Welcome to Hell Box Set: Paranormal Romantic Comedy

by Demelza Carlton

  Live orchids. Luce had bought her a large pot of live…had she said angel orchids? "I've never taken care of orchids before," Mel admitted. "Aren't they meant to be really delicate? What kind are they? I'll have to look up detailed instructions on keeping them alive. I'd hate to kill them."

  "They're moth orchids – but yours are a really rare angel colour-morph. I've only seen angel ones in fuchsia and pink, but yours are white with tinted lips and a delicate blush…it must be someone who knows you really well. And he must really like you – those are insanely expensive. Do you think it might have been one of the Grigori boys from the agency? I went down to watch them play football one lunchtime and they were the no-shirts side…" She blushed. "Well, if it weren't for Uri, I'd seriously consider a bit of fun with one of them. Those boys are built!"

  Mel laughed. "No, I don't think they're from one of the agency angels, however well-built they might be. Wishful thinking, I'm sure – I don't blush anywhere near as much as you do."

  "You should keep them in your bathroom, so you can admire them when you're all steamy in the shower," Gabi continued dreamily.

  "What? The shirtless Grigori football team?" Mel tried to control her laughter. "They wouldn't fit in my tiny bathroom."

  "No, your orchids. They like it warm and humid. I bet the guy who gave them to you would love to know his flowers share your shower every morning…"

  Mel shook her head. "How long since you've seen Uri? Did you leave him in Russia?"

  Gabi nodded sadly. "I haven't seen him in months. What with the next winter Olympics in Russia, he's worried and trying to keep an eye on everything. But I know I'll see him again eventually. It's you I'm worried about. How long since you've seen a man in all his naked glory?"

  Mel opened her mouth to reply.

  "Good to see you ladies made it out unscathed," Luce's voice came from behind her. He nodded to Mel and Gabi as he breezed past, grinning. "Don't forget the Minister's visit later on this morning!"

  Neither of them were likely to have any contact with the Minister – temporary staff were hardly going to be high on his list of people in the corporation to meet on his much-touted tour of the facility. Mel and Gabi didn't respond, letting Luce continue walking until he was out of earshot.

  Hoping he hadn't heard their conversation, Mel's thoughts drifted to Luce's flowers and his Valentine dinner invitation. Perhaps she should have accepted, after all. The orchids had been a very kind gesture – more thoughtful than she'd given him credit for.

  "See? I knew you couldn't remember," Gabi said. "Next time you're up at the agency, wink at one of the Grigori boys and take him home for the weekend. Share a shower with a man instead of just his flowers. I guarantee you'll be glowing come Monday morning."

  She might do dinner with Luce, Mel decided, but sharing a shower with the demon? Hell, no! When this assignment was over, she'd socialise a little with the other agency angels and see what came of it, that's all. Or perhaps even pay Patrick a visit…

  The red-hatted fire warden demons were signalling the all-clear, so Mel and Gabi started to move back to the office. The foyer was full of demons and humans, for there were still a few humans in the offices on the other floors. The lifts were leaving, packed with people.

  "Mel," a voice hissed.

  She saw a beckoning hand and followed it around the corner to the service lift, where an elderly security guard stood, smiling. "Care for a lift, Mel?"

  She laughed and accepted, thanking him. Reaching her floor, she steeled herself for another day at work. Sitting next to the fire escape did have its benefits, even without a window, Mel mused.

  Forty-Four

  Thanks to the quick-thinking security guard, Mel was one of the first people to return to the office after the fire and evacuation drill. That meant no queue for the coffee machine. Mel dug her mug out in readiness for the luxury of a real coffee while her computer started.

  The milk stood in crates by the fridge, cascades of condensation dripping down the sides of the bottles, while a new box of coffee beans sat unopened by the machine. The delivery must have arrived just as the fire alarm sounded, so Mel decided to take advantage of the surplus to serve herself precisely what she wanted. She selected a double with a little extra froth to fill her mug, and watched the drink make itself.

  Mel carried the steaming concoction back to her desk and set it down so she could start unpacking her belongings.

  The orchids were first. She looked around for a suitable spot where they might get a little sun and still be out of her way. Mel temporarily settled for the top of her filing cabinet, swearing she'd take them home on the train that night – they didn't deserve to die on her dingy desk, displaced by the demon from their accustomed window.

  Pens and papers were much easier to place – two minutes saw everything in order once more. Mel sat to start work. She took her first sip of coffee as she checked her emails.

  The girl she'd been talking to earlier that morning had sent a link to some of her recent character artwork, the first email told Mel. Mel clicked on the link and waited patiently for the gallery to load.

  "Here's my little angel! Minister, I'd like you to meet Mel, our miracle worker in averting alien invasions!" Luce's beaming face was the first thing Mel saw, with another be-suited man behind him.

  Trying not to grit her teeth as she smiled, Mel stood and offered her hand to the newcomer, recognising the Minister for Productivity. He was the man who'd decided to start selling off government services, so the government of the day could fill what seemed to be a whole galaxy of budget black holes. Mel had always wondered whether giving government services to the Pit had been such a wise decision, but she'd never had the opportunity to ask the Minister his thoughts on the matter. Now was her chance.

  She opened her mouth, trying to arrange the question carefully so she'd receive an answer.

  "Wow! Isn't she a beauty?" the Minister exclaimed with a smile.

  She closed her mouth quickly, wondering if the man was Luce's brother. Or his son. Or some close, salacious relation who Luce had trained in…

  "You are a talented lady, aren't you, Mel? When did you paint that?" Luce asked, his eyes intent on Mel's monitor.

  "I'd like a copy on the wall in my office!" the Minister declared.

  "Oh, no, my friend did it. She just sent me a photo so I could see…" Mel trailed off, unsure how to introduce the subject of mermaid fact and fiction with a minister.

  Both Luce and the Minister started walking away.

  Mel sank gratefully into her chair, watching to make sure neither man was looking to return. Her computer had blacked out to her screensaver, so she nudged the mouse to wake it up. She almost spat out her coffee.

  A beautiful blonde mermaid, her breasts on full display in glorious colours, beamed from Mel's screen. She was, indeed, a beauty.

  Never. She'd never agree to go to dinner with Luce, and she hoped never to lock eyes with the demon again. He'd seen naked mermaid pictures on her PC.

  Mel felt her cheeks go well past pink, approaching the colour of those clearly visible nipples. "Oh Hell," she whimpered.

  Forty-Five

  "Another report for Luce?" Mephi asked, glancing up from her magazine.

  Mel nodded. "Yes. This one's on cemetery sustainability. Who'd have thought cremation was more environmentally friendly than burial? Not to mention cheaper in the long term. It's all there – along with the economic assessment. I have a lot of pictures from my facility tour, but I didn't put them all in. The crematorium waste looked like something you'd scrape out of a baking pan after making a pork roast with plenty of crackling…" She saw Mephi's face turn white and then pale green as she set what looked like barbeque pork and fried rice down on the desk. "Sorry. It surprised me, is all."

  Mephi coughed and wiped her mouth with a tissue. "It sounds…fascinating. You can take it straight in to Luce's office – pop it on top of the pile in his in-tray. Do you want me to schedule an appointment with h
im so you can discuss it? I can squeeze you in any time this week, as long as you don't tell anyone else I did it. He'll be back from his meeting with the Minister in an hour or two."

  "No, the whole thing's pretty self-explanatory. If he wants to know any more, we can always arrange a meeting later," Mel said, moving to deposit her report on Luce's desk. As she returned, she caught sight of what Mephi was reading. It wasn't a magazine at all – it was a travel brochure for Thailand. "Are you headed off on holiday?"

  Mephi looked uncertain as she set the brochure down. "Part of the arrangements for working here include paid holiday leave for all staff. I've never taken a holiday before and I wanted to spend the time at a spa resort somewhere, where it's warm and I can just relax."

  "You've never…" Mel's sympathy for demons flared up. "Thailand is lovely. So's Malaysia, and Singapore, and Indonesia…or there's Mauritius…and Sri Lanka."

  "But my husband wants to go skiing – he wants to see snow and spend his time somewhere cold before he heads back to…where he normally works," Mephi wailed.

  "Snow can be wonderful, too," Mel said. "Very pretty – and the ski resorts usually have lots of warm food, well-heated rooms and plenty to drink."

  Mephi looked stricken. "He said that he'll go without me if I won't go to a ski resort, and he refuses to go anywhere near the tropics. Too hot for him, he said. We've never been on a holiday together and I was so hoping…" The demon looked close to tears.

  "You could do both," Mel suggested.

  "He can't stand the heat," Mephi replied sorrowfully.

  Mel hesitated for a moment, then took pity on the demon. "How about a ski resort with hot spring spas? That way, he could ski while you relax, and in the evenings, perhaps you could share the spa…" She winked. "The hot water certainly gets the blood flowing, I've heard."

  Mephi stared at her. "What would an angel know about…about…" She blushed.

  Mel laughed easily. "My friend, Koyane, lives in Japan. When I visited him in '97, we spent some time in the hot springs around Kyoto and Nara and they proved quite steamy. I had some spare time, so he took me up to the Nagano region and showed me some of the natural hot springs, outside in the snow. There was this one little town…Nozawa Onsen, it's called. It's a ski resort, but it's named for the sulphur spring onsens. Between the apple ice wine, the hot springs, the snow and Koyane…well, I wasn't in a hurry to come home."

  "Bob would like that, if there's skiing, and if there's some sort of spa for me…" Mephi looked wistful. "Is there anywhere you can recommend for us to stay?"

  "Sure. There was this lovely traditional guesthouse, owned by a Japanese lady I met in an onsen. I was feeling ill because I'd had far too many shiitake with my soba…ah, you don't need to hear about that. Anyway, I can email the details of the place, if you like, and you and Bob can make your trip something of a second honeymoon. In the traditional guesthouses, the beds are all futons on tatami – wall-to-wall mattresses. More space than the average couple know what to do with. The honeymoon suites with their king-sized beds here don't know what they're missing…"

  "It sounds wonderful," Mephi admitted. "Four weeks there sounds almost as good as going back to Heaven…"

  "Oh – have you and…ah, Bob been together for that long?" Mel asked, trying to hide her surprise.

  Mephi nodded. "We met before the battle and we sort of got together before the fighting started…" She blushed again. "When Lucifer fell, we refused to be parted and we weren't allowed back in." She sighed. "It was a long time ago and the fires then have sort of burned down to a dull glow, but I still remember what that first night was like. I'd give almost anything to have that again with Bob."

  Mel couldn't hide the tears that sprang to her eyes. Demons who still had the memory of a love that preceded their fall. Admittedly, it could hardly be more than lust now, but even that was something, after all this time. Who'd have thought that Mephistopheles and Beelzebub were even capable of love in the first place? Maybe there was hope for them, after all. "I'll go get their contact details and send them to you straight away," Mel promised and hurried away. First, she'd find the details of that ryokan for Mephi. Then, she'd call Raphael and tell him she had the perfect job for Persi – as Luce's PA. Serendipity, indeed.

  Forty-Six

  "It's time for you to finish up in the office. Book your flights to Korea whenever you're ready. Persi got the job and she can clean up the last details," Raphael announced, rummaging through her cupboards. "Where do you keep your coffee?"

  "I don't have any," Mel replied absently. "I drink more than enough at the office. What makes you think it's over?"

  Raphael stared out the window, which Mel thought was definitely suspicious. "You've said Lucifer is looking for some female company. Persi's more than willing – she'll start as soon as his PA leaves the office. You can mentor her for a week or so, but it's time to pull you out of there before it gets too dangerous."

  Mel snorted with laughter. "The office is dangerous? Raphael, they're just demons. I can handle myself just fine."

  He whirled and met her eyes. "They're not just demons. It's an office full of demons led by Lucifer. Do you know how dangerous he can be? And he's paying a lot of attention to you – you've said it yourself." His fingers plucked nervously at his tie. Mel had never seen the man look so unsettled.

  "I've managed to keep him at arm's length for this long, Raphael. I'd prefer to see this through personally, or I'll be worrying the whole time I'm in Korea. Persi isn't all that experienced and you don't seem to be so worried about Luce getting his hands on her."

  "Please, Mel. None of us wants to see you in Hell – get out while you can. Let Persi finish this up, so you can stay safe."

  Mel shook her head. "I still don't see how sacrificing Persi for my safety is acceptable. She's unpredictable and inexperienced, but she might make a good angel if she gets the chance. Sending her in as cannon fodder for Luce is a waste."

  Raphael managed a weak grin. "She said the same thing – about wanting a chance. And this is it. I'm giving her a chance to prove she deserves to be an angel. It's what she wants, she said."

  "I don't think…" Mel hesitated, then began again. "I realise she's eager to prove herself, but this is a Hell of a responsibility for someone like her. Even if I'm not in the office, I'm not leaving for Korea before her task is complete. I want you to make it clear that she's to call me if she has any news – good or bad – and if she needs even the slightest bit of help. Day or night. And I will be watching her, because I don't trust Lucifer."

  Inwardly, she sighed. She still wanted his soul, but she'd have to wait and give Persephone her chance first. Luckily, she had eternity.

  Forty-Seven

  Mel took a bite of her sandwich. Time for lunch, she thought, wondering if she'd have time to start reading that story about a grumpy unicorn and a gunslinger. Mermaids might exist, but unicorns were definitely the stuff of fiction. Romancing a rhinoceros, really. Or like passing Persi off as an angel. Add a rider and… She pulled out her phone and started looking through her library.

  "Ah, Mel?" Lili's head popped up over the partition. "You're not busy tonight, are you? There's a big executive meeting last thing this afternoon, to fit with the CEO's schedule, and Mephi's gone on leave. Could you stay to take the meeting minutes and write them up afterwards?"

  Mel looked up from her phone. "Shouldn't it be one of the usual admin people in Executive, who know more about confidential, high-level stuff?"

  Lili looked abashed. "Well, yes, but Mephi recommended you to Luce and he requested your services, so…"

  Mel felt her lips curl in a customary smile. "Of course. I don't have plans tonight after work." Except eating dinner, she thought but kept to herself. "I'd be happy to help out. Does that mean I'll get time off in lieu of the extra hours, or do you just want me to put the hours on my timesheet as overtime?"

  Lili shrugged. "Your call. I don't mind. Can you ring Mephi to tell her you'll do it?"


  "Isn't Mephi away?" Mel asked, mystified.

  "Yes, but there's some temp doing her job until she comes back. She'll be at Mephi's desk." Lili dismissed her and disappeared.

  Mel picked up the phone and dialled Mephi's extension.

  "Hello, HELL Corporation Executive. This is Persephone. How may I direct your call?" The breathless voice sounded like a child's. Mel envisaged pink, bubble gum and knee socks, carefully camouflaging what she knew to be a very naughty tattoo, framed in black lace. If Persi remembered to wear underwear at all, Mel mused, recalling one incident in the US where Persi had refused to wear something Americans called panties, to the delight of the media crew. She hoped Persi could do a better job this time. This was too delicate a task to leave details hanging in the wind.

  Mel took a deep breath. "Persi? It's Mel. Just calling to say I'll be taking the minutes at the executive meeting this afternoon."

  "Oh!" Persi squeaked, giggling. "I'm so nervous! I've never had so much responsibility – personal assistant to a CEO and all. He's so attractive, too…"

  Mel smothered a smile. "Sounds like you're doing fine, Persi. Can you tell Luce for me, please?"

  "Oh…oh, sure!" Persi bubbled. "One second…sir! Miss Angel has confirmed that she will be available to attend the executive meeting!" She sounded like she was going to burst with excitement.

  "Can you transfer her through to me?" Mel heard Luce ask.

  Mel prayed the girl would remember how to do it. All she had to remember was how to transfer to one number…

  Persi pressed some buttons, which made noise but did nothing else. "I don't know!" she squeaked. Mel's heart sank.

  "Then I'll just borrow your phone," Luce purred. His voice swelled in volume as he approached Persi's desk. "You don't mind if I lean over your desk, do you?" His tone didn't change after crackling noises told Mel the phone had changed hands. "Hello, Mel."

  Mel shook her head, already worrying about the younger girl. Luce was laying it on a bit thick for poor Persi, especially with her so young and inexperienced. Bikies were fluffy bunnies compared to demons. "Hi. Lili's told me you need me for tonight's meeting. It starts at four in the boardroom, right?"