Welcome to Hell Box Set: Paranormal Romantic Comedy

by Demelza Carlton

  The passage looked too tightly packed with people to squeeze through, so she resolved to wait patiently. The line did appear to be moving, and more swiftly than the line of souls awaiting entrance to Heaven.

  She touched the shoulder of the man before her. "Excuse me," she began, "can you please tell me what we're waiting for?"

  "Accommodation assignments," the man replied over his shoulder. "There's a boss up ahead who says where you get to stay. Someone said I'll probably be down on Level Three."

  "Level Three?" Mel enquired politely.

  "Yeah, Level Three. That's where drug addicts go. I mean, I wouldn't have killed all those people if it weren't for the drugs, see? Some I was too high to remember and the others should've known better'n to get between me and the money for another hit. The girls who wouldn't put out for the punters had it coming, too..."

  Mel carefully tucked her hands behind her so she wouldn't touch the man again. The hazy impression she'd received from his mind had initially reminded her of a Jimi Hendrix song, but now that she knew why, she didn't want to know any more of it. How many deaths had resulted from this man's habit? How many lives ruined, how many hurt or... She felt tears streak her cheeks.

  "Hey, it's all right, sweetheart. If I had any on me right now, I'd give it to you. It'd send you straight to Heaven, instead of Level Two, where they put the little lusty ones. Pretty girl like you, they'll go easy on you."

  She met the eyes of the addict in surprise. He was Hellbound, no mistake, but the man still had a heart, somewhere deep beneath the dark haze. "I'm worried for a friend of mine who's in the deepest level here, I think. I need to see and speak to him. I'm not staying."

  His eyes widened. "You're not here for judgement? Fuck me, I heard it was only angels who could leave once they were in. You a real angel?"

  Mel lowered her eyes and nodded. "He's here by mistake. I won't leave until I've seen him. The others are waiting in Heaven for me to return with him."

  The man snorted and it turned into a phlegmy cough that made him spit on the stone floor. "Fuck. First I ever heard of angels judging someone and making a mistake. Wish I had an angel looking after me. Here, I'm in no hurry. How 'bout we switch places and you go first?"

  He sashayed to the side of the passage, ushering her past. Mel thanked him and moved forward.

  "OI!" the man's voice rang out. "We got an angel here, says there's been a mistake. Let 'er through!"

  Bowed heads lifted and turned to stare curiously at Mel. Embarrassed, she kept her head down.

  "I SAID MOVE!" he hollered. "Who's in a hurry to get into Hell five minutes faster? Fuck'n MOVE for the angel!"

  Shuffling footsteps scraped on stone as people moved aside. Thankful that she'd already hidden her wings, she sidled past as many as she could, trying not to meet anyone's eyes. She didn't want to see inside any of their souls – just the first man in the queue had saddened her enough. She'd sink under the knowledge of all their sins. So much harm...

  "I'm coming for you, Luce," she murmured. "I won't leave you mired in this despair. Hold on, my love." Determination drove her steps, more sure with every word. Luce needed her and if she faltered through fear, he would pay the price – a debt she would need to repay.

  With all her will bent on the soul at her destination, Mel didn't see the body before her until she bumped into him.

  "I'm sorry," she said, stopping.

  "Yeah, everyone's sorry, but not sorry enough, which is why you ended up here," he said roughly. "What did you do that everyone's so eager to see you judged for?"

  Mel glanced back and saw the crowded passage, full of people craning to get a good view. Her courage failed. "I'm here for Luce," she whispered.

  Something snaked around her waist and tightened, threatening to crush her. "It's Lord Lucifer here, and you'd best remember it. The Lord of Hell doesn't forgive or forget. And neither do I." The tail gave her a squeeze. "Now, tell me the truth. I'll know if you lie. Who are you and what was the worst sin you committed?"

  "I ate the last dozen Valentine's chocolates by myself and didn't give them to my colleagues." A searing pain deep in her soul made her want to double over, but the man's tail held her upright. "Luce," she wailed weakly. The pain wasn't hers but his. A sudden stab made her scream, yet her skin was unharmed. What could hurt Luce so badly? "Hold on, Luce," she mumbled as the pain overwhelmed her.

  The grip on her body lessened, but the pain didn't change. If anything, it grew stronger. Mel felt stone under her knees and she forced her eyes open. She couldn't fall. She needed to find Luce. A heavily built man glared down at her. "Who are you?" he demanded. "Judgement is worse for those who don't confess completely!"

  His name surfaced in her thoughts. "Minos," she managed to say.

  "Yeah, that's me," he replied. "Who in Hell are you?"

  "I'm Mel." Her voice died to a whisper.

  "Nope, don't know a Mel. Try again," the man said.

  Her soul ached again. "Luce. I need to find Luce. He's hurting..."

  "The Lord of Hell hurts a lot of people, girl – it's his job. Tell me your name or you can go wait at the back of the line until you remember it. I'm in no hurry and there's plenty more where you came from."

  Mel swallowed, trying to block the pain. It felt as if, somehow, Luce was doing the same. Welcoming the reprieve, she forced the words out quickly before it returned. "Lady Muriel of the Hashmallim. I'm here to see Lucifer."

  Minos doubled over with laughter. "That's a good one, girl. The day I see an angel like her down here...hahahaha...pull the other one!"

  Looking deep into his eyes, Mel gritted her teeth and said, "Angels don't lie, Minos."

  A fresh wave of pain punched her in the gut and she fell into blackness, haunted by the sound of her own scream.

  Twenty-Seven

  Luce had been there – drifting in the dark – but he'd disappeared. So much pain...

  The light was dim and the pain was gone. The pallet beneath her rustled as Mel shifted. Straw covered by coarse cloth, with the solidity of stone supporting the lot. No pillows. This wasn't the bed of a modern man.

  Feeling a little bruised, she sat up, wincing. Her body was intact – that, at least, she could tell. She squinted at her arms and her chest, remembering the agony that had taken her consciousness. Mel couldn't remember the last time she'd fainted. She reached out for Luce, but she only felt him faintly – as if he was asleep, or heavily shielded from her, though not far away. Somewhere below...

  "I ask your forgiveness, Lady Muriel." Silhouetted in the cave entrance, Minos knelt with his head bowed. "I hope I didn't harm you. The stories some of those damned souls come up with...I thought I'd heard them all. And a girl claiming to be you...I'm sorry I didn't recognise you immediately."

  Mel clambered to her unsteady feet. "It's been more than three thousand years, Minos. You were human then."

  His eyes stayed firmly fixed on the floor as he shook his head. "It's no excuse. You remembered me."

  "If you'd told me last week that today I'd be talking to you in Hell, I wouldn't have believed it. Yet here I am and I won't leave until I've seen Luce." She regarded the large man with thoughtful eyes. "Can you help me find him, Minos? It would certainly make my task easier."

  Another heavy head-shake. "Lord Lucifer is in his lair, in the deepest part of Hell, where I can't go. Word is that he doesn't want to be disturbed." Minos lowered his voice. "The rumour I've heard is that he suffered some sort of setback on the surface. Something to do with a girl."

  Mel smiled and waited.

  Minos stared at Mel. "He didn't try to seduce you, did he? I mean, you calling him...that...and coming here to see him might make people think...Michael would be ready to declare war on him again, if he knew!"

  Mel's suspicions rose. "What do you know about Michael and Luce? And where did you hear it?"

  She watched in fascination as Minos clasped his hands as if in prayer – though his people never prayed in this way. "Please,
don't be angry with me. I have a beer or two with Peter every other week – he's fond of barley beer and I know where to get the best, just like we used to have at home – and occasionally Michael comes, too. Judgement is a thankless job and sometimes you just need to talk to someone who understands, or you'd go mad." He paused, as if waiting for Mel to say something, but she simply smiled. "Okay. From what Michael's said when he's had a horn too many, he's terrified that his premonitions will come true."

  Mel was confused by the reference to horns, so it took her a moment to realise that drinking vessels were the least of her worries. "What premonitions? Michael's been getting premonitions about me? Since when?"

  "Always the same one. Since just before the Fall," Minos whispered. He glanced around, as if looking for eavesdroppers. When he seemed satisfied, he stood and crept into the room. He gestured at the pallet. "May I?"

  Mel nodded.

  He sank into the straw, shifting his crown so he could scratch his thinning hair beneath it.

  Mel seated herself beside him, curling her knees to her chest as she rested her back against the limestone wall.

  "You know in the Heavenly War, that Michael and Lucifer each led an army?" he began, before looking sheepish. "Of course you know. I've just seen so many new demons that weren't around then. Michael met with you and he agreed with your idea of offering Hell to Lucifer so he'd surrender without a fight, what with the offer of his own realm to run and all. Well, on the eve before battle, Michael dreamed of you. He saw you meet with Lucifer and Lucifer fell to his knees before you. The dream ended with you walking into Hell. And when Michael donned his armour the next morning, he swore he'd keep you from Lucifer, so he could never lead you into Hell." He swallowed. "Your brother's army won and he banished Lucifer here, never to enter Heaven again, but he couldn't keep him from Earth. Every time he heard rumours that Lucifer had returned to Earth to make another bid for power, he sent someone to investigate..."

  Raphael, Mel thought. Michael was in a lot more trouble than she'd realised. "Why haven't you told Luce this? He's the Lord of Hell and your boss."

  Minos reddened and stared at his lap. "Lord Lucifer never asks for my advice on matters of strategy or policy. All he wants from me are numbers – who went where and how many – and I send them to one of his senior demons every month. I believe he finds my knowledge of politics...outdated. He doesn't know I had the best advisor any king could ever have, in the past, present or future, and I learned more from her in one human lifetime than he has in all his time to date!" He'd risen to his feet and Mel saw the king she'd known so many centuries ago. "Leave while you can, Lady Muriel. I'll tell him nothing. Michael will be relieved to see you home safe and the world will be in the right hands again."

  "Not all leaders see mine as the right hands, Minos. Your own grandson..." Mel broke off.

  "You mean my namesake – the murderer of Athenian children? I think he's down on Level Eight and I hope he rots there," Minos spat. He turned worried eyes to Mel. "You mean he did worse things than that?"

  "He betrayed me," she admitted. "He listened to my counsel on countless occasions and sometimes even asked me to administer justice to his people. There was a woman...ah, she was accused of some terrible crimes that she didn't commit. It was so long ago – I don't even remember her name. She was the last in a long line of people he asked me to judge that day. I pronounced judgement in front of a large crowd that had gathered in the court at Knossos – I told them that she was innocent. I wasn't aware that the king had promised them her death in order to save the guilty party – a woman he'd taken a fancy to. I stated one judgement, their king another...and when he heard, he screamed at the already angry crowd that I must have helped the woman. The crowd...it was a riot. I tried to shield her with my own body, for I knew that the body I wore didn't matter and I could construct another. I couldn't protect her. They tore our bodies apart. And I've never been able to speak in public since, for I remember the feeling of all those eyes on me, then all those hands tearing, tugging, gouging...and the sound of her screaming as they did the same to her." Mel shuddered delicately. "Even that small crowd today was enough to freeze my voice in my throat as it dropped me to my knees. Lady Muriel, advisor to chieftains, secretary-generals, emperors, presidents and kings, but unable to voice a single word when a dozen might hear me." She gave a snort of laughter.

  "I'll see him moved to Level Nine with the other hypocrites and traitors," Minos swore, clenching his fists. "You should leave, Lady Muriel, before Lord Lucifer hears you're here and tries to keep you. The world needs you whispering in their leaders' ears – as I know, all too well."

  "I can't leave, Minos. I must see Luce and I won't stop until I have. Michael's premonition – it has come to pass, for I have entered Hell, as you see. I won't leave until my task is complete." She patted his shoulder. She sensed only concern – not the despair so prevalent among the others in Hell, or the darkness surrounding the demons' souls. Minos was neither damned nor demon – but not quite an angel, either.

  "What do I tell Peter and Michael? Michael's going to be furious." Minos wrung his hands.

  "Tell them...tell Michael that we will have words when I return. Sending an innocent man to Hell in order to save his sister from a fate he had no right to prevent...tell him I will speak to him again only when I have healed the damage he has done, as I see fit. He will wait for my summons." Mel heard her voice resonate in the little cave, as if she were pronouncing judgement on her brother. In a way, perhaps she was.

  Minos licked his lips nervously. "Are you sure? He's got that sword and it can do a fair bit of damage when he's angry. I can handle him, but a lady like yourself..."

  Mel rose to her feet. Her voice was soft as she said, "Are you a gambling man, Minos? Michael tells you I will not leave Hell, based on an incomplete premonition, and I tell you I will – with its Lord, no less. Not a premonition – a promise. On whom would you bet your harvest?"

  Minos grinned, his eyes lighting up with her reflected radiance. "Lady Muriel, I'd bet my kingdom on you. I bet Michael spits his beer out when I tell him so, too. I wish you well." He bowed deeply. "If you are ever in need of my assistance, only call and I will be there. If you change your mind and wish to leave Hell, summon me and I will escort you home." He winked. "Lord Lucifer owes me a favour or two, and I'd happily collect on them to repay my debt to you."

  Mel's laughter sounded loud in the small space. "You did learn a lot, didn't you? Thank you, Minos. If you could point the way to Luce's lair, that would be plenty for the moment."

  She followed Minos through a labyrinth of narrow caverns and passages until he stopped. "This is Level Two, Lady Muriel. Once again, I wish you well – and I hope to see you soon in Heaven, for a horn of good barley beer." The man bowed and disappeared into the dark.

  Mel took a deep breath and set off once more, wishing she knew what had caused Luce such unbearable pain – and why his soul seemed so silent now.

  Twenty-Eight

  Damned and down here, where no angel would ever find him, to taunt him about the joy he'd almost had. Mel would never follow him here – wouldn't or couldn't. He didn't want her here, either – this was no place for an angel like her. Her realm was Heaven; his was Hell. Surely she'd seen that in the last moments before her body sublimated.

  Angels and demons didn't get to live happily ever after. Destiny wouldn't allow it – and Destiny was a bitch to him on a good day. Mel deserved better – better than he could ever be. She'd soon see that, if her soul had been able to escape to Heaven. The other angels would help her. Heaven was full of those who hated him. It wouldn't be long before she did, too – unless she was dead.

  Dead or indifferent – did it matter which? With his Hellish weapon, he'd driven away all hope of a future with her. He'd never wanted to drag her down here to be with him – nothing could be allowed to taint someone as pure as Mel. Luce fingered the prongs on his bident. A thin patina of Mel's blood still stained the weapon,
though it had dried and wasn't likely to drip on the desk.

  Idly, he wondered when this desk had last been cleaned – his desk in the office on Earth was sprayed and wiped daily, after Mel had turned him down and pointed out its poor hygiene. She'd even made him laugh, though he'd been furious at the time. Mel had made each day worth living, not just something to be endured until his next goal was achieved. What were his goals, anyway? Just a way of keeping score until the world ended.

  But that world with Mel had been one he never wanted to see end.

  The work Christmas parties, in the hotel and with the carnivorous swans. He'd planned on avoiding or sleeping through them both, as he did every year. Yet he'd seen her heading off, her arms full of alcohol, and his heart had leaped at the thought of a party – any party – with her, alcohol-uninhibited and...aaah... She'd laughed and enjoyed herself, inspiring him to do the same. With her help, he'd stroked a swan – one that would have devoured his fingers.

  It was Mel. Always, it was Mel. What creature wouldn't lie down and let her have her way with him? Heavenly, for she'd never hurt him. Hell, he'd even reacted like the swans when she'd stroked his dark wings – what he'd give for her to do it again. Any part of him. Or a kiss...

  She wouldn't. Mel would never touch him again. He was too far beneath her. In the dark. Damned. For letting her die. He deserved it. All this and more.

  He touched the blood on the bident again. Her blood.

  Could the Lord of Hell's weapon kill an angel, like Michael's flaming sword could force one to fall against his will? He could think of no better test subject than himself – for no angel deserved to die as much as he did. If the bident could kill an angel, then his surely had stolen her life. Maybe Mel would be waiting for him...

  Oh God, what would he give for it to be true? Everything. Even his life. For her.