Fixated On You (Torn Series #5)

by Pamela Ann

  I sagged against the sofa, staring at the chamomile tea Lindsey had prepared for me on the coffee table, left untouched. “How long does it take?” I needed to know a guesstimate.

  “Emma, calm down.” Lindsey tried to help, but I ended up glaring at her. Of all the people, she knew what I did. She knew I slept with her brother and how Bass found out. Word for word, I described the hurt I saw and experienced that day. So for her to tell me to calm down was like me telling her to shove it if she had told me that Dimitris was screwing Claudine.

  I knew the reason she was overstaying in Greece was because Dimitris’s ex was hovering in the background like a true pest. She was protecting what was hers and I understood that. But she needed to shut the fuck up if she had nothing better to say. “He’s dead, isn’t he?” I questioned Dimitris, knowing that he was one of the last people who spoke to and saw Bass.

  He shook his head, grim. “We don’t know.”

  The Greek didn’t sound optimistic either. This was bad news. Dimitris was a sweet, kind man. Usually, he’d be the one soothing me, so for him to look gray, meant only one thing. He, too, believed that Bass was gone. And maybe I needed to start believing it too. I mean, all evidence showed that he was inside with those models. He was partying in the VIP section, close to where the fire originated. “This is all my fault.” I cried, toying with Carter’s engagement ring on my finger. Everyone’s been eyeing it, but no one dared ask me or mentioned anything about it.

  They’d understand the moment they knew that I was pregnant, and Carter was only trying to help me the only way he knew how. But considering the circumstances, Dimitris might think that I was a cold-hearted bitch for being engaged this quickly with Bass’s death hanging around us.

  Bass. My sweet Bass. I couldn’t even say his name anymore. I felt like I didn’t deserve to feel his name on my lips. “What did he look like the last time you saw him?” I questioned Dimitris.

  Dimitris looked away, guilt written all over him. “He was drunk.” He sounded like he should’ve stopped him, like he too was feeling responsible for Bass’s death.

  “Was he happy? Did he look happy?”

  He glanced over to Lindsey before looking at me. Sadness glazed his eyes. “When I saw him that night, his eyes looked…dead.”

  There were others who escaped…did Bass purposely stay inside to die? Normally, I wouldn’t think so, but after what Dimitris had said, I was becoming doubtful.

  After what he witnessed…

  Suddenly, his words floated in my brain…hearing his voice come to life in my heart while I closed my eyes, I teared up.

  “Your passionate nature matches mine. Your promise reflects my own. If something was to happen, it’s comforting to know that your dead heart will be intertwined with my lifeless one. My heart for yours, Emma.”

  Would he go through such lengths to kill me inside so he could teach me a lesson? Would he? Bass was a complicated man, but when it came to me, he never questioned how much he loved me; with all his heart. And I stomped on his love. But would he kill himself to kill me? It was cruel, and yet, with the crazy love we had, it made sense for him to punish me this way. And he could be just as vindictive as I could.

  Since Paris didn’t have any good news for me, I wanted to leave immediately. I couldn’t be around here, where people were watching me like I was a mental patient about to breakdown any second.

  I needed to be alone. I needed to be with Bass.

  For the last time, I was desperate to be with him.

  My Bass…

  I needed to feel him—feel his presence—his warmth.

  The island--I needed to go there--for the last time, to say my farewells and apologize for everything I had done.

  I needed to remember his love; to remember the very man himself and the power he exuded that captured so many people, most especially me.

  “I love you,” my heart called out to him, “I’ll always love you.”

  ~Emma~

  The lemon grove looked exactly how we had left it—magical and beautiful.

  I went there when the sun was setting because I had read somewhere that the best time to talk to the dead was during sun down, when most of them came out. And I really wanted him to come here and visit me—or at least—for him to make me feel his presence—a whisper of my name, or leaving me his scent—something. I was desperate to feel him again. For the last time.

  “I’m here,” I whispered into the still air. Bass, please, where are you? I silently prayed, hoping he’d hear me.

  I was scared of ghosts and all that supernatural crap, but I’d give a limb just to see him… I’d do anything just so I could say the things I wanted to say and never had the chance to do so.

  And so I waited, glancing back at the setting sun behind me, before looking around. I basically did a three-sixty from where I stood, but before I finished, something caught my eye. Moving closer for inspection, I gasped at what I found.

  Just below the root of our love tree, something sparkled at me. Walking over, I sat on my heels before I plucked the item off the ground. It was dirty, yes, but it didn’t change the fact that it was my engagement ring from Bass.

  If I was fucked before, I was trembling with more confusion of how this came to happen.

  Bass was here? When? From the moment he landed in Paris, he was out every single night without fail. I knew because I followed feeds like a stalker. I learned from the best when Lindsey was stalking Dimitris.

  He was there to bury my ring. Our ring. Us. Even with his goodbye, he did it with hurtful execution; with precise fashion.

  Bass truly said his goodbye before he died. He probably died thinking that I hadn’t loved him; that he was all alone and didn’t have anyone. I sniffed, letting my tears fall to the ground. Was he scared? I dreadfully thought of how it would’ve been for him in there. People screaming. The loud stampede of panic ringing in his ears. The smoke suffocating his lungs as he tried to breathe, holding on to whatever minutes he had left—seconds even—until the eviscerating licks of fire consumed everyone in its wake.

  Did he have someone to hold him? Or did he die alone? The questions kept on rolling…and I was deeper into my dark thoughts when something made me look up. I suppose it was the sun, basking me with its last rays before it slowly dimmed the island. I knelt there, frozen as I let my tears free.

  Dimitris’s helicopter was in Aspasia. I was dropped off here by a boat and it would come back for me first thing in the morning. When I suggested that I stay the night here, they thought I was truly losing it. But I knew I needed one night. This was our place. There was nowhere else I wanted to be other than here.

  It was my one night where I could think back and cry for what I had lost. And when the next day came, I would feel a little better, knowing that I would marry Carter without so much baggage with me.

  I didn’t get up until it was truly dark and the stars glittered from the clear midnight blue sky. Dusting off my knees, I slightly trembled as I started to walk toward the cottage. The only one on the island, the one Bass built for us, looking exactly like the one we had in Aspasia. The last time I was in that cottage, we were so happy. Even after we received the news of Nikki’s pregnancy, Bass showered me with love and I thought then that I could face whatever life shoved at me.

  But I was a coward. I didn’t fight for him—no, not that hard anyway. I gave up when he needed me to be strong. My insecurities became my downfall. Even if Bass took Nikki a hundred times to eat out and was photographed day and night, I should have known better that my man—my Bass—wouldn’t touch her, not that way anyway. He loved me. That’s all he ever did. Why couldn’t I just see it? Why couldn’t I just be happy that it was me who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with?

  I was too stubborn—too unsure of everything that it was hard to see after the paranoia settled in. My insecurities ruined us in the end.

  Stepping into the darkened cottage, automated, I sought for the switch. I knew where it was
, but navigating through darkness could be a tad difficult. It was so hard to see, that I tripped over some furniture just as I flicked the switched on. My hand gripped the ends of a small accent table as I held on for dear life before losing my balance and crashing to the floor while tipping the table. “Awwww!” I screamed when a mug crashed with it, scalding my hand with the hot water in it. “What the fuck!” I hissed, holding my stomach as I tried to get back on my feet again.

  Checking myself over, I sighed with relief when I realized I wasn’t bleeding anywhere. I should be less clumsy while pregnant, I thought, shaking my head in the process as I stared at the mess I created. Sighing, I was mid-step toward the kitchen to get something to clean things up, when I paused—like a switch turned in my brain and a bright 120 watt light bulb flickered to life inside my mind—seeing things clearly.

  Hot water. The water…scalded me, I realized as I stared at my red heated skin. In slow motion, my eyes flickered to the mug—Bass’s mug.

  Was this the ghost of him playing tricks on me? I thought as I felt my heart gallop against my chest…or—I couldn’t even finish the sentence. I couldn’t go there, could I?

  It was as if I found my own footing again, my eyes scanned the tiny cottage hoping to find evidence that he was there…but nothing was amiss. The bedroom. I had to check the bedroom.

  Sprinting toward the room we used to share, I glanced at the neat, dust-free place. I knew Bass hired a housekeeper here that came once a week, making sure that everything was clean and in order.

  “Bass,” I murmured, looking over the made bed, seeing us there, together. Memories of the last time we were together in this bed flooded me momentarily.

  He wasn’t here, I convinced myself. Maybe the hot water was from the caretaker who needed to make coffee and forgot about it because she needed to go back home before the sun retired for the day. Dejectedly, I retraced my steps back to the kitchen so I could clean my mess up. But something made me pause when I passed the second bedroom—it was a tiny thing—but I knew when I spotted his cellphone on the bed…I just knew… he was here somewhere. There was no way in hell that guy would part with his phone. It was his lifeline. There was just no fucking way. The ring I understood, but the phone? No. Just no.

  He probably hid himself the second he found out I was here. “Bass!” I screeched on top of my lungs, my voice vibrating all over the tiny cottage, but he didn’t come out.

  It wasn’t until I checked every damn spot and corner before I proceeded to go outside, with no light with me. Looking over to the shore, then toward the vast lemon trees, I screamed his name again. “Bass!” I started running, then half-running, not wanting to over exert my body because of the baby. “I know you’re here somewhere!” My voice sounded creepy, echoing into the night as it repeated itself around the trees.

  After walking for ten minutes, I found myself on the shore, crying heaps, almost ready to admit defeat. Was I really losing my mind? Lindsey did warn me that staying here wasn’t a good idea, especially when I was so messed up in the head at the moment. Carter said the same thing too, but he was telling me that I should take care of the baby, and I shouldn’t go overboard with stress.

  Maybe they were right. My hallucination stemmed from stress. But—I sagged, not sure what to do from here on out. “If you’re here, please, don’t do this to me.” I begged. At first I was bellowing, then my voice became a whisper. “Don’t hurt me like this.” If this was his way of punishing me, he succeeded. Never in my life had I experienced this life and death kind of pain. He made me experience how it was to lose him fully… it was cruel…but fuck. It worked. Big time.

  I was about to crumble on the sand when I heard something behind me. I thought it was a rat, but when I spun around, there he was. Alive. He looked scruffy, like he hadn’t shaved in a while, but it was him. It was really him.

  Instinctively, I ran toward him, wanting to hug him, but his eyes stopped me cold. “Go home, Emma. Don’t ever come back here. Don’t say anything. Live your life pretending that I’m dead and I will do the same.”

  No! No. “I thought you were dead,” I whispered, biting my lip as I held myself from throwing myself at him. I wanted to touch him so badly, to know that he was real—but he simply wouldn’t let me.

  For a second, his eyes travelled my face, and for a moment, a flash of longing shot through his eyes, before they hardened toward me. “Leave. You’re not welcome here.”

  “You don’t mean that—” I gasped. After thinking that he was dead and gone, I had so many questions that I wanted to ask. Panic settled in again when he spun around and was about to step into the darkness again, away from the moonlight. “Bass—wait!” I ran up to him and pulled him by the arm. It made him stop from walking away.

  Wrong. Move.

  Because he stilled, before looking down on my hand gripping his arm—and when he lifted his hated-filled eyes at me, I felt like he just killed me right then and there. I had forgotten all about Carter’s ring.

  “Let me explain—”

  I halted when he marched off toward the cottage. “I’m going to call for someone to get you.”

  How long would it take them to get here? The boat would take about twenty to thirty minutes. But if it were a helicopter… it would be here in no time.

  And if he booted me off the island, how the hell did I get to talk to him? I needed him to listen. Then he could wish me away after I spoke my piece.

  Chapter 30

  Carter

  “Emma—there’s no need for you to throw everything away.” I was trying to argue, but I knew the second I saw her that something wasn’t right. This had all happened five minutes prior when she woke me up at seven in the morning.

  “There is every need. I need him.” She looked so sad, but not for me, not at me, but speaking about Bass made her this way. “He might hate me now, but I’m hoping he’ll forgive me. I’ve wronged him.”

  No, not this nightmare again. I already had everything set. We were supposed to get married the next day. She couldn’t just do this. I know Bass resurfaced from the dead, but what about me? What about us? I loved her too. What about me… “If you choose him this time, I’m not going to stick around anymore.” I couldn’t, I didn’t have anything left. I felt like I was robbed—I wanted my heart back.

  “I married him yesterday.” She showed me her newly placed rings, flashing her entire left hand, and smiling sadly at me before I looked away, wanting to scream until I couldn’t anymore. “I want you to be happy, Carter.”

  “You’re my happiness.” Why did it hurt so much? Why did I keep hanging on to us when she wouldn’t fight for me? “Without you, it’s not possible.” Happiness. She took away that privilege when she chose him.

  After our engagement, I had been looking at homes, cribs, paints, interior decorators—I fucking went ballistic with everything because I was fucking over the moon. I wanted my new family to be happy, comfortable and want for nothing. And now… I had no one… after all that. I was still worthless in her eyes.

  What the fuck did I do now? I couldn’t possibly call all of them and cancel. I made fucking appointments—FUCK!

  “Carter?” Emma asked as I got up and started pacing.

  After five minutes of non-stop back and forth, I rounded toward her, stopping as I shook my head. “I chose our flower girl. Her name’s Emily. She’s my second cousin. You’d have loved to meet her.”

  Emma stood up, wrapped her arms around my hips, holding me while tears fell from my face. “I’m so sorry to do this to you again. I really was going to marry you—”

  “I bought us a crib, Em.” My voice trailed off, too choked up to continue.

  Emma silently cried, soaking my shirt. “I’m so very sorry. So sorry for causing you so much pain. But I can’t make you happy…”

  She was just saying that because things had become too crazy. At that point, I was done. Maybe I should just go and live somewhere else. I didn’t fucking know. Right now, I was bein
g pulled apart, head to toe. “Goodbye, Emma.” I lifted her face, kissing her so tenderly. Our tears meshed together, knowing that this was going to be the last time. Because when I woke up the next day, I was going to move on, or rather try to anyway, and I wasn’t going to stop until this fucking pain wasn’t there any longer.

  Emma, I knew meant well, but she fucked me up pretty good.

  I didn’t think I deserved this kind of punishment even after the orgy I participated in when I cheated on her. What she did to me was far greater—far more painful—than the one I caused her. I loved her though, so even though I could barely breathe, I forgave her.

  Our hearts do the wanting for us. Sadly, I wasn’t the champion in hers anymore, I just had to accept that and walk away, forever.

  “I love you—I fucking love you, Ems.” I cried out, giving her my last kiss.

  Chapter 31

  Bass

  I had been holding my breath, staring at Carter Mason’s front door until Emma emerged from it. She insisted on driving there straight from the private airport. Apparently, Carter needed to know what she’d been up to, and that their engagement was kaput.

  I’m not going to lie, it still irked me that Emma was still so attached to him, but she and I aren’t really anything. I was doing this solely for the baby. Apart from that, there was nothing else between us. I made sure of that. So I just hoped that Emma got that into her head.

  There were only a few of people who knew I was alive, including my friends and my Godfather, but apart from that, I’m still veering away from the media. My mind was still too chaotic to deal with the rest of my life. For now, I wanted to focus on the current chaos, like the woman who was now walking toward my vehicle.

  Once she was in the car, I thoroughly checked her face, scrutinizing it, noting how swollen her lips were now compared how they were before she left. “Have a good quickie?” I asked, sounding bored as I made the car engine come to life. Inside, I was a mess, but she was never going to know that.