was not going to think about him tonight, she thought to herself as she again checked her watch, still no customers in sight. It wasn’t even that she missed him, because she didn’t, she was thinking about him only because she couldn’t believe that he had turned out to be one of these men. Don’t any of these guys have a brain anymore?
Why couldn’t they be more like seat seven, the polite, well-dressed man who had sat at her table on Christmas night. Amanda had scanned the room for him every night since, hopeful for another encounter and maybe to even learn his name, but had been disappointed to have not seen him since Christmas. She now realized her crush had lasted an entire week, and was surprised at the depth of feelings she could have for a stranger.
He was probably just another man visiting family for the holiday and escaping to the casino for a couple of hours of relaxation, and Amanda was sure he was back in Florida by now, probably the CEO of an important company or the owner of his own business living the life of luxury under the Florida sun. Maybe he was married, a wonderful husband and father who just didn’t like wearing a wedding ring, unlike the thousands of adulterous men who purposely removed this tiny albatross from their finger before entering the casino.
No, he definitely didn’t have the kind of problems she had, struggling to pay the rent and finish school, working a job she didn’t like, just trying to survive. The man in seat seven lived in a completely different world than her’s, and their paths would likely never cross again. He was simply her fantasy man, living a life she could only dream of.
But, it was nice to have fantasies, and as Amanda’s mind drifted back to her dream in his room, she again felt the touch of his hands on her body and once more felt him inside of her as she closed her eyes to relive the culminating moment.
“Do you mind if I sit down,” Amanda’s thoughts were interrupted by the exact same words she had heard a week earlier.
As she opened her eyes and looked up to see the man in seat seven, the flash of anticipation was immediately extinguished when she saw it wasn’t him.
“Not at all,” she smiled as she hid her disappointment and replied professionally. “Are you here for the five-ten no limit game.”
“No, honey, I just saw you sitting over here all by yourself and decided to come over and say hello,” he grinned before taking a sip of his drink. “Has anyone told you what a beautiful woman you are?”
Amanda cringed slightly as she looked down at her grandmother’s engagement ring on her finger, a supposed deterrent from these unwanted adv
ances. Just smile, Amanda, she thought to herself as she quickly regained her composure and looked back up at the middle-aged man in seat seven, dressed tackily in $200 designer jeans and a shiny black silk shirt far too open at the collar, the scent of cologne overpowering her senses.
“Can I sell you some chips,” she smiled somewhat awkwardly as she ignored his advance and continued her routine.
“No, I’m just here for the New Year’s Eve festivities, this game is probably a little too rich for my blood. What time do you get off tonight, sweetheart,” he continued his lusty pursuit.
Get the message, buddy, Amanda though to herself as she made the subtle hand signal to floor security, one of the benefits of working in the high limit section.
“I work all night,” she lied as thankfully the floor man arrived to handle the situation.
The process was subtle and performed quickly, and as she watched security politely escort the man out of the high limit section, Amanda was thankful that her days as a cocktail waitress were long over and that she had worked hard enough to be promoted to the poker room.
Amanda remembered how exposed she had felt out on the floor without a table to protect her from the customers, security not nearly enough to do the job. She recalled feeling like a piece of meat thrown to the wolves, gawking and drooling over her body parts, ready to pounce at the first sign of weakness. She had been left to fend for herself, security too busy to bother with simple acts of molestation.
Dealing poker was better, she thought to herself, the table an adequate shield from predators, although she realized it was no longer her body that needed protection. After all these years, Amanda understood it was her mind that was in danger, that she was in jeopardy of losing faith in humanity, and more specifically, of losing faith in the male species.
With this thought in mind and her table still empty, Amanda decided to make her resolution for the New Year. She resolved to never again involve herself with any man while she was in Atlantic City. Graduation would be here before long, and she had no interest in being hurt or disappointed anymore, not by this town and not by these men. Soon, she would be in a better place with better people, and then she would be ready to take that chance once more time.
Broken Man Page 3