What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 3)

by Lauren Hawkeye

  By the way her face reddened, I knew they must have come at least a little clean with each other. “Did you tell him?”

  “Yeah,” she sighed.

  “Did he tell you?”

  “Not in so many words, but we’re going to hang out more. See what happens.”

  “That’s good right?”

  “I suppose.”

  “It’s a step in the right direction,” I countered her defeated sounding tone.

  “Yeah, but it’s still friend zone material.”

  I sunk back down in the seat and wondered if it was better if I remained back in the friend zone with Will. Then I remembered how I had struggled against it. Then I remembered my reaction to getting what I had tried to bury away inside my broken shell. When I couldn’t avoid speaking to him anymore, how would I play it? Apologize and clamp down the ice walls again.

  “Chris is shy,” I said, squashing my thoughts back down into the pit of my stomach. “He’s a good guy and probably doesn’t want to stuff things up.”

  Simone’s only response was to glance at me with a frown.

  “When I talked with him, he said he didn’t know what to do. He just doesn’t know what to say, so maybe it’s a good thing. Hanging out.”

  “Yeah,” she sighed in reply. “The problem is, I’m just so damn impatient.”

  It was like a light bulb flashed over my head when I heard those words. Maybe that was part of my problem? I’d crushed on Will for months, but I hadn’t really got to know him that well outside of the band. It had only been three weeks. Three weeks in close proximity, but that was such a short amount of time and for someone like me, maybe it was too fast to jump into any kind of relationship above friends. Maybe that was what had triggered my reaction?

  Or maybe life had just broken me beyond repair. Maybe I wasn’t meant to fall in love ever again. Maybe this was it.

  That night, we had another free one. I hid in the hotel room and ordered room service like the coward I was. I was still rooming with Dee and was thankful he was the only one who saw me like this. Behind closed doors, I had come apart. I couldn’t help thinking that I was selfish, relying on him so much. I was selfish. As I’d thought that morning, I had to make it up to him, but I had no idea how.

  I could think of worse things than rooming with Dee. Like a hole in the head. That was worse. Sharing with him wasn’t bad, he was my best friend after all, so it wasn’t weird in the slightest. It didn’t matter that I wore boy short underwear and a tank top to bed. He’d seen it all before and we were firmly in the friend zone. In fact, we were concreted there.

  The only thing that did bother me was that he flung his dirty clothes everywhere and left his damp towel on the floor. If it wasn’t for the hotel housekeeping on the nights we stayed more than once, I’d go stark raving mad.

  It was around eleven when Dee came back to the room. He took one look at me and lay down beside my rumpled form on the bed.

  “The guys wanna know if you’re okay,” he said.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “C’mere,” he mumbled, pulling me into a hug.

  We lay like that for a while in silence until I had to say something. “I’m sorry.”

  “What for?”

  “I keep doing this to you.”

  “Doing what?” He sounded confused.

  “Falling apart.”

  “Life wasn’t meant to be easy, Zo.”

  “I know.”

  “You have to talk to him.”

  “I will. Tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” he said. “Well, I’m just in the next bed if you need me, okay?”

  He slid into his own bed, and in true Dee fashion, he was asleep in minutes. But for me, it didn’t come easy. When I finally managed to drift off, it was headfirst into a dream. You know that place where you still feel wide awake, but you’re in a weird place and you know it isn’t real? That’s where I was and I couldn’t do anything about it.

  The apartment I used to live in was made from brown brick and the stairs that led up to our floor were concreted. I’d run up and down them a million times. Carried boxes and groceries. For two years, I’d gone out and come home without a care in the world. That was, until the day I had run to get away. My face throbbed with unshed tears and the promise of a black bruise swelling up against my pale skin.

  “Get away from me!” I heard myself shriek.

  A strong hand grasped my upper arm, fingers biting into my flesh, another bruise added to the list. I had been happy. So happy, I’d been blind.

  “Don’t fucking touch me.”

  The hand let go and I wanted to run down those stairs, the stairs I had walked up and down a thousand million times. I didn’t need to run. I didn’t need to walk. There was a hand on my back that would help me get to the bottom faster than I could have ever let my legs carry me.

  The ground came rushing up towards my face and I let out a scream, like the sound of my own terror would stop my forward momentum.

  “Zoe,” came the sound of a voice. It was small, like it came from a far away place and it took a long minute for it to register that it wasn’t a part of my nightmare. My eyes snapped open and I gasped for air, my skin hot and sticky with sweat.

  “Zoe, fucking hell.” A hand was on my shoulder and another came down on my forehead.

  “Dee?” I rasped.

  “It was just a dream,” he said, his voice full of panic.

  “A dream?”

  “You let out an awful scream,” he said, pulling my hair from my wet face.

  “I’m sorry,” I gasped, sitting up. I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to calm down. My heart was still thumping a million miles an hour.

  “What was it about?”

  I pointed to my arm and he knew. Collapsing back into bed, I couldn’t help it when the tears started to flow. The dream had been so vivid it was like an action replay. Dee slid into bed behind me and circled his arm around my waist as sob after sob burst out of me.

  “What happened?” he whispered into my hair.

  “He called me… My arm,” I choked out between heavy breaths.

  “Did he hurt you?” Dee said quietly, knowing I was talking about Will. “If he even…”

  “He didn’t hurt me.”

  He held me for a long time, waiting for me to calm down.

  Finally he said, “What happened?”

  “Nothing,” I whispered. I couldn’t say it.

  “Something must have,” he said. “It’s you and me, Zo. Just you and me.”

  He forced me to turn around and look at him. The room was dark, but the muted light from the street outside filtered in and I could just make out the familiar features of his face. Tucking my hair behind my ear, he kissed my forehead and I breathed in his familiar smell of leather and musk.

  “He kissed me,” I whispered.

  “That’s not a bad thing, Zo.”

  “He called me baby. It… when he said it all these things came back. Memories. My arm…”

  “Did he hurt your arm?”

  “No. He didn’t hurt me. He didn’t. It was weird. It felt like that night. The pain.”

  “Shit, Zoe,” Dee cursed, pulling me against his chest.

  “I panicked. I’m sorry.”

  “God,” he murmured into my hair. “I understand, Zo. I get it. After everything, I get it.”

  “I can’t just wake up one day and decide that I’m over it. You know I haven’t let anyone in. No one but you. It’s not easy.”

  “I know, Zoe. I know.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can. When you’re ready. I think you’re ready.”

  “I don’t want to get hurt again. I can’t. I can’t go through that again.”

  “He’s not Jason,” Dee said. “He’s nothing like that prick. I was wrong about Will, Zo. He’s alright. He’s one of the good ones. That guy would go to hell and back for you.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that, I was too afra
id to believe. I just buried myself harder against my best friend.

  “Remember when he almost beat up on that guy for just talking to you? He wants you bad and I think you should let him in. I mean, he’ll protect you from sleazy guys like me. That’s ten points right there. And he’s got nice shoes. I know how you are with shoes.”

  I didn’t know where he heard about that night from, but everything else he said was right. The only one who had a problem with it was me.

  “I know it’s hard, but you’ve gotta face it.”

  “I know.”

  “I can only help you so much. The last bit you’ve gotta do on your own.”

  “Mmm,” I murmured.

  “Are you okay now?” I knew he meant the dream, so I nodded.

  He went to let me go, but I grasped hold of him tighter. “Stay.”

  He let out a small laugh and pulled the cover up over my shoulders. “The day I get a girlfriend, Zo, she’s going to be a jealous wreck.”

  “I want to see her resume first.”

  He ran a hand through my hair. “There’s the Zoe I know and love. Don’t let her get away again.”

  The way he said it made it sound easy. But, the conversation I would have to have with Will tomorrow would be one of the hardest things I would ever have to do. And I still didn’t know which way it was going to go.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Will

  Giving Zoe space was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. I just wanted to go and make it better, comfort her. I wanted to take her in my arms and never let go. But, Dee had said to give her some time. He knew her better than anyone and I had to trust him.

  The show the other night had been gut wrenching. I mean, they sounded great as per usual, but something was missing from Zoe. The spark she had was all but gone and it broke my heart knowing that I might’ve had something to do with it. Afterward, she’d just left and the whole day after, she’d didn’t come out to dinner or anywhere.

  This morning she’d even rode with Simone again. Something she hadn’t done since I’d been such a jerk to her. Dee’d just shrugged and pulled me onto the bus. He never said a word about what was going on and his devotion to her was admirable. I mean, they weren’t related, but he was her family. Her brother. To anyone on the outside, they looked like they were together. I’d thought the same thing at first, but I totally got them now.

  Today’s sound check was already turning into another muted affair and as the support did their thing, I sat in a corner and just watched everyone go too and fro, putting Tab A into Tab B. That’s when Zoe wandered by, not noticing me in the shadows and my heart clenched.

  My gaze followed her as she went into the band room, shoulders hunched. She looked utterly defeated. I waited to see if she would reappear and after twenty minutes had gone by, no one had gone in or out. Dee had told me to give her some time, but I was out of patience. I had to do something. I was done feeling powerless while she was hurting.

  Taking a deep breath, I strode over and opened the door.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Zoe

  I sat in the band room on a beat up couch as the support band did their sound check. They’re muffled, but their music filtered into the room regardless of the soundproofing. Leaning forward, elbows on my knees I rubbed my tired eyes, glad for the short reprieve from the drama. Ever since the other day after the pool, I’d been strung so tight, it was no wonder I’d had such a violent dream. My life was spinning out of control and I had no idea how to reign it back in.

  I still hadn’t confronted Will to apologize. Dee had said that I’d scared the shit out of him and he was just as strung out as I was. Truth was, I just don’t know how to say what I wanted to. I didn’t know how much I should say. I knew I should tell him the entire truth, but I wasn’t ready to hear it myself.

  When I heard the door open, my gaze snapped up and caught sight of Will closing it behind him, his back firmly against it. My breathing instantly picked up and my heart thudded painfully inside my chest. His eyes were on me and they were full of fire. Anger, lust, I don’t know.

  “Zoe.” His voice was so low and husky and I instantly felt my body respond. Damn it.

  I didn’t say anything. I just watched him stare at me with a fierce look that seemed a lot like hunger.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  I struggled with what to say. Either I didn’t want to, or I was that mesmerized by his presence. I didn’t count on this conversation going the way it was headed.

  His brows knitted together in a frown and he crossed the room, slowly and deliberately, sitting on the couch next to me. He was careful not to touch me, though I was aware that he’d lowered his lips a mere inch from my ear. My heart thumped so hard in my chest, I was positive he could hear it.

  “I meant it,” he murmured. “When I said I’d wanted you for a long time.”

  My breathing hitched as his hot breath tickled my neck.

  “I will never do anything to hurt you. Ever.”

  Somehow, I managed to speak. “Will…”

  “Zoe.” His hand was on my face, making me look up at him. “How do you go up to a beautiful woman and not have her think you’re only in it for the sex? I didn’t want you to think you were like those other women,” he said. “I want to know you. I want to know everything about you. I’ve never not had the guts to talk to anyone before. I still don’t know what it was about you that night. But, I saw you in that crowd and you were different. I can’t describe it.”

  I closed my eyes for a moment, just giving into the feeling of it. The fact that he might feel the exact same longing I felt for him almost undid me. At first I thought I might have been imagining it, but I felt the back of his fingers trailing down the skin of my cheek and every place he’s touched burned. Despite all the things I had gone over in my mind to try and convince myself I wasn’t ready, I wanted him. I wanted him so much it hurt.

  “Zoe,” he said again. “I can’t live another day and not know you.”

  Opening my eyes, I found his stormy grey staring back and it was a look so intense I couldn’t not do something about it. So, for the first time since I’d laid eyes on him, I gave in. I slid my palm up his face, over the stubble that I found so irresistible and into his hair. His mouth fell open slightly, lips parting. His breathing picked up as he leaned into my hand.

  “Zoe?” It was hardly audible.

  “Yeah?” I whispered back.

  “If you don’t stop touching me, I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing you.”

  I dragged my nails lightly down the back of his head, through his hair and down his neck, pulling him toward me. “Then do it,” I murmured against his lips.

  This time, his kiss was slow and deliberate. He teased me with the tip of his tongue, lightly grazing it across my bottom lip, before claiming me completely. My entire body came alive at the slightest touch and it felt just as consuming as before.

  His hand hooked under my knee, tugging me toward him. Following his lead, I straddled his lap, my hair falling around us like a curtain and shutting out the world. Grinding against him, he let out a deep moan into my mouth and I could feel how hard he was already. I felt the effect I had on him echo deep inside me and it took all of my strength not to guide his hands under my shirt.

  “God,” he rumbled against my lips. “What have you done to me?”

  I ran a hand along his jaw, delighting in the rasp of the stubble that always coated it, knowing I was done. That kiss had just blown whatever strangled excuse I had tried to formulate right out of the water. I couldn’t stay away now. If this ended badly, then it would be a billion times worse than the last time, but I didn’t care. It was too late. Will had wormed his way inside my heart, through all the walls I had built around it and I wanted him to stay there. He had done it without me even knowing.

  “I’m sorry,” he gasped through heavy breaths. “For trying to make you jealous. I’m such a jerk.”

  �
��You are.” My lips curved into a small smile and the ghost of that lopsided grin I’d come to fantasize over tugged at his.

  “I like you, Zoe. So much. I didn’t know how to handle it. I still don’t know.”

  “Neither do I.” His hands squeezed my hips gently, making me squirm against him.

  “What happened?” he asked again, the concern in his voice tugging at my heart. “Did I do something to hurt you?”

  “No,” I whispered, winding my hands in his hair. “When you called me baby, it brought back something I’d rather forget.”

  “What?”

  I hesitated, not wanting to give all the details. I wasn’t sure if I remembered them all anyway. I dragged my teeth over my bottom lip, gaze downcast.

  Will brought a thumb up and caressed it across my lips, making me let go.

  “I went through a bad break up.”

  “Does it have something to do with your scar?”

  I stiffened at his words and there was no way he could have missed it. “It had a bad effect on me,” I said, blatantly ignoring him. “I lost all my friends and my home. Dee saved me.”

  “Zoe…” I could see the pity in his eyes and I didn’t like it. I didn’t want it.

  “Don’t.”

  “I would never hurt you,” he said fiercely, his hands leaving my hips and winding through my hair.

  “I know.”

  He pressed his lips against mine again and after everything we’d just confided in each other, it was the most intense kiss I’d ever had. Will’s entire body shuddered beneath me and he only had to shift his pelvis against mine and I would have came then and there.

  “While we’re on the confession thing,” I said carefully, “I do remember you that night. You know, at that gig.”

  “But, you said you didn’t.”

  I shrugged.

  “Zo,” he scolded me with a chuckle.

  “You raised your eyebrows at me,” I said. “Very hot.”

  “You think I’m hot,” he declared and the intensity of a moment ago shifted into something lighter.

  “Does that work on all the girls?”