Illicit Canvas: political romance and stand alone romance

by Mazurkiewicz, Joanna

  The waiter takes away the starters, and I top up Arwen's glass, keeping my eyes on her. I know that I won’t let her go home until I taste her stunning lips. I’m under her spell, needy and erect and waiting for more.

  Arwen

  "I would like to see you again, Arwen,” he says all of a sudden.

  I swallow the food, feeling the heat slowly invading my veins. I nearly drop my fork.

  “Yes, I would like that,” I mumble, wanting to jump on the table and do the happy dance in front of all the other guests.

  "I'm proposing another trip to the gallery, another proper date," he suggests. “For some reason I can’t stay away from you.”

  “So this isn’t a date then?” I ask, a little disappointed.

  His eyes flicker with mischief. “Oh yes, we are having a dinner date, but I’m sure that I can pull off something much more romantic than this,” he assures me, winking at me. My mind is already showing me what his lips can do to me. I feel embarrassed. Everything is happening so fast. I start asking Ethan silly questions to distract myself from dirty thoughts. In that short space of time I discover that he is afraid of heights and he likes sushi. I didn't know that after only two hours with someone I could find out so much about a person. Ethan seems perfect, and even if there are flaws in him, it doesn't matter, because I like him just the way he is.

  We leave the restaurant close to ten in the evening and Ethan suggests that we should take a walk down to the park.

  "Can I ask you a question, Arwen?"

  “You just did." I laugh.

  I love the way he speaks to me, like I’m the most important person in this world. He smiles, but he is not angry that I tease him.

  "What are you going to say to your father when you find him?"

  We cross the street and enter the quiet path, leading into a dark street. I feel heated; my skin is humming, buzzing with excitement and anticipation. I have this urge to take Ethan's hand, but his question hangs over us.

  “I have been thinking about it for as long as I can remember—I think I was the reason that he left.”

  "There must be thousands of other reasons, Arwen. You most certainly aren’t the one. Men leave their wives all the time."

  Ethan is wrong; I know that I was a problematic child. I wasn't the daughter that my father wanted. I was a disappointment.

  "What happened? What did I do wrong? These are the questions that I would ask."

  Ethan sighs, closing the gap between us. Then I feel his fingers entwining with my own. The same wave of electricity runs up and down my spine, leaving me flustered. I feel his breath on my face.

  "Your father didn't leave because of you. I want you to stop thinking that you're to blame."

  No one understands how long it took me to pull myself out of that dark hole. Ethan breaks through the cycle of gloomy thoughts, moving even closer. I feel his hands around my waist. A shocking wave of sizzling energy lifts me off my feet. He pulls me into him and I land on his chest, aroused. Thick desire pools into my stomach. His mouth crushes mine in a hard greedy kiss, not giving me much time to think about what is happening. I have never experienced anything like that with anyone else. My body shakes with need. His kisses are like an erupting volcano of emotions. His mouth devours mine like it's the first time, like he has never felt this before.

  I don't know how much time passes, but it feels like eternity. Ethan’s lips are tasting and caressing mine. We stand there holding each other, panting, hearing the busy road somewhere in the background. His other hand moves up and down, tracing the column of my spine.

  When he finally pulls away, I'm breathless, trying to see through the darkness, wanting and needing to look in his eyes. My heartbeat is unsteady and the moisture between my legs tells me that I want him to do more than just kiss me.

  "I think we should go back. I have to be at work early and you probably have classes," he says after some time. My head is full of images that have nothing to do with the park or this evening, and I have to pull myself together.

  "All right," I manage to say. Ethan takes my hand then and we turn back. Neither of us says any more until we are standing by the car. He is smiling again when he starts the engine. He drives and only after some time do I realise that he remembers where I live. My palms are sweaty when he pulls up outside my block of flats. Maja is still up; there is a light in her bedroom. Ethan kills the engine and the burning inside my stomach intensifies. I want to feel his lips on mine over and over.

  He looks at me then and his eyes flicker with heat.

  "I never thought this would be possible again," he says after some time.

  "What? What do you mean?"

  "To feel that there is someone out there who could make me happy."

  I feel the raw heat escalating on my face. The intensity of his stare is boiling my insides slowly and steadily with fire. I swallow hard and decide to get out of the car now. I want to kiss him again, but I have to restrain myself. It’s just a first date; there will be many more to come. I’m ready to break up with Colin now. I’ll do that first, before I see Ethan again.

  I walk around the car, feeling his eyes on me. He rolls down the window.

  I look at him. "I had a lovely time."

  "Me too, Arwen. The company of an elf princess has been very enjoyable," he says with that deep husky voice.

  "Will you call me?" I ask, not even knowing why. I just don't want to be disappointed if he doesn't think this could go anywhere.

  "I will. There is no doubt about that, Arwen."

  I smile and then stroll back to the house thinking about that kiss in the park. I don’t believe that it was just a one off. Ethan is driving away when I look back. I climb the steps and burst back into the apartment.

  Maja peers out from her bedroom staring straight at me. "Judging from the wide grin on your face I assume the date went well?"

  I walk in and drop my bag down and flop on the sofa, stretching my arms.

  "Oh my God, it was amazing. We talked like we knew each other for years."

  "Hold on a minute. I thought that you went there to find that stolen paining?" she asks, frowning.

  "Oh yeah, the guy wants to see the copy. He didn't believe anything I said. He wants proof."

  I can't even think straight. I feel like I’ve been sleeping most of my life and all my previous relationships didn't make much sense. Then Ethan came in and woke me up from my deepest dream.

  "So what, did you make out in his car? I was trying to see from the window, but I didn't get much luck." Maja chuckles.

  "Not in the car but during a romantic walk in the park," I sigh, remembering the way his lips felt against mine. I really need to stop this. I haven't spoken to Colin yet. He’s a good friend and I don’t want to lose him.

  Maja widens hers eyes, squeezing her biology book closer to her chest.

  "Come on, spill it; this sounds exciting."

  "It was the best first kiss of my life; epic isn't the word. We kissed for ages and ages. After that I never wanted it to end," I say giddily, closing my eyes and imaging that I’m with him now.

  "What about Colin?"

  I open my eyes and look at her. My brain automatically switches itself into a more serious mode. I have to make a decision and stop messing around with him.

  "I will talk to him."

  "Talk to him sooner rather than later," she reminds me with a wink. "I will see you later, girl. I want to have an early night, so I can dream about my own Prince Charming."

  I wink back at her and then head to my bedroom. After I change into my pyjamas, I get to bed and check my phone. There is a text message from Colin.

  Hey, beautiful

  There has been a change of plans. My mother had some crisis in the States. It turns out that she won’t be able to come, so we had to cancel the dinner.

  I didn’t want to disappoint you, so I organised something else. It’s a surprise. I’ll pick you up as we planned originally.

  I can’t wai
t to see you, sugar.

  Colin

  I stare at the text with a growing apprehension about his new plans and the surprise. I’m really worried now, but in some ways relieved that I don’t have to meet his mother. Maybe this whole thing won’t be that bad. Colin must sense that our relationship isn’t serious. I won’t ruin his surprise, but I’ll talk to him, possibly in the evening. It will be all right. At least I hope it will.

  Chapter Seven

  Arwen

  The next day I wake up early and lie in my bed, thinking about my painting under the bed. I had tried to make myself show it to other people on several occasions. Every time I started unwrap the protective covers, the darkness started to cast its shade over me, the anxiety would kick in and I held it back, kept my work away from intrusive eyes. I keep telling myself that this time it will be different. I’m in control, scared but much stronger.

  The flat is immersed in silence when I walk into the kitchen. Maja is probably still sleeping. I make some toast, thinking about tonight and Colin’s surprise. I’m not a bad actress; I can pretend to enjoy myself, for Colin’s sake. Breakups are never easy, but it’s time to end this with him, whatever this is.

  I take the food to my room and decide to work on something new. I put out a blank canvas and look at it for several moments. My muse inspires me out of the blue and holds me in creative mode for several hours. I’m attempting to paint a portrait of a friend from the past, but the eyes … every time I try to recall the shape and colour of his eyes, I end up with amber. My mind brings up the image of Ethan involuntarily. I’m using soft lines, creating fine texture. The colours are vibrant, with shades of brown and yellow. Maybe this whole thing with Colin won't be that bad. Maybe he will understand that we just aren’t meant to be. The painting is nowhere near finished. There is always something that I have to add or change. I glance back at my secret project, knowing that in a couple of days I’ll be closer to my goal. I know Antoine will judge me. I’m dreading it, but this is the only way forward; otherwise, I will never find my father.

  Maja knocks on my door later on, informing me that she is off to the library. It’s Sunday, but she doesn’t seem to care. At a quarter to five Colin arrives, giving me the report about his football practise. I can’t help but switch off and start daydreaming about Ethan and his smooth, confident hands. I don't believe in love at first sight, but this is something else, something completely different. I feel like I can't function around another man anymore.

  “Right, are you ready then?” Collin asks, bringing me back to reality. I glance back at him, forgetting that he is in my room.

  “Ready for what?” I ask, hoping that he will reveal the surprise. I have no idea why I agreed to this. Colin is a great guy, but he deserves to be with someone more outgoing and fun. I hate myself for being indecisive sometimes.

  “Sugar, I don’t want to spoil the fun, but I don’t want to be late, so we should leave now,” he teases.

  “Okay, all right. How do I look?” I ask. I have no idea where we are going, so I chose to wear a polka dot dress that shows off my legs, just to feel better about myself.

  “Gorgeous, as always.”

  After forty-five minutes on the Metro I’m getting nervous and restless. I don’t know what to expect. Sometimes I just hate surprises. All of a sudden, being with him in the Metro, I feel suffocated.

  “It's quite a distance away from here. I hope you don't mind walking,” says Colin, smiling.

  “You know me. I'm easy,” I reply, feeling like I should turn around, back away. My guilty conscience keeps telling me that I shouldn't be doing this, but Colin seems excited. He keeps caressing my hand and I don’t want to let him down.

  I’m tense all the way through to the last station, and when Colin lets me know that we have arrived I begin toying with the idea of calling this whole thing off. We are now on the outskirts of Brussels in a nice picturesque street filled with old Victorian buildings. I have goose pimples all over my arms. There is so much going on in my head. The pros and cons. One evening and then I’m breaking up with him. Ethan is the man that I want, not Colin.

  “Are you all right, sugar?"

  “Great, thanks,” I lie.

  We walk for about half an hour, crossing the quiet streets and passing a few exclusive restaurants. This is definitely not one of these areas where students hang out. When we finally stop in front of an old townhouse, I have a bad feeling about this. My stomach churns and all of a sudden I want to disappear. Maybe his surprise has something to do with art; maybe he wants to show me some rare paintings. I feel like I'm ready to throw up.

  “Colin, where are we going? Come on, it’s not fair. You have to tell me what’s going on,” I say, grabbing his hand.

  “All right. Don’t be mad, but we're having dinner with my father,” he says, scratching his chin.

  I think my legs are going to give out any minute. This is not what I was expecting at all.

  “Your father? I thought he was away on business?” I ask, baffled.

  “Yeah, two weeks ago, but he’s back now. When my mother cancelled her trip, Dad called saying that he was back earlier. He suggested dinner.”

  “Shit, Colin, you put me right on the spot here. I’m not even dressed properly,” I mumble. What the hell is wrong with him?

  He places his palm on my shoulder, looking dejected.

  “You don’t want to meet him?” he asks. I hate when he uses those puppy dog eyes on me. I’m going to break up with him tomorrow. Maybe it’s better if I go inside and meet his father. What a mess.

  “All right, but I’m completely unprepared. I don’t have anything for him.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Dad is awesome; he won’t care.” He nudges me.

  “Fine, I guess I don’t have any other choice now," I say, forcing a smile.

  “I just thought that this is a perfect opportunity for you to meet him. Dad works all the time and he’s away a lot. Please, Arwen, don’t be mad.”

  “I’m not, come on.”

  As I walk to the stairs my feet feel heavy and my heart kicks loudly in my chest, reminding me that I brought this on myself. I should have broken up with him a week ago. Now I have to pretend that we are a loving couple—great.

  We’re climbing up an old wooden squeaky staircase. It looks like there are at least two apartments on each floor.

  "This is the one," says Colin, stopping in front of a wide red door with the number fifteen on it and the surname Rivera. I kind of expect Colin's father to be very similar-looking to him, the same brown hair and green eyes, but he might have inherited all his mother’s features. Who knows? We both clear our throats and Colin knocks, probably to be polite.

  After a minute, I hear heavy steps and the door opens up abruptly.

  “You’re early, I thou–”

  The person that opens the door doesn’t finish his sentence as he stares at both of us in shock. My own world ends, and for a moment I think that this is just a joke, a twisted prank, because I’m standing in front of the person that had been in my head the whole time.

  Ethan

  I stop talking in mid-sentence when I realise that Arwen is standing next to my son, Colin. She looks beautiful. My mind wanders off to last night in the park, our perfect moment together. This must be some kind of mistake. Either way, I don't want to believe that this is really happening.

  “Are you all right, Dad?” Colin asks. I hear him, but for a brief second I’m still not registering what’s going on. My pulse speeds up and the sweat gathers on my forehead, making me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

  Blood drains from Arwen's face. She keeps staring at me like I’m not really here, looking numb with shock and disbelief. I have been preparing for this evening all day, cooking and thinking about her. It's only been one perfect date, one hot kiss. Fate can’t crush this for me right now.

  I reach out for Colin and hug him, not taking my eyes off Arwen. She can't be the girl that he has been emailing
me about all this time. She is probably a friend, someone that he decided to bring over because his girlfriend couldn't come. Her pale face tells me that she wasn’t expecting this at all.

  Arwen opens her mouth slightly, staring at me in desperation, and my own body locks with fear. I'm a positive guy, nothing ever brings me down, and even in this moment I'm hoping that she isn't here because of him.

  Colin glances over to her and she quickly forces a smile, trying to pull herself together.

  "Dad, I would like you to meet Arwen, my girlfriend."

  I have to swallow then, because I think for the first time in my life I'm going to lose my mind and start screaming. Arwen pales even further and for a split second I think that she might faint. My own pulse is racing so fast that I think I'm about to have a stroke. I'm forty-three with a lot of experience, but this ... this feels like someone has ripped away that last inch of hope that kept me going.

  I don't know how, or maybe it's for my son's sake, but I manage to keep a straight face and reach out to shake her hand.

  "Hello, Arwen, it's nice to finally meet you," I say, sounding weak, not like my usual self. She can't be his girlfriend. In the gallery and even when we were having dinner she didn’t mention any boyfriend. She never said that she was seeing a boy close to her age. All this time I thought that she didn’t have anyone in her life.

  She looks at me horrified, but nods, obviously aware that we both have to pretend. There is no way that I'm telling my son that I went out for a date with the girl that he is seriously interested in. When our hands touch there is the same pull that I experienced when I touched her for the first time. This has never happened to me before, not until that day in the gallery.

  I want to close my eyes and erase that wonderful evening with her from my memory. How could she not tell me that she wasn't single? It's all my fault. I should have asked. I should have known that there was that possibility. For Christ's sake, she is half my age. What have I been thinking?