by Tiana Laveen
I am so addicted to you, and I’m not ashamed of it. It feels good. You are my drug. You are what I crave when I wake up in the morning, when I need a pick-me-up in the afternoon, and when I go to sleep at night. Not just sexually, Xenia—I mean EVERYTHING about you. Your smooth skin, your smile, all that sexy fucking hair… your sweet, down-to-Earth personality. Your voice, just beautiful! Your spirit, zest for life. You’re just a damn good person, far more than I ever deserved! Even the way you mother our children turns me on! There is something about watching you taking care of my seeds that drives me that much closer to you. You’re not a good mother, Xenia. You’re an EXCELLENT mother. Each time I got you pregnant, it was a gift from you to me, and from me to you. Each time you carried those pregnancies, through the pain, discomfort, you kept giving to me. Each time you gave birth, it was the ultimate sacrifice. We have a beautiful family, and our Creator blessed us with those children so that we may take care of them, and help them grow into productive and content adults. It is a big undertaking, but together, we can do it. I learn so much from you, Xenia, every day. Sometimes I may act like I know everything, but I know I do not. You’re not just my student, you’re my teacher. You taught me how to stop being so egotistical, and to consider someone else for a change. You taught me that if I wanted love, and to find my Queen, I had to act like a King, and not just in words, but in my behavior and actions! A king takes care of himself, his castle and his family! And he does so PROUDLY. He makes sure his Queen does not needlessly suffer, and should they run into hard times, she never has to question his dedication to fixing whatever it is that has gone wrong, gone astray, especially if he is in some way to blame.
You made me grow up, Xenia. When we were first together, I was still rather immature and self-absorbed. I was a bit of a tyrant, imposing my way. Now, I am able to sit back for a moment and look at things from different perspectives. You taught me about fairness, and about how pride has no place in affairs of the heart. I still struggle with that, and I believe I always will, but through your constant presence in my life, you keep me striving to be a better man. I begged for you in my prayers, but now, I beg for you in front of sold-out crowds of people, and I’m not embarrassed! You are the only person that could make me do that, but here you are—you DO. When I say beg, I am talking about the way I think about you, want to be with you and around you all the time. My heart and my soul beg to always be near you, Xenia. When we aren’t together, I miss you more than words could ever express.
When I was growing up as a teenager in New York, I never imagined I’d fall in love, and this hard, at that. It is almost impossible to describe. But…I knew when I saw you the first time in L.A, I knew, baby, that you had me, it was a wrap…I knew my search was over. I had found my Queen, and I’d never be the same. A part of me did feel a bit selfish and guilty, though. I had these gifts, and I understood that, if I married you, you’d probably be subjected to the implications of such a thing. I also knew you wanted children, and I wanted them with you, as well. I realized that if we had children, they may end up like me, my DNA passed onto them, and they too, could be kissed by the Angel of Death and the Angel of Mercy since it tends to run in families.
A part of me understood my father’s worries at that point. I could not comprehend his concerns until I, too, became a father. You were not from ‘my world’ in that way, and this would all be new to you, and we’d be learning together as we went along. Rather than run from it though, and telling me we simply wouldn’t have children, you wanted Hassani so badly, and then I approached you about a second child; we agreed upon it, and you brought Dakarai into the world soon after. Then along came Isis, our precious baby girl. I could have continued; I would have given you as many children as you wanted, but I knew you were satisfied at that point, and our family was complete.
I’m looking forward to growing old, with you baby. I’m looking forward to relaxing one day, and watching our grandchildren from a front porch swing as they play out in our front yard on some beautiful, summer day. I’m looking forward to just exhaling, and you inhaling, and our hearts beating in sync. You’ve changed my life forever. You’ve changed my molecular structure. You’ve changed my stubborn, hard-headed mind. You’ve changed me for the greater good! I am trying to get through this letter without falling apart, Xenia. You’ll be home soon, and I don’t want to look all crazy when you walk through that door. I want this night to go well, because it is only a small token of appreciation, of what you actually deserve.
There is no other woman like you on the planet. Trust me, before I met you, I looked. There will be no other woman like you, thereafter. I am blessed beyond measure. I am blessed to be able to lie next to such perfection, a thing of extreme beauty. I am blessed to hold your hand, to inhale your scent, to wrap my arms around your body, to suck and kiss and lick your valley, to push my love inside of you. To make love to you, all damn night, and morning too! It’s a blessing to laugh with you, to joke with you, to even argue with you because that means we are just human, baby, and we’re married, doing what married people do! We’re still working to understand one another, trying to learn from one another, and to make this hard life a little less stressful.
You take my stress away…
You give me the strength to see things through that sometimes I’d rather give up on…
You make me crave you, by simply being YOU.
I love you, Xenia. You hold the key to my heart. No one has it, and a copy can never be made, certainly not replicated. You are the sole proprietor.
You saved me. You’re my soulmate, in every sense of the word.
I owe my life to you.
I am going to give you this letter sometime on this romantic evening. I want you to read it, and I want you to keep it safe. When I’m gone on business, and you miss me, I want you to read it again. When you are afraid for my safety, when you think someone is going to hurt me and I won’t come back to you, I want you to read it. When you are angry with me, I want you to read it and remember, all of these words are true—they are from my heart!
Xenia, I’m not perfect. I’ve messed up, I’m human. But never doubt my love for you. My name is Saint, but I’m no angel. As the saying goes, ‘A saint is just a sinner who fell down’, but Xenia, you helped me get right back up! I rise, because of you! All these Queens out here deserve to have a Rainbeau who will keep rising up for them, not tearing them down! So I will keep on standing baby, even when I’m so tired and don’t think I have the strength! I will keep fighting for our equality, because if someone has even a fourth of the love we have for one another, they are fortunate! Xenia, you have always risen for others; now it is time for someone to stand out in front of you and do all the hard work. No more Queens on the front line! No, that is all over with. You have me now; I will take care of it. I will keep fighting for you, and women like you, until I draw my last damn breath. You inspire me! You’re a walking work of art. In my sins lies my salvation for through you, I see myself clearly, for who I really am, and what I could become.
Thank you for making me feel like a real king, baby. I might be the King Angel Child of New York now, but all I care about is being the king, the owner, the ruler of your heart.
YOU. OWN. ME.
Love,
Your husband until the end of time. Forevermore.
Saint
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Author Biography
Tiana Laveen was born in Cincinnati, Ohio and resides in the Midwest with her husband, two children, and twisted imagination. She enjoys a fulfilling and enriching life that includes writing books, drawing, painting, listening to music, cooking, and spending time with loved ones.
Tiana Laveen is a uniquely creative and innovative author whose romance fiction is geared towards those who not only want to temporarily escape from the daily routines of life, but also delve into social taboo as it pertains to interracial relationships. Tiana creates a painting with words as she guides her reader into the lives of each and every mai
n character.
Her works include “Cross Climax I,” “Cross Climax II,” “The Slave Master’s Son,” “The Naughty Sins of a Saint,” “I Want Candy,” “When Saint Goes Marching In,” “Swirled Satin Sheets I,” “In My Sister’s Shadow,” “Swirled Satin Sheets II,” “Saved and SAINTified,” “Addicted In Cold Blood,” “Forgive Me Father For I Have Loved,” “Saint’s Sacrament – Sins of the Father,” “The Tale of the Blood Diamond,” “The Unearthing of Blackstone,” and “Saint and Sinners – The King Angel Child of New York.”
If you wish to communicate with Tiana Laveen, please contact her at www.facebook.com/tianalaveen.
www.tianalaveen.com
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Book Club Questions
1. In this book, ‘Saint and Sinners – The King Angel Child of New York’, we are taken on a journey. What are the reasons, said and unsaid, why Saint wishes to relocate to New York?
2. There are many parallels in this book in regards to Saint’s childhood, and that of his children, specifically, Hassani. What are some of those parallels and what impact do you believe Saint, Hassani’s new environment, and his Guardian, Angel, potentially have in regards to that?
3. We see a different side of Xenia in this book. It was always there, peeking through, but she is far more demonstrative. What signs along the way have you noticed that Xenia was in fact, in some ways, being prepared for this moment?
4. Hassani had a baptism by fire once beginning school in New York. What changes has he endured, spiritually, psychically and mentally, in this book that were different than the last?
5. Mama Pam, in her typical fashion, brings comic relief. However, in this book, we get to see a part of this character that causes one to pause. What issues in Mama Pam’s life do you believe influenced her current outlook on life?
6. Isis plays an active but somewhat quiet role in this book. However, upon closer inspection, there are vital clues to her development and the type of young woman she will be in the future. How do you believe she will turn out?
7. Dakarai, like his siblings, is growing and changing. In this book, Saint writes a love letter to his children. We discover he sees an aspect of himself in his middle child that causes him concern. What, if anything, struck you that he directed specifically towards Dakarai?
8. Saint is dealing with a ‘different’ sort of enemy in this book. His nemesis is inherently evil, but in a way many would not expect. What similarities do Koki and Saint have, and what are their differences?
9. This book is ultimately a love story. Saint did everything he did for the love of self, his family, his State of New York, and also for his wife. How has Saint and Xenia’s love grown and transformed over the years?
10. There is quite a bit of symbolism in this book that ultimately leads to a grand finale in the speech that Xenia delivers. Though Xenia is not psychic, she is in tune with her husband. How do you believe that has helped them get through the rough times, specifically, the ones they endured in this book?
11. In this book, as in all of the books in the series, musical selections are mentioned. Take one of your favorite scenes, re-read it and play the song(s) mentioned as you’re doing so. Do you see the scene the same or different upon doing so?
12. Name three characters in this book series, besides Saint, that have had an impact on you, whether it was strictly for entertainment or enlightenment.
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