The Amazing Adventure
Page 15
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A few hours later they were in the roughest pub on the asteroid. Chainsaw-boy was on his fifteenth pint new pint, and still trying un-successfully to get it into his mouth with his chainsaw arms, as was to be expected, he was rather soaked. Illana was still sipping at her first martini and Grigor was regaling loudly how he slayed the King of the Tax Demons in a flaming car jousting session on mars. He was rather drunk and kept sloshing beer about all over the place as he slammed his tankard on the table to reinforce every point. Napalm was pale faced and huddled in the corner of the pub, going through the world’s worst hangover
The other customers in the establishment were obviously getting pissed off, but after Grigor decapitated the first man to knock into him and spill his pint, they decided it probably wasn't worth getting riled about it. Also, considering they didn't have named parts, they'd quite likely end up on the receiving side of death. Even the french armoured bears relaxing after a hard day of kicking ass and taking names didn't want to mess with him.
One member of the pub was rather more confident and headstrong than the rest. Sitting quietly in the dark corner of the pub he watched Grigor's table intently, his beer sitting un-drunk on the table. The only thing that would bring any attention to him was the slight glint from the necklace he wore.
It wasn't until Grigor started complaining loudly about Herstaff's escape that he showed a glimmer of interest. After listening for a while, he adjusted his flat peak cap and approached the group.
Illana was the first person to notice him walking over to the table and tugged on Grigor's arm.
“I think this guy wants to speak to you” she pointed quite meekly at the approaching figure.
Turning around Grigor found himself face to face with the most bling dinosaur he had ever encountered. He was obviously a velociraptor, standing about the same size as a normal man, but around his neck was a massive clock hanging from a heavy gold chain, along with multiple diamond encrusted crosses and dollar signs hanging from various other necklaces. His teeth were gilded with gold, on his face he was wearing massive sunglasses and a dark, flat peaked cap. His scaly skin was a mix of blues and greens, and he was wearing the flashiest high topped trainers for miles around.
“I think I should introduce myself yo. I'm the Ty-rap-o-saurus Rex, I couldn't help but overhear you're looking for someone, and I've got some information that'll help, you get me?” the dinosaur had a deep voice, that bounced along in a very rhythmic manner.
“Yes, I get you brosef. Is it alright to call you brosef?” Grigor had a hint of menace in his voice, the dinosaur nodded “What do we have to do to get this information?”
“You have to take me with you. There ain't no room for me to express my lyrical rhymes out here on this waste man rock blud.”
“Oh, who didn't see that one coming” Chainsaw-boy muttered to himself. “I mean, we must be the only people in the universe to have names.” Grigor eyed the dinosaur’s viciously sharp claws.
“You look like you can handle yourself, I guess you can join.” said Grigor.
“Of course, I've shanked bare next-mans, safe!”
“Whatever that means, I'm sure it’s very important. Now your first job as a magnitude of awesome is to tell me where I can find Herstaff.”
“Ok boi, get this, I was just playing some dice in the alley with these two bears, and they said that the Baron literally just gave away this hyperdrive core to these dudes. One of them was Herstaff, turns out they're heading to the Vorgon system”
“The Vorgon system... what could be there that they'd want?”
“I dunno blud, could be anything, most probably some evil stuff!” Illana looked at Grigor dumbfounded.
“Are you serious? We saw that address on the post tube, they’ve obviously sent the Dragon Heart there. And, if you think about it for a second, Herstaff was selling it on the internet, do you not think that they might have sold it to whomever lives there?!” Illana had lost her patience, what a complete idiot she thought to herself. Grigor looked at her as if he didn’t understand what she was saying, he then had a quick look round and put his tankard on the table.
“Guys, I’ve figured it all out. Herstaff has sold the Dragon Heart on the internet, and has sent it to whomever lives in the Vorgon 5 system.” Illana stared in disbelief, but decided that there was no way she could win against that kind of stupidity and finished off her martini in one swift movement. The rest of the group gave him a stony silence. “Yes, there is no need to compliment me, I already know that I’m a genius.”
Once Grigor realised that no one was fooled by the display he downed his whole pint and threw the glass on the floor, which exploded. He then preceded to high-five the rapping dinosaur and walked out of the pub with the crew following him. They had ass-kicking to do.
Mikhail brobachev