by Samie Sands
As soon as we step outside into the fresh air, we make the decision to continue walking as far away from the buildings as possible. It’s dark but not quite pitch black yet, so we still have time before it gets really dangerous.
We walk for an hour or so, until it gets too dark to see. I start to feel panicked that we’re never going to find anywhere—right now, we’re seemingly in the middle of nowhere.
Then Jake utters the dreaded words. “We’re going to have to find somewhere to stop soon.”
I nod, pressing my lips together into a thin line, not trusting myself to speak. I’m tired, overwhelmingly shattered, but I don’t like where this night is heading one bit. Even sleeping inside that shop would be preferable to what I feel is about to happen. At least inside we have four walls surrounding us, keeping the infected away.
“Let’s camp in that field. I’ll make it safe.” Even as he speaks, Jake’s teeth are chattering together, proving just how cold it is.
I watch him work towards sheltering and hiding us, all the while thinking about how exposed we’re going to be regardless. I’m terrified, but can’t see any other choice. There are literally no other options around.
I lie down, but am far too tense to sleep. Every time I attempt to close my eyes all I can see is faces—Tim, the man from the shop, the woman who attacked the biker, and Michelle. Always Michelle. What happened to you, Michelle? Why did you leave me? I wish I’d stayed to find out what happened, but I was scared. You must understand that, and you might never have come back. Then what would have happened to me? I know I’m making excuses for an inexcusable action and I’m sorry for that. I wish I’d never left. I just hope you’re safe somewhere, being looked after.
Guilt swirls around and around, combining with the terror I’m already experiencing, making for the longest and most painful night of my life. I’m actually grateful as the sun starts to rise, putting a temporary end to my misery.
“It looks like we’re alone for the moment,” Jake announces, sitting up. “Shall we eat something before we move?”
I pull out all of the cans from my backpack, instantly noticing that I have no vegetarian stuff left. Why didn’t I grab anything from the shop? I always thought that organising and planning were among my strong points—clearly I was wrong. I’ve failed on so much, and now I’ve left myself nothing to eat. I look down at all the stuff I do have, realising that if I want to stay alive, I’m going to have to eat meat for the first time in about fifteen years.
I chew on some meatballs, feeling bile rise up in my throat. They’re absolutely revolting—I’m definitely reverting back to my old diet as soon as I have options again. If I wasn’t so hungry, and didn’t have so much travelling to do today, I’d leave it. Jake keeps laughing at me gagging on every bite, clearly finding my distaste a source of amusement. I’m glad at least one of us is in a good mood!
As we start to walk, Jake begins to incessantly talk, as if he’s desperate to fill every silence with sound. He tells me stories about himself and his son. At first I listen, glad of the distraction. Then, I start to get the horrible sensation he’s discussing all of this because he thinks we aren’t going to make it. I don’t want him to start sinking into a hole of depression; his determination has gotten us this far—I don’t know how we’ll fare without it.
That’s when I make a pledge to myself. No matter what happens, I’m going to get Jake to his son. I’m going to make sure that he finds him and gets to know what’s happened. Hopefully he will find Harry and his mother holed up somewhere safe.
Jake’s needs on this journey are much greater than mine. I’ll have to ensure that he survives this. I might not be able to make up for what I did to Michelle, but I can do this. I can put Jake and Harry before myself. I have to.
When he starts discussing our next moves, bringing the conversation back to the present, I nod and agree with everything he says. To be honest, he’s much better at taking control of the situation that I am anyway. I think I’ve proven that in the past. I seem to just sit back and let things happen to me, even when it all goes wrong. That’s not a new characteristic that’s been brought on by this situation, that’s always been there. Just look at how I reacted to the virus story being realised under my name. I wallowed in a lot of self-pity, willing it all to just vanish.
We make the finite decision not to spend another night outside, even if it means having to brave another shop, or something similar. However afraid I am of coming across another infected, it’s nothing compared to the thought of sleeping rough again. I just don’t think my heart could take it.
I hesitantly suggest taking the roadway, since we’ve managed to remain undetected this far, and look for a petrol station. Not only will that be safe and protected, we’ll also be able to find more food—which means no more meat—and other things that we need. Luckily Jake is very agreeable with my idea, so now we have a solid plan to focus on.
Chapter
Twenty-Three
We’ve been moving solidly for hours now with no break. I keep finding myself thinking about how I really should have prioritised using my gym membership. I paid for it and barely went—I could really use that extra fitness now. I’m struggling way more than I should be.
We’ve stuck to the main road, but we’re constantly prepared to hide at a moment’s notice. That hasn’t been needed, though; we haven’t really seen any infected, and there’s been absolutely no sign of the authorities—which I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse. Really, they should be out all the time, getting rid of the virus and making the food deliveries. I don’t question it out loud, but I can’t help but wonder if things are going downhill.
As we pass by fields, I do my best to ignore all of the poor, wasting-away animals. None of them look as if they’ve eaten in a really long time, which is a side effect of the Lockdown that I hadn’t even considered. By the looks of the odd corpse I’ve spotted, they’re also being attacked by the infected. I guess if they’re eating humans, then it makes sense that animals would be a part of their diet too. I just can’t stand to think too much about it, I find it too upsetting.
Eventually we stumble across the petrol station that we’ve been hunting for. It’s just on the brink of getting dark, so the timing couldn’t be better. There are cars littered around the pumps, as if people were stockpiling diesel in a panic. This seems to be a standard reaction to any kind of dire situation, so I’m not too surprised by this. However, I do find it odd that the cars are still here. I can’t understand why the people driving them didn’t take their vehicles home.
“What happened here?” I ask Jake. He looks just as confused as I feel.
“I don’t know. It looks like these cars were deserted in a panic. I hope whatever the danger was isn’t here now.”
As he finishes this sentence, we immediately hear a low groaning sound, which gets my hackles rising. That noise has become overly familiar to me. It reminds me of the shop owner, of the buildings on that business estate, of the attack on Tim, which can only mean one thing.
My heart is pounding loudly as we crouch down on the ground. I’m certain it’s going to get us discovered; I might as well be screaming for all the noise it’s making. My fear leaves a weird metallic taste in my mouth, and I just can’t think straight long enough to know what to do. I’d be absolutely useless alone; I’m so glad I have Jake here. He seems so calm, so focused. His eyes are flicking in every direction, trying to locate the source of the sound so we can avoid whatever’s making it. I look at him in admiration. It’s incredible how good he is in stressful situations. For a news researcher, he’s surprisingly good at dealing with all of this. His talents clearly lie elsewhere.
“Oh, it’s okay,” he finally says and stands up. “The groaning is coming from here.” He points at a car. Inside is an infected woman, desperately clawing at the window to get to us. She can’t move because she’s trapped by her seat belt, and she doesn’t have enough intelligence left to realise that’s
what’s pinning her down. She obviously can’t even remember how to take a seat belt off! Clearly the reports that the brain function is one of the quickest to go must be right.
She looks so pathetic it makes me sad. Someone must have brought an infected person here—maybe wanting to drive them away somewhere safe—but the virus took hold and they started to attack people. I start to think how I can’t believe people would leave anyone behind, how selfish they’d have to be to do that, until Michelle’s face floods my mind, and that hollow feeling in my stomach returns. I’m in no position to judge anyone.
I can just picture the scene of the attacks here. It’s almost as if it’s happening in front of my eyes. The screaming, the blood, the running, the yelling, the sheer panic. It must have been horrendous for people to run, leaving their cars behind. Hopefully most people managed to escape. If every single person from these cars was caught and bitten—that just doesn’t bear thinking about. There were probably children, and elderly…all of them now the mindless beasts that we’re desperately trying to avoid.
“We have to do it,” I suddenly spit out. “We have to put her out of her misery. It’d be inhumane to leave her here like this. If you meant what you said, and you think she’d be better off dead, then that’s what we have to do.” Even as I speak those words, I know I’m being selfish. After all, it isn’t as if I intend to do the killing. I’m relying on Jake for that.
“Yeah.” He sighs. “You’re right. Plus we don’t want to give her the opportunity to escape.”
I watch him as he swings open the car door and brings his axe down with one smooth movement. I squeeze my eyes shut as the blood starts to spurt out in all directions, realising yet again just how useless I really am.
After the infected woman is no more, Jake wipes his forearm across his face, accidently smearing more blood across him. We walk over to the building quickly, and open the door with ease. It’s been left unlocked, so this time no criminal damage is necessary. I guess whoever had been on duty when it all went wrong left in a hurry, with no concern for security measures.
Before sitting down to relax, we search the building to check there isn’t going to be any surprise attack during the night. To my utmost relief, we find ourselves alone. Just as I’m grabbing some edible food, I see Jake brandishing a bottle of wine in my direction. Despite knowing that drinking isn’t the wisest decision—after all, our reactions will be affected and I don’t exactly relish the idea of suffering a day of this with a stinking hangover—I can’t help but smile and agree. After everything we’ve been through in the past few days, there’s no way we could not drink it.
We quickly get very tipsy, to the point of hysterical laughter. It feels nice to blow off a bit of steam, to block out the outside world and the horrors that come with it. We talk about everything else possible—our lives growing up, our families, even people back at the office. The only subject we really avoid is Michelle. That would just be a huge dampener on the first happy evening since all of this began.
After the third bottle of wine—which I notice is disappearing very quickly—I spot a glint forming in Jake’s eye. One I have only seen once before. I start to realise where this night is headed, and just in time too, because before I know it, his mouth is on mine, his hands everywhere. Is this really a good idea? Now? Tonight? With all that’s going on? I mean, we haven’t exactly washed properly for days. This sort of thing usually takes a lot of planning, a lot of grooming, and nice underwear. I don’t think I’ve ever let it happen so spontaneously before.
And then I just force myself to shut my mind off and let my body do the thinking for me.
Chapter
Twenty-Four
The next morning we wake up naked, our bodies entwined with one another. If these were normal circumstances, I would now be rushing to the bathroom to make myself look presentable. I’d be trying to apply as much natural-looking makeup as possible while dragging a brush through my hair. I’d even try and squeeze in a quick shower, and I’d definitely brush my teeth. I’d also be analysing every tiny detail from last night in my mind. I’d be worrying that I’d said something dumb, or acted stupid at any time. Most of all I’d be trying to work out whether it was just a drunken thing, or if it could turn into more. But this morning, I don’t have any of these options available to me, so instead I just lie there and enjoy the blissful feeling.
I’m suddenly aware that Jake is trying to sit up, but I’m in the way. I move, turning to smile at him, but he looks really sheepish, as if he wants to say something uncomfortable. The contentment zaps straight out of me. I know that expression and the conversation that follows it, and it certainly isn’t wedding planning. I know I have no right to be pissed off, I mean we aren’t exactly in a position to discuss a relationship, considering we have no idea what could happen tomorrow, or even in five minutes. I just can’t help feeling a bit used. I throw my clothes on and mumble incoherently that I’m going to search for anything we can use today. My face is flaming red and I don’t want him to see, so I race out into the back and out of his view.
That’s when I notice a rickety door that I’m sure we didn’t look behind yesterday. I guess with it being dark we just didn’t see it. I grab a nearby plank of wood, just in case, and open the door cautiously, desperate to know what lies behind it, and hoping it’s not full of infected. I don’t think a bit of wood is going to be much use to me if there is, but it’s all that I have. Curiosity really could kill the cat here.
“I’ve found a shower,” I yell out to Jake, completely forgetting my embarrassment. “A shower with real live hot running water!” He chases in behind me, obviously unable to trust my words. He gasps in amazement, as if it’s the best thing he’s ever seen. “I’m going in first,” I sing out excitedly. He laughs loudly at my elation. Never in my life have I been so glad to discover a way of washing myself.
I grab shampoo, conditioner, and shower gel and dive in. The steaming water running over my skin makes me feel rejuvenated and much more positive about the journey ahead. I don’t even really care so much about Jake’s behaviour this morning. It could have easily been my own paranoia. I just need to stop taking a negative stance. Things might not be perfect, but we’re both still alive. It may only be a small victory, but it’s a positive thing that I can focus on.
***
Once we’ve both washed and eaten, we become much more smiley and chatty with each other. Any awkwardness from this morning is already completely forgotten. When we pack up to move, we’re doing so with an animated energy that wasn’t there before. Today, we’re ready for it, we’re raring to go.
As Jake finishes off packing, I wander around almost aimlessly under the guise of doing one last check. I find myself in the staff office when a glint of metal peeking out from one of the desk drawers catches my eye. As I step closer, I quickly realise that it’s a gun. I suck some air, stunned. I don’t know what to do with that information. I mean, if I knew how to use a gun, it could be really useful, but I have no idea. I slowly bend down to pick it up, allowing my fingers to curl around the cold metal. I hold it up in front of me, as I’ve seen actors do in films, wondering if it’s an instinctive thing. Nope, it just feels alien in my hands.
“Jake,” I call out, taking my discovery over to him. “Do you think we should bring this with us?”
He takes the gun off me and instantly opens it up, as if this isn’t the first time he’s seen one in real life. “It has some ammo in it. It can only help.”
I furrow my eyebrows as I watch him tuck it into his bag. “Who do you think it belongs to? Why do you think they have it?” Guns just aren’t common in the UK. People would only have one for a reason, surely?
He shrugs, totally disregarding my question before heading outside. As I follow him, the first thing I notice is the warmth. The sun is actually almost shining, which can only be a good sign. Just as I’m about to voice my positivity, we hear a loud scream, followed by shouting and quick footsteps.
&n
bsp; Freaking out, I duck behind a car, desperate to keep out of sight. The last time we heard other people, an uninfected man got killed. I don’t want to witness anything like that again. After a few seconds of this racket, Jake pulls me underneath the car beside him. Just as we settle, a bunch of gunshots ring out. I have to force my fist into my mouth to stop myself from screaming.
From where we are, we can see a young guy race into view. He’s screaming, begging, pleading, insisting that he isn’t infected, that he just wants to get home. Whoever he’s trying to tell is still firing at him, so either they can’t hear him, or they’re ignoring his every word.
Eventually he falls to the ground but the shots don’t stop. A man wearing a protective suit that covers every inch of his body walks over to the boy and kicks him before firing one last shot into his head. He then drags the body into the back of a van that’s parked nearby. We remain frozen as we see the van drive away, but not before noticing that it’s a police riot vehicle.
I collapse into sobs—the kind that rack through my entire body. The brutality of that boy’s murder was incredible. He didn’t look much older than Felix, and he definitely did not look infected. He had no signs of an attack or anything. I know the police are only doing what they’re instructed to, but that seemed way over the top. That could happen to us so easily. Again I’m sent back to what the hell were we thinking? Instead of saying anything, Jake just throws his arm around me and waits for the crying to subside.
When the tears eventually stop, we move out from under the car and start walking. No words are exchanged between us. There’s no need. What can we say? We both know how the other is feeling and we just need to concentrate on getting through this. If we don’t fixate on the end goal, then we’ll never get there.
My eyes don’t leave the ground once. I’m just watching my feet going through the motion of walking, of just going forward. I’m also listening to our steps as we walk in unison. It’s silly, considering constant awareness is really a priority, but the noise is something positive. It represents us moving, getting somewhere.