This Is Your Life

by Susie Martyn

  ‘Hi, I’m Lizzie. Tea would be perfect, and some toast if it’s not too much trouble…’

  Lizzie sat by the window and flicked through the local paper. There was the usual quota of speeding cars flashing by, and a particularly noisy one went past just as Tilly brought breakfast over.

  ‘Noisy bastards aren’t they?’ She looked cross, then sat herself down opposite Lizzie. ‘Don’t mind do you? Only I spend so much time on my feet. I’m a hairdresser. Well, I’m training to be one. Money’s rubbish, that’s why I work here too. Bloody knackering it is. Anyway, you wait till Monday! The word on the grapevine is that the villagers are going to revolt! Those cars will think twice once they’ve got stuck behind a flock of sheep… It takes William half an hour to move his lot from just over the road there to his fields up the other end of the lane. I think he’s got about three hundred of them… They’re so cute! Anyway, just think how many cars will be queued up by the time he’s finished! I’m coming in specially to watch!’

  Barely drawing breath she chattered on. ‘And Mr Woodleigh’s joining in with his cows. They’ve been everywhere, his cows – his fences are terrible. Last year they escaped and stormed the village fete! Mrs Hepplewhite was upset because they demolished the cake tent before the judging and she was determined to win… Everyone helped to round them up but there’s no hurrying those heifers anywhere. Oh, I can’t wait!’ she squeaked and jumped up as the phone started to ring.

  There was a special delivery after breakfast. A lifeline in the shape of a new mobile. Katie had charged it, put credit on it and programmed her number into the address book. There was even a text waiting, ordering her to call straight away which Lizzie did, from the privacy of her room.

  ‘Katie! It’s me! Thank you so much!’

  ‘Lizzie! I’ve had a brilliant idea! Why don’t I come and join you for the weekend? You’re stuck there and I’m not busy now… You see, I had a wedding to go to until the bride did a runner… D’you think there’s any chance of a room?

  Lizzie’s heart leapt. ‘There are plenty but you can share mine! It’s huge! When can you get here?’

  ‘Well, if I remember rightly, I took the afternoon off to go with a certain bride-to-be for a manicure and bikini wax, so if I finish here about twelve, I don’t know…I could be with you by six I guess?’

  ‘Well bring your glad rags! Because you and I have a date. Oh, and Antonia, of course, to the Star’s weekly quiz night. Tonight!’ Lizzie said ecstatically.

  ‘Quiz night? Oh God. You sound like you’re looking forward to it,’ said Katie, rather worriedly.

  Lizzie found herself with yet another glorious sunny day at her disposal. With more enthusiasm than the previous day, this time she stuffed her mother’s letter in her pocket and heading in the opposite direction to last time, she followed paths through the fields to a sheltered spot by a lake.

  Time really was a luxury. But an essential one, she’d decided. Too much rushing around made you forget that. She was lying in the long grass just feet from the water. The peace and quiet were exactly what she’d been looking for and even though she was miles from Roscarn and nowhere near the sea, she could feel it soaking into her.

  How odd that she didn’t miss Jamie just a little bit. After three years of sharing a home and a life and a bed - but actually that had been the least spontaneous area of their relationship. Friday and Saturday nights and not exactly earth-moving. It just went to show, didn’t it.

  At least she’d escaped - by the skin of her teeth. Screwing up her eyes, Lizzie thought about it. Jamie and his friends had the money and enormous houses, while she was homeless and jobless but free. But she liked how that sounded and sighing, turned her gaze upwards, feeling slightly as though she was playing truant from some boring history lesson, waiting, any minute now for a voice to boom out and hand her a detention.

  How utterly self-indulgent it was, just to lie staring at the heavens. When had she last really looked at the sky, or at the feathery wisps of cloud like spiders’ webs, twisting and turning on the blue. Lizzie watched the ghostly shapes drifting slowly, her mind emptying and that was when she felt the faintest stirrings of something else. Briefly, madly, she fancied she could hear a whispering, as if the trees were breathing their secret to her. Fleetingly as she lay there, a hint of breeze brushed her skin and suddenly she felt part of something much greater and more powerful, turning her ear to the ground for a second, listening for the drumming of nature’s heartbeat.

  A splash in the lake jolted her from her ponderings, and rolling over, Lizzie fixed her eyes on the clear water. A dragonfly flitted here and there over the glittering surface, catching the light as it went. Stalks of grasses waved slightly, barely moving. Here it was again, all around her - that sense of utter peace. Flopping over onto her back again, she dozed.

  The sun was low when she awoke. She took a last look around as she got up. How beautiful this place was. All the handiwork of nature, but the grasses framing the lake just so, with clusters of wildflowers where the sun reached and wild garlic filling the shade. There’d be water lilies in the summer – Lizzie could see the first curled up leaves poking through the surface of the lake. It was as much a work of art as an Old Master. And suddenly, out of nowhere, an idea took root. Her pulse quickened. Was she mad to even think about it? But as she looked around and thought some more, a smile stretched across her face. She couldn’t wait to talk it through with Katie.

  Fortunately the rush hour brigade had dispersed before the familiar shape of the little MG drew up outside the Star, and Lizzie ran outside to meet her.

  ‘Lizzie! You look - so different!’ Katie studied her friend, lightly tanned and so much more relaxed in such a short space of time. ‘Oh, it’s so brilliant to see you!’ She hugged her, smelling familiarly of her trademark CKOne, before stepping back and looking at her quizzically.

  Lizzie glanced down at the scruffy old jeans which she’d barely noticed. And what was wrong with an old T-shirt when all she was doing was walking and lying in the sun and daydreaming… Katie by contrast, was dressed in slick, elegant black as she always was. Every bit the city girl, Katie, not one shiny brown hair out of place.

  Linking her arm through Katie’s, she didn’t even notice how odd it sounded when she said ‘Perhaps we could walk up to Dave’s to get my clothes...’

  Then she showed Katie to their room.

  ‘Now don’t expect too much,’ Lizzie warned, fiddling with the clunky lock. ‘Are you ready? And here we are! Welcome to Littleton’s finest!’

  ‘Erm, lovely,’ said Katie, taking in the tired wallpaper and the curtains that didn’t quite meet in the middle. She slung her bag on the floor. ‘Not exactly the Ritz but hey! Now what does a girl have to do to get a drink round here? I mean we are in a pub aren’t we! Shall we order something on room service?’

  Lizzie nearly choked. ‘Er, round here? I’ll nip downstairs and get a bottle. Red ok? It’s slightly less horrible than the white.’

  She disappeared and was back in no time with a bottle and two glasses. As she poured it, Katie took one and held it towards Lizzie.

  ‘Here’s to your new life…long may it last!’

  ‘That, my friend, is up to Mick!’ Lizzie clinked her glass against Katie’s.

  ‘Now, spill! I can’t believe it but you still haven’t really told me anything…’

  ‘I’m not sure where to start… I suppose…’ Lizzie thought back. ‘It was that last day at work. Tuesday wasn’t it?’ It seemed a lifetime ago. ‘Anyway, it was just another boring, tedious day, and suddenly I realised I wasn’t excited about anything. Not about marrying Jamie, or the wedding - any of it. It had all become a chore. Isn’t that terrible? Then I had this meeting to go to, and even now, I can’t remember what it was about. It was like I lost two hours of my life that morning, and when it was over, I had a panic attack. At least I thought it was at the time, and I ended up leaving early… Actually the whole day was weird.’ Only as Lizzie recalled i
t did she realise it was true. ‘I’m beginning to realise Katie, I’ve been missing something for ages. Probably since before Mum was ill. I’m still not sure exactly what… Anyway, it all ended up with me finding this.’

  She rummaged around for letter and passed it to Katie.

  ‘I do understand why you did it,’ said Katie slowly, after reading it. ‘Oh Lizzie, I wouldn’t have blamed you for leaving Jamie anyway, you know that. I wished you had left him ages ago, but this is brilliant isn’t it? Kind of reminds you what’s important. It is strange though, how in all this time, you only found it this week…’

  ‘Imagine if I’d found it a week later,’ Lizzie said.

  ‘I never thought Jamie was right for you,’ said Katie. ‘He sapped the life out of you. You stopped laughing and doing mad things. I know that was partly because of your Mum, but I never imagined you’d marry him…’

  ‘Oh Katie… I’ve thought about so much these last few days,’ Lizzie told her. ‘You wouldn’t believe it! It’s the crying I should have done a year ago! You should have seen me at Antonia’s! It comes and goes,’ her voice wobbled again. ‘But at last, for the first time, it’s a little easier. It really does help to talk about it. And I think I need to.’

  ‘I always thought you coped so well,’ Katie said softly. ‘Just the same old Lizzie, life going on as usual.’

  ‘Well, on the outside maybe. I only pretended I was fine because Jamie was so unsympathetic. The one time he saw me cry, guess what he said: now chin up Eliza, don’t let the side down. Can you believe it? What sort of thing is that to say to someone whose mother’s just died?’ A tear trickled down her cheek.

  ‘So what now?’ said Katie, ever practical.

  ‘I’m not really sure,’ Lizzie said, ‘beyond this evening. The quiz night starts in half an hour and I’ve promised to join Antonia against the farmers! And then, once I have my car back, I need to decide what comes next. I mean, I thought I’d head towards Cornwall of course, but after that, I was thinking… maybe… about being a garden designer… but I’m not sure – it seems a rather big step...’

  Katie’s eyes lit up. ‘Seriously? That would be perfect, Lizzie! You could advertise locally, have a website, start in a small way…it wouldn’t be difficult at all. Where, though?’

  ‘I haven’t got that far.’ Small steps at the moment - one at a time... ‘I – I think I’ll go to Cornwall first, and decide after that. But you think that maybe it would work?’

  ‘Absolutely!’ Katie said. ‘You’ve been designing gardens on paper for years haven’t you – it can’t be that different…’

  ‘Only that I’ll be on my own,’ said Lizzie slowly. ‘I don’t know… I need to think about it. Look at the time! I think we should find Antonia.’

  Antonia was already halfway through her drink by the time they went down to the bar. The farmers were gathered round a couple of tables, leaning on their elbows and muttering amongst themselves, throwing hostile glances in the general direction of the girls.

  ‘Oh excellent!’ said Antonia, her eyes lighting up. ‘Had a horrible feeling you’d had a better offer!’

  ‘Not much chance of that! Antonia – this is Katie, my er, matron of honour and my best friend!’

  ‘Oh Lord… haven’t brought the boyfriend, have you?’

  ‘No!’ Katie grinned. ‘I happen to think Lizzie made one of her better decisions, even if her timing was a bit out…’

  ‘Couldn’t agree more.’ Antonia nodded. ‘I told her exactly that – should have married the bugger first and got her hands on his money.’

  Katie looked at her - then realising she was serious, hooted with laughter.

  ‘Now Lizzie, have you met Tilly? Tilly?’ Antonia yelled across the bar making everyone wince. ‘Come over here a moment… We need another girl. What do you say?’

  Tilly looked at them slightly uncertainly. ‘I’m supposed to be working...’

  ‘Nonsense,’ said Antonia. ‘The old codgers’ll drink much more later once we’ve thrashed them. They’ll be drowning their sorrows for hours, just you wait…’

  In the end, Tilly wangled the night off and both men’s teams were annihilated. It was indecently easy. Four girls versus all of them, but they were rubbish, every last one of them. The trouble was they were all so preoccupied with the matter of the speeding ratrunners that they couldn’t focus on anything else.

  ‘What’s with them?’ asked an astonished Katie afterwards. ‘Or are they always like that?’

  ‘Mostly yes,’ said Antonia dismissively. ‘Unless you’re talking about tractors, sheep or series 2 land rovers, you can’t get any sense out of any of them.’ A couple of heads turned her way at the mention of land rovers. ‘There! What did I tell you! Ah. This is more like it - Timmy darling! Cooeee! Over here…’

  A large, brown haired man in jeans wandered over and kissed Antonia on the cheek, before grinning round at the rest of them.

  ‘Hello all. Tilly, just the girl! Think you could fit me in over the weekend? I’ll buy you a pint?’

  ‘Of course Tim, you know me. I’ll be chained to that bar as usual.’

  ‘Darling,’ interrupted Antonia. ‘You must meet Lizzie, who’s marooned while Dave fixes her car.’

  ‘Dave? Up the road here? Oh bad luck,’ he said sympathetically, a twinkle in his blue eyes. ‘You’ll probably still be here at Christmas.’

  ‘And darling, this is her friend, Katie.’

  If Tim had been a stockbroker rather than a village vet in the back of beyond, Lizzie would have got it - that flicker of something, before Katie’s lashes blinked and broke the moment.

  ‘Lovely to meet you,’ she said softly, holding out a manicured, lily-white hand towards his large, somewhat weathered one, her eyes holding his a little longer than necessary.

  Much later, as the four girls and Tim trooped up the road to Antonia’s, Lizzie discovered that he had the dubious pleasure of ministering to Antonia’s equines. Antonia simply adored him - strictly on a platonic level, her strongest feelings being reserved for her horses, he assured her.

  ‘Lovely girl,’ he said with a grin. ‘Don’t get me wrong. Nice horses too!’

  ‘Have you lived here long?’ asked Lizzie, relieved to talk to someone other than a leering barman or useless mechanic.

  ‘Funny you should ask! Now don’t take this the wrong way, but I came here as a locum for a two week stint – and that was, let me see, about eight years ago…’

  Lizzie felt a stab of alarm. There was a pattern here, with people passing through though not quite managing to leave. First Antonia, then Tim and now her – so far, at least. Were there others? Was Littleton bewitched? Maybe Lizzie was being bewitched too…

  Back at the cottage, Antonia ushered them into the sitting room where Cassie was spread along one of the battered leather sofas with three dogs on her lap, feeding crisps to the small sheep Lizzie had met before.

  ‘Cassie! I’ve told you before. I don’t want that animal in here,’ said Antonia crossly as Tilly went skipping over.

  ‘Oh Antonia, you can’t mean that. He’s such a sweet little baby, aren’t you?’ Sitting down next to it, she tickled him between his ears and bent to kiss the little muzzle.

  ‘It’s not sweet, it’s evil. And it craps. Everywhere. Get rid of it, Cassie. Now!’

  Cassie rolled her eyes, looking scarily like a red-haired version of her mother for a moment, before dragging herself off the sofa. ‘You’re so mean, mother. Phil and Kirsty do what they like and they’re disgusting little animals.’

  Full and Bursting, whispered Tim to Lizzie, who snorted with laughter.

  ‘But he’s not a dog!’ yelled Antonia.

  ‘Well, he doesn’t know that,’ said Cassie, stalking out.

  Dave paused for a moment by Tim, who bent and rubbed the little head.

  ‘Hello mate, you’re a fine chap.’ Dave waved his budding horns impressively.

  ‘He’d be a fine Sunday lunch,’ muttered Antonia u
nder her breath, opening the wine. ‘It’s high time that sheep was for the chop. I’m ringing the knacker,’ she announced. ‘On Monday…’

  ‘Now hold on, you can’t possibly do that. You already told me he’s Cassie’s,’ Tim reminded her.

  ‘Huge mistake darling. Never thought for a moment she’d actually keep him. Let’s face it - the only point of sheep is to eat them. And a Welsh Black too. They’re awfully delicious you know, such a waste…’ she said regretfully.

  ‘I don’t think anyone should eat sheep,’ said Tilly carefully between hiccups. ‘They’re so sweet… Anyway, I’m a vegetarian.’

  Lizzie had seen her tucking into a bacon sandwich earlier on and Antonia wasn’t having any of it.

  ‘Rubbish, darling,’ she said. ‘You love a nice bloody steak as much as the rest of us. And where would all the farmers be without us dedicated carnivores?’

  She poured the wine into glasses and took a quick slurp from one before passing them round to her guests.

  ‘Anyway, there’s absolutely no other point in keeping them, is there?’ Antonia was as about intransigent on the subject as she was about men. ‘Which reminds me, Timmy darling, poor Lizzie has just escaped the clutches of the devil himself…’

  ‘A man?’ mouthed Tim silently, grinning at Lizzie who nodded.

  It was far too late by the time they returned to the Star, which was in darkness. They’d left a snoring Tilly at Antonia’s and taken her key. Tim had offered to drive them – much to Lizzie’s amusement.

  ‘So-o,’ Lizzie teased a quieter-than-usual Katie later on, as they lay in the dark in their single beds, both a little the worse for wear. ‘What about Tim? Awfully nice boy…’ She mimicked Antonia’s voice. ‘I saw you, Katie McDonald! You can’t fool me…’

  Katie was quiet. ‘Actually, I really like him,’ she admitted, which is Katie-speak for saying she fancied the pants off him. ‘But what’s the point? Because once your car’s fixed and you leave, why would I ever come back?’