Welcome to Hell Box Set: Paranormal Romantic Comedy

by Demelza Carlton

  A dance track began, the Korean lyrics surprising her. Something about a warm girl who liked coffee. The dance floor cleared quickly, leaving only eight women, who began to dance with a synchronicity that spoke of practice.

  Mel felt her jaw drop. She was sure she'd never seen a version of Gangnam Style where the girls rode on female horses who evidently enjoyed the experience. It looked like they were all equipped with items she'd seen in that adult shop up the road, too…

  "Aren't they brilliant?" Luce shouted in her ear, over the music. He refilled her glass as he spoke.

  "I…" Mel swallowed. "Isn't this one of those things that the company calls inappropriate behaviour? I could lose my job if someone from the Human Resources Department finds out I've been looking at this!"

  Luce laughed. "I keep forgetting you're not one of my staff and you still work for the agency – if you'd ever had to put in a leave form or ask about a payslip, you'd know that they are the HR Department – the manager is riding the rather well-endowed horse in the middle. I think she'd prefer you just sit down and watch the show, and applaud loudly afterwards."

  Mel regarded the dancing demons. It looked like the horses wore some sort of saddle with odd protuberances strapped on to them. She wondered how anyone was supposed to comfortably ride…

  Mel groped blindly for her wine glass with her eyes squeezed tightly shut. Perhaps if she drank enough, she'd manage to forget what she'd just seen her colleagues do.

  Thirty-Three

  "Time for the Christmas party!" Lili sang out. "Computers off – you won't be coming back today!"

  Mel stared. "I thought we already had the office Christmas party. The one at the hotel, with the dancers and…"

  Please, don't make me sit through another dance interpretation of Gangnam Style, she prayed silently. She still wished she didn't know what a double delight strap-on was for.

  "Of course we did. That was the whole office. This is just our unit – we're going down to Matilda Bay with the swans for a barbeque."

  "We're eating swan?" Mel asked, horrified. After the exotic dancers from HR, nothing would surprise her about office Christmas parties in HELL.

  Lili laughed. "No, but they might try and eat us. Gerry got us some steaks and sausages, Ana and Merih have some salads, Gabi is bringing the rolls and I took care of the drinks. Time to make merry, Mel!"

  Mel conceded the point and proceeded to shut down her computer. Sausages, swans and steak. It wasn't that heavenly mousse, but it was still a celebration and she wouldn't miss it. Demons celebrating Christmas – who'd have thought? "How are we getting there?" she asked.

  "A few of us are driving over to the foreshore. I can give you a lift, if you like. I have one seat spare in my car."

  Mel accepted gracefully and followed Lili to the underground car park, inexplicably burdened with more wine than she could drink. She wondered why a lot of it was bubbly and pink – it didn't seem like normal demonic fare, but who was she to judge? Her shoulders were too heavily burdened to shrug, so she kept her thoughts to herself.

  Lili took the bags of bottles from her, loading them into the boot of her tiny two-seater convertible. The shiny red paintwork seemed to glow even in the dimly lit basement. Mel's fingers itched to drive Lili's car herself – it certainly looked like fun. Fleetingly, she wondered why no one else would want the passenger seat in Lili's lovely car.

  "C'mon, Mel, hurry up or they'll start without us!" Lili insisted. She'd slid behind the steering wheel while Mel had mused.

  Mel yanked open the door and buckled her seatbelt. She'd barely slammed the door behind her before Lili revved the engine and reversed.

  Mel's question was answered quickly. Lili drove like…well, a demon, she decided. A demon with a death wish. Clinging to her seat, both feet firmly braced in the footwell as if she was braking with all her weight, she couldn't take her horrified eyes off the traffic whizzing past their erratically guided missile of a Mazda. The third time the seatbelt strained against her chest at Lili's sudden stop, Mel tried to shut the whole experience out, praying it would be over soon.

  "Oh good! Merih and Gerry have already claimed us some tables!" Lili said, cracking open her door.

  Mel opened her eyes and unclenched her hands from the bottom of her seat, hoping she hadn't clawed any of the upholstery off in her panic. There didn't appear to be anything unusual under her nails so she escaped from the car.

  She tried to settle her shaky legs as she stepped across the grass to the table where the food was laid out. Both Merih and Gerry stood at the barbeque, each holding a beer in one hand and tongs in the other. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked.

  "Nope!" Gerry grinned. "You just sit and guard the table from the hellspawn swans. Grab a drink, Mel!"

  Hellspawn swans? They looked like normal black swans, Mel thought, examining the large birds by the water's edge. Surely a demon wouldn't blink at hellspawn, no matter what shape it took…

  Lili pushed a plastic goblet of pink bubbly into her hand. Mel thanked her and approached the table. One swan unfolded its legs and stretched its neck in her direction, but didn't move closer.

  Mel tucked her skirt beneath her and perched on the picnic bench, glancing at the food spread across the table's surface. Plenty of salad, alcohol, plates, cutlery…and some of the expensive bakery rolls she couldn't usually afford. Her stomach made its presence known as her eyes focussed on the heavily seeded rolls that were her favourite. One wouldn't hurt, she decided, slipping her fingers into the bakery bag. The top of the roll was hard to the touch, yet it yielded beneath her fingers, telling her it hadn't been sitting in the humid office all day or in a freezer for longer – this was baked fresh today and bought not long before.

  "Go on," Gabi said softly, seating herself beside Mel. "I made sure to get the ones you like – and a few extra, just in case. They won't miss a couple of rolls."

  Both angels looked over to the barbeque, where it appeared Merih had poured a beer over the hotplate, sending up a mushroom cloud of steam. The loud hissing didn't drown out their raucous laughter.

  Mel agreed and the paper bag crackled as she extracted her prize.

  Merry Christmas to me, she thought as she bit into the crusty roll, crunching through the seeds in bliss.

  A high-pitched honk, like the squeak of a clarinet, drove her eyes open. The swan's red and white beak was level with her knees as he cocked his head so his red-ringed eye could make contact with hers.

  "You want some of this roll, too? I don't blame you," Mel told him, breaking off a bite-sized piece and holding it before his beak. The swan took the morsel without touching her fingers. As Mel took another large bite, she almost choked with laughter as the swan lifted his head to look for more. Swallowing, she broke off another bit for the bird.

  Together, they finished the roll and the swan seemed as eager as Mel for another. Without taking her eyes off the bird, Mel asked, "Gabi, is there any chance I could have another one?"

  Paper crackled and something hard, rough and seedy touched her elbow. Mel reached over to take it and her fingers grazed those wrapped around the roll.

  Dark clouds roiled, the sort only seen in a seriously strong storm – or surrounding a severely troubled soul. Yet this storm had an eye, a break through which she could see…

  "You're not Gabrielle," Mel stated quietly.

  "No, I'm far sexier than the stuck-up angel who was sitting here before," a male voice answered.

  Thirty-Four

  "Thank you," Mel continued as if he'd neither spoken nor insulted Gabi. She took a bite and the piece came away bigger than she'd expected – certainly more than she could swallow. The swan stretched up eagerly to help her.

  Hellspawn by her side or possible hellspawn at her feet – Mel chose to give her attention to the bright-beaked bird. Acutely aware of the demon watching from the bench beside her, she bowed her head to the swan's level.

  "You really shouldn't do that. Those birds will take your fin
gers off or worse if they get close to your face…"

  A careful beak took the bread from her, close enough for her to kiss if Mel felt inclined to do so. Instead, she pulled away and covered her mouth as she laughed. Quickly, she placed another piece between her lips for the swan, which stretched for it. As he took the roll from her, she stroked the soft, dark down at his breast.

  "I think this is the first time I've ever been insanely jealous of a bird," Luce said.

  Mel laughed again. "There are more rolls, if you're hungry – Gabi said she'd bought plenty, though I'm not sure if she factored you into her numbers. I thought this little party was just for Lili's unit."

  "Lili always invites the Executive to any unit meetings or functions – and it turned out that I was available to attend this one. Lucky me!"

  Luce stretched an arm back to reach for another roll, splaying his legs out in what Mel hoped was simply an attempt to maintain his balance on the bench. His thigh pressed against hers as his shiny, shod foot nudged the swan.

  The swan angrily lifted his wings a little, as if unsure whether to fly or fold them again. Luce leaned forward, a piece of bread extended toward the bird, and his feet landed heavily as his centre of gravity shifted. One shoe hit the grass, while the other found a webbed foot.

  Wings unfolded fully, the swan hissed menacingly at Luce, before taking the food and a chunk of flesh from his hand. The ungainly bird waddled back to his little harem by the water's edge.

  "Damned devil birds," Luce growled, swiping at his bleeding hand with a handkerchief as black as the blood seeping through his fingers. She'd never seen black blood before, but she tried not to stare. "I've seen drunk demons cause less trouble."

  "He was well-behaved for me," Mel said. "If you hadn't stepped on his foot…Here, let me help." She reached for his injured hand, shifting the handkerchief away so she could see the damage. The small nick in the webbing between Luce's index finger and thumb looked too tiny to have bled so much. In fact, the skin didn't even look as if it had broken…She wiped away a little of the blood with the burgundy cotton in her hand to get a closer look.

  The black handkerchief had turned dark red. Oh Hell, she thought.

  Mel quickly released Luce, hoping he wouldn't realise what she'd done. She resolved to control herself better in future – changing the colours of demons' clothing while she healed them would only lead to trouble. She had to subdue her normal angelic instincts or risk exposing herself.

  Too late – Luce fingered the red fabric thoughtfully before returning it to his pocket. "That doesn't mean the infernal bird isn't a demon – just that he's smart." Luce lowered his voice. "I'd lie down and be as docile as you desire for a piece of you, angel. Provided I get what I want from you in return…"

  A chorus of honks was all the excuse Mel needed to turn her back on the dirty-minded demon, for she now had three hungry swans to contend with – the male and his two female friends. She filled three beaks with bread before she spoke. "I prefer to be called Mel, Luce. And just because a bird has black wings, doesn't make it a demon." She nodded at the male. "He's only a juvenile. His mother, though, has all her feathers." She offered another piece of bread to the female closest to him. Mel slid her hands down the bird's sides, causing her to open her wings and give them a few flaps before folding them again. The white feathers edging both wings stood out like the frill on the hem of Mel's skirt. "No demon or fallen angel has white feathers in their wings. All three are simply beautiful, magnificent birds. Let me show you."

  Mel cupped Luce's limp left hand in hers. She could feel the darkness surrounding his soul far more strongly now, but she paid little heed to it. It didn't seem so dark…as if the thick layer of blackness was merely an illusion and the reality was more like the storm clouds she kept sensing. Clouds that parted at her delicate touch. Beneath, shrouded in shadow, there was so much she hadn't seen before.

  Reaching for Luce's right hand, Mel placed the last piece of roll between his fingers. She extended his unresisting arm to tempt the swans with the bread. She could feel his fear. How could this demon be so terrified of a bird? "It's all right," Mel murmured, wrapping her own fingers around his so that she'd take the brunt of the swan's beak if it was startled. She felt Luce relax a little.

  The larger female stepped forward to accept the offering and Mel brought Luce's empty hand to the bird's breast. She helped him stroke the dark feathers as she probed his soul.

  It wasn't the bird that frightened him. He feared…pain. She dug deeper. Despair, darkness and disguised light, hiding behind…

  The bird honked softly and ambled away.

  "You're brave," Luce said, pulling his hands back as his voice darkened to an ominous depth. "You shouldn't have done that."

  Mel heard the hollow echo in the empty threat and ignored it. Instead, she tried to hold on to the impression she'd felt, which slipped away faster than the swans waddling back to the water. She'd thought a demon's soul held nothing but darkness, yet she'd seen so much more. There was tenderness, too, and…something so slippery she couldn't grasp it, though she doubted Luce could yet, either.

  "Brave? How?" she asked. "For showing you that the beauty of a bird is part and parcel of his black wings?"

  "I don't think any other angel's tried to touch me without my permission before – and definitely no demon has. Afraid that with one touch, I could taint them. With a word, seduce them to surrender their souls to me. It wouldn't be the first time. You…you should know the risks you take. Believe the warnings and stories the older, more experienced angels tell you about me – chances are they'll all be true. You have the makings of a good angel, if you last long enough in the job. Isn't there an archangel in your unit? She knows who and what I am. She knows how best to protect herself, too. That one would probably walk away instead of having a conversation with me." He jerked his head at Gabi, who was grumpily crossing the grass a hundred metres away. "Don't you fear for your soul, Mel?"

  She lifted her eyes to meet his, wondering if he knew how much she'd already read of his soul – and how much more he revealed to her in his dark eyes now. She smiled as she said, "Perhaps I have less to lose than the others. I rarely regret my actions and I don't now. It seemed sad that you would curse a creature for the colour of his wings – calling him a demon for defending himself. I've always loved the black swans here – for their contrast of darkness and light. Pure white wings can get very boring when that's all you see."

  "I rarely see white wings at all." Luce didn't break her stare, letting her even deeper inside. "You really like swans, don't you?" If he was trying to read her soul, he'd soon learn that she had nothing to hide. Unlike him.

  "Yes," she said simply. As she delved into his innermost soul, she found the need to continue. "Perhaps because I see more than most and it's hard to fear what you know so intimately. Darkness concealing light, at a depth where most won't look. A destiny that can't be stopped, only delayed. A desire for…vindication. A broken heart that wishes to be healed. A penchant for proof, but not destruction. A soul hidden deep within ice. Yearning, yet a strong fear of pain. Loneliness and longing for…"

  His mouth hung open and his eyes held something that looked like fear. Mel wondered what else the demon could possibly be afraid of – his soul was damned and his place in Hell was permanent. What had the power to frighten Lucifer so much that it could take his power of speech and leave him struggling to say something?

  He swallowed a couple of times before he could croak out, "Mel…"

  "We have salt and pepper!" announced Ana, holding up two china shakers. "Thanks to the café up the way."

  "Thanks to her theft from the café," Gabi grumbled, slumping to the bench across from Mel.

  Mel felt bereft as Luce yanked his hands from hers. She couldn't remember taking them – or had he given them freely? Regardless, by holding his hands and staring into his eyes she'd seen so much of his soul that she was stunned. Luce was no soulless demon – he was as complex as
any angel, though the illusive shroud of darkness had seemed so thick. He was hiding so much sadness and pain, too…

  "Mel. Mel!"

  Mel lifted her eyes to Gabi's face, wiping her tears away. "Yes?"

  "You should go help those boys bring the cooked meat back. We'll set things up here at the table," Gabi said. Her eyes flicked suspiciously to Luce before returning to Mel.

  "Sure," Mel replied, getting up. She felt Luce's eyes following her to the barbeque, but she didn't acknowledge the attention. She had a job to do and it didn't involve comforting despairing demons – no matter how deep his soul.

  Thirty-Five

  "She said we were just going to the café to get drinks!" Gabi hissed in Mel's ear. "I grabbed a couple of bottles to take up to the register, paid for them, and the demon had vanished! I didn't see her until I got outside, when she told me she'd stolen the salt and pepper shakers while I had them distracted. She even congratulated me on being a decoy. I'm an accessory to theft. They won't let me back into Heaven and all because of that damn demon…"

  Mel nodded and made sympathetic noises as she tried to fork her lettuce into her mouth without getting salad dressing on her nose. Perhaps there was some trick to it that she simply didn't know? She glanced around the table – no, it seemed everyone struggled with the lettuce, too. Even Luce, whose eyes shifted quickly from her to his plate when her gaze settled on him.

  Smothering a smile with another lettuce leaf, Mel eyed her steak, wondering if it was well-done enough not to bleed all over her plate.

  "Cooked to perfection," Merih said, sticking a large piece of pink-hearted meat into his mouth.

  "I wanted rare," Lili complained, lifting her well-browned beef to her lips with distaste.