by Donna Alward
Carefree.
Tanner rested his arms along the top of the fence and watched for a long time, trying to remember the last time he’d felt such youthful exuberance. He suspected it was probably before that fateful trip to Vegas when he’d had his heart stomped on and then handed back to him with a smile. Yes, that had made him grow up in a hurry.
Now he was just tired. Tired of the bar scene, tired of the label that had stuck to him, tired of spinning his wheels.
Laura had asked him what he would get out of such an arrangement. The truth was, marrying her would take a lot of the pressure off him. Pressure to live up to the single man reputation, the opposing pressure to settle down and the pressing need to get away from home and find his own place to live. And if marrying Laura—even for a short while—accomplished that, and kept her and her baby safe, as well? It seemed like a win-win in his book. Love didn’t need to enter the equation.
A couple of calves approached the fence to investigate, and he put out his hand, wondering if they’d venture close enough for him to touch. One did, and he scratched the spot between his ears and rubbed his hand along the soft jaw. There was just one problem, of course. Laura thought his plan was nuts. Probably because it was. He was also pretty sure he had no idea how to change her mind.
He’d need to think of something else. With a sigh, he turned away from the fence and toward the house. He couldn’t stay away from his family forever.
Chapter Five
As the evening meal ended, Tanner cleared his throat.
“Uh, I wanted to bring something up with you guys and see what you think.”
Cole sat back in his chair and folded his arms. “Are you still thinking of buying that bull from Wyoming?”
“This isn’t to do with the ranch. At least, not directly.” His mom, Ellen, was clearing the table, but Tanner reached out and put a hand on her wrist. “Mom, sit for a minute, okay?”
Their father, John, hadn’t said anything up to this point, but Tanner saw one thick eyebrow go up, just a tick. His opinion mattered most of all. John had had the least to say after the Vegas debacle. And he rarely said much at all, which meant that when he did speak you knew it was important. He’d built his whole life around the ranch and had a certain outlook on life. Including what a man did and didn’t do.
Tanner was sure his father would have something to say if he knew his son had proposed to Laura Jessup.
Ellen sat back in her chair. “What is it, Tanner?”
He glanced around the table.
“I think it’s time I found a place of my own.”
Cole frowned. “You do?”
Tanner nodded. “Hell yes. Come on, Cole. You and Maddy are a big deal, and I bet it won’t be long before those boys’ll be here all the time. You’re the real head of this place now and that’s how it should be. And I’m a big boy. I probably should have moved out a long time ago. It’s just been convenient to stay.”
Ellen patted his arm. “Honey, I’m sure no one wants you to feel pushed out.”
“I don’t,” he assured her, though he wouldn’t say that he often felt like the odd man out. He knew she—and Cole—would feel badly about that. “I’m a grown man, Mom. Living at home. I kind of want my own place.”
“Good,” John said.
“Good?” Tanner met his father’s gaze. Maybe Ellen hadn’t been speaking for everyone.
“A man has to make his own way. You need to figure out what you want, Tanner. And I’m not sure you’re going to do that living at home. A little independence can be a very good thing.”
That wasn’t what he’d expected from his father at all. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Of course I’ll still expect you bright and early in the morning. We still have a ranch to run.”
Of course. Figuring out what he wanted was all well and good, as long as the work got done first. But then, it wasn’t any different from what he’d expected, was it?
“Any idea where you’ll go?” Cole asked, putting his empty coffee cup on his dessert plate.
Tanner knew where he’d like to go. Despite the poor cooking skills, the little house that Laura had bought was perfect. Maybe he should have suggested roommates first. What an idiot he’d been to propose. He could have helped her with expenses, at least. Instead he’d come up with the cockamamie idea about marriage. He’d laugh, but then he figured his folks would want to know why he was laughing, and there was no way he wanted to explain his impulsive proposal.
“I don’t know yet,” he replied honestly. “I’ll have to look for a place in town, I guess. Or buy a place.”
“Wouldn’t you need some savings for a down payment?” Cole asked, chuckling a little.
It annoyed Tanner that his brother assumed he had no money. “I’ve got enough put aside. But I don’t want to buy right away. Not until I’m sure where I want to be.”
The silence around the table told him he’d surprised them all.
“I’ve been saving for a few years,” he said, shrugging. “You’ve been paying me ranch hand wages, Dad, and giving me room and board. I haven’t spent it all.”
There was a glint of respect in his father’s eyes, and Tanner welcomed it.
“You really want to do this?” his mom asked.
Unless he was mistaken, there was a sadness in her voice. He’d be the first of them to leave home, though most parents would be thrilled that one of their grown sons was getting out. He nodded. “I really do. I know the ranch is a family operation, but at some point we have to grow up and do our own thing, don’t you agree?”
Ellen laughed. “You say that, but I bet you’ll still eat most of your meals here and bring your laundry home.”
Warmth flooded him at the affection in her tone. He felt a bit guilty for his dissatisfaction, because there was no doubt in his mind that he was loved. “I’d be an idiot for choosing my own cooking over yours,” he said, pushing away from the table and standing. He leaned down and gave her a peck on the cheek. “Thanks, Mom. And Dad.”
Cole stood, too, and grabbed the coffee cups from the table. “Face it, little bro. You’re just looking for some privacy.”
Tanner frowned, his eyebrows pulling together. “You know, Cole, I’m not getting anywhere near as much action as you think I am.”
The kitchen fell oddly silent. “Gee, Tan,” Cole said into the quiet. “I was just teasing.”
Tanner shoved his hands into his pockets. “I know that ever since Vegas you’ve found it hard to take me seriously. And I played in to that, because I didn’t want everyone to know the truth about what happened.” He shook his head a little. “Oh, the wedding details are about right. But it wasn’t all a lark. I was in love with Brit and I didn’t want anyone to see how badly she’d hurt me. So I pretended to be a bit of a rebel and a ladies’ man until the label stuck. The last thing I wanted was pity. This was just easier. But it’s not who I really am. I thought that at least my family understood that.”
Ellen’s face creased with concern and even his dad’s eyes widened with surprise. “Tanner,” he said, his voice deep and sure, “you’re a damn fine worker and a good man. You’ve never given us any reason for embarrassment, so if this is what you want, we’re behind you.”
He wondered if his dad would say the same thing if he knew about the proposal to Laura.
“Yeah, sorry, bro,” Cole added, contrite. “I was just teasing, but I guess I hit a nerve.”
“Sometimes people aren’t what they seem on the surface,” Tanner answered, watching his brother. According to Laura, Cole and Maddy knew that Gavin wasn’t Rowan’s father. “Sometimes people try to protect themselves by deflecting the truth.”
Something flickered in Cole’s eyes. Tanner was tempted to let Cole know that he also understood Laura’s situation. In fact, he probably knew more
about it now than either Cole or Maddy. But it had been told to him in confidence, and he would keep it to himself.
“I’m going out for a while,” he said, knowing the alternative was sticking around here and getting stuck in front of the television. Right now he wanted some fresh air and room to breathe.
* * *
SEVERAL DAYS LATER, Laura couldn’t stop thinking about Tanner’s ludicrous suggestion.
She sat back in her desk chair, the casters rolling along the floor. The chair was comfortable enough, though hardly ergonomic. Still, the corner of her bedroom that she used as a home office was cozy. Particularly with a soothing cup of mint tea and an almond cookie from the pack she’d bought at the market. Only one—she was making them last.
As proposals went, Tanner’s was hardly romantic. He’d been kind and, well, sexy, though she was pretty sure that was unintended. Tanner Hudson would sound sexy reading the darn phone book. No, his proposal had been just shy of a business proposition.
That had to be the only reason why she couldn’t get it out of her head. Because from a purely business standpoint it actually kind of made sense.
Work was slowing down. She was building a website right now, but it was basic, and in another day or so it’d be finished. She should be spending this time building her own site. Drumming up her own business. But every time she thought about registering her domain, or filling out the proper tax and registration forms, she got a horrible twisting sensation in the pit of her stomach.
It was fear. In principle, hiding behind Tanner’s name would make her a coward, and she didn’t want to be that person. In practical terms...hell, she’d often thought that if she could just change her name she could breathe a lot easier.
Could they do it? It would be in name only; he’d said so. She’d become Laura Hudson. Not, she determined, Mrs. Tanner Hudson. The only thing that would change was her last name. And the fact that she’d have a roommate.
A roommate who she knew would also kick in with the expenses. There was that to consider, too. Even if she shouldered the mortgage on her own, someone to help with groceries and the light bill would be a huge help.
Of course, maybe Tanner wasn’t interested anymore. It had been totally impulsive. And if he was, they’d have to lay out some ground rules right off the bat. Including how long they intended for the fake marriage to last.
She’d done a lot of crazy things in her life, but this one might just take the cake.
Before she could think better of it, Laura picked up her cell, and then realized she didn’t even know his phone number. She was contemplating marrying the guy and she didn’t even have his number in her darn phone. She laughed to herself, a soft sound of disbelief, and shook her head. When the best solution she could come up with was a wedding to a virtual stranger, things had really gotten out of hand.
Later, after Rowan was up from her nap, Laura dressed her in a cute little sweater and bonnet and made the drive into town. She was trying to cook for herself more, finding it cheaper than grabbing a meal at the diner or something prepackaged. Her efforts were dismal at best; she’d burned the stir-fry and discovered charred broccoli smelled horrible, and she’d undercooked the breaded chicken breast she’d attempted, leaving it crispy on the outside and gelatinous in the middle. But she wasn’t giving up yet. She’d found a few recipes that looked simple, and she had a list of ingredients to buy. Laura hoped keeping the recipes simple translated to being easy on the wallet, too.
She had Rowan in a Snugli carrier and wheeled the grocery cart in front of her, adding a few packages of ground beef, a small tray of chicken thighs and a couple of pork chops from the meat department. Some people watched her curiously while others didn’t seem to know she existed. It wasn’t until she’d made it all the way through the store and was finishing up at the bakery section that she crossed paths with Tanner.
Something rushed through her, something that put her on alert. It was pleasure, she realized. She was happy to see him. And from the way his smile lit up his face, he was glad to see her, too.
“Well, hello.” Tanner grinned and gave a polite nod. “Oh my gosh, Laura. I think Rowan gets bigger every time I see her.”
Bonus points for complimenting the baby right off the bat.
“She certainly does,” Laura replied, disgusted with herself for being so elated. She really didn’t get out much, did she?
“How’ve you been?” Tanner asked. He leaned a little closer. “Any progress on the business?”
She shook her head. “I’m still trying to figure that one out.” He didn’t need to know how little work she was bringing in now.
She noticed the plastic container in his hand and smiled. “Glazed doughnuts?”
He chuckled. “I have a real thing for doughnuts. I love the cakey sugared ones at the diner, and my mom makes awesome chocolate ones. But then there are these kind, too, the puffy, yeasty ones with the sticky glaze. I swear I can eat six before I realize what’s happening. They just melt in your mouth.”
She thought back and remembered him getting a doughnut that day at the diner when she’d been there with Gramps. “So you have a doughnut addiction,” she mused, grinning. “That’s a pretty big vice you’ve got there, Hudson.”
He raised one eyebrow. “I know. I’ve tried to find a Doughnuts Anonymous meeting, but they’re scarce.”
She laughed outright. When was the last time someone had teased and made her laugh like that?
“What about you?” He looked at her expectantly. “Any vices?”
“French fries,” she said without hesitation. “Crispy, hot, salty French fries.”
“Yum.”
“Right?”
Tanner looked down at Rowan once more and unless Laura was mistaken, a look of tenderness passed over his face. The more she came to know him, the more she was sure that Tanner Hudson was a good man. Her experiences hadn’t jaded her to the concept that there were a few of them still out there.
“I’d better not keep you from your shopping,” he said, taking a step back. “I just came in for a midday pick-me-up. I’m apartment-hunting this afternoon.”
He truly was determined to move out. A momentary flash of panic darted through her body. Maybe she’d lost her chance. It seemed he was serious about getting out on his own and it wasn’t something he’d simply made up so his proposal would hold water. That was reassuring.
Laura quickly took things into account. He liked doughnuts. He was a handsome, hardworking guy, low maintenance, practical, but fun. Maybe she’d be stupid to let him slip through her fingers, even if it wasn’t a “real” relationship. If she left it any longer, he’d find himself a place and the window of opportunity would close.
“I’m almost done,” she found herself saying. “Do you want to grab a coffee to go with those doughnuts?”
“Sure, why not?”
He said it so easily. As though it didn’t matter a bit that he was being seen with her. Even if he knew the truth, no one else did. Yet Tanner didn’t seem to care. She doubted he knew how much she appreciated that.
It was a beautiful day, so instead of coffee Laura added a bottle of lemonade for herself to her grocery order and checked out. “Why don’t we meet by the library?” she asked, digging out her wallet. “We can sit on one of the benches and enjoy the fresh air.”
“Sounds good to me,” Tanner replied. “I’ll go grab a coffee to go with my doughnuts.”
Laura sighed in relief as she wheeled the groceries to the car and put them in the trunk. Tanner was generally so solicitous that she’d half expected him to offer to help carry her groceries and then she’d have to refuse. But he hadn’t, and she liked him more for it. Chivalry was nice, but it was also good to feel independent and capable and perhaps respected for it. Humming softly, she fastened in Rowan’s car seat and drove the block a
nd a bit to the library. When she pulled in, Tanner was already there, holding a brown paper cup in one hand and the doughnuts in the other. She chuckled a little and wondered how many of the sweets he’d eat with his beverage.
It took a minute to get the diaper bag and the lemonade and then put Rowan on her shoulder, but she did it. Rowan perked up, pushing one pudgy hand against Laura’s shoulder and looking around with bright, inquisitive eyes.
“You always have your arms full,” Tanner commented. “Maddy says she has huge biceps from lugging the twins around.” It was no sooner out of his mouth than he looked stricken. “Oh, heck. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why not?” Laura led the way to the crushed gravel path. “I don’t harbor any hard feelings toward her. We’ve made our peace, Tanner. Plus she’s going out with your brother. You can talk about her. It doesn’t bother me in the least.”
“It’s just, well, a little awkward.”
She shrugged. “The perception of it is for sure, but it’s not so bad. She knows that Gavin and I were just friends.” She smiled a little. “It’s everyone else who is all weird about it.”
“Don’t you ever wish you could set the record straight?” he asked, falling into step beside her.
“Of course. But then I look at Rowan, and I think that the longer I can keep assumptions where they are, the better.”
They found a bench and sat down. Tanner stretched out his legs and sighed. “The sun feels good.”
It really did. The warmth of it bathed Laura’s face, while a light breeze whispered over the skin of her arms. Both of them wore simple T-shirts—Tanner’s brown with a crew neck and hers a navy V-neck. She settled Rowan on her lap, then opened the lemonade bottle.
“Cheers,” he said, tipping his coffee cup.
She laughed again, loving how being with him was so fun and easy. “Cheers.” She tipped the neck of her bottle and then took a refreshing, tart drink. “Ahhh. That’s good.”