Innocence

by Kristin Mayer

  “I’m good. Millie’s picking me up at three to bring me back if that works for you.”

  “Sounds perfect. I got you something.” It had been a while since I’d gotten a gift. We were limited in prison and only the necessities were allowed. He pulled out a phone from the glove compartment. “I got you a new cell phone. Just call if you need anything. I programmed Millie’s and my numbers in. I’m only a phone call away.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” I clutched the cell phone. “This means a lot.”

  To be cared for by someone else wasn’t a feeling I was accustomed to after four years of looking out for myself.

  Dad patted my knee. “You’re home now, London. You’re home. That’s all that matters.”

  “Love you, Dad.”

  “Love you too, punkin’.”

  Giving Dad a kiss on the cheek I got out of the truck. I needed a few minutes to collect my thoughts before I spoke to anyone. After keeping my emotions at bay, now that I let them out, they hit my like a storm.

  I needed a game plan.

  On a nearby bench, I sat on the outskirts and took everything in. Tried to familiarize myself with a place I once called home. So many things were the same. Mrs. Patterson was walking her dog. As she passed the bench in front of the old-fashioned barbershop where Mr. Stewart and Mr. Lambert sat, Mrs. Patterson handed them a donut she bought from the bakery. I smiled thinking about the times I sat on the bench with the men. They talked about all the city’s happenings and how whippersnappers today weren’t appreciative for the things they had.

  Taking a deep breath in, I saw the owner of the Gazette, Mr. Harvey, sweeping his portion of the sidewalk. After that, I knew he would start polishing the window letters for the Guin Gazette.

  The comforting familiarity brought a genuine smile to my face. Life was going to be okay. Everything was going to work out. These people were like my family too.

  Standing, I got my thoughts together as coffee aromas wafted through the air. First, I’d wander the town and see who was hiring. From there, I’d decide where to go first. Seeing all the familiar stores brought a smile to my face.

  I was home. And with any luck, I would be employed.

  “I’m sorry, London, but we’re not hiring,” Marion Fisk said as she gave me a sympathetic look and patted her flour-coated apron.

  This was the third rejection I’d gotten. I glanced over to the Help Wanted sign. The sign clearly indicated she was hiring, like the other two jobs I inquired about.

  Marion owned the bakery. She’d known my family forever . . . so had Bob at the lumber store and Gwinnett at the doctor’s office.

  “Mrs. Fisk, can you be honest with me?” Marion wasn’t correcting me. Before I left, she always insisted I called her by Marion not Mrs. Fisk.

  Something was wrong. No one asked the normal conversational questions. The town may have been physically familiar, but the residents were different. Or maybe different only toward me. Deep down I knew what was happening. I’d feared it with Guin being a small town.

  “I’ll try, London.”

  I sat at the nearby table as Marion walked around the counter. “Why can’t you hire me? Is something going on that I don’t know about? Please tell me.”

  I figured I would be somewhat estranged from the community as I proved myself, but this was more extreme than I was expecting.

  Marion looked at the door nervously before sitting in the chair opposite me. We were alone in the shop. No one could see us from this table with the huge display of cakes behind us. “London, I can’t hire you. And I doubt anyone will in this town. Someone is doing a damn good job of making sure that happens. It’s like you’ve been blacklisted.”

  Blacklisting me? The blood drained from my face. I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. “Who? Is it the Graves?”

  The Graves owned most of the town buildings that people rented. They were powerful and well connected.

  “The note didn’t specify. I’ll lose my lease—my income. Your family means the world to me, but I can’t risk my business.” Marion looked around again and lowered her voice. “London, please be careful.”

  Be careful? A sour taste entered my mouth. Barely above a whisper, I asked, “What do you mean?”

  “Is there anywhere else you can go, away from Guin?” Her hand touched mine.

  The words spun in my head.

  Leave?

  Now?

  After all this time?

  “I don’t understand.” The words were sandpaper in my mouth.

  “Someone or maybe it’s more than one. I don’t know. I had a note under my door. The note stated I had to destroy it after I read it or they would take everything from me. I know the right thing to do is go to the authorities, but I can’t take the risk. I’m so sorry. I shredded the letter as soon as I read it.” There was pure terror in her voice. Bob and Gwinnett were nervous while I was in their shop this morning too.

  I grabbed her hand. “Don’t take a risk because of me. You have your granddaughter to think about. She still lives with you, right?”

  Marion’s daughter died of cancer seven years ago. She was the sole provider to her grandchild, Ingrid.

  “You have always been a special girl. I’m so sorry.”

  I stood, having a feeling I shouldn’t linger. “Thank you for telling me. Tell Ingrid I said hello. I always enjoyed watching her. ”

  “Thank you, London. I will. I wish you the best.”

  I left in a daze as she opened the door for me, sending a message for anyone watching. Why hadn’t I asked exactly what the letter said? I wanted to go back, but knew I shouldn’t.

  Marion’s warnings. What did they mean? Was someone out to hurt me? People walked past me whispering as they stared. Now that I thought about it, no one said anything to me while I walked through town this morning. I had been lost in my head, not thinking about pleasantries as I searched out jobs.

  How had I missed this?

  I was a plague to this town.

  Quicker, I moved on the sidewalk. Needing somewhere to gather my thoughts I saw the nursing home, A Home Away From Home, where Mom stayed. At the counter, I greeted the receptionist who eyed me with disdain. She was Rachel’s cousin, Ashley. Would she give Mom less attention because of me? This had to be corrected. Mom could not suffer because of my sins.

  “I wanted to say goodbye to my mom if that’s okay. I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”

  The attitude toward me instantly softened at my announcement. “Of course.”

  Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to do, but if I wasn’t walking around town it shouldn’t be a problem. For now, I’d focus on Mom.

  Not a word was spoken as I followed the woman down the long pale-blue painted corridor. The place was cozy giving a home-away-from-home feel which suited the name of the place. During high school, I’d volunteered here two afternoons a month helping with the activities in the communal room.

  At room 218, Ashley announced, “Here she is. Your mom is having a good day. We love having her. Your father comes often. You have a great family, London.”

  There was so much I missed through the years. I wasn’t able to be here to help Dad with Mom. I hated it. Hated myself. The actions of my past angered me. All my fault. Emotions tumbled over me. My bottom lip trembled at my thoughts. “Please take good care of her.”

  “I promise.”

  The woman left me alone.

  Mom sat in a chair starring out into the garden. Her brown hair was cut short, above her ears. I remembered it being long like mine. I traipsed cautiously farther into the room.

  “Mom.” Hollow eyes looked my way. “Hey, Mom, it’s me, London.”

  She started singing “London Bridge Is Falling Down.” Her frail body still had the sing-song voice that sung me to sleep on countless nights. But clearly she wasn’t lucid and my chest hurt. Her hand shook as the empty hollows of her eyes looked past me. The vivacious mother who dried my tears when I was upset . . . was gone. When we were together
our laughter filled the room and now only an eerie version of a childhood song I always avoided since it had my name echoed against the walls. If only I was able to turn back time to those memories and escape.

  So much changed while I’d been in prison. More than I imagined. A place I never wanted to leave was now becoming my nightmare.

  Something more was going on.

  Mom sung the song again. I sat in the windowsill, hugging my knees to my chest as I looked out into the park, thinking about earlier at the bakery. Marion acted scared. Scared of what? I know what happened was horrible. I lived with it every day. If I could change anything, it would be to give the boy his life back.

  Mom stopped singing and I watched her look out into the park.

  “I had a girl named, London. She was a dancer.” Mom spoke the words with love.

  “I know. She loves you a lot.”

  Mom closed her eyes. “She was taken from me. Someone did something to her.”

  Oh, how I wish that was true. The tears choked me like a hand grabbing at my throat.

  Mom gazed at me. Her eyes squinted as if she was working something out. Just as fast, the cloud returned. “Come here, sweet child, you look sad. A hug helps everything.”

  I raced into my mother’s arms, grateful for the affection. “I love you, Mom. I’ve missed you.”

  There was no response for a few minutes. Then quietly Mom said, “I hope someone is giving my London lots of hugs. I miss her so.”

  “I bet they are.”

  Squeezing her tighter, I pretended to be back in our farmhouse, in my room, hugging like we had a million times before. Releasing her, I stepped back and sat in the chair while Mom hummed more songs from my childhood while she impassively watched out the window.

  After some time, Mom fell asleep. I didn’t care. All I wanted was to be near her. I looked back at the park. The last time I’d been there was with Millie.

  We laid on the blanket while eating a sandwich Mom had packed us. We were home for summer break. It was the end of May. Life was perfect. The first year at Juilliard had been amazing.

  I took another bite as I watched the lazy clouds pass by. “Have you told Charles about your thoughts?”

  “No, not yet. I’m trying to decide when.” Before we left for summer break, my instructor wanted to offer me a spot in a show on Broadway he was producing. It was an amazing opportunity. The problem was it would keep me from traveling to the different events Charles was expected to attend.

  Millie was silent and I glanced over to her. With her raised eyebrow, I knew what she was thinking before she said it. “It’s not good to let stuff sit between the two of you. If he loves you, he’ll support you.”

  “I know. It’s just I’ve always been there. He says politics isn’t the life for him. He wants to be a lawyer.” I took a breath. “I’m afraid our dreams will eventually tear us apart. I love him, Millie.”

  “He’s all you’ve ever known.”

  I let the words linger before responding. “I know. But we’re perfect together.”

  The memory faded as a boy threw a ball to his dad. Perfect. Were the signs obvious back then that we were going down separate paths? I’d never told Charles about the offer. The only one who knew was Millie. After the accident, there was no reason to say anything since it wasn’t an option.

  Time to meet Millie approached. It was time to leave. Not knowing when I would get to see her again, I gently gave her a kiss on the forehead.

  “I love you, Mom.”

  She remained asleep.

  Quietly, I left out the side door. The fewer people who saw me the better. A few blocks away from the nursing home a woman saw me with a scowl on her face. It was Alec’s mother. I wanted to apologize again. But I put my head down and quickened my pace. It was the chicken way out, but emotionally I wasn’t able to handle anything else.

  My apologies only fueled the hate.

  After my sentencing in court, I read a letter aloud for everyone to hear how truly penitent I was for actions I couldn’t remember. My heartfelt words only heightened their animosity as they shouted explicative after explicative at me while I stood at the front of the courtroom taking it.

  Running to the outskirts of town, I collapsed against a building and sobbed. I wanted to let go of the past, but the past wouldn’t let go of me.

  SUPPER WAS FINISHED. MILLIE AND I sat on the front porch while the creak of the swing sounded. We gently rocked our legs. In the distance, the lights were on in the barn. Dad was probably finishing up the nightstand he was working on earlier today. A few crickets who were out early sung the evening anthem. All of this normalcy helped calm me from the events earlier today in town.

  As we sipped our sweet tea, I said, “Thanks for picking me up a little early today, Millie.”

  I called Millie as soon as I got myself together. Of course, Millie sensed I was upset. Instead of prodding, she knew what I needed and chatted about unimportant events. It helped clear my head.

  Bumping my shoulder as the swing moved back, Millie said, “I’m always here for you, London. What happened?”

  Where to begin? I rubbed my forehead as I gathered my thoughts. “It’s like I can’t make any headway at all. Be given a chance to prove I’m not a terrible person. Marion at the bakery said to be careful. No one would hire me. There was a note left threatening to take everything away if she helped. I assume others got it. I know Alec is dead, but I loved that boy too.”

  “Wait, a note? What the hell? Why didn’t they go to the cops?”

  “Millie, they can’t take a chance on their livelihoods. Marian supports her granddaughter. Bob has a special-needs child with steep insurance. Gwinette lost her husband a few years ago and depends solely on herself. This is a really small town, Millie.” I took a deep breath trying to not break down. “I wish I could take the accident back. The images haunt me in my sleep and when I’m awake. I don’t know why someone would do this unless everyone feels that way about me.”

  Millie was pensive a few minutes before she spoke. “I’ve told you this before, but I always thought it was strange that out of the blue you got wasted and decided to go on a joy ride. You barely drank when we went out. I still believe you were setup.”

  I sighed wishing the words she spoke were true more than anything. We’d been through this a million times with lawyers. At one point, I believed it myself. “Millie, we’ve tried to figure out who but nothing makes sense. How would they have known Alec would be crossing the street at that time of night? How would they have planned that I would be driving through the neighborhood? There was only alcohol in my system—a lot of it.”

  We grew quiet. “London, what if someone thought you would crash before you made it that far into town? What if they were trying to get rid of you?”

  “Me? Why?”

  “To become a trophy wife in politics.”

  I stood, needing to move as thoughts flitted through my mind. “Rachel? Millie, Charles had nothing to do with Rachel back then. They rarely spoke.”

  Millie shrugged and kept swinging. “I don’t know. But the moment you went behind bars, she was around him constantly—consoling him. I thought he was smart enough to see through it, so I minded my own business. He visited you every chance he got. And then, out of the blue he ended it. They became a couple a month later. By the time I shared my thoughts with your mom, she was too far progressed into the disease. Until I had something concrete, I didn’t want to give you false hope so I stayed quiet.”

  Millie stood and I gave her a hug. “I don’t deserve a friend like you.”

  “We’re forever friends, London. We took the oath in my backyard when we were six with ice cream.” She released me, but held onto my shoulders. “I think we need to dig deeper, London. See if we can find anything new. It was too hard with me in New York, but I can help now.”

  A tired sigh escaped. “I can’t keep going back to that night. A night I don’t remember. I’m losing myself to something I don’
t understand. I have to move forward.”

  “I know, London. I get it.”

  There was something brewing in the back of Millie’s mind, but I further explained my reasoning. “I can’t let Dad lose anything else. It’ll get worse if I start poking around into things. Dad and Mom have suffered enough.”

  “You said Rachel was there and saw how Charles reacted to you yesterday at the Paddington’s?” Millie was furious as her jaw set firm.

  I exhaled. “Yes. Rachel, her parents, and Caroline were all there. I ran to Caroline’s place and she invited me in. She was shocked everyone came home when they did.”

  None of it made sense. There was no way to plan it since my showing up had been spur of the moment. Plus, I was released early. Millie cocked her head and I knew what she was thinking. “Charles chose her, Millie. He chose to let me go. I don’t want him anymore. It’s over.”

  “And he’s a bastard for not realizing what he lost.” Millie cocked her head and put her hand on her hip. A giggle escaped. “I’m serious, London. He deserves to have his beans and frank hurt . . . severely.”

  More laughter escaped. We couldn’t stop. It was cathartic. “Charles better avoid you for a while.”

  “Damn straight.”

  After our conversation settled, I realized how tired I was. “I’m going to say goodnight to Sparkles and head to bed. Figure this all out tomorrow.”

  “Want me to stay the night like old times? We could get fat on ice cream and watch reruns of 90210. Even though you only eat like a quarter of a cup and leave the rest to me.” She sighed. “Dylan always gets my blood boiling. Brandon vrooms my engine.”

  Another laugh escaped. We were obsessed with these men. The show was a staple through high school. Who cared if it was a show from the nineties? It was a classic we happened to find one night on a channel doing reruns.

  “Can I get a rain check on Brandon and Dylan?”

  “Of course. Love ya, girl. Keep that chin up. I’ll stop by tomorrow to check on you.”

  “Love you, too. I’ll be here.”

  Millie gave me another hug. Her support was something I treasured. Through everything, she was my best friend.