What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 3)

by Lauren Hawkeye

  “Jules, there are no guarantees in love. Just a lot of risk,” he said, taking my hand in his and interlacing his fingers through mine. He looked into my eyes as he had so many times, and all I saw there was love. I realized that these were the same eyes that looked into mine for years, but now I recognized what was in his heart for me.

  “Travis, it’s just too soon for me. We need to take it slow.”

  With a long sigh, he reluctantly let go of my hand. I got up and Travis followed me as I walked into the kitchen. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said, sensing my feelings. “I’m not afraid of getting hurt because I know that we are meant to be together,” he said confidently as he took me in his arms again.

  I wasn’t sure that I felt the same.

  “I’m going to take off.”

  “Why?”

  “I just… I need to get some stuff done at my place.”

  “Is that really why you’re leaving?”

  “No. I want to give you space.”

  “I’m sorry. If we’re going to start something, I want to do it right. And right now, Nick is still on my mind. Just give me some time so I can get over him before we start something. You are my best friend, so please, be my friend.”

  “Do you remember when I broke up with Brooke? And I told you it was because of someone else?”

  I nodded.

  “Well, that someone else was you. Since high school, Jules. Maybe even before that. And I can’t get you out of my head no matter how hard I try. You are always there.”

  “Travis,” I began, not knowing what to say or where I was going with this. “I’m sorry. I just am not ready. This is the worst possible timing.”

  I was pretty sure that Travis was upset, but I wasn’t in a position to do anything about it. He stood up and made his way to the door. “I get it. And I’m going to give you the space you need,” he said, opening the door and walking out.

  I felt numb and physically unable to move for awhile. I didn’t want to hurt my friend, and I didn’t want to give him false hope, but I hated what this was doing to us. I finally walked over to my window that faced the parking lot. I saw Travis’s car, and I saw him standing against it. He looked back toward the front door of my building. He just stood there for a minute, and then got into his car. He grasped the steering wheel with both hands, then leaned forward and rested his head there. After a few minutes, he drove away. I wished I knew where he was going or what he was thinking, but on the other hand, I understood. He always got exactly what he wanted. He was a great guy; he was nice, attentive, very attractive – what girl wouldn’t want him?

  One that just got her heart broken, I answered my own question.

  I stared out the window, lost in thought. I decided not to chase him; he would call when he was ready.

  My phone buzzed with a calendar reminder about that night’s event, so I had to start getting ready.

  An hour later, my make-up was as close to perfect as it could be, my ridiculously dark circles under my eyes had been meticulously covered, and my hair was bouncy and curly. I decided on a red dress that was just on the right side of sexy while still maintaining some professionalism, and I picked out my highest high heels that made my legs look sexy as sin. I felt sexy and I knew that Nick loved me in red.

  When I arrived at Brick City, everyone except Nick was already there. Lucy and Jake held a table while Holly mingled as Andrew trailed behind. Malcolm and Greg were both there with their wives (Brenda and Maria, respectively), both of whom I had met several times, so I settled into an easy conversation with the two of them. The new logo looked great; Greg had spent a lot of time working with the ads department to come up with something fresh and upscale, and he had certainly reached his goal. The placed looked amazing, and people were having fun, as evidenced by people chatting and dancing and drinking and eating. The owners had decided to create an event for the launch party, complete with a band and dancing, demonstrating how their new banquet facilities would operate. It was an elegant event tastefully done.

  My eyes were practically glued to the door for any sign of Nick. I was trying not to be obvious, but I needed to see him.

  It was like the room paused when Nick finally walked through the door. Everything was going on around me as normal, but it felt like I was alone in the room. Everything became suddenly quiet, including the conversation I had been engaging in with Brenda. He looked perfect as he walked into the room, still wearing the same suit from work that day. His hair was messier than usual, and he was scruffier than usual. It was obvious he hadn’t shaved in a few days, and even though I could make out the exhaustion in his eyes, he was still the sexiest man I had ever laid eyes on. He was in control, and the owner of Brick City stood by the door and shook Nick’s hand. They spoke, and I saw Nick’s fleeting glance around the room. When his eyes landed on me, I was certain I saw the heat and lust that I always saw when he looked at me. I thought I saw a flash of relief in his eyes, too. But just as quickly as I saw it, it disappeared as something much, much colder took over. He glanced away from me and back to the man he was speaking to, and I went back to my conversation with Brenda like nothing had happened, even though my heart literally stopped beating for a moment in my chest.

  I knew in that moment that I would never, ever get over him. And I didn’t know what to do about that.

  I continued my conversation with Brenda until Malcolm came over to claim his wife for dancing. A few minutes later, we were asked to take our seats as dinner was ready to be served. I headed to the restroom first, needing a moment to compose myself. I took a deep breath and stared at myself in the mirror. I didn’t look any different than I had a month earlier, yet I felt different. And I knew I would never be the same.

  When I came back out, I found a placard with my name on it placing me at table 7. I glanced around the room and found table 7, and I was happy to see that it was everyone that I worked with. Except Nick. I didn’t see him anywhere, and I figured he was seated at a more important table with the owners of Brick City and some of the people higher up at McMillan like Davidson and Josie.

  I took a seat next to Lucy at the round table, and the seat to my right was vacant. A moment later, Nick appeared at our table and sat in the only empty seat; the one to my right. The moment he sat, I could smell him. The scent was driving my senses crazy, and I felt the slow burn deep in my belly with him next to me. He somehow managed to turn me on by simply sitting next to me, yet I was in so much pain that he caused me. I didn’t know how to act around him, and I couldn’t hide it from Lucy much longer. She knew me too well. She would sense that something was off with me, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to explain it away.

  Our first course arrived, and I focused on my meal. When the main course was delivered, Lucy leaned over to me. “What’s going on with you?” she whispered. I just shook my head, knowing that if I looked to my left, into my best friend’s concerned eyes, I would burst into tears; yet knowing if I looked to my right, at the man who had shattered me only two days before, I would burst into tears. So I stared down at my food in silence. I couldn’t fake my way through friendly conversation. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind; not with him in such close proximity.

  Dinner was interminable. I avoided conversation with Nick at all costs and turned toward Lucy for small talk. But then there was dancing after the meal. I was the only team member present without a date besides Nick. Lucy and Jake headed to the dance floor with Holly and Andrew close behind. Malcolm and Greg followed with their wives. And that left Nick and me alone at the table.

  I felt his eyes on me, but I just stared straight ahead at the dance floor.

  “Julianne—” he started, but I interrupted.

  “Nick, don’t.” I refused to meet his eyes.

  “We should probably dance.”

  “No.”

  “It’ll look strange if we don’t. We always dance at these events.”

  He was right; in the past, it wouldn’t have been an issue for
us to dance together at an event. But I couldn’t even fathom the thought of him holding me against him, of his arms around my body. I couldn’t imagine how fucked my emotions would be after going through something like that. It was all just too excruciating, and I refused to do that to myself.

  “Excuse me,” I said, and I headed back to the bathroom.

  The bathroom was empty and quiet, a reprieve from the party-like atmosphere just outside the door. I felt tears pricking my eyes and I pulled out my compact and my mascara, trying to fix my make-up as I took deep breaths to keep the tears at bay. I was in no shape to be out in public, let alone in a place where my ex-love was. A part of me wanted it, wanted to dance with him and let him hold me in his arms. I wanted him to breathe me in, to feel me and to smell me and to realize that he made a huge mistake. I wanted to fight for us, but I didn’t know how to do that when he told me that he wasn’t in love with me. I couldn’t force him to feel things that weren’t there for him, even though I still felt like he did, in fact, have those feelings for me.

  The bathroom door opened just as I pulled my lipstick out of my purse to finish freshening up. I was shocked to find that it was Nick standing in the doorway.

  “So beautiful,” he whispered.

  “So broken,” I whispered back, staring at myself in the mirror, refusing to meet his eyes. “What do you want, Nick?” I asked, glad that the bathroom was otherwise unoccupied.

  “I just want things to be okay between us.”

  “They won’t be. Ever.”

  “Please dance with me. One last dance. For us, for old time’s sake.”

  I finally looked at him, really looked at him for the first time that evening. He looked as shattered as I felt. I wondered if others could see it, or if just I could see it because we had come to know each other so well.

  I wanted to dance with him. Everything inside of me was drawn to him like a magnet. There was no way I could say no to him again.

  “Fine. Give me a moment,” I said, needing just one more minute on my own to pull myself together.

  I peered at myself one more time. I could do this. I took a deep breath, knowing that I would be back in his arms shortly. I would be back where I belonged.

  I exited the bathroom and found him at the end of the hallway waiting for me. I followed him past our table and to the dance floor. He pulled me into him, and it was like time moved backward, like it was three days earlier and he hadn’t broken up with me in the car on the way home from Payson. I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be there in his arms, and suddenly the black fog that had enveloped me for two days was lifted.

  He held me close and I breathed him in as I had done so many times before. I felt the hot tears stinging my eyes, begging for release, but I kept them at bay, holding tightly to Nick as we swayed to the slow music. I wanted to devour him with my lips, to taste him with my tongue. The moment was perfect, and I knew that he felt it, too. It was like there was no one else in the room with us; everything stood still around me when I was there in his arms.

  But it wasn’t meant to last.

  Deep in my heart, I knew that he had broken up with me, and there was no getting around that.

  The song ended, and I turned to Lucy and Jake, who were next to us on the dance floor. “Switch?” I asked, my voice breathless.

  Lucy gave me a strange look. She knew that something was up, but I hoped that she would just let it go. I formulated a plan to make her believe that it was just my crush on Nick, out of control once again. She would never know how much had happened between us; no one had to know now that it was over.

  Jake reluctantly let go of Lucy, and he took me in his arms. We danced a friendly dance, and he distracted me from my thoughts with chitchat as I looked around the dance floor, realizing just how many people were actually in attendance at this event. While I had been suffering on the inside, the party was in full swing, and people were having a great time. I saw Tom Davidson dancing with Josie, and then they switched with the owner of Brick City and his wife. It was a mass of coworkers and clients, all having a good time.

  “Place looks great,” Jake commented, looking around at the soft lighting and the elegant mood of Brick City.

  “Greg did a great job,” I said. Greg had really headed up the whole project, although we all had a stake in the final outcome because we all contributed ideas during our team meetings. I recognized some of my own ideas in the rebranding, particularly in the little Twitter birds and Facebook logos on the new menus since I was the social media expert.

  “Lucy says she hasn’t seen you in awhile. Everything okay?”

  His gentle concern sent tears to my eyes once again, but I had to be strong. I couldn’t cry; not here. So I lied. “Yeah. Everything’s great. I’ve just been busy.”

  He looked down at me with friendly affection in his eyes. “She’s worried about you.”

  I smiled, fighting the hot prickles behind my eyes. My eyes had to be red from the threat of tears, but if Jake sensed it, he did a good job letting it go. “I know. I’ll talk to her. How are things with you two?” I asked, distracting him from the topic of me.

  “Really, really good. She’s the best.” I could see the love shining in his eyes. He was in deep, and I was happy for both of them. Lucy was not only one of my best friends, but she really was a sweet girl deserving of a good guy who was a great catch, and that described Jake well.

  I smiled, relieved for the moment that the tears behind my eyes seemed to have subsided. The song ended, and I headed back to the table to get my purse and car keys. I put in my appearance; I had even danced, for crying out loud. I was ready to just go home, get in a hot bubble bath, and let the tears that had been threatening all night long finally unleash.

  Nick met me back at the table as I picked up my purse. “Can we talk?” he asked in a low voice, glancing around to be sure that no one was in hearing distance. The music was loud enough that even if our voices were at full volume, no one around us would’ve heard.

  I shook my head.

  “Let me walk you to your car, at least.”

  I looked at him for a long moment. “Why?” I asked finally, the darkness settling back heavy on my shoulders.

  “Because, Julianne. I feel like shit for what happened between us. I can’t have it like this. We still have to work together.”

  “I guess you should’ve thought of that before you ended things the way you did.”

  I picked up my keys and headed to the dance floor to say goodbye to Lucy and Jake, Holly and Andrew, and everyone else. I gave hugs and made my way to the door, never once glancing back at Nick. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he had hurt me. And the moment I was inside my car and had pulled safely onto the road, the tears started. They didn’t stop until long after I had laid my head down to go to sleep two hours later.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The next day at work moved slowly. Nick was in and out of meetings most of the day, and when he was away, things were somewhat easier for me. It was incredibly awkward running into him and having to talk to him about clients. I was even considering looking at different companies or changing jobs. I loved working at McMillan, but I couldn’t face him every day. It was impeding my ability to heal.

  I did my best to do all of my work myself, but I needed approval for certain things and that approval had to come from Nick. Instead of going to his office, I emailed him every time I needed approval or had a question. I would leave things with Christine, our team’s administrative assistant, whenever I could. It was just too painful to see him. Just the week before, I would invent reasons to go to his office to talk to him. But now, the more I spoke to him face to face, the more my heart hurt. I stopped going to the kitchen for my coffee and started bringing Starbucks again. And somehow, inexplicably, I still wanted him, even after how he had treated me and even after the pain he had inflicted on me. But now, I couldn’t have him. Damn him. Damn him for hurting me so badly. And for bei
ng so sexy, I thought, as I watched him walk from his doorway down the hall toward the kitchen from my cubicle. God, he looked good. He had left his suit jacket in his office, giving me the opportunity to stare at his ass. I remembered feeling his back under my fingers, his muscles moving as he moved over me. The thought itself nearly had me crying again.

  I realized I should’ve stayed home. I was grieving, and I needed some time to work through the pain. But I also knew that staying at home would have meant that I was focusing only on our breakup, so I went to work hoping to find a distraction there. Unfortunately, the one person who was causing me so much pain was too close to allow for me to actually be distracted.

  When I got home from work that night, I realized that I hadn’t heard from Travis since the day before. I called him, but he didn’t pick up. I needed to talk to him about everything. He was always the person I turned to when I needed someone, and I needed a friend. Badly. I couldn’t turn to Holly and Lucy because of who was involved, and my sister was due in a couple of weeks, so I didn’t want to bother her with my problems. I decided to go to Travis’s apartment to talk to him.

  I grabbed a sweater and got in my car. I drove to Travis’s place and knocked on the door. He didn’t answer, so I decided to wait for him there. We were going to figure this out if it took all night. I couldn’t stand being apart from the one person I had always leaned on when I most needed a friend.

  I had been sitting in front of Travis’s apartment building for about an hour when he finally arrived home. He had a bag in his hands but I couldn’t read the name of the store. He hadn’t seen me yet. His apartment building was set up in a way that visitors could get to any of the doors from the outside. He walked up the stairs to his front door and unlocked it. I thought for sure he would have seen me by that point. I got out of my car and yelled his name before his door shut. He turned around and the angry look on his face softened momentarily, only to be covered by the tough mask again.