by Donna Alward
She bounced her right knee a little, keeping Rowan occupied, but the baby was so happy to be in the sun and fresh air, with all the bright colors of grass and sky and trees and flowers, that she sat perfectly contented.
“She likes it outside,” Tanner said, putting his coffee down carefully and reaching for the doughnuts.
“She does. I wish our backyard was in better shape. We’ve gone out a few times, but it’s not like this. Not with the nice grass and the flower gardens.”
“You should put out some planters. Maybe a bird feeder or two. I bet she’d like that.”
Laura nodded but looked down. She’d love to, but it always came down to money. And the fact that she wasn’t making any. And that she needed to get her business officially up and running. Put out some proposals. She clenched her teeth, knowing what she had to ask. Feeling stupid. Feeling...desperate. And yes, even a little cliché. Screw that. A lot cliché. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
He held out a doughnut.
She took it, the sugary glaze clinging to her fingers. “Thanks,” she murmured, and dutifully took a bite. Light, sweet, melt-in-your-mouth delicious. She licked the extra glaze off her lips and swallowed.
“Looks like Rowan wants some, too,” he said, giving a small nod.
Rowan was leaning toward Laura’s hand, her eyes focused on the doughnut and her little lips smacking. Laura laughed, put a tiny bit of the sweet on her finger, and placed it on Rowan’s lips.
The happy smacking that followed made them both laugh. And that was when Laura knew what she had to do. She’d started a new life for herself and her daughter, but she needed to disappear better. And to do that, she needed Tanner.
“Tanner, about your suggestion the other day...”
He crammed the rest of his doughnut into his mouth and her confidence faltered.
It took several seconds for him to chew and swallow. “What suggestion? Do you mean...”
Her heart pounded ridiculously. “About us getting, you know...married. In name only, of course.”
The smile slid from his face, and she was certain he’d changed his mind.
He licked off his thumb, turned a little on the bench so he faced her. “You’ve reconsidered?”
“When you mentioned apartment-hunting, I realized you must have been serious about wanting to get a place of your own. I actually considered asking you to move in as a roommate. That in itself would be a help...”
“Financially,” he finished. “But not with the other problem. Of wanting to stay unfindable.”
After a pause, she replied. “Yeah. So maybe we could be roommates who share a last name? It’s not exactly ordinary, but it could work.” Lord help her, did she actually sound a little hopeful?
His gaze held hers for a long minute. She noticed the deep blue of his irises, the black pupil, the little darker ring of blue that seemed to outline the color. This was riskier than she’d admit to him, because he was incredibly attractive and kind to boot. She’d have to be very careful not to let herself get personally involved. Stay friends. Ignore any inconvenient attraction that cropped up.
“You’re sure? I mean, I’m still game if you are.”
She glanced down at Rowan and a familiar wave of love washed over her. “For Rowan,” she said softly, then looked up at Tanner. “I would do anything to protect her. You didn’t see his face when he said he’d find me. I believe him. And whether or not it makes me weak...well, I’m scared, Tanner. If this means I can provide for my daughter and stay out of his way, I’ll do it.”
There was one thing that nagged at her. To be honest, there were several things they needed to talk about if they went through with it, but the one that she’d wondered about most was the reaction of the town. “You do realize you’ll be the subject of gossip. That people will think you’re crazy. I’m used to it by now, but you’re not.”
“After the Vegas incident, they’ll probably say we deserve each other.” He gave a self-deprecating huff, but then took her hand in his. “It’ll be okay.”
“Remind me again why you’re doing this? Because marrying someone is a pretty big favor, you know? It’s not like boosting a car or picking up a loaf of bread, or—”
“Shh,” he said, giving her fingers a squeeze. “Maybe I don’t like how you’ve been treated. And it’s not like marriage holds a whole lot of meaning for me anymore, you know? I’m not going into this with any illusions. It’s a contract between friends.”
It sounded so cold. And yet there was relief, too. Why couldn’t marriage be a simple contract for them? They didn’t need to go into it with a lot of emotion and sentimentality. They could define it however they wanted.
“So we’re going to get married?”
He nodded. “Let’s do it.” Then he rubbed his hand over his hair and laughed.
“What?”
“I just realized I have no idea where to start.”
“Me, either,” she replied. “I suppose we have to apply for a marriage license. Book a judge or justice of the peace or something. Tell our families.”
Tanner’s eyes caught hers. “Yes, we should do that. Are you up for it?”
The very idea made her stomach feel weightless. Somehow she dreaded telling her grandparents more than facing down Maddy and Cole, and Mr. and Mrs. Hudson.
She swallowed tightly, then nodded. “Let’s iron out some details first, though, okay?”
“Good idea.” Tanner closed the lid on the last remaining doughnuts, the plastic snapping together and getting Rowan’s attention. Her hands waved up and down at the sound. “I have to get home and help Cole finish up for the day. But maybe later? I’ll clean up and come over to your place, after Rowan goes to bed. We can work out the finer points then. How does that sound?”
Scary as hell.
“That’s fine. We’d better get home, too. I have groceries in the car and I should get some of them in the fridge.”
They got up from the bench and walked the short distance to the library parking lot. They were nearly to her car when Tanner slowed, and she looked back to see what the hold-up was.
His brows was knitted a little. “Laura, do you... I mean...hell. Do you want an engagement ring?”
That he asked made her heart hurt. Tanner Hudson was a genuinely nice guy. And despite the very platonic nature of their relationship, he was standing there looking like an unsure schoolboy asking if she wanted an engagement ring.
Maybe this was a mistake. But then again, Laura had accepted long ago that she would probably never have a real wedding and husband. Things didn’t tend to work out that way for her. That didn’t mean she didn’t believe in them, though. To wear a ring when it wasn’t real seemed almost sacrilegious.
“It’s okay, Tanner. I don’t need a ring.” She smiled at him, wishing she could be happy and not feel this sadness weighing her down. “I’ll see you later tonight, okay?”
“Okay.”
He looked relieved. And not for the first time, Laura berated herself for the choices she’d made that put her in this position.
Chapter Six
By the time Tanner turned into Laura’s driveway, the sun was almost down and his bad mood had moderated slightly.
Granted, he’d been edgy ever since he’d gotten back to the ranch. Laura had taken him by surprise today. He’d already decided that proposing had been foolish and silly, and of course she wouldn’t say yes, which was why he’d started looking for his own place. But once she’d started talking he couldn’t possibly tell her he’d changed his mind. Besides, it didn’t have to be a huge deal. Like he’d said—it was nothing more than a contract between friends. The problem came with the realization that they’d probably have to keep that part quiet, which complicated things a fair bit. Were they going to have to pretend to be in love? He thought of her thick, cop
pery hair and blue eyes and the way she smiled, and knew pretending wouldn’t be that difficult. A blessing and a curse.
Laura had turned on her porch light and he looked at it for a few seconds after he killed the engine.
He’d had had a few moments of panic since leaving her this afternoon. And then, after dinner, Cole had started in on the “going out yet again” thing and how Tanner was never home. His parents said nothing, but he’d felt their agreement with Cole, real or imagined. In response, he’d snapped back that this was why he wanted his own place, and he’d gone out the door with his sour attitude leaving a bad taste in his mouth.
He was going to get married.
He blew out a breath, wishing he felt the same sort of happiness that Cole experienced with Maddy. Tanner had, once. It had been his biggest mistake. He shouldn’t expect happiness now. He didn’t expect it. He was looking to help someone who needed a hand. To do something that mattered more than shoveling cow shit and fixing fences. That was all this was.
If they married, a woman in a tough situation would be better able to provide for her daughter. As reasons went, it was good enough for him. And everyone else could take their opinions and shove them. He was sick to death of them.
Tanner got out of the truck and shut the door. It really was peaceful out this way, he realized. The air still held that spring-like scent, and he could hear peepers nearby, from either a little brook or some resting water. The sky was a peachy-lilac color, striated by wisps of pearly clouds. He took a moment and breathed deeply, trying to stop the merry-go-round in his head. He and Laura would figure this out, one detail at a time.
He climbed the steps slowly, lifted his hand and knocked on the door.
When Laura opened it, all the practiced words flew out of Tanner’s head. She looked...wow. She’d dressed up. Nothing fancy, but she wore a pretty dress with little flowers on it that fell to just above her knees.
The gravity of what they were going to discuss struck him again.
“Hi,” she said, and her cheeks flushed as she stood back and held open the door. “Come on in. Rowan’s already asleep.”
“Thanks.” He entered and took a few moments to pull off his boots and put them by the door. She walked over to the fridge and the skirt of her dress swayed with each step. Tanner’s mouth went dry.
“I made some iced tea. Do you want some?”
“Sure.” His voice came out on a croak and he cleared his throat. “That’d be nice.”
She turned back from the fridge with a glass pitcher in her hand. “I can’t cook, but I can manage tea, hot or cold.” She put it down and reached for a glass. “I guess you should know that right away if you haven’t figured it out already. I’m not much of a cook. Sweet or plain?”
“Plain’s fine,” he said, and she poured and handed him the glass. Their fingers brushed and he got that nervous swirling in his gut again. Which was stupid. It hadn’t been this way this afternoon in the park.
Laura poured her own glass of tea, added sugar and stirred it. Then she looked up at Tanner and took a shaky breath. “Are you having second thoughts?” she asked.
“Are you?”
She shook her head. “No fair. I asked you first.”
He was, but he didn’t want to admit it. It wasn’t about wanting to or not, but more to do with the seriousness of the situation. He was glad of that, actually. That neither of them was being flippant about it.
“No,” he replied.
“Okay. Let’s go in and talk, then.”
He followed her into the living room. A lamp was already lit in the corner, chasing away the twilight and making it cozy and welcoming. Laura sat in a chair, leaving him the sofa. It told him a lot that she didn’t sit with him, but chose to put some distance between them. Keeping it businesslike. Which might have worked except for that dress. He’d never seen her in one before. When she crossed her left knee over her right, he caught a glimpse of a small tattoo just below her ankle bone. From where he sat, it looked like a hummingbird.
There was a lot he didn’t know about Laura Jessup.
She picked up a pad of paper and a pen from the end table and clicked the top, preparing to write.
He got the feeling he was about to fill in a lot of the blanks.
* * *
LAURA FIGURED THE only way to get through the evening was to treat it like a business meeting. Otherwise she’d be liable to lose her focus and get all sentimental or weaken and not go through with it.
A contract. That was all this was. They needed to discuss terms and plans and timelines, and to keep it straight, she needed to write it all down.
“So,” she began, forcing her voice to come out calm and even. “The first thing we should do is pick a date and work from there.”
“The sooner the better, I suppose.” Tanner sipped his tea and smiled encouragingly.
“It’s May. We’re headed right into prime wedding season, and most officiants are probably booked. Would you like me to check into it and find the first available date?”
He looked shocked for a moment, and then the pleasant expression returned to his face. “Yes, that would be great.”
“Surely we can find something in the next month. Why don’t we work with that presumption, and then we’ll shift if we need to? Does it matter if it’s on a weekend?”
He was quiet, so she looked up from her paper. His expression was slightly blank, so she nudged, “Tanner?”
“It doesn’t matter. One day is as good as the next.”
“Good.” She made a note on her paper and looked up again. “I’m assuming you’d like to tell our families before we go to the county office for a license. I was thinking this weekend we could get it over with and then Monday go fill out the paperwork. Do you think your parents will be around for that? I can call my grandparents tomorrow and set something up. Gram’s still slow getting around, so they’ll probably be home most of the weekend.”
“I suppose telling them should be first on our list.” He frowned.
“And probably the hardest part,” she said. “And we should talk about how we’re going to present it. Are we going to be honest about why we’re doing it? Or are we going to, you know, act like it’s real?”
Tanner stared at her for a long moment. “I don’t know,” he answered cautiously. “What do you want to do?”
She sighed and her shoulders slumped as she sat back in her chair. “I honestly don’t know. I keep thinking how disapproving my grandparents will be if we tell them it’s in name only. They’re old-fashioned. They already think our generation doesn’t take marriage seriously enough.”
“They’ll still be disappointed down the road, when we divorce.” Tanner ran his finger along his lower lip. “The question is, which would be worse for them? Or harder for you? Now or later?”
She didn’t answer. “What about your folks? What do you want to tell them?”
He pursed his lips. “I don’t know. I don’t know if we could sell it to them, you know? Your grandfather has at least seen us together, and we could let him draw conclusions. But I’m not sure that’d work with my family. I’m not sure they’d believe we fell in love.”
He almost stumbled over the words, and she realized the idea had him scared to death. It was probably just as well.
“Plus, Maddy and Cole will ask questions,” she said.
“And Mom and Dad...well, they know the rumors, Laura.” His eyes were wide and honest as he looked at her. “Maybe it would be better to tell them the truth.”
Laura shook her head as her chest tightened. “No, Tanner. Too many people know already. I know your parents are good people, but the more who know, the greater the chance of something slipping. Maybe we can tell them we’ve been seeing each other in private. With the baby, we might be able to sell that notion.”
Tanner nodded slowly. “That might work. I go out a lot, just to get out of the house. And I mentioned wanting to move out recently. But, Laura...” His gaze touched hers. He was so serious right now. It was strange seeing him this way, and not the happy, smiling guy she normally encountered. There was something incredibly alluring about Tanner Hudson when he was being responsible and somber.
He sighed. “With my family, I think you’re going to have to be prepared for some push back. Because of my history, because of yours. It shouldn’t matter, but there’ll be questions.”
“Like if we want to rush into this. If you’re ready to be a father. If I’m the kind of girl you want to be saddled to for life.” It hurt to say the words, even though she knew it was true.
“Possibly. And for you, too. I have a terrible track record with marriage. They’ll want to know if you’re sure you know what you’re getting into.”
“So we shouldn’t count on them for unqualified support.”
“They’ll come around. But probably not right away. I don’t want to see you get your hopes up.”
She chuckled, a dry, humorless sort of laugh. “Hopes, Tanner? I gave up on high hopes a long time ago.”
The sad truth of that settled around them. “I’m sorry,” he said, and he sounded as though he absolutely meant it. It was an odd moment to feel so incredibly close to him, but she did. What a pair they made. Romantic failures, both of them. Poor judges of character. And yet this time, in this one instance, she felt she was one hundred percent right to trust in him.
“So,” he said quietly, “that just leaves deciding what to do about, uh, living arrangements.”
She swallowed. “Well,” she said, lifting her eyes to his, “you might as well move in here. You can have the bedroom and I’ll sleep in with Rowan, like I did when Gramps was here.”
Tanner frowned and shook his head. “Laura, you’re not sleeping on a blow-up mattress. You should have the bedroom. Maybe we can move Rowan’s crib in there and I’ll sleep in her room.”
Laura thought of the pastel-painted walls, the frilly curtains and the decals of flowers and hearts she’d stuck on the wall in lieu of more expensive decorating. “Really? It’s not quite your style.”