Between These Sheets

by Devon McCormack

  “What?” I ask. “Am I just your office secret?”

  “No. That’s not it.”

  “Am I not the kind of guy you want to be seen with?”

  “That’s not it at all. Jay, it’s just complicated because of work. You know that.”

  “Then I can get another job, so we don’t violate some company policy or whatever.”

  “Oh, don’t be ridiculous. It’s not that serious. We have two supervisors who are now married to people in their chain of command. People they met while they were working with the company. We’d just have to fill out some paperwork with HR.”

  “Then why can’t we do that?”

  “Because it’s not just about the company policy. People aren’t going to respect me when—”

  “When they realize you’re a faggot? Is that what you’re worried about?”

  He sighs, picks his napkin up from his lap, and sets it on the table.

  “That’s what this is about,” I continue. “You like that no one at work really asks about your love life. That you can keep a distance from them. And you think that if they think some fairy is running things, they’ll start getting in your face and not respecting you. Admit it.”

  “It’s not like you’re running around telling people that you’re gay.”

  “But I’m not scared of letting people know that I like you, either.”

  I stare right at him, but he avoids looking at me. He knows I’m right.

  23

  Reese

  Why is he being like this?

  Here we were, having such a lovely evening, and he had to turn it into this argument about making a spectacle of ourselves in public. He’s right. I don’t want the guys at work to know I’m gay. Or that I’m dating an employee. And I don’t think I’m wrong thinking they’re going to give me shit about it. That they’ll respect me less or think that I’m showing favoritism towards Jay.

  I don’t know how to win this fight.

  “Jay, you know how guys are. I’ve worked my ass off to get here, and I don’t need for everyone to start drama over something that isn’t a big deal.”

  “We aren’t a big deal?”

  “You know that’s not what I meant.”

  “Then what did you mean?”

  “I don’t need everyone talking about me behind my back because of some guy that I’ve been with for a month.”

  That was harsh.

  I knew it as the words escaped my lips, but he’s pissing me off by challenging me like this. He’s not just some guy to me. But it doesn’t seem fair for him to ask me to out myself to the guys in the factory I’ve been working at for years when he’s been there less than two months.

  “That’s what you think of us?” Jay asks. His face is bright red. Last time I remember seeing him this angry, he was getting into it with William.

  “No, I’m sorry. I was just—”

  “Fuck you,” he says. He pushes to his feet and heads into the living room.

  I follow after him. “Jay—”

  “Don’t fucking Jay me. If that’s all you think of us, then I want out. I don’t need to waste my time chasing some guy who can’t admit to people how he feels.”

  This is about a hell of a lot more than the conversation we just had. I’ve triggered some defense mechanism within him.

  “Jay, please…calm down.”

  “Calm down? Oh, now you want me to fucking calm down?” His eyes water. “Whatever. I don’t need to calm down. I just need to get the fuck out of here.”

  He approaches the front door, and I’m terrified that, considering how mad he is, if I let him go, he’s going to walk out of my life forever. This is who he is. This is what he does. He runs.

  I run past him and throw myself between him and the door.

  “Get out of my way,” he says, his body tense as he approaches me.

  “Just listen to me, Jay. Please.”

  “You’ve said everything I need to hear.” He’s not looking me in the eyes anymore.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be an asshole about this. I was just defensive.”

  And you are too right now.

  “You meant what you said,” he says.

  “I’m scared of what people will say. I wasn’t making that up. And I was upset that you were challenging me like it was something I had to do to prove something to you. That’s why I got a little snippy about it, but this is something we can talk through. You don’t have to leave over a fight.”

  “I don’t see a reason to stick around where I’m not wanted.”

  The Jay who stands before me isn’t the Jay I’ve spent all this time with—the guy I’ve laughed with and shared so many wonderful meals with. This guy is rigid. Tense. Afraid. He refuses to look at me. It seems like if I get too close, he might lash out—do something crazy.

  I approach him anyway. I need to get him to lower these defenses. I want my Jay back. The Jay who isn’t stubborn and obstinate. The Jay who listens. Who understands.

  “Please talk to me about this.”

  “I’ve already played out this script too many times. I’m never the guy people want to be in a relationship with. You know what happened with the first guy I ever fell for? We did this. For six months we fucked around. Six fucking months seems like it would mean something, right? To a dumbass twenty-one-year-old who never had anyone it sure meant a fucking lot. We made the dinners. He said all the right words and kept me believing there was something there. And then I got a call from a guy…telling me to stop seeing his man. That they’d been together for two years. So I confronted the asshole who played me, and what did he say? ‘What the fuck did you think this was? We weren’t even dating.’”

  I see the hurt in his expression. Hear the pain in his words.

  “I get it. I’ve never been the guy anyone wants to date,” he says. “I’m a fun fuck, but I guess I’m just such trash that no one could possibly imagine themselves being with me. Everyone wants a piece of the action, but no one gives a shit about how I feel.”

  “I care about how you feel. I want to be with you, Jay.”

  He studies my face like he’s trying to see if I’m lying—leading him on like that asshole from his past.

  “You didn’t deserve to be treated like that,” I continue. “By anyone. You’re not trash. I don’t see that when I look at you. I don’t want you to feel like that. I just didn’t think I could do it overnight. That’s a big step for me to take at the office. I don’t let people in at all, so to be out to them and for them to know I’m seeing my employee, that’s a lot all at once. But if you need me to step out of my comfort zone for us, I will.”

  For the first time since he snapped, he seems to relax.

  I do the only thing I can think of to ease his pain. I kiss him.

  He tenses up even more as I push on him, shoving him against the wall beside us. He resists for a moment, but then he wraps his arms around me and kisses me in a frenzy. I feel tears rush from his eyes and sweep past my cheeks.

  They confirm what I’ve been feeling all this time—that he cares so much about what we’ve shared. And I’m relieved because it means I haven’t been alone in feeling this way.

  He offers passionate kisses like he’s just as glad that we’re enjoying a ceasefire together.

  He needs me right now. Needs my support. Needs to know how much I care about him. I now realize that’s all this has really been about. The only reason he threatened to leave was because he wasn’t sure that I was feeling enough for him to want more. But I do want more. Every day that we’re together, I realize how much more I want with him.

  I pull away and gaze into his eyes. He wipes violently at his face like he’s ashamed that he cried in front of me.

  “I wouldn’t be ashamed to have you as a boyfriend,” I say. “In fact, I’d love it. You’re an amazing guy, Jay. And I haven’t met anyone in a long time who I actually want to spend this much fucking time with. Someone I want to get to know. Experience things with.
I haven’t done this kind of relationship for years, though. A lot of fucking years, so it’s just taking me a little bit more time to figure out how to make it work. But I do want to make it work.”

  I press my hand to his cheek and caress my thumb across his flesh.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you tonight. Or made you feel like I don’t care about you.”

  “I’m sorry, too,” he says, and he sounds like he’s returning to his usual self. “I know it can’t be easy being in your position and having to worry about what the guys think. I’d be worried too if I had something to lose. But I’ve never had much to lose. Not for a long time. It just scares the shit out of me that even this might go away. I’d rather get out before it gets too hard. Before I get hurt too much. It would be more than I can stand.”

  I know that’s what this fight has really been about. Because this is the only way he knows how to live.

  It pains me that he would think I’d do something to hurt him. I’m worried about getting hurt, too, but not for the same reason.

  “It would kill me if I knew that I hurt you in any way,” I say. “Just like it hurt me seeing you like this tonight.”

  He kisses me again, his kiss soothing what little fear I still had about him leaving.

  We needed this fight. Eventually, everyone will know what’s going on between us. We won’t be able to hide it, and I have to face that. I don’t like facing a lot of things, but this is one I’m willing to confront if it’ll help Jay. If it’ll keep him here with me, which is where he belongs.

  We take a moment from our kiss. “Don’t do that to me again,” I plead.

  “What?” he asks.

  “Scare me into thinking you’re just going to walk out of my life forever. I was so lucky to have found you, and to lose you like that would destroy me. I won’t always agree with you, but I want to know that if we have a fight, you won’t just leave.”

  “That’s all I know how to do,” he says, his lips curling into a wry smile. “That’s all I’ve ever done when things have gotten hard.”

  “It’s taken me a long time to realize that running doesn’t solve anything. In some ways I’ll always be running. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared as shit about what we’re doing.”

  “I’m scared, too. I don’t want to get close. I fall too hard. Every time. I rarely let anyone in, but when I do, I’m all the way. So when shit goes south, it’s bad. Real bad. I don’t want that.”

  “But I want this. Us. That’s important to me, and we can do it together.” We kiss again, and his fingers slide under my shirt. I break our kiss and tell him, “Let’s not play around anymore then. Be my boyfriend. I want you, Jay. I don’t want you to be confused or scared about that.”

  His grin—eager and playful like when he’s reading the comics—offers me so much reassurance.

  “I would really like that,” he says. “More than like that.” He chuckles. Seems like a nervous reaction as his eyes water.

  “I’m going to go to HR tomorrow, just to get ahead of this. They’re gonna need us both to sign something about our relationship to cover their asses legally, but they’ll keep it confidential.”

  “Oh, wow. I thought you said you needed to step outside your comfort zone. Not wave a flag about it around the office.”

  “Don’t worry. Like I said, it’s confidential. Everyone won’t know right away. But I want to do this. I think we’re worth it.”

  He looks so much more relaxed than he did before. “You’d do all that for us?”

  “I’m going to do it.”

  He kisses me again. Our passion takes us to the bedroom, as it always does, and we share another night.

  24

  Jay

  It was a lot for me to ask Reese to be totally cool with being out to his employees after being together for such a short time, but last night, his words assured me that all this time together hasn’t been for nothing. That he wants to move toward something more.

  This morning, he went to HR, and they called me in to sign the paperwork that he was talking about. It was just to keep the company from being liable if anything goes south between us. Feels like a big step. Huge. Here we are just now using the term boyfriends, but we’re already having to sign forms about it. But I wanted to do it. Better that than to do something that would get Reese into trouble.

  That was a big step, and I don’t need him to scream about our relationship to everyone in the office. I can be patient and give him some time to find a way to bring me into his life in a way that’s comfortable for him. It wasn’t that I wanted him to be in an awkward position at work. I just wanted to know I wasn’t going to spend months…or years keeping us this secret that I could never share. I couldn’t do that. But what am I even thinking? Years with him? How can I already be imagining spending that much time with someone I’m just getting to know?

  After our fight, I realized I was telling myself that there was something wrong so that I’d try to get out of it. Because I’m not used to having something actually working out for me, especially with a guy. And it really does scare me. As I open up to him and build trust in him, I know he can hurt me. That he can break my heart into pieces and leave me even worse off than before I met him, and that terrifies me.

  I step along a row of shipments, inspecting the pallets to see which ones need extra securing. We’ve had to be super-careful after all the damages we’ve been dealing with lately. Most of the other guys are on the other side of the warehouse, unpacking some of the raw materials that just came in.

  Reese rounds a corner, coming around some of the packed boxes we’re shipping out tomorrow. He has a clipboard in hand and a stern look on his face like he’s been dealing with some pretty serious shit all morning long. The black button-up he wears fits snugly, and having seen all those muscles, memorized them, I resent that his clothes are covering up all my favorite parts of him.

  “Mr. Hinson, could I talk to you for a second?” he asks, his expression lit up with amusement.

  “Feeling playful today, Mr. Kline?”

  He leans against a box beside me. “I was just going to see if you might be interested in doing something a little different tonight.”

  “Cosplay?” I tease.

  He smirks. “Not exactly. I was thinking we would go out. Catch a movie. You know, like you mentioned last night.”

  “Really?”

  His smile is warm as he says, “I just bought tickets for us for eight o’clock. Some new Ashley Judd movie with Kristen Stewart and Scarlett Johansson.”

  “I think the fact that you called it an Ashley Judd movie lets me know exactly how old you are.”

  He laughs. “Whatever.”

  “What’s it about?”

  “Ashley Judd blackmails Kristen Stewart into working for her football-player nephew as his bodyguard, but his ex, Scarlett Johansson, is trying to weasel her way back into his life.”

  “Really? Who’s the football-player nephew?”

  “Zac Efron?”

  “That’s who you lead with! If I thought I was going to be watching Kristen Stewart and Scarlett Johansson duking it out for two hours, I’d be like hell no, but just the possibility of seeing Zac Efron take his shirt off, and I’m fucking in.”

  He beams. “Good. I figure we can grab something to eat on the way.”

  “Look at you,” I say. “You know you don’t have anything to prove, right?”

  “I’m not trying to prove anything.” He glances around and steps away from the box. “I just think you deserve someone who wants to show you off, and I want to show you off.”

  He kisses me, a gentle kiss at first, but he wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. I enjoy the sensations that race through me. He sure does know how to make up with a guy.

  After we get off work, we swing by McDonalds for some burgers, scarf them down, and head on to the theatre, AMC at Phipps Plaza. We recline in the red cushioned chairs, keeping a tub of popcorn between us. I keep waiting for othe
rs to arrive, but after the movie begins, we quickly realize we’re the only ones here.

  “Did this movie get the worst reviews ever or what?” I ask.

  “Right?”

  I pull up Rotten Tomatoes on my phone and see that it has a two-point-three rating. “Oh, fuck.” I show him the page.

  “Shit. I should have checked.”

  “You kidding?” I ask. “I’m kinda even more excited about seeing it now.”

  The movie’s horrendous, but in the best possible way, keeping us laughing all the way through it. And that no one else is here makes the experience even better since we’re able to make fun of it the way we would if we were lounging on his couch. As we leave the theatre, I’m in tears from laughing so hard at Reese’s impression of Zac Efron in a scene where Kristen Stewart had to give him CPR after he tried to eat ten fire-hot buffalo wings that he thought were going to rupture his stomach.

  “I can’t believe that just happened,” I say.

  “I know. We’ll have to go to the movies more often.”

  We exchange a look. I see the eagerness in his eyes, and I can tell that he really would enjoy getting to share another movie with me.

  “Boss-man?”

  I recognize the voice, and we both turn sharply. Tyler heads toward us, holding a bag of popcorn as he walks beside a woman I assume is his wife, Shelley. Two kids tail behind them.

  Shit.

  We were having such a good time, so of course, something had to come and fucking ruin it.

  “Hey,” Reese says uneasily.

  As Tyler glances between us, I realize why I shouldn’t have pushed for this. There’s a knowing look in Tyler’s eyes. It’s clear he’s not confused about what’s going on between us, and I’m worried as ever. It’s nice knowing Reese can’t lose his job over it, but it sucks that Tyler could tell the other guys, and they could give him hell.

  “Sorry,” he says after an extended pause. “Reese, Jay, this is my wife Shelley.” He makes an introduction and chats about the movie they’re heading to see.

  “Jay, I know I invited just you, but both of you guys can come to dinner next week, if you want,” he says, and I’m stunned. Who would’ve thought that the guy I had the most issues with when I first started working at the warehouse would be the most understanding about who we are?