Providence

by Jamie; Ginger Hunter McGuire

“You love him,” Beth confirmed as she watched my expression. “He loves you, too, you know. It’s so obvious, almost as if he loved you before you met.” I shook my head in denial and Beth’s voice raised a tone higher. “Nina. Seriously? After everything that’s happened?”

  “If he does, it’s not enough to trust me with the truth.” I winced at my own words. I didn’t realize how hurtful it would be to say them out loud.

  “He’s still not talking, huh?”

  “I told him to leave me alone tonight.” Beth began to speak but I continued, “I didn’t mean it. Well, I meant it, but it’s not what I want. All he has to do is be honest with me, and he just...refuses.”

  “Why do you have to understand it? Can’t you just be with him and forget about the rest?”

  “Be with him how? I don’t even know where he lives. I don’t know his phone number, if he’s right or left-handed, or his birthday…I don’t know anything about him,” I said, disgusted with my predicament.

  “I’ve seen you two together. It will all work out,” she smiled.

  I rolled my eyes at her simple solution. Beth’s logic made my feelings more complicated than necessary, and I was glad when she seemed to give up. I was devastated about Jack, furious with Cynthia and found Jared guilty on principle. Other than that I didn’t want to think about it. Anger was easier to control than feeling betrayed.

  Thursday morning I followed Beth to the table reserved for the coffee pots and various sugars and other creamers. Per her usual, Kim appeared behind us and complained about our additives. I gripped my travel mug with both hands, keeping in line with my friends.

  Beth stopped in her tracks, initiating a pile-up. I slammed into Kim, and the coffee I held exploded from the slit in the lid, splattering in a vertical line from collar to hem of my coat.

  “Beth!” Kim and I both yelped in unison.

  I looked down at my coat and used my mittens to brush off the dripping, mocha-colored liquid. Someone abruptly grabbed my arm and yanked me forward. I didn’t have time to see which of my girlfriends it was, because Jared’s incredible blue-grey eyes caught my attention the second I looked up.

  I took quicker steps than I should have to be within conversation distance, but once I stood within a few feet of him, I couldn’t speak.

  “Running late, aren’t you?” Jared said, seeming pleased at my reaction.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, baffled.

  He laughed and looked down. I saw from my peripheral that Beth and Kim were just as awestruck as I was. I couldn’t imagine what had possessed him to show up here, and I was even more clueless at his carefree manner; as if our conversation from the night before had never taken place.

  “Will you have a seat?”

  I sat down immediately, in an almost comical fashion. He usually didn’t make an appearance unless he had something important he needed to say, or if there was trouble. The scenarios were flashing through my mind. I stared at him in silence, waiting for the answer.

  He crossed his arms on the table and leaned toward me. “I know you said to leave you alone, but I did a lot of thinking last night and I had to see you. We need to talk.”

  My mouth opened a bit in shock, and I shut it just as I looked up at Kim and Beth. Their mouths were in a similar state.

  “We’ll, er…meet you in class, Nigh,” Kim said, raising her eyebrows.

  I grimaced as they abandoned me. My shoulders felt so tense they seemed to be hovering around my ears. I took a deep breath, and forced them down to their proper position.

  Jared appeared nervous and he swallowed. “Did I cross a line?”

  “I want answers, Jared.”

  The corners of his mouth turned up as he slid a card over to my side of the table.

  I pinched the thin paper between my fingers and examined it. It was a generically ivory business card with his name and company name in chocolate brown writing. My heart kicked into high gear upon reading the next line, which contained his phone number.

  “You’re giving me your number?”

  “I am.” He waited for a moment with an expectant stare, and then I understood what it was that he wanted.

  “Oh!” I said, scrambling to search my backpack for something to write on. I scribbled my name and number on a piece of paper and slid it to him, mimicking his smooth, single movement.

  Jared grinned and poked the paper into his inside jacket pocket.

  “What if that’s not my number?” I asked. “What if it’s the number to an anger management clinic for your sister?”

  Jared shook his head, laughing once. “Then I’d give it to her. But I hope it’s yours. I need it to ask you to dinner properly.”

  I could hear my heart pounding inside my chest, and when I thought he might be able to hear it, I felt my cheeks flush.

  “I told you I needed answers, first,” I said, trying to seem calmer than I felt.

  “I told you we were going to talk, didn’t I?” His eyes were bright with amusement, even seeming a lighter shade of blue. “I’m going to call you this afternoon. Will that be all right?”

  “Why don’t you just ask me, now?” I said, incinerating any chance of seeming indifferent.

  “Is that what you want?” he asked, raising his brow.

  I nodded and a broad smile lit up his face. “Would you have dinner with me tomorrow?”

  “I’d love to. Thank you.”

  “I don’t want to make you late.” Even as he said the words, he seemed in no hurry to say goodbye.

  We both stood, and Jared held the door open for me as we walked into the morning air. It felt surreal to be walking next to him on campus. He seemed less like a figment of my imagination surrounded by the scenery of my everyday life.

  “I’ll pick you up around six thirty?” he asked, lightly grazing my finger tips with his. Electricity immediately shot up my arm, and my heart hammered against my ribs.

  “Sounds perfect.” I couldn’t have chosen words more true.

  Kim and Beth were waiting for me just inside the building, and I tried to keep from jumping up and down as I approached.

  “What happened?” Beth said, grabbing my arm.

  “We’re going out tomorrow night. Six-thirty,” I beamed.

  “Yay!” Beth said, clapping.

  Kim and I continued upstairs to our class. She wasn’t nearly as animated as Beth.

  “Ryan isn’t going to be happy,” she said.

  I angled my neck to emphasize my irritation. “I’m not with Ryan, Kim. He doesn’t get to be unhappy about it.”

  “I know…I just think its poor timing on your part for you to go on a date with Jared when Ryan’s still in the hospital for trying to save your life.”

  “Are you saying it’s wrong for me to go out with Jared because I’m obligated to Ryan now, since he was hurt defending me? Is that what you’re getting at?” I countered, pausing in front of our classroom.

  “No. I am definitely not saying that. That would be very Casablanca of me.”

  Kim smiled when I rolled my eyes at her, and we walked to our seats together.

  Chapter Six

  Truth(s)

  Patience is a virtue I do not possess. Amusement park lines, doctor’s appointments, college acceptance letters—all enough to drive me insane. Waiting for my date with Jared felt very much like torture. Each class failed miserably at holding my interest, and by mid-morning I had given up on taking notes. The final class of the day was insufferable. I bounced my knee up and down, tapped my pencil on the desk, shifted in my chair, and sighed at least a dozen times.

  Beth touched my arm.

  “Don’t interrupt my anxiety attack. It’s rude,” I whispered.

  Beth pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh. “Stop freaking out. It’s a date. You’ve had dates before.”

  “Not with Jared.”

  She tapped her finger on my forearm for a moment and smiled. “Why don’t we visit Ryan after class?”

  �
��I think you’re brilliant,” I said, peeling off the last bit of my eraser.

  By the time Professor Hunter had spoken the word ‘dismissed’, I had shoved the last of my things in my bag, with the fastest path to the Beamer already plotted out in my mind. Beth struggled to keep up, and growled with frustration when we reached the car.

  “You’re ridiculous,” she puffed.

  “You have no excuse. Your legs are longer than mine.”

  She rolled her eyes as I put the Beamer into gear.

  Ryan looked much better—he had more color in his face and the network of tubes and wires that had covered him just days before had all but disappeared.

  “Hey there,” he said, stretching his torso. “They’re moving me to PCCU today.”

  “That’s fantastic!” I smiled. “You’re going to be out of here in no time. Do you know what room number you’ll be in?”

  Ryan shook his head. “I’ll call you and let you know, though.”

  “You’d better. How else are we going to sneak in the illegal contraband?” Beth said.

  “Speaking of which…did you happen to bring me another burger?”

  Beth shook her head. “Nina was in a hurry to get here.”

  Ryan didn’t enjoy her remark as much as I thought he would. “That’s surprising. I figured you’d be rushing to Andrews to get ready for your date.” He tried to sound casual, but I heard resentment in his words.

  I glanced at Beth and then back at him. My face instantly flushed with anger.

  Ryan rolled his eyes. “Calm down, Nina. Josh saw you at the Ratty. It pissed him off seeing Jared there. He doesn’t trust him.”

  “It’s ridiculous that he’s upset about it at all,” I snapped.

  “It’s not Josh’s fault. He just thinks I’m better for you than that double-oh-seven wannabe. I happen to agree,” Ryan said, squirming to sit higher in his bed.

  “That double-oh-seven wannabe is the reason we’re alive,” I said through my teeth.

  “Come on, you guys. This can wait,” Beth sighed.

  “You’re not really going to go out with him, are you?” Ryan said, disgusted.

  “Yes, I am. And I really don’t care what you, or Josh, or any of your other buddies think about it.”

  “Buddies?” Ryan repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Who says buddies, anymore?”

  “Shut up,” I seethed. “Let’s go, Beth. Visiting hours are over.”

  “Oh, come on, Nigh. Don’t leave mad,” Ryan chuckled, raising his hand toward me.

  “I told you that you could only call me that once. The time limit on that has been exceeded.” “Nina, I’m sorry. Don’t leave. It’s none of my business who you date. I’m sure it’s pretty obvious why I have a problem with it.” He looked down at his hands with a frown.

  I stared at him for a moment. It was hard to hold onto my anger when he was lying in a hospital bed. “I hope they clear up whatever it is that has you acting like this before they release you.”

  “Oh, I’m not that bad. You’re coming back tomorrow, right?”

  “I will,” I said, ruffling my fingers in his hair.

  He swatted my hand away. “But I don’t want to hear about your date, all right?”

  “I’m sure we can find other things to talk about.”

  “We’d better go, Nigh. We have lots to do,” Beth said in a sing-song voice.

  I stuck my tongue out at Ryan before following Beth to the car.

  In search of the perfect outfit, Beth and I blew up my closet. Clothes were everywhere. Something too dark, too tight, too loose, too short, or not short enough covered every surface. I finally settled on a winter white three-quarter length sleeved sweater dress with my favorite fancy brown belt—it boasted a pearl in the center of the cross buckle—and brown strappy heels. Beth assured me over and over that my curve-hugging dress was the perfect balance of sexy and elegant. I stared into our long mirror and worried my dress was too short; I was all legs.

  I passed the time taking a long shower, being extra careful about shaving my legs, plucking my eyebrows, and painting my toenails.

  After all of the indulging, I’d still managed to be ready twenty minutes before Jared was due to arrive. My heels clicked against the elevator floor as I stepped in, and I couldn’t help but fuss with my hair and dress while I waited for the doors to open to the first floor. Walking down the hall, I checked my watch; I still had fifteen minutes before he would arrive. Just as I peeked out, the door popped open. Jared stood in front of me in a solid black dress shirt and charcoal-grey slacks. His hair had the slightest bit of gel in it, easing the subtle messy waves into each other.

  I sucked in a tiny gasp, throwing my hand up to my chest.

  “I’m sorry, did I startle you?”

  “Yes! I wasn’t expecting you, yet,” I said, breathless.

  Jared handed me a small but beautiful bouquet of pink and white tulips—my favorite—and smiled sheepishly, “I couldn’t wait until six-thirty.”

  I pressed my lips together to keep from uttering the embarrassing truth, but I couldn’t stop myself. “I couldn’t either,” I blurted out.

  A triumphant smile broke across his face, and then he helped me with my coat. He gently pulled me against his chest and whispered into my ear. “You are stunning.”

  My ears burned. I willed the blush in my cheeks away, glad to be stepping out into the brisk air.

  “Where are we going?” I asked as he pulled away from the curb.

  “You’ll see,” he said, an excited grin spreading across his face. “I’m glad you agreed to come. After the other night, I wasn’t sure you’d say yes.”

  “Well, after you ambushed me at the Ratty in front of everyone, I hardly had a choice.”

  “Coercion was the plan all along,” he said, chuckling. He reached over and lightly traced my fingers.

  “So this place we’re going to…should I expect more strange cuisine or are you playing it safe this evening?” I casually turned up my palm to intertwine our fingers. Normally I wasn’t so forward, but the rules had changed. We both knew that nothing about our time together was ever ordinary.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t like surprises.”

  “Yes you do.”

  “I know,” I huffed. It was maddening that he knew me so well. “Am I going to learn anything about you tonight?”

  “That’s the plan.”

  Jared pulled onto a narrow street and parked beside the curb in front of a darkened building. I wasn’t sure what restaurant it was, but it didn’t look open. He took my hand and led me down an alley, guiding me around the water-filled potholes.

  “Your cut has healed nicely,” I noticed, “I can barely see it.”

  Jared simply nodded, leading me further into the darkness.

  His hand left mine only to reach into his pocket for his keys. He unlocked the door, and then stretched his arm toward the inside to signal me to walk in.

  “We’re going up the stairs,” he said.

  My heels clanged against the iron steps as I slowly climbed to a small landing. At the top, Jared edged past me to use his keys once more. He stepped ahead of me this time, holding the door open.

  I walked into a spacious bi-level apartment decorated in grays and blues. It was dimly lit and the blinds were drawn, setting off the glow of the numerous candles lit around the room. Chinese panels and manuscripts from different parts of the world hung on the grey cinderblock walls, illuminated by track lighting. He didn’t have enough furniture to fill the space—or maybe it was simply clutter free—everything was in its place. The entire room was immaculate. The air was saturated with different spices and flavors, and the small round table displayed empty wine glasses and white plates.

  “This is your apartment?” I asked, looking up the wooden stairs leading to the loft.

  Jared stood behind me, sliding my coat from my arms. “Is that okay? I thought it would be the best place to talk,” he as
ked, a bit anxious.

  “No, it’s great. It’s amazing...you’re cooking?” I asked, preoccupied with my surroundings.

  “Something like that. Try not to get too excited.” He tucked my hair behind my ears. “Have a seat, it’s almost ready.”

  He took the flowers from my hands and whisked them to the kitchen, filling a vase with water. He reappeared, vase and flowers in hand, placing them in the middle of the table.

  Jared brought a serving dish to the table and forked out a slice of meat.

  “Pot Roast?” I asked.

  “Well, there are other things—,” he gestured back to the kitchen.

  “No, no, it’s just that…pot roast is my favorite. My father had a close friend that always invited us to dinner when I was little, and his wife made this amazing pot roast. It’s been a long time since I’ve had it, but it smelled a lot like this.”

  Jared made a strange face as if he didn’t know how to react to my little anecdote, and then returned to the kitchen. He brought out a bowl of steamed vegetables, a plate of dinner rolls, and a baked potato…all of them favorites of mine.

  “You thought of everything,” I said, bewildered at the food sitting on the table.

  “There’s an Angel Food cake in the oven,” he said, sitting across from me.

  “I love angel foo—,” I cut myself off when I realized how redundant it would be to say the words. “You knew that, didn’t you?”

  “Yes,” Jared said with an uncertain half smile. It sounded more like a question than an answer.

  “We’re going to talk, right?” I asked, staring down at my plate.

  “We are going to talk. But let’s get through dinner, first.”

  “I can do that,” I grinned.

  I bit into the pot roast and instantly I was seven years old, sitting in a homey kitchen with a million savory smells floating throughout the room. Cynthia was politely chuckling at something Jack’s friend Gabe had said, and Gabe’s wife circled the table in a light blue apron, spooning out vegetables onto everyone’s plate.

  “How is it?” Jared asked between bites, bringing me back to the present.

  I shook my head, searching for the words that would do the taste I was experiencing justice. “I haven’t had a meal like this in a long, long time,” I chewed, “since I was a girl. Where did you learn to cook like this?”