"Sarah, I really am sorry for what those other men have chosen to do in your life." He paused. "Maybe I'm not really that sorry, if I'm being honest, because if they hadn't, then you might not…" he trailed off, sighing and smiling at me. "I just think you should know that commitment is commitment in my book. And I know about discipline. Quite frankly, you can't get to where I am in business without becoming a master of those two attributes."
"Are you saying it would take discipline to refrain from cheating on me?" I asked. "How romantic."
He gave me an amused grin as he shook his head. "I'm saying that staying true to one person in a relationship takes discipline. Maybe not at first, and maybe it's harder for some people than others, but temptation comes to everyone." He paused and scanned my face. "I really can't imagine ever doing anything to hurt you, Sarah," he said, sincerely. "It honestly baffles me to think about having you and throwing it all away. What sort of idiots were you dating?"
I smiled, taking his hand into both of mine as I wiggled my shoulders a little. "You're leaving," I said.
"Yep."
"For how long?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
"It'll be a month, but remember, I'll fly in for a day on my way to London."
We sat there, unblinking.
"Can I see you?" he asked. "When I come home for a day?"
I nodded, which was an understatement to the intensity of my agreement. How was it that a week ago he was barely on my mind, and now I felt desperate for the next time I'd get to see him?
"I think it's the first weekend of March, but I'll let you know."
I nodded again.
He stood up, straightening his clothes and stretching. "I better get going," he said regretfully.
I stood, and he caught me in his arms. "You don't have to get up," he said, staring down at me as he supported some of my weight with a hand around my back.
I wanted so badly to stay wrapped in his arms that I stood there in silence when I should have been responding to what he had said. In fact, I didn't even remember what he said or care if the silence was awkward. In a gesture of relaxation, I sighed and placed my forehead on his chest as I shifted my weight to balance on my good ankle.
Collin rubbed my back. "I'm sorry, not sorry they hurt you, Sarah," he whispered.
I breathed a little laugh. "I'm sorry about all the walls," I said, knowing any other girl would be throwing herself at him by this point.
He ran his hand over my back, and I breathed in his clean, masculine smell. "They don't say patience is a virtue for nothing," he said, patting my back in a way that made me know he was preparing to leave. "I'm one of the most patient people I know." He was clearly saying he would wait some undisclosed amount of time for me, which was hard for me to believe even though it was vague.
"I know about temptation," I blurted.
Collin had already turned as he was preparing to leave, but he looked at me when I made that off-the-wall statement.
"I understand what it's like to be drawn to someone… physically."
He tilted his head at me as if interested to hear how I'd continue.
"Okay, the side of me that's been hurt wants to tell you I can never see you again, meanwhile, I'm screaming at myself to reach out and touch your face—to make you kiss me."
"I can assure you, Miss Spicer, there would be no making me about it," he said jovially.
I pulled away, and Collin crossed to the kitchen to get his coat. He carried it with him to the living room before putting it on, and I limped with him to the door. He offered to help me, but I told him I could manage. It hurt with every step, but I had enough adrenaline going to ignore it.
"I had so much fun," I said as we got to the door. It was the understatement of the century. I was more comfortable with Collin than I had ever been with anyone in my whole life, even Lu. It didn't matter that I barely even knew him. I trusted him and loved him innately.
"Listen, Sarah, if there's even a chance that you're thinking about liking me, then I'm gonna wait for you. I’m not gonna see anybody else if you think something could ever…"
"Are you alive?" I whispered, staring at his irresistible face.
He smiled and touched his own jugular vein as if checking to make sure before he bent to put on his shoes. "I'm not the same as you, Sarah. I wish I could say I was, but I'm not, and it is what it is. I can't change my past, but I can tell you, I will wait for you if you say there's a 'yes' somewhere down the line."
Breathe. In for four seconds, hold for four seconds, out for four seconds.
"Is that a 'no'?" he asked.
"No," I said defensively. "Why do you say that?"
"Because you're not saying anything."
"Because I'm trying to say the right thing," I said honestly.
He smiled. "I pretty much know you like me," he said confidently. "I just wanted to hear you say it, I guess."
"I do like you," I said, knowing I shouldn't deny it even though the thought to do so had crossed my mind.
"Okay, so I'm going to Chicago, and then home for a day, and then to London, and I'm not looking at other girls, because there's one back here at home who'll be waiting for me, right?"
His words sent jolts of electricity shooting through my abdomen, but he just stared at me with a deadpan, no-nonsense expression. I smiled and covered my face with my hands, feeling shy, like he might somehow see how much I liked him just by the look on my face.
"I thought we get to say 'hi' between Chicago and London," I said, avoiding his actual question, which had me feeling breathless.
"We will…" he said, waiting patiently for me to say more.
"And I think I would like it very much if you didn't worry about checking out other girls while you're gone," I added in little more than a whisper. I bit at the inside of my mouth, and flinched as I listened to hear what he'd say.
He stepped closer to me, invading my space to the point where our bodies were almost touching, and he leaned down to speak near my ear. "That guy you've been saving yourself for?"
"Uh-huh?" I asked, wanting so badly for him to continue.
"That's me."
Chapter 9
Collin Ross did not, I repeat, did not kiss me that night. We had done a lot of talking about my trust issues, and he was obviously being respectful. I could tell he wanted to do it, and it was difficult to keep myself from encouraging him, but I knew it was best to take our foot off the gas a little bit.
He wasn't chipping away at my carefully constructed walls; he came at me like a wrecking ball. I could feel my inhibitions crumbling to bits when he looked at me, and I knew I could easily get swept away and wind up hurt again. I was relieved in some ways that he had a trip planned so that I could take a step back and figure out how I was feeling.
Collin called me the first night he was gone, and we ended up talking on the phone for about an hour. This continued for the next eight days until he flew home to regroup for his trip to London. We had talked about so much in our phone conversations, that I felt like the Collin I would see tonight was an entirely different person from the one I had been with a week before.
I knew so much about him now. I respected his hustle and determination. I knew his likes and dislikes. I knew what inspired him, and what his goals were. I even knew what to get him for his birthday (which would take place while he was still in London). I decided I'd give it to him early since he would be gone for the occasion. I knew where he'd be staying in London, and I could have easily shipped it to him, but I simply wanted to give it to him early. It was something I knew would look good on him, and part of me wanted to give it to him for selfish reasons so that I could see him wearing it.
Collin's flight was to land in New York at 1pm, and he said he needed the afternoon to see to a few matters with his restaurants. I was to meet him for dinner at one of his restaurants named The Blue Inn. He would send a driver who would be at my house at 6. I had been to this particular restaurant and really enjo
yed it (not knowing it was Collin's at the time).
My ankle was still slightly unstable, but it had come a long way since it first happened. What an ordeal that was. I could barely walk on it for the first three days. Thankfully, I was much better now, and was finally back into my normal shoes.
***
It was a Saturday evening, and the streets and restaurant were packed. The hostess introduced herself as Danielle and took my coat before showing me to a table for two in the back of the dining room.
"Mr. Ross is just finishing up in the kitchen," she said with a smile. "He'll be out in just a moment. Your server will be right over to take care of you. Can I get you anything until then?"
I shook my head and smiled at her as I settled into my chair, and she was off without another word.
Collin came out of the kitchen before the server got to me. I saw him right when he came around the corner, and I could hardly remember to breathe. He was clean-shaven, and his hair was combed away from his face. He was wearing dark, fitted clothes—black slacks and a button down shirt with subtle stripes. I had to glance away to contain my nerves. By the time I looked at him again, I noticed that some customers had stopped him, and he was now engaged in conversation with them.
The server came over with an appetizer and our drinks. He introduced himself as Neil and said Collin had already ordered our food while he was in the kitchen and that he would be right over. Neil had just walked away when I turned to Collin. Within seconds of looking his way, he glanced back at me. His gaze was fleeting, but when he noticed that I was staring back at him, he did a double take and smiled. I smiled back, and I took great pleasure in watching him have to peel his eyes off of me so that he could focus on wrapping up the conversation with the people sitting at the table.
He said something to them before pointing straight at me. All four of them looked in my direction, and I smiled and gave them a little wave, causing them to all wave back. Collin said a few more words to them before clapping his hand on the closest gentleman's back.
He began walking toward me with an expression that said he wasn't going to stop until he made it there. I giggled at his look of determination, feeling giddy that his attention was focused on me even though every table in the place would have loved to have him stop and talk to them.
I could hardly get a good breath of air into my lungs. I stood up when Collin was a few feet away, and he stopped walking, looking me over. He took the last step, wrapping his arms around me to draw me in for a hug.
"How's my girl?" he asked.
"Good."
"How's the bum ankle?"
I pulled back and smiled. "Not quite normal, but better."
He grinned at me, and my heart leapt. "If I had more time, I would have taken you to a restaurant that wasn’t mine."
"I love coming to your restaurants," I said. "I like seeing you in your element."
"I'm glad, but just so you know, it's likely we're gonna be interrupted."
"That's fine," I said.
"Probably more than once," he said. He reached down to place a kiss on my cheek before taking a seat at our table. "I'm sorry it's such a rushed stay this time," he added. "I planned it as a work layover. That was before I knew you."
"I don't want you to feel like you have to sit here and have a meal if you need to work," I said.
He leaned back in his chair, grinning at me with his glorious mischievous grin. "I have been looking forward to this moment for over a week," he said with a relieved sigh. Collin was so down to earth and approachable which was in contrast to his tailored, carefully thought out style. He used his hands to wipe his face before focusing on me again. "I'm so happy to see you. I have about two or three hours of work to do at other restaurants tonight, and all I want to do is sit on the couch with you sitting next to me in your Hawks shirt."
"What's a Hawks shirt?" I asked, making him laugh.
"Your sweatshirt with the Indian," he said. "It's the logo for the Blackhawks. They're a hockey team."
"Why don't we have dinner, and then maybe I could tag along while you finish work. We can do some couch-sitting after that."
He sat up in his chair and leaned across the table, looking relieved to see me. This put me in the best mood.
"I would love it if you hung out while I finished up," he said, seeming thankful that I would offer such a thing.
"You can put me to work if you need to, or I could just stay out of your way. Whatever would help."
Collin and I ate the appetizer, and just as we were finishing, the second course came out, and then a third, and forth. Neither of us ever ordered anything. Collin must have taken care of all that ahead of time.
The server had just brought us dessert and coffee when I decided to give Collin his birthday present. I wanted to give it to him the minute I saw him, but I had been so breathless that I figured I'd give myself a little time to calm down. We had begun talking about his trip and the restaurant he was visiting in Chicago, so it slipped my mind to give it to him until we were nearing the end of our meal.
I pulled the rectangular jewelry box out of my clutch and slid it across the table toward him. It was the perfect gold chain for his perfect neck. It wasn't too thin or too thick, and if my dad's jeweler was good at his job, which he was, it should rest perfectly atop Collin's collarbones, at the base of his neck.
I was going out on a limb by giving it to him, but I knew he didn't have one, and I also knew it would look amazing on him. He gave me a sideways glance when I slid the box toward him.
"I have a card, but it wouldn't fit in my purse, and I got a little embarrassed to carry it in. It's at my house."
"Did you write in it?" he asked, not letting me break eye contact as he put his hand on mine to take the gift I was offering.
"I wrote a big, long heartfelt paragraph," I said. "You woulda been touched."
I giggled, doing my best to regulate my breathing, trying to absentmindedly count to four without actually counting.
"What'd it say?" he asked. He slid the box out from under my hand, pulling it across the table toward himself.
I suddenly regretted getting something so personal when we were still new at this. "Never mind," I said, putting my hand on the box as if I was about to take it back. He gave me a dubious glance before easily sliding it out of my grasp, holding it to his chest with an expression that said he dared me to take it away. He knew I wouldn't cause a scene in his restaurant, so he smiled and lifted his eyebrows at me as he unwrapped the silver paper from the box and opened it. He glanced inside and then up at me.
"Is it a necklace?" he asked.
I nodded. "I noticed you don't wear one," I said. "I thought it'd look good on you, but if you don't wear them for some reason, and you can't use it, you can just take it back. It's my dad's jeweler, so he'll be cool with—"
Collin cut me off. "I love it," he said. "I'm not giving it back."
I watched as he took it out of the box and tested the weight of it in his fingers. "It's perfect," he said.
"I know," I said, staring at the place where it would fall, which I could see past the collar of his shirt.
"You're gonna have to put this on me," he said.
I nodded.
He carefully placed the necklace back in the box. "We'll do it on the way to our next stop," he said. "I love it. My dad didn't wear any jewelry because he was always having to scrub up for surgery. I've never been much of a jewelry guy. I really didn’t know I would like something like that, but I'm stoked to try it on. Seriously, thank you."
Collin and I wrapped up our dinner, and before I knew it, we were headed to another restaurant a few miles away. It would take us about thirty minutes to get there, and the best part of it all was that I got to ride with Collin in the backseat. One of the first things we did was put on his necklace. He handed me the box, and turned away from me so that I could fasten it for him. I easily handled the clasp, dropping it into his collar once it was secure. He turned to face me as h
e reached up to adjust it. Dad's jeweler was a genius. The gold chain I bought him peeked out of his dark shirt, falling at the perfect place, just below that indention in his neck. I sighed blissfully as I stared at it.
He laughed and touched it as he relaxed into his seat. "It's heavy," he said as a compliment.
I smiled and wiggled my eyebrows.
"How does it look?" he asked.
"Amazing," I said with a smile.
"It's possessive, you know."
I puled back, leveling him with a curious expression.
"It is," he said, shrugging one shoulder.
"What's that mean?" I asked.
"Jewelry," he said, glancing down at it again even though he couldn’t see it past his chin. "It's a possessive gift, don't you think?"
"I didn't until you said that," I said.
He stretched out comfortably like he was the king of the backseat. "I think it means you're into me," he said.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I'm pretty sure of it. Are you gonna enjoy knowing I'm wearing it while I’m in London?" he asked.
I thought about being vague, but I went for honesty. "Yes, actually," I said. "I hope you do wear it." I leaned forward so that I could get a good look at the necklace, and before I could stop myself, I reached out to touch it. I let my fingertips fall on it, trying not to be affected by the warmth of Collin's neck. "Is that possessive of me?" I asked.
"I hope it is," he said.
"What are you gonna say if someone asks you where you got it?" I asked.
"They won't."
"What if they do?"
"What did you tell the jeweler?" he asked, turning my question around. "Who'd you say you were getting it for?"
I was speechless for a few seconds, because I had actually mentioned that it was for my boyfriend since I figured it'd be weird to buy a nice piece of jewelry for anyone else.
"What?" I asked, avoiding his question.
"Who'd you say it was for?" he asked.
"You," I said.
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