The Great Ark

by T. C. Driver

  I think the old pastor was glad to see a bunch of sinners like us stop by. The piano was very old but the young lady piano player was not. She was about ten I would guess. We sang many old hymns three of which kind of sounded the same I’m sure. It was a joy to sing and praise the Lord. The little old man never did preach, we just kept on singing. The four of us sitting together sounded like a Southern Gospel Quartet. We sounded good. I was very impressed! I didn’t know my shipmates could sing that well, praise God what a good time we had singing. The whole congregation said they admired our singing. Just when I thought the old preacher was going to speak a tall man with a cowboy hat on came bursting through the oak church doors and started apologizing for being late. His group set up electronic equipment computers, lights, even a flat screen TV. They must be high-tech/ /red necks (ha-ha). There wasn’t much on TV just still pictures, words and stuff but I wanted to look at the singers anyway. These singers did a great job, but the cowboy would always play tapes of other people singing the same song when his singers started singing to drown his own singers out. I thought this was very silly and impolite of him but I didn’t say anything about it. The Cowboy didn’t have a name people just called him Cow Man. I sat next to his wife and didn’t know what to call her. You just can’t call a nice Christian Lady “Cow Woman,” not with a straight face. When Cow Man told the congregation that they had been held up by a traffic jam and that a big aircraft carrier had almost hit the bridge, Joe started sobbing uncontrollably! His baby was still alive! Joe bowed his head and shouted.

  “Thank you Lord, thank you Lord,” over and over again. Tommy Mute kept doing his exercises in the back of the church until he got so tired that he passed out cold in the middle of the floor. A big guy named Jack looked at Tommy and said he was alright. Jack’s wife was the lead singer of the Cowboys. She was very pretty and wore a bigger cowboy hat than Cowman did. A long haired man ran camera and another man came with them named Norris who everybody liked for some reason. Cowman left one of his boots on the table in the back so I took off one of mine also and put it beside his. He must have appreciated this very much, because he tipped me $15 dollars for doing so. Being a world traveler, I’m very sensitive to other peoples’ ways and customs. You never know, they might even be Episcopalians or some weird, queer faith like that. I had a sister in-law once who made you take off both boots at her front door! Our little ragged group hung our heads and begged for forgiveness, except for Tommy Mute, he was still out cold in the floor. This Cowman fellow spoke with authority about spiritual authority. I was worried about my friend Tommy, so as the sermon started and took a quick glance back. Cowman didn’t seem to even notice Tommy. He was not concerned at all. The man was impressive but cold as ice. Romans 13 (1-8)

  (1) Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers, for there is no power but of God; the power that be pre ordained of God!

  (2) Who so ever there fore resisteth the power resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation!

  (3) For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil, wilt thou not be afraid of the power? Do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same!

  (4) For he is the minister of God, to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain, for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil

  (5) Where fore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake

  (6) For this cause pay ye tribute also; for they are God’s ministers, attending continually upon this very thing

  (7) Render therefore to all their dues; tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.

  Hebrew one (1-3)

  Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person and up holding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the majesty on high;

  Isaiah 14 (12-19)

  (12) How art thou fallen from heaven, oh Lucifer, son of the morning! How art thou cut down to the ground, which did’st weaken the nations

  (13) For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the star’s of God; I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north!

  (14) I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most high!

  Mathew 26 (62, 63, 64)

  (62) And the high priest arose, and said unto him, answerest thou nothing? What is it which these witness against thee! But

  (63) Jesus held his peace and the high priest answered and said unto him, I adjure three by the living God, that thou tell us whether thou be Christ, the son of God.

  (64) Jesus saith unto him, thou hast said; never the less I say unto you, here after shall ye see the son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven!

  “Wow! What a great service,” I said as I shook Cowboys hand and thanked the old pastor once again. We didn’t see any cows, but it didn’t seem to matter. They all looked good in their fancy cowboy hats. Our whole group hitched a ride in the Cowboy van. Big Jack drove and his pretty singer wife named Angie rode shotgun. Angie had big eyes and a creamy spellbinding voice that almost drove Duck crazy. He bought fifty of her CDs. Angie said most of the time she just gave them away to spread the gospel. The Cowboy group also had a big pick up truck pulling a horse trailer. Our group all fit into the vehicles with no problem. We took a small ferry to the mainland and I was pretty sure that the old ferry driver waited for us to arrive which was nice since they only ran twice a day. Then I saw it! “Welcome to Virginia” the sign that always gives me goose bumps and that once (long ago) stood for something grand. Yes, the sign said I was home. We were on the Eastern Shore. Cowman had planned to pick up a pony in his horse trailer for Angie’s mother to ride when they got back home. She was too short to mount up on a regular size horse but the deal fell through at the last minute. Something about new state regulations at nursing homes about cats, rabbits, birds, horses and Mexicans. Angie was upset about not getting the pony for her mom, but she didn’t need any more Mexicans.

  After a quick lunch at a roadside Diner our group was on the main road and reached the long bay bridge in about an hour and a half. Once over the water we could see the Great Ark out in the channel. The Ark was being helped by many tugs. Soon the traffic came to a stop once again. We all got out of the van to stretch and Joe jumped up in the pick up truck shouting and pointing to the far horizon. Coming into clear view was a cloud of smoke. It was Captain Cory in Jediah’s yacht. He was still trying to sink the Great Ark. Bug like drones were diving out of the clouds like wasps, stinging the old destroyer the best they could. “Cory’s going to ram the Ark,” shouted Captain Coe. The bridge was now lined with people watching this epic battle. Just like the Monitor and the Merrimack these two old ships could not finish each other off. The Great Ark was like a tired old wrestler reaching for the safe corner of Hampton Roads, the place where she was born! Jediah’s Captain Cory was just as stubborn as Joe’s First Mate Friday. Both were pursuing each other unto death for fame, fortune, and glory. As we watched the old destroyer rolled belly side up and the thick, rolling, black smoke was quickly snuffed out. Like a peaceful swimming whale the old destroyer without notice or fanfare submitted quietly to the still waves of death! Yes, Friday had done it. The Ark had crossed the highway. The Great Ark would live again. People were raising hell behind us now for the traffic had gone on in front and was some ways down the road. Back in the van Angie gave her red- faced stubborn and now mad husband a kind facial expression but knew better than to speak. Tommy Mute who had lost it during the church service so bad that we had all feared that he was dead, was now praising God and shouting “Blessed by the Best” He would be shouting for many hours of the drive back to Salem. Tommy might be Holiness I thought. He never mentioned any giants so I wasn’
t really sure. On the long bridge I stared out the wide side window of the van. I was sitting in the back with Gary Litton. Gary was pretending to be asleep so that I would not talk so much, he’s had years of practice at doing that and has gotten pretty damn good at it. Out in the bay past the bridge posts rushing by my window I saw the most beautiful sail boat yacht I’d ever seen. On the back or stern were three men asleep. Two women drove the big Captains wheel on its bridge. Daniel and Double De stood waving to a fishing boat from Port railing! Hey, look there they go, that’s Franklin’s boat. They soon dropped out of sight and I lay my head back down. Sometimes you just don’t know?

  That evening I was standing at the front door of my house or really now my ex-wife’s house. The cowboy van rode off into the evening sunset. I knocked on the door and Patty answered!

  “Do I live here?” I asked?” How many of life’s basic important questions you just don’t know. Patty grabbed me and pulled me inside. “Welcome home honey,” she said. That evening and night was spent in each others arms! Not cold marathon sex but real love making. We so much enjoyed spending time together, as only lifetime partners can really, fully understand.

  In the morning we headed for the Cracker Barrel for breakfast. This is a long time old family tradition at my home comings, but no relation to Patty’s family (ha-ha). After breakfast Patty reached into her purse and handed me a summons from Roanoke County.

  “Cornelius, honey you’ve been indicted. I’m sorry. This is about my sister. Don’t worry, Cornelius, she filed charges on me also down in North Carolina. I did beat all of her silly made up charges, but it cost thousands of dollars and many trips back and forth going to court. Cornelius, I showed my North Carolina Lawyer your case and she laughed out loud. She said only a commonwealth state would ever bring up silly charges like yours, that my sister plainly said that you two did not have sex and that her thirty five year old allegation would not have been taken seriously! My lawyer also said that Virginia was famous for poorly written sex laws because so many lawyers from state schools were incompetent and backward.

  “Oh! I see, maybe those lawyers went to UVA and played football. I did hear something about that! Patty Honey please tell me what did Debbie Cracker Head, your little sister charge you with?”

  “Stalking,” answered Patty, “and trying to kill her dog, and bring harm to her minor children. It was simply crazy and mean and evil, Cornelius! I haven’t been to my sister’s house in over seventeen years, that can’t be stalking?”

  “Sounds bad, Patty, I thought your sister’s three boys were all big tough football players in college, how did you manage to scare them, and the dog, (ha-ha), is that the same dog you would dog sit for at your mothers when Debbie and Barnie would go on trips and vacations (ha-ha). That dog likes me more than it does Barnie. Your mother always did say so. That dog was a very good judge of character, just like your mother (ha-ha).”

  “Stop laughing and making fun, Cornelius, this is serious. Both of my sisters are cracking up and poor little Debbie is only in her fifties. She has lost all touch with reality, honey. She filed charges on you and me both the same week after I would not sign my mother’s estate settlement paperwork!

  “Your mother had money?” I thought that was settled years ago.” “No, Cornelius, they have been dragging their feet, the old house has sat empty for years. Our family is the shame of the community. The grass is six foot high, nobody cuts it much and my brothers and sisters argue about everything. Little sister Debbie has stolen all of mother’s jewelry from the house and of course I told you I gave her what mother had at the hospital she said at the time she would have it cleaned! Barnie rented a truck, and hauled away all of daddy’s garage tools, the welders, air compressors all that stuff in daddy’s shop. They wanted me off of the executors list because I was so sick all the time so I trusted them and signed away most of my legal rights and power. I tried to go along and stop some of the arguing but now they have given me nothing at all. I trusted them Cornelius, and now my sisters and brothers have turned on me. They all changed when Momma and Daddy was not around to keep the peace. My momma and Daddy were people of faith they would be so ashamed of them. All I asked them for was one of the four Bibles one of momma’s many rings, and a piece of Daddies old military uniform Cornelius. They will not talk to me, or even give me copies of family pictures over the web. This is not about the money. I guess they just hate me. I’m so sad because I love them so much. They will not even let me in the Church, not even for my uncle’s funeral! Debbie filed charges on you Honey, she said you were naked in front of her but did not have sex with her when she was sixteen.”

  “Well, honey, she’s right about the not having sex part. I’m sure I would have remembered that.”

  “That was almost forty years ago, can she really file charges against you now, honey?”

  “We live in the commonwealth of Virginia my dear we are not like all the rest of the fifty states. I have looked into this some. Did you know that the laws in Virginia are famous for being poorly written? Salem is a backward hick town and few powerful families run it. There is no justice here Patty or honest Judges! Do you remember that crooked Salem Judge Uncle Allen had fired for me during our divorce? That Judge was a friend of your brothers. I wish that Allen and Dad were both alive now but I guess I’m on my own on this one. I’ll talk to the police in the morning and see what’s up.”

  The next day I came home from the magistrate office and my Lawyer to tell Patty the news! “Honey I talked to the police and my Lawyer! The magistrate let me out without bond to get my affairs in order before I go to court and to jail! I will not have a trial.”

  “Jail,” Patty said (crying).

  “Yes dear, the court date has been moved up. Court is now set for in the morning. Our lawyer said the only way he could get me out of life in prison without parole was to take a deal offered by the prosecutor and go to jail for six months. If I don’t take the deal and demand a jury trial then we would spend all of our retirement money and you could even lose the house and I would likely be put away using the new civil commitment laws of Virginia and would never get out. Almost nobody ever gets out of civil commitment in Virginia and it only takes one offense on a list of twenty-eight different charges. They said that if I didn’t “play ball” and take the plea that they could keep me in jail anyway for six months just waiting on a court date so there was no reason to be a smartass and try to claim constitutional rights. I was deemed a danger to society even though I was sixty years old and had a clean spotless record and had run a public charity in the town for over ten years.

  “Did you say in the morning, Cornelius? Go to jail? Did I hear you right honey? The sentence for not having sex with my Cracker Head sister here in Virginia is life in prison? How could this be? Lots of boys have not had sex with my sister? At least I would think so. I mean she’s been living down in Carolina for years.”

  “I’m sorry, honey. I have to take the crooked deal they offered me. This has nothing to do with truth, or justice only power, hate, and money. I would not spend all of your money on me, not at our age. I don’t think we can fight them and win. The laws in Virginia have changed since back in 1975, and 1978, but not for me. The two top sex case lawyers advised me not to try to fight Salem. Do not try to prove the fine line argument of innocence or guilt that it would be impossible. In Virginia the law was so broad, and obviously written to confuse for the express purpose of empowering dirty local officials that fighting for justice was not possible. In fact I could be convicted (and was) of having carnal knowledge of a minor with no claim of any type of sex. I remembered what Jediah Emin Patel had said about the Prince of Virginia and signed the plea deal. There was no evidence against me except my own statement to the police. The next morning I walked into the courtroom and after a quick five minute plea bargain hearing I walked out in shackles. An old man of sixty with a lifetime clean record not even a parking ticket now a felon in trouble forever with the law. Patty cried as I
was led away, my friends shouted “We love you, Cornelius”

  Paul Goldwater was smiling like a possum, as were the evil Cracker Sisters. I was not allowed to say goodbye or hug my wife. In the holding cell I remembered what the giant had said. “Don’t be fooled Cornelius, these are false names with the power to deceive in water. DEBBIE, HEDDIE, in the hedge of CECIL, a double effect. My plaintiff sister-in-law DEBBIE was fifty years old, with long thin blonde fair, five foot seven, and ninety two pounds. Her brand new capped, “too white” for real teeth shining like new money. It does not take a doctor to see a classic anorexic female with teeth destroyed by stomach acid standing before you. Anyone who saw her immediately had compassion for her deep sunken AIDS patient type face. How could a person who obviously could not see truth in the mirror each morning still be found capable of recognizing the truthful witness about herself from thirty-five or forty years before? Not filing charges after all these years until her parents are both dead and she is in a selfish fit or rage in an angry estate fight with her sister! Was the judge Sam or Randy his prosecutor really that blind or where both dirty pawns directed from above?