Innocence
Page 23
I begin taking shots from different angles as I try to capture contrasting lights from the sky. There’s something magical about taking an image that will help me remember all the smells, feelings, and thoughts I had in that exact moment of time. It’s like freezing a piece of history that can never happen in the same way again.
As I start walking, I think back to my apartment, which is covered with pictures I’ve taken, memories I have made, and moments I will cherish.
“Ow!” Oh my gosh! I got so captivated in the moment that I almost ran someone over in the process. My eyes automatically shut from the impact. I decide not to open them as I take stock of how hard this guy’s body feels. Crap, my shoulder hurts from hitting him.
“Shit.” The voice is deep, raw, and powerful.
Now is when I have to face this total stranger and admit that I made a total idiot of myself because I was distracted. Um, yeah, I totally rock. He did not sound pleased either. Well, who would be when some crazy person rams into you out of the blue? It’s time to face that inevitable moment when I wish I could just fast forward, so I don’t physically have to live through it.
“I’m so sorry. I was gazing out at the ocean, and I didn’t see you.” When I look up into the eyes of the stranger, I am immediately frozen into place from the deep blue eyes gazing back at me. They are the purest blue pair of eyes I have ever seen. Thank goodness I got that last sentence out. Right now, my brain has completely stopped working, and I am not even sure I can process anything of sound mind.
Mr. Blue Eyes has black hair flopping in that sexy way. My fingers want to run through it as I pull his mouth down to mine. His lips look to be firm yet soft. His angular jaw is something I could spend hours—
Holy shit! I shake my head to stop my train of thought as I turn ten shades of red. Did he just ask me something? “Um, sorry, what did you say again?” Oh, kill me now.
“I said, do you always go to such extremes to get attention from guys you’re interested in talking to?” His eyes are dancing with amusement.
Just then, I realize that he hasn’t let go of my upper shoulders from when he reached out to grab me. My skin is on fire at the spots where he’s touching me. I’m confused by my reaction, and it causes me to completely miss what he said . . . again. “What?”
“Are you seriously asking me to repeat myself for a third time?” He’s says jokingly.
Oh, that smile. Would it be weird to start fanning myself? “Um, no . . . I mean, um . . .”
Damn him. He is now smirking as I remember his previous question. He’s caused my brain to run on a ten-second delay. It’s time for a little payback as I play along. “Actually, I was vying for that hot guy’s attention over there. By irritating a brute like you, I was hoping that I could play the damsel-in-distress card. Then, he would come to my rescue, and voila, you would be out of the picture, and I would be with someone who deserves my time.”
He gives me a once-over, and the heat in his eyes feels as if he is devouring me.
“I think that guy would actually need to be paying attention to your damsel-in-distress act to be able to rescue you.”
On a cellular level, my body reacts to the sound of his voice. We are still standing close, and my body is not listening to my mind telling it to take a step back. It doesn’t want this feeling to end.
I must remain outwardly unaffected. “Oh, he is, trust me. He’s just playing it cool. He’s waiting for the best moment to make the biggest impression, so he can ensure never-ending gratitude.”
“Have dinner with me,” he says, his voice serious and seductive.
All I can do is blink at the sudden change in conversation. It makes me feel like I’m on a rocking boat, and I’m trying to keep it from swaying too much. For whatever reason, I am drawn to him like I have never been drawn to anyone in my life.
“What?” I want to facepalm myself for saying that again to him.
He’s on the verge of chuckling. Gah! He’s so infuriating and intriguing at the same time.
“I think you like the sound of my voice. Is that why you keep asking me to repeat myself?”
“Um . . . no?” I just want to die. Seriously, why did I respond with a question? My cheeks begin to heat again as I get a full megawatt smile, but then he looks confused.
“No, you won’t have dinner with me? Or, no, you don’t like the sound of my voice?”
My brain is on overload, and honestly, at this point, I am not even sure what my no meant. I don’t want this moment to end, but he’s a complete stranger. Didn’t I learn about stranger-danger in school?
He interrupts my thoughts. “Hey, listen, a perfectly crowded restaurant is right over there on the beach. Please join me for dinner, and if you want to leave at any time, you can. Plus, I think you owe me after trying to use me,” he says as he winks at me.
Oh geez. My heart starts to beat faster. I don’t think I could say no even if I tried. My body is obviously refusing to obey my mind. I can picture it now. After saying no, he would start to walk off, only to have me hanging on, not letting him go. There’s only so much humiliation a person can take in a day. “Okay, sure.”
He lets go of my shoulders and rests his hand on the small of my back. That strange feeling is pulsing at the place where he is now touching me, causing an unfamiliar deep ache to grow within me. I have got to get a grip. His effect on me is crazy.
He leads me to a restaurant called The Beach Hut. The place has a thatched roof and is open on all sides. When we arrive at our wooden wicker table, the arm pulling out my chair is toned and defined. Every attribute about him is mouthwatering. My mental swooning has to stay in check before I lose all control. He takes a seat in front of me.
The sun has begun to set behind us, casting magnificent orange and purple rays across the sky. Seagulls are flying circles over the ocean as they try to bring in one last snack for the day. A slight breeze blows from the north, and the smell of mesquite coming from the kitchen fills the air. It’s perfect. A waiter delivers two water glasses.
“So, what should I call the beautiful damsel in distress?”
He takes a sip of water as he watches my every move, making me feel self-conscious.
Beautiful. Did he call me beautiful?
The waiter comes and takes our order. I pick out the first thing on the menu, not even processing what I requested, as this stranger in front of me continues to fry my circuits.
“Alli,” I finally answer him. Alli? What the hell? I never go by Alli. Why did I use the nickname I have fought against my entire life?
I am completely taken off guard. I am drawn to this guy, like a bug is to one of those zapper things. I cross my fingers, hoping that whatever this is doesn’t end up shocking the hell out of me.
I should go. No, I should stay. Wait . . . calm down. I feel like my mind is going in never-ending circles because of this guy. This is crazy. I am crazy.
When he reaches out and touches my hand, my eyes shoot up to his. There’s an undeniable connection between us.
“Don’t go. It’s just dinner,” he says softly.
I look down at our hands and then back into his eyes, and for some unexplained reason, my nerves instantly settle. “Okay.”
He lets out a small breath as he releases my hand, and I immediately miss his touch.
He continues on his quest for information. “What’s your last name?” He looks at me expectantly.
I get the feeling this guy is used to getting what he wants and when he wants it. What could he possibly see in me?
Before I have a chance to answer, our dinner and beers are delivered. It looks like I ordered a burger and fries.
Thinking back to the question I was just asked, I try to answer sincerely. “Can we just have dinner and only exchange first names for now? I need to get to know you a little bit more before I give my last name.” It sounds stupid and naive, but if this guy is a creepy stalker and my intuition has completely evaded me, I’ll feel a tad safer.
His white linen shirt paired with khaki shorts are doing wonders for him. His clothing hangs perfectly on his body, accentuating all the right parts. He has quite a calculating temperament.
I want to crawl over to him, straddle his legs, and kiss him. Crap. My mind is being a total traitor right now, causing my libido to make a surprise appearance this evening. What is wrong with me?
“So, what happens when I want to see you after tonight?” he asks.
“After tonight?”
What started as an accident has now turned into a potential second date. When he laughs at me again, I realize that he’s caught on to when I’m flustered since I just keep repeating what he says. Damn it. Luckily, he gives me a minute to redeem myself.
“I guess we can set up something to meet again,” I say.
“Whatever works for you, Alli. How many dates do you think it will take until you feel comfortable enough to tell me your full name?”
Part of me wants to be honest and say now, but keeping my last name a secret seems to keep a barrier between us. I don’t want to get engulfed in the tidal wave I’m sure Damien can create. Plus, giving him my last name now would put me in the insane category since I just said we should stay on a first-name basis.
Hell, I have no idea how to respond. It’s Sunday, and I consider the fact that I’m leaving on Wednesday. “How about three dates?” The likelihood that he’ll still be interested by that time is slim, and if he is crazy, I can just disappear back to Georgia.
“Does tonight count as date one?” He takes a sip of his beer as he waits for my response.
“Sure.”
He nods as if he is solidifying something in his head. “I’m looking forward to the third date.”
When he takes a bite of his sandwich, I watch in awe as his strongly defined chin moves as he chews.
“So, besides trying to get my attention for a dinner date, what were you doing out on the beach this evening?”
I just shake my head and raise my eyebrow. Finally, I respond, “A waiter told me about the sunsets. I love photography, so I came down, hoping to freeze a moment from this trip to remember it always. What were you doing down there before I practically ran you over?”
“Just enjoying an evening stroll on the beach while unwinding from a busy day. Are you a photographer for a living?”
That makes sense. He seems like the business type. “No, I just finished my junior year in college. Photography is really just a hobby at this point.” I shrug as I take another bite. My mind wanders to the interview I have scheduled shortly after my return. It’s with the same magazine that was interested in me prior to my parents’ death.
“Well, I would like to spend some time together tomorrow. Would you be opposed to riding in a car with me?”
We have finished our meals, and we’re both sitting back in our seats, sipping on our drinks.
I check my creepy meter, and I’m still not getting anything. “I know this is going to sound a little crazy and a lot naive, but you’re a normal guy, right? I mean, not some—”
He cuts me off before I have a chance to continue. He looks at me seriously and honestly as he speaks, “Alli, what do you need to feel safe? I just want to get to know you. If at any time you feel uncomfortable, I swear we’ll leave, and I’ll take you wherever you want to go. Just give me a chance.”
His words strike me hard as he lays it all out there. I know I shouldn’t, but I really do feel safe with this stranger.
“What do you have in mind?” I ask.
“I thought lunch and the beach would be good. How does eleven sound? I can pick you up here if it’s not too far for you or just let me know where I can meet you.”
The intimate way his blue eyes are penetrating me makes me feel as if he can see deep inside me.
“Here at eleven will work. Is there something I should wear or bring?”
The waiter comes and delivers the bill.
“Dress casual and bring a swimsuit. I’ll take care of everything else. It will be about a thirty-minute drive if that’s okay with you.” He pulls out some cash and pays for our dinner and drinks.
I’m momentarily distracted as I watch him put his wallet back in his pants, and then I realize I’ve taken longer than necessary to respond. “Sounds great. Thank you for dinner. However, I should be the one buying since I rudely ran you over.”
As he stands, he grabs my bag off the floor and then reaches for my hand, and I oblige.
“Alli, it’s been my pleasure.” He looks like he is about to ask me something else, but he seems to change his mind at the last second.
We leave the restaurant and walk toward the beach. He moves his hand to the small of my back as we pass a couple coming from the opposite direction. Those tingles return. Our time is drawing to an end, and it saddens me.
“I’ll meet you here at eleven tomorrow morning. Here’s your bag. Thank you for taking a chance on me.”
I take my bag from him and look up into his blue eyes. I am once again captivated, and I want to lean in to feel those lips, but I quickly pull back. It’s still too soon to kiss him. “I’ll see you then.”
From the way he is looking at me, I can tell he knows that I find him attractive. The bastard.
As I begin to walk off, I decide to give a bold exit line. “Oh, and Damien?” I wait for a few seconds until I know I have his undying attention. “I’m glad fate had me run into you tonight.” I give him a wink before I turn and sashay down the beach without looking back.
Even if I make a fool of myself here, no one back home has to know. Reveling in the feeling of being on cloud nine, I decide I’m ready to live.
THE RAIN PELTED my face, making my tears obsolete on the dreariest day of my life. I watched the wooden coffin being lowered into the ground with long leather straps. My world had changed in a matter of moments.
Part of me wished I could go back to those precious seconds before my mom had revealed the truth about my name. What I thought had been real was actually a lie.
A lie.
The coffin touched down on the soaked earth. Three men, known as Watchers in our private society, were to the right of the burial hole. They pulled the leather straps from underneath the coffin, causing a sound that had me gritting my teeth.
These were the last moments before my mom would be buried for all eternity. Forever is a long time. It has no end and no beginning.
The Watchers, men over eighteen years of age who had taken an oath of commitment to The Light, stepped away from the grave. Most of the time, they were nineteen before they officially took the title due to the extreme training and discipline of the teachings. Essentially, they watched over our way of life, keeping it pure and simple, ensuring all of our laws were followed. The outside world was filled with sin and was doomed. Sometimes, I felt the position was used as a way to keep females uninformed. Questioning thoughts were not appropriate according to the teachings.
The rain continued as the men put their hands behind their backs and looked toward the Keeper, the leader of our community.
We never spoke of the outside world. There were things we needed from it to survive, but we peacefully coexisted. All of my life, I stayed within the walls of our community called The Society. At the back of my mind, I always wondered what life was like beyond the borders.
Stoically, I stood at the head of the burial hole next to the Keeper. An eerie chill ran down my spine being so close to him. Normally, I tried to avoid his presence at all costs.
Lightning struck and I had to fight not to flinch. We patiently waited until the Keeper deemed it time to speak. The Keeper made all the laws and saw to it that visions he received from The Light became realty. I never understood what The Light was, but to question it was blasphemy. Basically, we were to blindly follow. Something never seemed right wi
th that thought process, but that was life.
The rest of the community, known as Charges, stood behind the Watchers as their eyes casted on the casket.
Thunder rolled through the area as the rain came down harder. My bonnet pressed against my face as I spared a glance at the Keeper. He had on his black tall hat. His shock-white hair peeped out underneath the brim. Every time I took in his wrinkled, papery white face, I shivered. Something had always seemed off about him. My mind was numb as I tried to process the loss.
He cleared his throat. “My fellow family. It is a sad day when we lose one of our Charges. We’ve learned through our teachings that as life gives it must also take. Yesterday, it took our Anita and we will forever bear the loss. It is a burden we share that serves as a uniting purpose. Anita has left a piece of her light in her daughter, Sarah, which we are grateful for. Are there any doubters of The Light in our presence?”
Sarah.
That apparently wasn’t my real name. It was Kenzie Brooks. At least that’s what my mom had told me right before she died. Did the Keeper know the truth? Glancing up, I looked around at my fellow Charges and the Watchers, all dressed in black and white. Does anyone else know who I am? My mind was numb with everything I tried to process.
Everyone in unison replied, “No Keeper. We are a unified group.”
The Keeper knelt and picked up a handful of mud, then threw the glob on my mom’s coffin. “May we always be a unified group, in life and death.”
The Keeper’s somber words had me wanting to fall and weep. That action would be frowned upon so I stood strong. Per the teachings, extreme emotions led to the sin that had condemned the outside world. I was supposed to accept my mom’s death as something The Light wanted and be grateful she had been chosen to go home. In reality, grateful was the farthest emotion I felt. Selfishly, all I wanted was my mom back.