What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 3)

by Lauren Hawkeye

  “Is Jake here?”

  My brows pull together in confusion. Where the hell has she been the past year and a half? Under a fucking rock? Then I start wondering why the hell a chick like her would be looking for my deceased husband. To keep getting pieces to this infested puzzle that is standing on my porch, I go along with it not letting her in on the big secret that apparently she missed out on.

  “Umm, who are you and why are you looking for Jake?” I’m trying really hard to hide the anger and the weird sense of jealousy that’s pushing down on me.

  She just smiles. “Oh, I’m Victoria. Jake and I go way back. There was a time we were really close.” Flipping her fake blonde hair behind her shoulder she continues, “We actually ran into each other over a year ago when he was visiting Ohio. Did he never mention me?”

  I shake my head. “Ah, no. Is there a reason he should have?” I can’t hold back the venom in my voice any longer.

  She sighs. “Yeah, actually I had expected him to clue you in on the fact that I had informed him we have a child together. I had told him when I ran into him that I planned on coming back here. I also told him that he should tell you. I can’t believe he hasn’t told you yet. Damn, that was over a year ago.”

  What?

  I’m going to pass out. I feel dizzy. I feel like the world is spinning around me and I can’t move. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to deck this fucking bitch that just ripped my heart out again, but hitting her isn’t worth catching a disease. I’m lucky if I managed to stay clean with her talking to me. Before slamming the door in her face and hoping her head gets hit by it, I yell, “Maybe that’s because he’s been dead for a year and a half you fucking cunt!”

  BAM!! Bitch be out!

  The walls of my house shake, mimicking the walls of my soul. This cannot be happening. My life has been amazing these last six months. Granted, it’s been because of Derek strolling into my life, but it has been amazing none the less. I don’t know what to believe. With Jake being dead, the last thing I want to believe is anything that will taint my memory of him; or anyone else’s for that matter.

  Six months ago, Mallory would have been the first person I dialed, but since Derek didn’t answer when I called, she was the second person I dialed. She answered on the second ring and hearing that I couldn’t catch a breath to even tell her what the hell was wrong, she told me she was on her way.

  She doesn’t even knock when she arrives. She joins me on the couch and I instantly crash into her sobbing. It takes me awhile to calm down and get rid of my hiccupping crying sounds that keep me from being able to talk. I drink the water she got me from the fridge. I take a few drinks and then pinch my nose and hold my breath to calm my vocal nerves that are going crazy in my throat. Holding my breath has always seemed to help me calm down.

  After ten minutes of holding my breath, taking a few sips and then repeating the process all over again, I’m finally able to speak. I tell her everything, which wasn’t much actually, but the impact was almost unbearable.

  Even though I feel and look like shit, I manage to pull myself together and get ready for Derek’s concert. Mallory, being the bestie that she is, mentions us just staying home and eating lots of ice cream and watching scary movies. There is no way in hell I’m going to miss this concert. This is huge for them and I’m not letting some skanky ass chick that showed up out of the blue ruin my night, or my life for that matter. That part of my life is behind me, but damn if the possibility of Jake cheating on me and possibly having another child doesn’t hurt.

  There’s only one thing that can possibly make me feel better; Derek. There is no amount of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream or Freddy & Jason movies that can lighten my mood the way he does just by being near me. And right now I crave to be near him. I just want him to hold me and make me feel better. He always makes me feel better. To me he seriously is a super hero, my own personal one.

  I hate that I can’t be front a center to watch the sexiest drummer, my sexy drummer, play his first real concert. I want him to see me. To see how proud I am of him. As much as I love watching him play, and as much as it’s helping me clear my mind of the bullshit that was dumped on it not even three hours earlier, I need to see him, talk to him, touch him.

  As soon as they finish their last song and leave the stage, I grab Mallory’s hand and yank her through the crowd. I know she doesn’t mind, seeing that she has a slight crush on Seth. Yeah, I definitely won’t be playing match maker with the two of them. They both have some serious screwed up issues, which is a horrible combo when both parties involved are emotionally jacked up.

  I almost start sprinting through the throng of people that are all around the area behind the stage. I have so many emotions zipping through my body right now, and I just want to crash into Derek and never let go. It surely would make me feel better by sending all these feelings that were suddenly sprung on me sailing away.

  I’m so close I can almost taste his sweaty kiss and feel his strong arms around my back, pulling me into his chest. As I turn the corner I stop dead in my tracks. My mind must be playing tricks on me. I must be fucking seeing things. There is no damn way that same slut that rocked my world earlier is clinging on to my man. Didn’t she already taint my memory of Jake by what she told me just hours ago? This bitch is about to get decked. I’m beyond the point of caring what I catch from this walking talking biohazard.

  As I close the distance Derek finally notices me and breaks the closeness from her. He comes up to me and hugs me which I don’t reciprocate back. Noticing that I’m highly pissed Derek tries to introduce us. Ha! Little does he know I got one hell of an introduction earlier.

  Clearing his throat he says, “Umm Jesika, this is Vic—”

  Stopping him mid-name, I spit out, “Yeah, Victoria right? I met her about three hours ago.” I look her dead in the eyes and giving her my best bitch face.

  He looks at me and then glances at her as if he’s expecting an explanation. Then he picks back up at where I cut him off. “—Yeah, this is Victoria. She’s Emma’s mom.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Derek

  Feeling a pair of arms snake around my waist from behind, the last person I expect to see was fucking Victoria when I turn around. Hell, the only person I expect to see or even want to see was Jesika. The smile that is plastered on my face and the high I was still on from playing our first real concert is instantly knocked out of me. Just like my breath was. Turning around to be face to face with the mother of your child who you haven’t seen in six years, six fucking long years, feels like a swift kick to the nuts. Honestly, I would much rather have a swift kick than to have Victoria strolling back into my life. My mind is suddenly flooded with the memories from six years ago.

  Knowing Vicky, her intentions for being back in town after running off so long ago can only be bad. There was a time that she was a sweet, honest girl that I loved more than the world. She was everything to me and we had an amazing future planned out, until she got hooked on drugs. At first it was just random prescription pills here and there. She’d give excuses that she needed energy to get through school and of course, I let it slide. Her habit progressed really fast after being introduced to the hard shit by the girlfriend of one of our ex band mates.

  That’s something I will always admire about Seth; he doesn’t put up with drugs or band mates partaking in them. We’ve both had first-hand experiences dealing with people we loved becoming addicts. It changes everything about them, not only their personality, but their outer appearance as well. It’s not fun watching friends and family members bounce in and out of rehab or jail for years until they either kick the habit or it finally kicks them down for good.

  Vicky was real bad for a while. She went through an extreme crazy stage. Seth and the other guys had told me that she was cheating on me, but I never fully believed it. I was always the ‘if I didn’t see it, I can’t believe it’ type. No matter what she did to me I could never give up on her.
It hurt like hell, but I pushed through it. I felt like I was to blame because she was brought into the band world with me. So, there was no way I could abandon her. I wanted to help her. I tried to help her. I tried really damn hard. She was doing so good once we found out she was pregnant. I finally thought we’d be receiving the life we always dreamt up for ourselves. I was willing to give up the drummer life for what was to become my family; I had even proposed to her.

  After she gave birth, I could tell she wasn’t her normal self. I had just assumed it was those ‘baby blues’ you hear about. Boy was I fucking wrong. As soon as she could manage to get dressed and walk, the bitch up and left. Not to mention our daughter came out hooked on drugs. The girl had been lying to me the whole time, I was left there alone. I had no idea where she went, no one had heard from her. It was like she vanished into thin air. I have a feeling it was completely pre-meditated.

  I was left in that hospital room a fucking bundle of emotions. I felt like a time bomb waiting to blow. I was so pissed and hurt that I couldn’t calm myself down. I was so close to bolting out of that hospital myself and letting someone else figure out what to do with my daughter. It wasn’t fair. I gave up my life’s hopes and dreams, and for what? To be a single father.

  Since Emma had to stay in the hospital longer than most new newborns to monitor the drugs in her system, thanks to her wonderful mother, I left. At first I went home to search for any sign of Victoria, and found nothing besides the fact that all of her clothes were gone. So, realizing that she was really gone I did the one thing I can always do when I need to think, or not to think. I went to Seth’s to play my drums; which helped clear my head, along with the bottle of Jack. Seth actually helped too. He told me how I can’t abandon my daughter and how lucky she is to have me as her dad. I wasn’t so sure about that, but I trusted my brother’s judgment. He also told me I wasn’t alone, that he’d always be there for me and be the best uncle he could be.

  I loved my daughter from the moment I found out she was the size of a pea in her mom’s belly. I knew there was no way I could just abandon her like her mother did. Hell, the only good thing that came from this, this woman, has been Emma. I’m very thankful that’s the only thing she gave me because I’m pretty sure she’s racked up a few little ‘friends’ that she passes around whenever she spreads her legs. Which, by the way she’s dressed, her extracurricular activities haven’t changed. She corrupts everything she touches, everything. She almost corrupted me and I’ll be damned if I let her corrupt Emma.

  She’s attempting to wrap her arms around me in an embrace, but I pull back before she can. “What the fuck are you doing here Vicky?”

  She smiles at me mischievously as her hands wander up my sides, finding their resting place on my shoulders. “I wanted to surprise you Derek. I’ve missed you baby,” she coos.

  I push her away from me as I see Jesika making her way towards us. “You lost the right to call me baby when you left me and our daughter sitting in a hospital.”

  “Speaking of our daughter, where is she? I want to see her.”

  Surprised by her sudden interest in our daughter after leaving us six years ago, I brush past her without giving her a response. I have so many emotions running through me right now, that the only thing that can calm me besides a bottle is Jesika. All I want to do is wrap my arms around her and hold her. Maybe if I can do that, then maybe this whole nightmare that is standing behind me will be just that, a nightmare.

  I bypass Vicky to close the distance between me and Jesika. She looks pissed, beyond pissed. I wrap my arms around her and she just stands there letting me hug her. Yep, she’s without a doubt pissed. I’m unsure why she’s so angry, but I can guaran-damn-tee the bomb I’m about to drop on her definitely isn’t going to help. The bomb I thought had exploded years ago that is. I’ve heard a shit load of stories about crazy baby mamas. Nick has tons. The fact that I’ve never had to deal with one had turned out to be a blessing in disguise. For all Jesika knows this could just be a handsy groupie chic, but by the hate filled gleam in her eyes I can tell that she might have a pretty good clue who this woman is. Somehow.

  I’m all of a sudden extremely nervous as to where this is about to lead or take me and Jesika. We have still never gone into details with our pasts and I was fine with that. I know once she decides to open up to me that I’ll have to tell her the truth. The truth about the night her husband died. The truth about my thoughts the first time I saw her and every time afterwards. The truth that for the last four months I’ve known Jake had cheated on her. It’s not like I have lied to her. I couldn’t be the one to taint the image she holds onto of her dead husband. I wasn’t going to be the one she resented for opening her eyes to the truth. Why is telling the truth so fucking hard?

  All I know is now I’m being smacked with the truth of my past on what was supposed to have been the best night of my life. Knowing there is no going back, I do the only thing I can do and introduce Jesika to the missing link of Emma’s life, the one who shattered my heart. This is the woman I know Jake cheated on her with, but I don’t have the heart to tell her. This woman who I know has some master plan concocted or else she wouldn’t be showing her heartless self around here, my baby mama.

  Releasing her from my hug, I struggle for the words to tell her.

  “Umm Jesika, this is Vic—”

  As she stops me, all I can do is pray that this isn’t going to break us. All I can do is pray that the woman who shattered my heart won’t re-shatter it again by running off the only woman who has been able to make it feel again. I mentally and emotionally prepare myself for the shit that is about to hit the fan because like I said, Vicky corrupts everything.

  Having to spit out the words that Vicky is Emma’s mother left a foul taste in my mouth. The look on Jesika’s face as the words suffocated her had my mind spinning. She literally gasped as the revelation of the words I had just spoken hit her head on. Bringing her out of wherever her mind temporarily took her I brave to ask her the question that’s been bugging me the last few minutes.

  “You said you met her earlier?”

  She takes her death stare off of Victoria to look at me. I can literally see the hurt replacing the hatred that was in her eyes. Shit, she knows. Leave it to fucking Victoria to start shit as soon as her fucking tramp heels hit the county line. I bet this turn of events is playing out better than she could have ever imagined in that scheming mind of hers.

  I wipe the first tear that rolls down her face and keep my hand against her cheek. She lets out a heavy breath, regaining her composure and taming back her unshed tears.

  “Yeah, she showed up at my house today looking for Jake. She told me all about how they go way back. I tried to call you, but knew you were busy getting ready for tonight.”

  I can’t even try to hide the fact that I’ve known about what Jesika just heard go unnoticed. She inspects my face with the tilt of her head.

  “Huh. You’ve known, haven’t you Derek? You’ve known all along that Jake cheated on me?” She can’t hide the anger in her voice.

  “No Jes. I haven’t known the whole time. Damn it! I found out a few months ago that it was Jake she cheated on me with.”

  And that little piece of information I just gave her got me a slap to the face.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jesika

  I would like to say that I have just found out what I have been missing out on while being single this past year. That thing being the bull shit and lies that comes with relationships. You’re told that you have to take the good with the bad. Good things come to those who wait. I call the fucking bluff! It’s all a bunch of shit people tell themselves hoping that they will get the outcome they want if they just stay positive.

  Being slapped with the truth that the life I had with Jake and the love I thought we both mutually shared was a complete lie rips at the stitches that I had used to sew my heart back together. Now knowing the one person, the one freaking person I wanted to run
to for comfort knew the whole time, is unbelievable. Out of all people to keep something from me, I would have never expected Derek. Yeah, he didn’t lie to me, but withholding truth, truth I had every right to know, is just as bad in my book.

  Slapping him felt damn good, really damn good. And it also sucked, it sucked bad. I know it doesn’t make sense. It definitely doesn’t make any sense to me. How can you be so livid with someone that you just want to deck them, but at the same time want to be held by them? Mallory, knowing me all too well, stepped in before I could show any weakness. Never show weakness is her motto. Keep your head held high and your dignity until your out of sight; then and only then can you let it all out.

  “Let’s go Jesika. You’ve had to deal with enough drama from this cootchie crater today.” She pulls on my arm for me to turn around.

  I try to keep the tears that are begging to spill down my face at bay until I turn away; I look at Derek one more time. Stupid idea. I bet his face looks as bad as mine. He’s hurting just as much as I am.

  He reaches out for my hand. “Jesika, what does Mal mean?” I yank my hand away and nod my head in the direction of Victoria.

  “Why don’t you ask your baby mama?” I just shake my head. “Or whoever baby’s mama she is, because for your sake I hope she’s fucking lying.”

  I turn around. I didn’t realize how big of a crowd we had watching our mess unfold. I see Seth who is watching as Mallory and I make our exit. He has a curious expression on his face and I can’t help but wonder if he knows the truth. He does always seem to know more than he ever lets on, I’m not fully sure how he gets all his info, but he seems to be in the know with the town drama. Just like hairstylists, they seriously know everyone’s business and it’s not even their fault. People just spill the beans as soon as they sit down into the swiveling chair. It’s uncontrollable.