A Justified Kill (Heart of a Wolf - Amber's Tale)

by MaryLynn Bast

  Her mother had taught her a lot, but she knew it was not enough. Being on the run and alone, she had learned and was still learning that she had abilities most wolves didn’t possess. Altering her appearance was normal for all werewolves so that wasn’t much of a mystery to her. The one stumping her was the strange ability she had stumbled upon by accident. It had suddenly shown itself one night when she became so frustrated with her life on the run. She remembered standing in the bathroom of yet another motel with her hand in her pocket wrapped around the stone her grandfather had given her. Frustrated with her life, she stared at herself in the mirror and had simply said “I want to disappear.” In her mind, she seriously meant what she said, and repeated that statement several more times wishing something would happen. To her surprise, she watched her reflection in the mirror slowly fade, but never completely disappeared. Looking down at her body she was fading away. She remembered the panicked feeling that coursed through her, and then relief flooded her mind when her form returned to normal. Unsure if she would fade away into nothingness and never reappear, she hadn’t said those words again.

  One day she would have to grow a pair and try it again, to see if it really worked. That nifty ability may one day come in handy. She was beginning to believe the new abilities were tied to the stone she now wore around her neck rather than just carrying it in her pocket. During her frustrated wanting to disappear act, the stone had vibrated lightly in her hand and she had wondered if it had been enchanted somehow. Then she realized that the stone had probably saved her life on many occasions. She thought back to when she had nearly run into one of her mother’s pack members.

  Carelessly, she had left her grandfather’s gift on the bedside table while she was extending her stay in the motel. With her mind preoccupied, she had left her door unlocked and the maid’s young son had slipped into her room and taken it. Distraught over it being missing, she had traced her steps and nearly came face to face with the male wolf and was forced to hide in the laundry room, where the boy happened to be playing with her stone. In the end, she had retrieved it safely, but in the process, she would not have been able to live with herself if she had not helped the boy and his werewolf mother to escape her own abusive pack.

  She couldn’t relax enough to go to sleep yet and lay staring up at the ceiling of the old motel room when Amber realized even back then she had felt the presence of her wolf. It was hard to believe that the feelings had always been there and she just hadn’t known what they were. None of this was making sense. There was absolutely no reason for her not to shift. Sighing, nothing she could do about it then, and nothing she could do about it now. Apparently, wolves emerged when the time was right, and it was finally her time. Her wolf would be emerging soon and she could move on with her life as a full werewolf, and a whole new set of problems. At the thought she groaned. This meant she was going to really have to be careful and went over the list of warnings her mother had ground into her head. The main one being: “Once you shift, all werewolves will be able to sense your wolf if they are close enough.”

  Finally, her lids dropped and in the recesses of her mind she thought of Hanna. By helping her, she would also be saving more lives, protecting the females in the area by ridding the world of a menacing predator. An echo of a laugh sounded in her mind and she wondered when she had embarked on the crusade to save women in trouble.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  The evening air was cool against her overheated skin. Amber jogged silently through the trees, following the leaf covered trail. Her suede hiking boots were well worn, and the light gray t-shirt she wore was, too. She wished she had saved her old worn out clothes. Unfortunately, she’d burned most of her threadbare clothing and purchased more the month before. The jeans were new and she really didn’t want to mess them up with her planned activities for the evening. Clothes were just too damned expensive for her to ruin them over a loser like Gerald.

  The sun was sinking low in the sky, with pinks, purples, and blues mixing together in a kaleidoscope of color. Amber knew this was her night, the evening she had been born twenty-six years earlier. As it was then, tonight, there was a full moon and she felt its powerful pull on her senses. Finally, the change was upon her and the nudges on her mind were becoming insistent pushes. Her skin was alternatingly itching and tingling, continually crawling all over her body. The pain in her head was a constant companion. Earlier in the afternoon, when she had tried to eat the food the waitress had placed in front of her at the diner, she’d pushed it away. She wanted fresh meat and the processed mess in front of her had twisted her stomach into knots.

  All throughout the day, soon, she had to keep telling herself and her wolf to calm her nerves. Soon it would be time for her to shift. For years, she had planned for this long awaited night. She had cancelled her reservation for the motel room she had rented for the week and cleared out her belongings. Renting a camping space was easy enough and she pulled her jeep in front of her spot and set up the tent she had bought earlier that morning. She figured sooner or later, she might need one anyway. This time she would not be using it much, but she had to make it look as if the camp was occupied and threw some clothing in on the sleeping bag. She left her large green backpack locked in the small toolbox she’d had installed in her jeep, only carrying with her a small pack which would not get in her way. The campsite where Gerald was staying was a couple miles around the other side of the mountain, in a very remote spot where people didn’t camp too often. With her werewolf genetics she really didn’t need the exercise to stay in shape, jogging tens miles a day allowed her to release pent up energy. Reaching his campsite would require little effort.

  The waiting is what took its toll on her nerves, and realizing her mistake of not finding Gerald sooner, she had surveyed more of the area a little further. She found Klamath’s National Forest was large and she could run for days without being seen. The park was teaming with enough game to keep her wolf fed. The Full Moon Phase would last up to five days. She was somewhat prepared, the first night werewolves would emerge in a rage of bloodlust. She had seen her mother change, but never on the first night of the phase. Her mother had only told her to be ready for the boiling anger that would overtake her on the first night. After that, her wolf should be more under her control for the remaining days of the phase. There was only one problem Amber was really wary of. Other female werewolves changed with their mother at their side and had their guidance to help them through their first time. She didn’t have that option and it was a bit on the scary side to know that she was going to be alone in this.

  Earlier in the morning while she prepared for the change, she wondered if she could live with herself after allowing her wolf to kill a human. In the mirror she studied her face, looked deep into her own eyes, into her soul. It didn’t take long to come to the conclusion and she nodded, yes, she could deal with this one. She had a choice and this is what she liked about being by herself. She was not forced to abide by pack rules. From what she had seen and heard, there were some packs whose ultimate thrill was in hunting human prey. Werewolves liked the taste of human flesh and blood. Like her mother had shown and taught her, they could survive on animal for their prey and could avoid killing humans all together. So, with this knowledge she promised herself she would not make this a habit. Knowing that she would be ridding the world of a child molester, not an innocent being, gave her conscious some relief. It was her choice and she made it willingly.

  She was ready for the change, had anticipated the change for ten years, yet she was a little apprehensive. Slowing her jog to a walk, she didn’t want to reach the campsite before the moon reached its peak. If she kept her current pace, she would be there before the sun had barely set, which meant giving Gerald a better chance to spot her.

  Although she had not talked to her mother since she was fifteen, Amber remembered everything she had taught her, most of all how to be prepared for the change. She had practiced over and over for years and was more than ready f
or the preparation part of it. Perfectly in tune with her body, she knew it was almost time for the wolf to emerge and be set free. Amber lifted her t-shirt up and over her head, removed her boots, socks and looking around to ensure no one was around, she removed her pants and undergarments. Rolling them all up, she placed them neatly in the small back pack, stashing them in the large tree. Marking the area with a broken branch here and there, making it look as natural as possible so no one would think twice about it. When she shifted back to her human form, she should remember the location of where her clothing was stored. She would know the area but took the precaution anyway, in case she was out of sorts when she shifted back. Another oddity she had not quite figured out yet, she couldn’t rely on her sense of smell to track her clothing because for some reason, she didn’t have a scent, even in her human form.

  Her wolf was on edge and pushed hard inside her to be released. Amber knew the change was going to be painful and that part she dreaded. The part she looked forward to was being able to run free through the woods in her wolf form. Her human senses were enhanced and she wondered just how much more they would be once she finally shifted. She had never thought of it before, since she was so close to changing, she wondered what color her wolf was going to be. Amber knew her hair was the same nearly black coloring like her mothers. Since her mother’s wolf was a light grey, hair color didn’t matter. So she was anxious to find out what hers was going to be.

  Moving from the depths of the forest, Amber climbed the tree that allowed her to look directly into the secluded campsite. A lopsided grin on her face, there she sat, buck naked in a tree, in the middle of the woods. If someone were to happen by and glance up they would think she was crazy. They probably wouldn’t be too far off, she thought to herself. Suddenly, her senses went on high alert and the smile disappeared when her lip snarled at the site of Gerald stepping out of the tent where he stretched with a loud whining sound. If he had been smart, after Hanna had been freed, he would have packed up and moved on. Apparently he wasn’t very smart.

  Amber sat perfectly still. Her attention was completely focused on the man below. Nothing bothered her, not even the persistent insects flying around. The other animals of the forest avoided the area but didn’t sound any type of alarm that she was among them on her perch high up in the boughs.

  Gerald turned and went back into the tent and closed the flap.

  From her vantage point, she watched the sun crawl behind the horizon and dusk turned into night. The shadows grew longer, the forest became deep dark outlines and she would soon become a part of the darkness. Her heartbeat quickened when the first evening star twinkled brightly overhead. She waited patiently for the warm bright radiance and it began to peak out from behind the mountain top. The trees became a shimmering silken blue silver glow when the moonlight stretched out as if giving a lover’s touch and caressed the tips of their branches.

  An excited shiver ran the length of her spine and she had the urge to throw her head back and howl. Quick, but quiet, Amber descended the tree, running hard and fast into the darker area of the woods. She had found a small crevice in some rocks that faced the opposite direction of the campsite. Exploring the area, the crack opened into some deeper caverns that wound their way through the mountainside. She chose one of the smaller caves where she could hide to make her shift. Hopefully, its location would shield her cries of pain.

  Reaching the small cave just in time, the muscles in her legs began bunching, stretching and popping. The first pains of the change struck her to her knees. Clawing at the ground, she pulled herself deeper into the cave, clenching her teeth to keep from crying out in anguish. Amber’s forehead landed on the scattering of leaves she had covered the floor with. On hands and knees, she threw her head back, no longer able to contain the scream, it filled her throat, slipping out, echoing through the night. In the back of her mind she hoped she was deep enough in the woods that no one heard her painful cries and come to investigate. She especially didn’t want Gerald on the alert when she met him in his camp. At the pain, tears filled her eyes, blurring her vision. Blinking forced them to trail down her face while she stared at her forearms. Every nerve in her body was pierced with pain, she felt and saw her skin tearing, splitting apart and dark fur emerging. The bones in her body throbbed and began the agonizing fracturing and popping which allowed them to move into their new positions.

  Amber’s skull shifted, her jaw cracked while it elongated, her canine teeth began growing longer and they sharpened into razor like points. Her fingernails were now claws and her paws were raking at the ground while she continued to whimper and cry out. The excruciating pain was nearly overwhelming, the scream that formed in her throat turned into a howl. With one final surge of agony, finally, her transformation was complete.

  Amber lay on the ground panting, struggling to draw deep breaths in to her newly formed lungs. Her yellow eyes glowed from the depths of the shadows. The moonlight was bright shining in through the caves entrance and she could see as if it were daylight. The forest had grown quiet at her first painful cries. The creatures of the night knew there was a werewolf among them.

  Gaining her senses after a few minutes of hearing her heart-beating loudly in her ears and the air entering and leaving her lungs, the wolf climbed to its feet and stood for a moment, looking around. Amber felt herself present in the mind of the wolf and wondered if this is how it felt when her wolf was inside her. Was her wolf fully aware of what she was doing in her human form? If so, then it would explain why she had felt the nudges and some of the urges she’d had lately. Jumbled thoughts bounced around in her mind, it felt like the wolf had a mind of her own, yet mingled with hers at the same time.

  She was not quite in control of what her body was doing and wondered if the wolf would govern all her actions. Strangely, she wondered if the wolf could take over and be in charge even in her human form. Even with her mother’s explanations of what would happen, this was nowhere near what she had expected. Would her wolf take over and make her react to situations she found herself in? She had assumed her and her wolf would be one, not thinking and reacting separately. So much for understanding once she shifted. With no other werewolves around, she had no one to talk to, no one to ask questions of like most werewolves did. She had been on her own since leaving the shelter at eighteen, which was not that big of a deal. Other than Blake, there had been no one at the shelter for her to talk to either. She had been a pariah among misfits, and like always, she resolved that she was going to have to figure this out on her own too. And she would, no other choice.

  Stretching and yawning as if waking from a long nap, the wolf looked lazily around its surroundings. She sniffed the air, threw her head back and let out a long soulful howl. The grey wolves in the area answered with a resounding howl of their own echoing through the eerily silent night. She was finally free. A true werewolf and the feelings of power were unmistakable when she pushed off with her hind legs and ran. The wolf enjoyed the freedom and stretched her legs in long galloping strides, reveling in her strength. Jumping over fallen branches, running, darting in and out of trees and brush until the urge to run was satisfied. She ran deep into the woods, where no there was no presence of humans.

  The wolf stopped in her tracks and looked up into the brightly lit night sky, a wolfish grin on her face, and then she turned and walked in silence. All at once, the forest came back to life. Her small triangular ears caught the sound of the hooting owl and the chirping of her chicks off in the distance. Her sharp eyes saw a mouse scamper daringly across the leaves in front of her, trying to reach its burrow before she decided to make him a snack.

  The slightest of winds blowing through the trees caused the wolf’s ears and nose to twitch when the deep rich scents and sounds of the forest hit her senses, her fur ruffled in the breeze. She enjoyed the freedom, running hard and fast, until she was panting, her tongue lolling out the side of her mouth, her teeth showed in a grin. Standing on the side of the mountain, ove
rlooking the clump of trees below, the wolf threw her head back and howled once more. Her eyes took in the views and Amber saw farther than she had ever seen in her human eyes. She could hear so many things that she just stopped and listened. She was as eager as a newborn pup to explore her surroundings. Then the wolf remembered she was on a mission. She could explore later.

  Turning in the direction she needed to go, Amber loped through the trees and underbrush which grew densely in the Northern California pine wood forest. Her solid black fur gleamed in the moonlight when she stopped and stood in the shimmering glow that bathed a swatch of light through open branches overhead. Much larger than the average wolf, she was sleek and lean, and she felt strong.

  Although Amber was aware, she knew that she was not in control, not yet anyway. Since this was her first change, she had no clue what her wolf was going to do until she was already in motion and making her way towards the campsite. Amber was hoping she could block out what her wolf was about to do, but she knew the probability of that was slim, probably impossible, so she set her mind to the task. The wolf was eager to greet the camper that her human form had been stalking.

  ****

  Gerald’s campsite was not hard to locate. His odor had been engrained into her wolf’s memory the moment Amber had smelled him with her human senses. Rubbing her side along the bark, Amber’s wolf left her markings on the trees. Although she didn’t have a territory, she wanted other wolves in the area to know a dominate female had been there. At the back of the wolf’s mind, Amber pushed for her to remember that she had to stay hidden. She couldn’t allow other werewolves to know she existed. Snorting, as if reluctantly agreeing, the wolf kicked up leaves and dirt with her hind legs before she straightened and moved away from the trees, avoiding any further contact.