Not Alone

by Liz Bradford

  “I tried to find you when Callie was about a year and a half, but no one knew where you had gone off to either.”

  He hung his head as he fought back tears. Five years of their lives gone… all because he had run off instead of facing his demons head on. Now she stood in front of him. He had no idea what to do, but he wasn’t going to run away this time. He looked up and met her eyes again. When he saw that she was crying he lost the battle with his own tears. He closed the rest of the gap between them and took her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his chest, just like she always had. When she pulled away he brought his hand to her face, stroked her hair back, and cupped her head in his large hand. He still loved her, had never stopped, but they had a lot to talk about. However, it would have to wait for a more appropriate time and place.

  A timer went off in the kitchen snapping them out of their moment and back into reality. They had to eat dinner with their daughter and his brother, who was dating the woman he loved. Oh, this was going to be awkward!

  They walked to the back of the house and into the great room. The room felt cozy, despite the clean, modern lines. The dark wooden floors unified the two sides of the room. His eyes scanned the room. A kid’s table and a cart fully stocked with art supplies sat in between the kitchen and family room. On the mantle above the fireplace rested a large, hand-painted picture of an aster. Jared’s lips turned up at the memory of when they first saw the painting. Becca had drooled over it at the craft fair they had visited even though she had never before been crazy about the color purple. Two weeks later he had surprised her with it. He had never seen her as happy as she was when he gave her the gift. As he took in the rest of the room he realized that the entire room’s decor had been based on that one picture. The curtains in the living room were a deep purple with yellow pin dots. They coordinated with the bright yellow curtains that framed the French doors that he presumed led to the back yard. The light gray couch, that contrasted the dark gray walls, was littered with an eclectic array of brightly colored pillows. And the dining table had bright yellow plates on a dark purple tablecloth. If he had seen this room before seeing Becca, he would have known it was hers. She had always loved filling a room with color.

  He brought his attention back to the kitchen where Caleb was pulling a casserole out of the oven and Callie was sitting next to the sink on the island watching him.

  “I think it’s done,” Caleb said as he turned to face them. His shoulders dropped a little when he made eye contact with Jared.

  Jared then remembered his brother’s comment in the car. “She’s still hurt from her relationship with her daughter’s father……” he had said. That was Jared. Maybe Becca still loved him, too. Either way he felt bad for his brother. It seemed that he really liked Becca, and Jared had just waltzed in and ruined it for them.

  “It is, Caleb. Thanks for pulling it out. All right, Callie,” she said as she turned towards the little girl on the counter and lifted her down. “Let’s eat!”

  Caleb and Callie sat on either side of Becca, so Jared took the seat across from her at the round kitchen table. Jared watched as the ladies immediately folded their hands and bowed their heads. Becca prayed, “Dear Lord, thank you so much for this food. We ask that it would nourish our bodies. Thank you that Caleb and Jared are here to join us. Help us to have a wonderful evening that honors you. In Jesus' name, Amen.”

  Jared had been unable to keep his eyes off Becca as she prayed. He was not the only one that had changed dramatically over the last five years.

  As they ate dinner it was too quiet. Someone needed to say something, so Jared took the opportunity to ask Becca questions he was dying to know but would be appropriate at the table. “Becca, what are you doing for work these days?”

  “Mommy,” the little girl gave her mother a pointed little glare. Becca smiled at her and nodded.

  “Sorry, Jared, but we have a strict ‘no work talk at the dinner table’ rule. And Callie keeps me to it. We can talk about that later.”

  After a few more minutes of silence, Becca’s cell phone rang. Caleb looked at her with alarm and asked, “Who is it?”

  “Keith. But he’ll call three times if it is an emergency.” She looked at Jared and added, “Not allowed to answer the phone at the dinner table either.”

  The phone rang a second time. It was important. They all stared at the phone to see if it would ring a third time. It didn’t. Instead it alerted Becca to a voicemail. “I’ll check it later,” she said.

  They all finished their dinner and then had some pie while they played a game of “Sorry,” Callie’s choice - little did the girl know how poignantly the game’s name hit him. However, it was a school night, so the guys didn’t stick around for long. They took their cue to leave when Becca announced that it was time for Callie to get ready for bed. Callie gave both the guys hugs before she ran upstairs to put her pajamas on. Jared didn’t want to let her go but didn’t want to freak the girl out. He wondered how long Becca would wait before telling her that he was her daddy. It was her call, but he hoped it would be soon. Jared knew he needed to give Caleb a minute alone with Becca, but it was the hardest thing to leave her with so much still unsaid. He put his hand on her shoulder and said, “We’ll talk more another day. Goodnight, Becca. I can’t tell you how good it is to see you again.”

  She smiled at him and a few tears glistened in her eyes as she said, “You too, Jared. Goodnight.”

  Rebecca stood by the front door and looked at Jared and then Caleb. She saw it. They did look alike. It was deep in their features: their jaws, their eyebrows. How had she not seen that sooner?

  Jared turned and walk out the door, into the dark of the night. He really was just in my house! Her heart skipped a beat. She didn’t want him to leave, but she knew she would see him again soon, but she also knew it wouldn’t be soon enough. She bit her lip as she turned to the other man in her life who stood there like a lost kitten. Poor Caleb, of all people, his brother was the man that had been preventing her from getting serious with him. “I’m sorry, Caleb,” she said to him, not knowing what else to say.

  “Don’t be. It is what it is. I understand that the two of you have quite the past. I’m going to step back; you two get reacquainted and work through whatever happened between you. Don’t worry about me.”

  “You don’t know the half of it, but I’ll let Jared fill you in. I really am sorry things worked out this way, but you’re right. I’m not going to be able to date you with him around. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone. I’m sorry.” She bit her lip again and sighed.

  He reached out and put his hand on her upper arm. “It’s all right. I’m still your friend, got it? You need me, you call.”

  She smiled; he really was a great guy. “Thanks, Caleb.”

  “Goodnight, Rebecca.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Rebecca locked the door behind him and went upstairs to tuck Callie into bed. She knew she was going to have to tell her little girl that Jared was her daddy sooner rather than later, but it wasn’t time yet. They both needed to get to know the new him a bit first. Rebecca was amazed at how much he had changed. She had seen the anger swelling in him, yet he diffused it rather than letting it explode. She had expected him to start yelling, but he hadn’t. She was awed. God had done a major work in his life. She remembered that Caleb had said that his brother had come to know the Lord and that is how they had reconciled their relationship. She laughed at the memory of Jared complaining about his brother and his “holier-than-thou” attitude. Either Caleb had really matured in his faith or Jared’s perspective had been a little skewed back in the day.

  After getting Callie settled, Rebecca remembered the message on her phone from Keith Baker. She went downstairs and listened to the message. Doug had hurt himself badly playing basketball and would be out of commission for quite a while. She would be getting a different partner in the morning. Be early and be prepared to brief the entire precinc
t about the case. Rebecca took a deep breath and let it out slowly. This wasn’t her first time as lead detective on a case, but never on one this big; not that cases this big ever happened in Hazel Hill. She had no doubt in her abilities to present the case to everyone, yet it still made her a little nervous. That was a worry for tomorrow.

  She cleaned up the kitchen and headed up to bed. Be early meant that Callie would need to be dropped at her sister’s house and not at school. So that meant both of them getting up earlier than normal, which meant twice as much work to get out the door. She picked up her phone and called her sister to give her the heads up, and she also had some news that her sister would want to know immediately.

  “Hey, Becca.” Amy and Jared were the only ones that still called her that. Most of the time Amy didn’t, but occasionally, she slipped.

  “Hey, Aim. So, Captain wants me in early tomorrow. Is it okay if I drop Callie off there?” she asked as she paced her bedroom.

  “Sure, not a problem.”

  “Thanks. I have something else I need to tell you too.”

  “Yeah, Hun. What’s wrong?”

  Where to start? In a true sisterly manner, she decided to drag it out. “Well, Caleb and I broke up.”

  “Oh, Rebecca, I’m so sorry. Why ever so? I thought you two were a good pair. Did dinner with his brother go that badly?”

  “Well, actually… it turns out that his brother… well, his brother is,” she paused and then said his name slowly, “Jared, as in my Jared.”

  There was a long silence on the other end. “What?”

  “You heard me. Callie’s dad showed up for dinner tonight.”

  “Oh, my word! What happened?”

  She sat at the foot of her bed and recounted to her sister how Jared had realized immediately that Callie was his and the rest of the details of the evening.

  “How are you doing about it all?” her sister asked.

  “I’m doing all right, I think. Still in shock, I guess. I’ve wanted to see him again for so long. And every emotion possible flooded my heart tonight. I think I just need to sleep and then spend a long time talking with him. I’ve missed him so much, but now that he’s here I don’t know what I feel. It’s overwhelming.”

  “Take it slow, sweetie. I have never seen two people as in love as you two were, but you are a different person now. Be the new you and see what happens. Just be careful, Becca.”

  “I will. Just pray for us, please.”

  “Of course, always. Love you, sis.”

  “Love you too. Thanks! I should go get some sleep.”

  “K. Goodnight, Becca.”

  “Goodnight, Amy.”

  She hung up the phone and got ready for bed. As she lay in bed trying to go to sleep, memories of all the good times with Jared overwhelmed her. The love between the two of them had been so intense. They had been together for five years and had planned on being together forever, married or not. They had talked about getting married one day. Marriage seemed like a nice idea, but they had been in no rush. Living together suited them fine, even if she had maintained the facade that she lived at her sister’s house.

  She fought the memories of his arms around her and the feel of his touch and his kisses, because she knew that it would take her mind places that as a Christian woman she knew she shouldn’t go. It was a tough battle, especially since she was so tired, but thankfully sleep won out over the memories. She drifted off and didn’t wake up until her alarm went off before dawn the next morning.

  Jared was silent on the ride back to Caleb’s townhouse, unsure of what to say. He had never told Caleb much about Becca, and he really didn’t know what to say now. Thankfully, Caleb didn’t press him, but by the way Caleb kept looking at him, Jared knew he wanted to ask a million questions. His emotions were too scattered right now to even start talking to anyone. As they walked into the house Jared said, “Sorry, to ruin things with you and Becca.”

  “It’s all right. Want to talk about it?”

  “Not right now, but I will later. I need to process. I think I’m going to go for a run before I hit the sack.”

  “Makes sense. Don’t get lost though,” Caleb teased.

  Jared chuckled. “I’ll try not to.”

  About ten minutes later, Jared’s feet were hitting the pavement. He ran in the only direction he was familiar with. As he ran, the anger that he had been avoiding surged again. He ran harder.

  God, why? Why did you let this happen?

  His heart pounded harder and not just because of running.

  He had looked for her. He had dreamed of seeing her again for so long, and now he had. He actually knew where she was.

  But they had a daughter.

  He was a father…

  You knew this little girl was alive, but you didn’t make sure I did. Why? Seriously, why keep her from me?

  Jared knew that God hadn’t “kept” her from him. It was his own stupid fault. If he hadn’t run off like he had, maybe things would have been different. His mind wandered to all the things he’d missed with Callie. He could have been there for all those things - her first steps, her first words, her first day of kindergarten. His foolishness had kept him not only from the woman he loved but also from his daughter.

  Jared punched the air. He wanted to hit something, but he knew from experience he would only hurt himself.

  He ran even harder and faster. He was angry. Angry at God, angry at himself. But not with Becca. He couldn’t blame her.

  As exhaustion took over his body from running so hard, his anger gave way to grief. He had missed so much. He had missed her so much.

  He slowed down as the tears escaped and ran down his face. He was a tough guy, not one to be taken over by his “girlier” emotions. Tough guys keep “girly” emotions in check. But he couldn’t fight these. They were too strong.

  The grief was too intense. Jared collapsed to his knees on the grass of the small park he was running through.

  Lord, I don’t know why things happened this way, but I trust you now. Help me to make it right. Help Becca to forgive me.

  After a few minutes, Jared returned to his feet and looked around. He had no idea where he was. So much for not getting lost. Jared pulled his phone out and pulled up his GPS. Unfortunately, the app couldn’t identify where he was either. He must be in a very new part of town. He sighed and called Caleb.

  “Hey,” Caleb answered on the second ring.

  “So, I may have gotten lost, and my phone can’t identify where I am.”

  “Ha. I told you not to get lost.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Do you know where Oakwood Park is?” Jared asked after looking at the park sign.

  “Wow, that’s pretty far from here. You want directions or a ride.”

  “Far? How about a ride?”

  “Okay, I’ll be there in fifteen.”

  Jared hung up and found a bench to sit on. He looked around at the park. It was clearly new. The playground showed no visible signs of wear in the dark and the mulch had very shallow ruts beneath the swings. His heart warmed at the thought of being able to push Callie on the swings. He looked forward to having a daughter, not something he ever thought he would think, but everything had changed when he came to know the Lord, and then again when he walked into Becca’s house earlier this evening.

  Exactly fifteen minutes after he hung up the phone, Caleb pulled up. Jared, careful not to hit his head again, climbed into Caleb’s car.

  “Good run?”

  “Yes. Thanks, for coming to get me.”

  “Not a problem, guess you owe me one then,” Caleb said with a smirk.

  Jared rolled his eyes. “I guess so. Caleb, would you mind telling me more about Becca and Callie? For starters, will I see Becca at work tomorrow?”

  CHAPTER SIX

  With her first cup of coffee in hand, Rebecca walked in Captain Keith Baker’s office at 7:40 the next morning. “Well, good morning, Detective Palmer. By the look on your face I take it you got my message.
”

  “Good morning, Captain. Yes, I did. Seriously, this is probably the worst timing for Doug to have gone and hurt himself. How bad is it? How long will he be out?” She sat in one of the chairs in front of the Captain’s desk.

  “He tore something pretty major in his knee. Looking at surgery. I don’t see him out in the field for months. Probably won’t even come into the office for another month.”

  “Ah man. And with two little ones at home, poor Paige. So, who you going to partner me with? Jamison?”

  “Nope. We have a new guy starting today. I think you two will be a good pair; his knack for reading a situation will pair nicely with your eye for detail.”

  “Seriously? A newbie! You have got to be kidding me, Captain. We are in the middle of a serial murder case and you are putting me with a newbie?” The temperature in her checks rose with her anger. Could this get any worse?

  “Get a grip, Palmer. He’s been a detective longer than you. Comes from Chicago PD. So, swallow some humble pie. You are one of my best detectives. You are still point on this case, and he’ll be learning from you about how we work around here. Do your job; I have complete confidence in you. And now it’s time to put on your happy face, because here he is.” The Captain stood and walked around his desk.

  She stood up, put a fake smile on her face, and turned to look at the man that had walked into the Captain’s office. Her anger vanished and was replaced by several conflicting emotions as she looked at the tall handsome man standing before her shaking the Captain’s hand. “Jared.”

  “Becca.” A huge smile stretched across his freshly shaved face. He did not look surprised to see her at all. Caleb must have told him she was a detective. He took a sip out of the travel mug he held.

  “Well, I take it you two already met. I figured you would have. Excellent, we can skip the pleasantries. Johnson, Detective Palmer here will be your partner. As I told you yesterday we are in the middle of a big case, and Palmer is point, so you’ll be her second.” The Captain paused for a moment, breaking Rebecca’s focus on Jared. “Is this situation going to work?”