Between These Sheets

by Devon McCormack

  “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

  “Not your fault. Just a crazy, shitty world that we live in. And I figured it out. Well, I’m figuring it out. This garden’s helped a lot. It was one of the first things I ever did to get my mind working on something else. It was hard as fuck, too. Building it was like fucking lifting weights. A constant battle. Not physically, but against all these things in my head that cripple me…cripple me worse than…”

  I don’t even want to say it. I don’t want to remind myself of it again. Don’t I have to deal with it enough as it is?

  He approaches me and kisses me softly before running his fingers through my hair.

  “I hope you don’t see yourself that way, Reese. As some crippled guy. Because when I look at you, when I hear about everything you’ve been through, I just see this incredibly strong, brave man. A man who I admire so much for working so hard to find a way to survive when everything inside him was trying to destroy him.”

  I smirk. “Look who’s sure not being a prick anymore.”

  He laughs. “Shut up. I said I’m sorry.”

  “Whatever. Maybe I can jump in the shower and we can get back to what really matters. I think I need a pick-me-up right about now.” I move toward him quickly and wrap my arms around him, keeping my glove-covered hands away from the back of his shirt, since I don’t want to mess it up.

  “You’re all sweaty,” he says, though he doesn’t make it sound like a bad thing.

  “You like it?” I ask.

  He gazes up at me, his eyes wide with eagerness. In this hot moment, he’s obviously abandoned all that concern he was dragging around with him earlier.

  “I like it a lot.”

  I kiss him, and he doesn’t hesitate to kiss me back. He rests his hand against my sweat-soaked face. He slides his hand behind my head and pulls me in closer.

  When I break away, he gazes into my eyes. “Let’s get things finished up out here and take a shower.”

  He helps me put away the soil, and I figure I’ll come out tomorrow and spread it. Right now, I just want to be with Jay. Remind him that the only person I want to be fucking is him.

  We head to the bedroom.

  I remove my prosthesis and put it in the corner of the room, and when we get into the shower, I grab onto a rail.

  I run the water, allowing it to slam against my back, blocking it from Jay, but I figure I need to get clean more than he does right now.

  Jay turns to a shelf in the corner opposite the showerhead and presses down on the soap dispenser a few times, collecting a thick wad in his hand. He rubs his hands together and turns back to me. “I’ll take care of this,” he says, excitement in his eyes. He lathers the soap in his hands before sweeping them in semi-circles across my chest, gripping firmly like he’s just trying to get a good feel.

  In all the time that I wasn’t having sex before he came along, it felt like I was just working out at the gym for me. Trying to be fit on the outside to show myself that, despite my weakness, I was still strong. Now, it’s like all that time in the gym was finally for something…like all those amazing times we’ve shared in bed together, getting to see him enjoy them.

  As his gaze meets mine, I don’t see any concern about my handicap or my past, and it sets me at ease.

  He lowers his hands, sliding them across my abdomen, feeling into the grooves between my abs. “You’ve got one hot eight-pack, Reese,” he says.

  I reach my hand that isn’t on the rail to him and run my thumb between his pecs, down the vertical dip between his abs. “You’ve got some nice abs on you, too.”

  He doesn’t look at me. Just continues taking in my body. Feeling his slippery fingers across it. I like how easily his hands slide across my skin.

  He caresses my hips, and I’m surprised by how firm they are as he massages them with his hands. My cock steadily grows as the delightful sensation of his touch stimulates a powerful desire within me.

  “You really are like a work of art,” he says.

  His words come with a bitter reminder of Melanie.

  “What?” he asks.

  “That sounds like something Melanie would have said. She was an artist. Used to paint a lot. She painted me for some time. Called me her muse. She had a difficult time painting after I got back. The only thing she did was that painting in the living room. That was actually one of the last ones she did before we divorced. But clearly we needed to because that was what she saw me as…or that’s who I was. Just a sad, lonely shell of a person. I felt like shit because it wasn’t just her husband who had abandoned her…so had her inspiration. The thing that gave her real joy.”

  “I’m sure she understood.”

  “Maybe too much for too long. Sorry.”

  “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. That relationship was a big part of your life, and I like that you’re comfortable sharing it with me, even when I was such a bastard to you about it.” He pulls one hand back and runs the back of his fingers up and down my torso.

  It’s strange standing here, being on display like this before him. It makes me think of the night he wore the thong. How vulnerable he was. That’s how I feel now, but more because of the things we’ve discussed—how much better he knows me—than being naked before him, my physical weakness revealed.

  He steps closer to me, moving his hand aside as he presses his abs up against mine. My cock pushes back into my leg, but he grabs it and repositions it, pointing it up so that it rests against his stomach.

  I lean down to kiss him, but he tilts his head back, pulling away. “No,” he says. “Not yet.”

  He gazes into my eyes, giving me a moment to appreciate his brown irises—a deep mahogany color glistening in the bathroom’s fluorescent light. His thick lips beg for my kiss like that’s all they were made for. And they remind me of so many nights where I’ve just been able to take them when I chose to. To have them withheld from me even for a moment is a struggle.

  I shift my weight on the rail and step aside so that he can step into the water with me.

  He takes my invitation, sliding beside me so that the water runs through his hair, flattening it against his scalp. He turns to me, the water webbing across his face, dripping off his chin. His mouth hangs open as if he’s about to say something or as if he’s about to slide my cock into it.

  He moves close to me again, pressing up against me. Now the water is streaming down both of our faces, and I can’t hold back anymore. I move forward quickly and wrap my free arm around him, my cock running vertically up his torso and his sliding up the side of my leg as his torso slides slightly across the soap on mine.

  We kiss in a frenzy, his hands caressing my body as I cling to him with my free arm, kissing across his face. The water slides between us as we enjoy this passion-filled moment. I get so lost in it that I lose my footing.

  Shit.

  I tumble forward, but he props me up. “I told you I’ve got you,” he says before kissing me again.

  It reminds me of how he carried me at the factory. His words mean so much more than just about this moment, and I’m relieved to have him here with me. Because until he entered my life, it was without meaning or purpose.

  It wasn’t a life. It was survival. It was struggling against my fucked-up brain constantly. Now, I have a reason for all this fighting. For the war I wage every day.

  34

  Jay

  We hurry through our shower, and I help Reese into the bedroom. He pushes me onto the bed and hops on top of me.

  His lips travel down my body, kissing with licks and nips that shoot jolts of excitement through me.

  I run my hand down his back, enjoying the sensation of his smooth skin, tight against his firm muscles. When I reach his ass, I grip on. I imagine him sliding inside me as I hold onto his ass and direct his speed. Needing him faster and faster.

  “I need you inside me,” I say. “Please, Reese.”

  He grabs the condoms and lube from the nightsta
nd while I reposition on the bed. I grab a pillow and put it behind my back before spreading my legs.

  I feel so silly for all the trouble I gave him earlier. In moments like these, I realize that I don’t care why Reese wants me, only that he does.

  “Get on your knees,” he says as he tosses the lube and condoms on the sheets. I obey his command and arch my back. He grabs my ass cheeks and pulls them apart, diving his face in first.

  “Oh, God.”

  With his skilled tongue, he works around my rim, enjoying himself. I hear him growl, and I glance over my shoulder. He wipes some pre-come off the head of his dick before crawling up my body.

  “Eat my come,” he commands as he slides his fingers into my mouth. I lap it up, and it tastes just as good as it always does.

  “You like it?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m gonna try you while I’m at it,” he says, and he runs his fingers over my sensitive head and takes my pre-come. He pops his fingers into his own mouth and tastes it slowly. “Oh, fuck, Jay. That’s real fucking good.”

  He licks his fingers some more and then runs them over my hole. He takes his time before inserting two fingers, massaging gently. Steadily, he presses them inside me.

  “Reese, give me that cock. Please.”

  “Shh. I’ll give it to you when I’m ready.”

  “Please…”

  He moves his fingers deep within me so that I feel them hit my prostate. I curse.

  He pulls his fingers out. He suits up and lubricates before entering me. “Nice and easy,” he says, taking his time.

  I take deep breaths as I adjust to him. We work together, him moving in as I become more at ease with each push.

  He caresses his hand across my back. “Good work,” he says.

  I moan out as he pushes farther in. When I feel his pelvis against my ass-cheeks, I know he’s in all the way.

  He moves in and out, and as he finds his stride, he grips the back of my hair, pulling as tight as I like it. But tonight, I don’t mind a little more.

  “Don’t make it easy on me,” I say.

  He pulls back harder so that I have to lean farther back and balance on my knees. He thrusts powerfully as my shoulder blades meet his thick chest. He wraps his arm around me and grips onto my torso.

  Then he slides his foot to the side and pulls me back. We fall together until I’m stretched out on top of him as he continues fucking from beneath me.

  “Damn, that’s right on my prostate,” I say. It feels so good. Not satisfying, but just on the edge, building and building to that inevitable sweet release.

  But there’s a sting to it. An unfulfilled hunger that leaves me wanting…craving…more.

  He yanks back on my hair even harder so that his face is pressed against my cheek, his breath slamming against my flesh.

  Goosebumps creep across my body. My balls feel like they’re on fire because the pressure in them is so intense.

  “I’m getting too close,” I say.

  “I am too.”

  I’m relieved to hear that because I was terrified I’d spew out and leave him hanging. And all I want is to please him right now. To give him the satisfaction he craves because that’s what’s fucking turning me on right now.

  He fucks me even harder, and it’s too late for me because I spew onto my stomach just as I feel him twist with that movement that lets me know he’s coming too.

  I shake my head back and forth as come continues rushing out of my dick. Heat fills my cheeks, and I lose myself in the intensity of the experience. We pant and sweat as we fall together from our climaxes.

  After we clean up, rinse off, and dispose of the condom, we crawl back into bed. His arms around me and mine around him, we gaze into each other’s eyes.

  He beams.

  A sweet sensation fills me, and I imagine many more nights like this with him.

  It’s a safe feeling. It assures me that it’s safe for me to settle down. Like I don’t have to spend the rest of my life running.

  Could this really work? Could I get to enjoy being with Reese for so much longer? It’s a thought I wouldn’t normally allow myself to have, but one that excites me. I want to be with him. I want to have so many more nights like this. And for the first time in a very long time, a calm sensation sweeps through me. That look in his eyes seems to be appreciating me as much as I’m appreciating him.

  I care so much for him. More than I’ve ever cared for another guy.

  The word love keeps running through my mind, but it scares me, too. It’s too soon for me to be feeling anything more than lust. What I’m feeling is just an illusion...like I’ve felt with other guys I thought there might be a future with. I’ve never had this before, so it’s just more than I’m used to.

  But could it become that? The more time we spend together, could I get to the place where I feel that way for him…I know if there’s anyone I could feel that way about, it’s Reese.

  “Jay,” he says softly.

  And by the way he looks at me, it’s as though he’s about to say what I’m thinking. And I want him to. I want to know that I’m not alone in this.

  He starts, but stops himself. His gaze travels over my face before he says, “That was hot as hell.”

  Disappointment rushes through me.

  I shouldn’t be disappointed. Not after what we just shared. Not after what I just felt.

  But I can’t help it. As much as Reese has given me, I want more. So much more. I’ll settle for what we have right now, though. We have all the time in the world to get to know each other. For what we feel to strengthen.

  35

  Reese

  Being with Jay has been a dream.

  He’s given me something I didn’t think I’d ever feel again: peace of mind.

  Being with him relaxes my thoughts and every part of my body. Eight years ago, I never would have thought I would reach this place. That I could feel like I did before the world showed me just how dark and cruel it could be. With Jay, I feel secure—like at least in the moments we share together, I can allow myself to enjoy pleasure. I don’t have to live in worry and paranoia.

  The other night, I wanted to tell him how much I care about him. As I gazed into his beautiful eyes, thinking he looked adorable as fuck with the way a stray lock of his hair curled down across his forehead, I wanted to tell him just how much he means to me. I caught myself before I did, though. Reminded myself that words like those don’t have to come yet.

  We have plenty of time.

  Tonight we’re heading to the Louis C.K. show, something I’m excited about sharing with him. I’m so pleased I was able to give him a present he really wants—one that can take us out of the mundane world we deal with on a daily basis.

  We need an escape.

  I head up the driveway after a long day at the factory. Jay’s running by the store to pick up some condoms and lube since last night we discovered we’re running low. I told him to make sure he bought a twenty-four pack because at the rate we’re going, we need it.

  I retrieve my keys from my pocket.

  “Reese!”

  The loud, boisterous voice jolts me so much I drop my keys.

  I’m on edge in an instant, my body filled with tension. The blood in my face drains. The joy I was experiencing vanishes.

  My thoughts crowd with flashes.

  Running through streets, avoiding gunfire.

  Bombs going off.

  The insurgent coming into the room after the IED went off. I feel the need to protect Caleb, Drake, and myself.

  I turn and see someone coming at me and jump forward.

  The man backs away quickly, throwing his hands up before him.

  It’s Damon.

  My fucking neighbor.

  Shit. Calm the fuck down! Act cool.

  Sweat beads across my forehead. My body quakes with an intensity that’s concerning as a sharp pain pushes into my chest. Makes me feel like I’m about to have a heart attack.
/>   It’s a familiar sensation—one I know all too well.

  I keep trying to calm myself, but I know there’s no use.

  “Hey, man,” he says. He looks completely non-threatening in his light blue scrubs. He works as a physician assistant at the hospital downtown. “Everything okay? Jesus, I didn’t think I would scare you like that, but you’re white as a ghost.”

  “Sorry, Damon.”

  He doesn’t normally come over like this. I’ll typically only see him on weekends when I’m mowing the lawn or doing yard work.

  I kneel down and pick up my keys, hoping the action will distract me and keep him from picking up on my strange behavior. As I stand back up, he holds out a letter.

  “This was in my mail today,” he says, passing it to me.

  I take it quickly. He tenses up. I can tell he’s surprised by how I snatched it away.

  “Sorry about the way I’m acting,” I say. “I’m just a little on edge. There was a lot going on at the factory.”

  “Not an issue, bud,” he says, but it’s obvious by the look he gives me that he doesn’t think anything that happened at work can account for how I’m behaving.

  “Thanks for bringing it over.”

  “Yeah. And you know, if you and your friend want to swing by for dinner one night, you know you’re more than welcome.”

  I can tell by the look in his eyes that he knows what we are, and that’s the sweetest thing he could have said. “Thanks, Damon.”

  He grins and says, “Catch you later.” He starts like he’s about to pat my shoulder, but stops himself. He must sense that that’s too much for me.

  I take deep breaths. I try to remember all the processes that Laura’s taught me over the years, but my desperation to soothe myself in this moment only makes it even worse.

  I can’t be like this on such an important night.

  I count my breaths, but it just makes me hyper-aware of how much I’m shaking right now.