by Donna Alward
“Then we’ll get you a new bed. Put it in that room so you have a decent place to sleep.”
“It should be a single bed. It’s cheaper and that way Rowan can move into it when she’s older and we’re—”
She stopped abruptly.
“Divorced,” he finished.
“This is the strangest conversation,” she admitted. “Tanner, are we crazy?”
“Probably,” he agreed. “But it’s our business. No one else’s.”
“You can move in as soon as you like,” she said. “Either before or after the...the wedding.”
“Okay.” He tapped his foot lightly, and she realized he was nervous. It made her feel better somehow, and made her like him even more. Tanner was a good man. But he was also human, and she didn’t feel like a complete failure around him. That was something very different from other relationships, including the one between her and Gavin, which had been friendly. Still, there’d been a superiority there that neither had spoken of, but existed nonetheless. Gavin had been married, with twin babies, and a career as a lawyer. What had Laura achieved since high school beyond screwing up? Sure, she had a career, but it barely paid her bills and her personal life was a disaster.
“If we’ve covered the basics, I guess I should go,” he said, putting his hands on his knees. “You probably want to get to bed soon.”
It was barely past eight-thirty. “You could stay a while if you wanted,” she suggested. “If we’re going to live together, we’ll have to get used to being in the same room from time to time.”
“Of course. We’re friends. That doesn’t have to change at all.” The words were the right ones, but there was a strain around them, too. As if he was trying to convince her—or himself.
“Do you want to stay and watch TV for a while? I usually watch one of those procedural dramas from nine until ten. Or we could watch something else if you want.”
“That sounds fine to me.” He patted the cushion beside him. “You can sit over here if you like. I don’t bite.”
The sofa did afford a better view of the television. She got up from her chair and picked up the remote, then sat carefully on the cushion, leaning against the padded back and crossing one leg over her knee. There was no sense pretending this was easy. Maybe it would be better if they just got everything out in the open. “This is kind of awkward, isn’t it?” she asked.
Tanner grinned. “Aw, it’ll just take some practice. If we’re going to be convincing, we should get used to spending some time together. It’ll be expected.”
“I suppose you’re right. I hadn’t thought of that.”
He turned to face her as she clicked the button on the remote to turn on the TV. “You can trust me, Laura. You know that, right?”
Did he realize he’d said those words to her before? She found herself locked in his gaze, his earnest eyes searching hers. It had been in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, and she’d started to panic. The pain had been getting intense and she was scared and feeling alone and as though everything was out of control. Tanner had been there beside her, focused on her face as the contraction seized her body, reassuring her that her baby was fine and everything was going to be okay. “You can trust me, Laura,” he’d said, holding her hand. “Everything is going to be just fine. Breathe.”
It was hard to breathe again, but for a very different reason.
“I want to believe that,” she said. “You’ve been the first person to really be a friend since...”
“Since Gavin died.”
She nodded.
“Do you miss him?”
The sound from the television provided some background noise, but she heard only Tanner’s voice, saw only his face. There was no judgment or condemnation written on it. It was the strangest thing.
“Is it wrong to say no?” she asked, feeling her cheeks heat. “I mean, not in the way you mean. We dated in high school, and he was a good man, but we were truly just friends. I felt terrible when the accident happened, of course. He was far too young and with such a nice family. But I wasn’t in love with him, Tanner. Our past gave us a connection and I knew he was a good man. That was why I asked for his help. Not because I was still...no.”
She squeezed Tanner’s fingers. “Thank you for asking, though. You’re the first. Because of the rumors, I haven’t felt entitled to any grief, you know?”
He squeezed her hand back.
“Tanner?”
“Yeah?”
She licked her lips nervously. “There’s something else I want you to know.”
“Okay.”
“Even if I’d had feelings for Gavin, I wouldn’t have acted on them. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’m not the kind of person who would cheat, or be The Other Woman.”
“I know that,” he said easily. Just like that. As if there was no question at all of her integrity.
And then he smiled at her, and her heart gave a definitive thump in response.
She slid over on the sofa and turned to face the TV. Roommates. That was all they were going to be. Maybe they’d have to pretend otherwise for a while, but she’d simply keep reminding herself that it was fantasy. That it was all for Rowan and her future.
The opening theme of her show began and she pretended to concentrate on it while Tanner relaxed and hummed along a little with the music.
They were going to do this. It was the craziest thing she’d ever done. And if it worked out, the smartest. Just as soon as they got to the county office and got the license.
Chapter Seven
Tanner’s palms were sweating as he and Laura made their way from the truck to the front steps of her grandparents’ small bungalow. The yard was plain, but it was well kept, with the grass freshly mowed and a few pots of red flowers sitting on the gray-painted wooden stairs. Charlie and Patricia Jessup were in their seventies, but it looked as though they were still more than able to care for the property.
Laura was dressed in neat pants and a flowery spring top. Very casual, but pretty and feminine, too. She’d dressed Rowan in a romper that was red and white and ruffled beyond reason. Right now Rowan was perched on Laura’s arm as they neared the door. Laura looked as nervous as he felt. But they’d agreed that telling her grandparents first would be easiest.
Patricia came to the door and opened it in welcome. “Laura, dear!” Tanner noticed the older woman’s skin was pale, but her eyes twinkled out a welcome. “Goodness, Charlie told me you’d been spending time with a young man.” Her smile widened. The knot in Tanner’s stomach tightened.
“Gram, this is Tanner Hudson. Tanner, my grandma Patricia.”
“Ma’am,” Tanner said, taking off his hat.
“Oh, no need for ma’am.” She flapped her hand at him and opened the door wider as they ascended the steps. “Come in, you two. I baked some cinnamon rolls this morning and I put on a pot of coffee.”
“You didn’t need to do that,” Laura chided. “You should still be resting.”
Patricia chuckled. “I’m not dead yet. Besides, those cinnamon rolls aren’t a speck of trouble. And they’re your grandpa’s favorite.”
The inside of the house was so clean Tanner was sure they could have eaten their rolls off the shiny floor. The décor was old-fashioned, but welcoming, and Patricia led them straight through to the kitchen. Patio doors led to a small back deck, and the door was open and the screen pulled across so the warm breeze wafted in, bringing with it the scent of grass and the sweet aroma of some sort of flowering shrub.
Charlie came around the corner. “Well, now. I knew there had to be some occasion for cinnamon rolls. Hello, sweetheart.” He grinned and went right to Laura, planting a kiss on her cheek. Then he touched an arthritic finger to Rowan’s nose before holding his hand out to Tanner. “Nice to see you again, Tanner.”
>
“Thank you, sir.”
“Sit down, you two. Tanner, what do you take in your coffee?”
“Just a little cream, thanks.”
“Are you having coffee, Laura?”
“Maybe just half a cup,” she said, and Tanner glanced over at her. He knew for a fact that she wasn’t drinking much caffeine because she was still breast-feeding. The idea itself made a warm blush crawl up his chest, thinking about the way her full breasts filled out her top. He needed to stop that sort of thinking. Truth was, he was sure that she only agreed to the coffee because she was anxious about this afternoon and wanted to be as accommodating as possible.
When everyone had a cup of coffee and a plate with a warm roll, Laura settled Rowan on her knee and smiled weakly at Tanner. She wanted to get it over with. As the moment stretched out, her eyes seemed to plead with his. She wanted him to be the one to speak up.
His heart pounded in double time and he took a deep breath. He put his mug on the table. “Mr. and Mrs. Jessup, we asked if we could visit today because we wanted to tell you some news.”
Charlie’s gaze narrowed slightly, but an easy smile remained on Patricia’s lips.
Different phrases rushed through his head, all jumbling together as he struggled with what to say next. “We, uh...that is, since Christmas...” He coughed and started again. “You probably know that I was one of the EMTs in the ambulance the day Rowan was born.”
“Yes, of course,” Patricia said, smiling encouragingly. “And she’s so precious, isn’t she?”
“She is,” Tanner agreed. “The thing is, since then, well, Laura and I have been seeing a lot of each other. The other night I asked her to marry me and she said yes.”
Charlie’s keen eyes darted from Tanner to Laura and back again. Tanner noticed that Laura’s cheeks held twin red spots and that she was focused on something on Rowan’s collar instead of looking up.
“Laura?” Charlie said her name gently, and Tanner saw her steel herself, then lift her head and smile at her grandfather.
“Tanner’s been so good to me,” she said, her voice sweet and soft. “He’s kind, and considerate, and gentle. And he doesn’t mind that I’m not a very good cook.” She laughed lightly, and Tanner admired how she was able to make a small joke. It somehow made her explanation seem more authentic. The compliments already made him feel a little awkward. He also felt guilty for lying, and imagined her guilt was far worse. After all, Charlie and Patricia were her family, not his.
Though his was up next.
“Oh, sweetie,” Patricia said. “I’m so happy for you, if this is what you want. That sweet little girl should have a daddy.”
Ouch. He knew that would hit Laura right where it hurt, but she only smiled at her grandmother and ran a hand over Rowan’s dark cap of hair.
“You’re sure this is what you want?” Charlie asked, his gaze sharp and assessing. The blush on Laura’s cheeks brightened, and Tanner stepped in.
“Laura’s a strong, capable, kind woman. I’m a very lucky man, Mr. Jessup.”
“I seem to recall telling you not to hurt my girl,” Charlie said, his lips a thin line as he stared at Tanner.
“Grandpa! When did you do that?”
“The day I was at your place for dinner and we were in the living room,” Tanner replied, holding the old man’s gaze. “And I have no intention of hurting her, sir. Just the opposite. I want to take care of her.”
“I can take care of myself,” Laura said acidly.
He looked at her and raised his eyebrows. “Of course you can. That’s obviously not what I meant.” Of course she could look after herself. But he figured the couple they were trying to convince would appreciate the sentiment.
Patricia did for sure. “Will you stay at the family ranch, then? And does this mean you’re not going back to work, Laura?”
He let Laura field the questions. “We’ll live at my house, and Tanner will drive to the ranch each day. And I most certainly am going back to work. I’m going to increase my business and work from home. That way, I can help support the family and still be with Rowan.”
Her grandma smiled. “I’ve always felt a girl needed a skill. You just never know when you might be on your own. Good for you, honey.” She turned to Tanner. “Tanner, this girl’s going to keep you on your toes.”
“I’m counting on it,” he replied, picking up his fork.
“One more thing,” Laura said. “Neither one of us wants anything big. We’ve booked a justice of the peace for three weeks from today.”
“That’s the third week of June. Oh, what a lovely time for a wedding. But can you be ready that soon?”
“It’ll be a small civil ceremony, Gram. It’s what we want.”
Tanner wished he could take Laura’s hand. He wondered if she was thinking about a big church wedding with a white dress, flowers and all the trappings women seemed to like. Maybe he should have asked if she wanted that. It just seemed more expedient this way. Besides, he’d have a hard time making his vows in a church knowing they weren’t for real.
“Are we not to be invited, then?”
There was disappointment in Patricia’s voice, and he gave Laura a short nod. Surely, they could each have a few people present. He’d want Cole to be his best man, or at least his witness for the official documents.
“Of course you’re invited,” Laura replied, her voice light with what he thought sounded like relief. “You’re my closest family.”
“It’ll just be you, and a few from my side,” Tanner said. “We haven’t picked a location yet, but we’ll let you know as soon as we do.”
The conversation relaxed for a while then, and they ate cinnamon buns and sipped coffee and talked about Rowan’s latest milestones and Patricia’s recovery from her illness. After they’d been there an hour, Rowan started to fuss and Tanner knew they should get on to the ranch and get the rest of the day over with. Laura disappeared to change Rowan’s diaper and Tanner thanked the Jessup’s for the hospitality, trying not to feel like a fraudster. It wasn’t until they were outside on the step that Charlie put his hand on Laura’s arm.
“Girly, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” He said it in a low voice, but Tanner heard. He knew Laura had to answer this one herself, and wished she could be spared having to. However, they’d decided to do this and it had been with the full knowledge that difficult conversations were part of the package.
“Gramps,” she said softly, patting his hand, “it’s about time I started making some smart decisions in my life. I have Ro to think of now, too. Tanner’s a good man and I’m happy when I’m with him. I know I’m doing the right thing.”
Charlie’s sharp eyes softened somewhat. “You take care of our girl, you hear?” He aimed this command at Tanner. “She’s one in a million.”
“Yessir, she is,” Tanner agreed. “Thank you for the coffee and rolls, Mrs. Jessup.”
She held out a plastic container. “I packed some for you to take home,” she said, pressing them into his hand. “Let us know the details, now.”
“We will.”
They walked back to the truck, and Tanner felt both a rush of relief that it was over and another wave of anxiety since they still had to face the Hudson family. Laura buckled Rowan into her car seat and then got in the passenger side, letting out a deep breath as Tanner started the engine.
“One down, one to go,” he said encouragingly, while inside he felt like a man about to start the long walk to the gallows. Maybe he should tell them alone, but then they’d wonder why Laura wasn’t there.
And to be honest, it felt right that they face their families together. It was what real married couples did and they needed to give the impression of being a real couple, didn’t they? Unless...
“You’re sure you don’t want to tell them th
e truth?” he asked, half hoping she’d changed her mind.
“I keep asking myself the same question,” Laura answered as they turned out of the drive onto the road. “But the fewer people who know about Spencer the better, Tanner. I keep coming back to that.”
“You can trust my parents, you know. And Maddie and Cole already know.”
She sighed. “Can we talk about this later? Maybe someday down the road? But not today.”
He heard the stress in her voice and felt badly that he’d added to it. “Okay,” he replied, heading east toward the Hudson ranch.
They were halfway there when Rowan started crying.
“Is it nap time or something?” he asked, his nerves starting to fray. He was edgy enough without adding the shrill cry to the mix.
“Yes, probably. And she’s hungry. I knew I should have fed her earlier, but my grandfather is so uncomfortable with me nursing....”
Tanner’s jaw clenched. “And you probably don’t want it to be the first thing you do at my parents’ place, either, huh?”
“I should have, you know, expressed enough for a bottle.” Her cheeks were bright red.
Tanner tried a smile. “The practicalities of having a small baby,” he offered. “As a paramedic, I’ve heard a lot of moms say that once you’ve had a baby, modesty kind of goes out the window.”
She gave a relieved laugh. “Yeah, that’s about right. Modesty is sometimes a real luxury. Moms do what needs to be done.”
“And sacrifice themselves.”
Tanner turned off the highway down a side road and pulled into a little lane that led into someone’s field. “Okay, Mom. There’s not a soul around but me. Your baby’s hungry. I can take a walk if you like.”
“Only if you’re uncomfortable,” she said, blushing again. He thought she looked really pretty when her cheeks pinked up like that. “I mean, I’m going to be doing it at home for a while yet. And I’d rather not hide in the bedroom.”