All the Way

by Beverly Bird

  Her breath tore out of her. “I love you,” she said.

  She listened hard before things shattered inside her, but she didn’t think he answered.

  Chapter 13

  A s the holiday week wound down toward New Year’s, Liv told herself she was floating on air. And she almost believed it. Everything was perfect. Vicky was happy. Hunter was content as she’d ever known him to be. Even Kiki seemed mellow.

  And in eight more days she was going to lose Hunter all over again.

  She’d all but pleaded with him not to leave her again in that moment of near desperation when they’d finally made love. He hadn’t really answered. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—ask him again. Her pride was something thorny jamming her throat, refusing to let the words get past.

  He spoke to Pritch more and more often on the phone these days. He paced while he did it. She recognized the signs. He was prowling.

  As she lay sprawled on top of him, three nights after the party, their skin damp and dewy, he kissed her temple and eased her onto her back so he could sit up. Liv found her fingers trailing down his arm for one last touch before she deliberately pulled her hand back. She curled it into a fist beneath the sheets.

  “I’m bone tired tonight, babe,” he murmured. “If I stay here one minute longer, I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep.”

  By unspoken accord they’d kept the change in their relationship from Vicky. If she found him in Liv’s bed in the morning, she would…expect things. And, Liv was sure, it would devastate her when she eventually realized she wouldn’t have a “normal” mom and dad after all.

  “I could set the alarm,” she offered, then she winced. More begging.

  “I don’t want to take the chance.” He stood from the bed and looked around for the sweatpants she’d ripped off him hours before.

  Why wouldn’t he stay with her? she wondered desperately. Because he didn’t want her to expect things, either. Liv rolled over onto her side. She listened to him dress again. He leaned down to kiss her one more time…then he was gone.

  She balled her pillow up and clutched it to her chest. It was a long while before Liv realized that she was crying silently.

  Hunter ripped his sweatpants off again when he reached his attic room, wadding them up, throwing them angrily against the wall. This was asinine. Sneaking down to her room at night as though he was doing something wrong. Sliding out again before his daughter could realize he was in love with her mother. Why the hell wouldn’t Livie let the child know what was going on?

  If it was a marriage license she wanted, he was willing to give it to her. But she was still protecting Vicky from him, he thought, his gut seizing. Nothing had really changed at all.

  He tried to sleep the last few hours until dawn and did a poor job of it. At five-thirty he gave up and went downstairs to the kitchen for coffee. He got there just as Kiki was turning on the pot. She glanced over her shoulder when she heard the door swish open.

  “Well. Look what the cat dragged in.”

  “Long night.”

  Kiki wandered over to the walk-in refrigerator and opened it, pulling out trays and piling them on the counters. “It must be exhausting, trying to squeeze the rest of your life into a few remaining days.”

  He had his cell phone out and was ready to tap in Pritch’s number. Pritch was in North Carolina and would be awake in the East Coast time zone. Instead of doing it, Hunter narrowed his eyes at his friend. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You’re leaving again.”

  “Well, what the hell did you expect?”

  “I’m not sure my expectations have anything to do with it. But you should probably be aware that I’ve kept that dull knife ready for you.”

  Hunter felt temper seep into his blood. It felt like acid. “Maybe you ought to consider using it on your partner.”

  That startled her. Kiki stopped kneading dough to stare at him. “Why would I want to do that? I can’t run this place by myself. I don’t do people.”

  He put the phone down hard on the table. “Tell me something. How come I always get cast in the role of bad guy in this situation?”

  Kiki recovered. “Because you always leave.”

  “I have a job!” He roared it.

  Kiki wasn’t intimidated in the least. She bellied up to him, nose to nose. “Next Thursday? NASCAR’s season doesn’t start up until February nineteenth!”

  “She doesn’t want me to stay!”

  Kiki’s jaw dropped. She snapped it shut again and backed off. “You’re an imbecile.” But her voice had lost force.

  “She won’t let us be a family, damn it!” And until he said it aloud, he didn’t realize how much—how really much—that hurt him. It ate at him inside.

  Kiki’s expression softened. “She’s scared, Hunter.”

  “She’s holding the same old grudges.”

  “Because you haven’t given her anything to sweep them away with.”

  “You’re doing it again. Putting it on me.”

  “You’re the man. You’re supposed to take charge of things. Isn’t that what you did when you dragged her off to bed after the party?”

  She always saw too damned much, Hunter thought. He didn’t bother to deny it. He combed fingers through his hair. “Well, maybe I’m scared, too.”

  He was so scared, he thought, that when she’d told him she still loved him, he hadn’t been able to answer. He was scared spitless that she was going to shove him right the hell out of her life again because she was doing nothing to invite him to stay. Because she might be loving him with her body again, but she was still keeping her soul safe and clear from him.

  He looked at Kiki, lost in a brief moment of vulnerability. “What am I supposed to do about this?”

  She shook her head helplessly in a rare moment of her own. “Let me think about it.”

  “Well, think fast,” he growled. “The clock’s ticking.”

  “I know,” she said quietly. “I know.”

  The next day Hunter remembered that there really was no way to anticipate Livie Slade. She’d always been able to throw him curve balls, and her routines with the inn were no exception.

  They’d been able to steal away for a few brief hours in the early afternoon because Vicky was off playing with Mandy Singapore. He watched from the bed as Liv rose, naked, and stretched. Things inside him heated up all over again.

  “Let me get this straight,” he said, because he really didn’t want to think about what she did to him. “On Thanksgiving you ship everyone out. On Christmas you open up for the whole town. And on New Year’s Eve you do…nothing.”

  “Right.” She bent and picked up a pair of lacy panties from the floor. Hunter tried not to watch.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “We’re not that kind of establishment. You’ve seen the kind of guests we attract. Old biddies, young families.” She stepped into the panties and dragged them up her hips.

  His tongue hit the roof of his mouth and tried to stay there. There were so many unanswered issues still between them, she had his gut tied in knots…and he still wanted her beyond sense. “There were those traveling Lotharios,” he said finally.

  Liv felt a grin tug at her mouth. The band of twenties-something men who had been so avid to hear Hunter’s racing stories had turned out to be a handful, trying to sneak women into their rooms repeatedly. “Well, they’re not here this week. We have a mother with her teenage son, three pairs of newlyweds and a couple celebrating their fiftieth. None of whom would be inclined to trip the light fantastic. The newlyweds will probably hole up in their rooms. They’ve barely left them for days, anyway.”

  “We’ll do it, then.”

  Liv stopped dressing and stared at him, surprised. “Do what? Hole up?”

  “Actually, I was thinking of tripping the light fantastic.”

  “You want to do something for New Year’s Eve?”

  “That’s what I’m getting at, yeah. Can you get one of those girls from
town to hang out here for a few hours to keep an eye on the place while you’re gone? I’ll even pay her from my gobs of money.”

  The money he earned through a career that was going to take him away from her again. Liv pushed the pain down deep inside her. “What about Vicky?”

  “I meant all three of us.” He pulled air into his chest. “A real family outing.”

  Yearning swept her. Liv started to shake her head, to tell him no. She didn’t want one more precious family night to remember after he took off again. It would hurt too much. She’d never be able to face another New Year’s Eve without the memories eating her alive. Thanksgiving and Christmas were going to be bad enough, if he didn’t return for more of them.

  “We could even drag Kiki along with us,” he suggested. “Does she have plans?”

  Liv shook her head, trying to clear it. “I don’t know. She hasn’t mentioned anything about her personal life lately.” Liv doubted if she would have heard her if she had. She’d been too caught up in her own.

  “So ask her.”

  “I…okay. Sure.” Yes, Liv realized, she did want this. One last perfect night. “I’ve got to go pick up Vicky,” she said before her heart could take over her good sense entirely.

  “That’s my cue.” He threw his legs over the side of the bed and stood.

  “Um. I suppose.”

  “Can’t have our daughter figuring out that her mom and dad are an item.”

  Liv felt heartache building in her chest again. “I’m just not sure what that would accomplish, Hunter.”

  “A sense of family, maybe?”

  “Except we’re not.” The words were out before she could grab them back. She wanted them to be. Oh, God, how she wanted it! But Pritch had called four times today—and those were only the calls she knew about.

  “Right.” Hunter snapped out the single word as if he was flicking a whip.

  Liv winced. “I’m open to discussion if you disagree.”

  “Livie, when it comes to that child, you have never once been open to discussion.” He started grabbing up his own clothes.

  “That’s not true!” She was stung.

  She watched him visibly calm himself down again. He wasn’t going to rise to the bait. He never did anymore. Not really.

  She was almost itching for a good fight. For a shoutfest so she could howl out her misery over him leaving. Again.

  “Go pick her up,” he said more mildly. “I’ll be cleared out of here by the time you get back.”

  “Right.” She thought she spoke, but the word was barely a croak. Liv headed for the door.

  Vicky was waiting at the curb when she finally got to the Singapore home fifteen minutes later, and she was bouncing up and down on her heels impatiently.

  “What’s up?” Liv asked as the little girl spilled into the back seat of the car.

  Vicky fastened her seat belt and crossed her arms over her chest. “Nothing.”

  Something, Liv thought, making a U-turn and heading toward home again. “Did you and Mandy fight again?”

  “No.” A pause. “She is really just too stupid for words.”

  “Why? What did she do now?”

  “It’s what she said.”

  Liv took a breath and worked on it a little more. “Which was?”

  “That if Hunter was really my dad, you’d…like, be sleeping with him or something.”

  Liv’s heart whipped into her throat and almost choked her. “That’s not necessarily true. Lots of parents live apart.”

  “He lives with us, Mom, in case you didn’t notice.”

  “Not for much longer.” More words she hadn’t meant to say. The closer they got to January, Liv thought, the more she fell apart.

  Vicky went very still. “What do you mean?”

  “He has to race, honey.”

  “Yeah, but that’s just on weekends.”

  “It takes him all week to get the car ready.”

  “So he’s leaving us?”

  The pain in her heart was like a mushroom cloud, swelling and lifting to fill all of her, Liv thought helplessly. She hadn’t explained this clearly enough in the beginning, she thought. Neither she nor Hunter had. She pulled the car over to the side of the road. “Yes.”

  “Forever?”

  “I’m sure he’ll visit whenever he can.” He was good at that, she thought bitterly.

  Vicky was quiet for a long time. “So Mandy was right.”

  “No,” Liv said vehemently. “Mandy was wrong. Hunter is your dad. His work makes him travel a lot so…so we’re not always together.”

  She watched in the rearview mirror as that stubborn little jaw came up and forward. “He needs to find another job.”

  Liv felt laughter grip her throat. She couldn’t let it out because she knew it would sound crazed. She decided to change the subject. “By the way, do you have a hot date for New Year’s Eve?”

  The tactic almost worked. “I’m going to smooch up with Rhett again,” she muttered. “Might be the last chance I get.”

  Liv took a deep breath. “Then you’ll have to share him with me.”

  “You’re going to kiss him?”

  “I still love him, baby. I’m going to miss him as much as you do.”

  Vicky scowled. “This is bad.”

  “Could be worse. He could never have come back at all.” And she knew then that that would have been worse, because there had been a hole in her life from the moment he had walked away. Even filling it partially again was better than having it gape.

  Vicky thought about that and nodded. “So where are we going on New Year’s?”

  “I don’t know yet. I need to see if Mandy’s sister can watch over the inn.” Denise Singapore was seventeen, frantically saving money for Radcliffe next fall, and had been one of the girls she’d hired to serve at the party.

  “Just as long as it’s not Mandy,” Vicky said.

  “She’s a little young for the job.”

  “I’m never going to speak to her again.”

  “Two days this time?”

  “Maybe three. Does Aunt Kiki have any really good, smelly cheese?”

  “You’ll have to ask her.” Liv pulled back into traffic.

  When they got back to the inn, she called Denise and got an okay from her to work that night. Then she left the office and cornered Kiki in the kitchen.

  “Do you have plans for New Year’s Eve?” she asked her.

  Kiki was busy putting together the last of the goodies for tea. “Yep. With my cat.”

  “When did you get a cat?” Liv was startled.

  “Spinsters have them. It seemed only fitting.”

  “Have you sworn off the male race again?”

  “You might have noticed if you weren’t so besotted in love.” She shoved a tray of tarts into the oven.

  “I’m not in love.”

  “Sorry. My mistake. That rosy glow to your cheeks must have thrown me off.” She closed the oven door and turned back to her. “Either that, or the agony in your eyes.”

  Liv felt her air catch and a headache instantly bloom. “Kiki, I don’t want to talk about this.” She’d done enough of that with Vicky this afternoon to last her a lifetime, she thought.

  “You’re going to send him away again, aren’t you?”

  “Send him away?” Liv choked. “When have you ever known that man to stay put long enough for anyone to have such an opportunity?”

  “You managed it once.”

  “That was different.”

  “How?”

  Liv floundered. “I was pregnant.”

  “And now the result of that pregnancy is out in the barn harassing Bourne.” Kiki shook her head. “That one won’t fly. Keep trying.”

  “I had to give her a life!”

  “Which you’ve done. Go on.”

  “He doesn’t want to stay with me now anymore than he did then!” Liv shouted, and felt her face flame. She covered her cheeks with her hands and sat down quickly at the ta
ble.

  Kiki came to stand beside her. “He didn’t want to leave then, Liv,” she said quietly. “And I’m not sure he wants to now.”

  “Then why is he making so many plans to go? He talks to Pritch a dozen times a day!”

  “He thinks you want him to.”

  Liv stared at her. “No. Did he tell you that?”

  Kiki turned away abruptly. “Tell you what. I’ll be damned if I’m going to kiss you to protect him.”

  Liv found a strangled laugh hit her throat. She’d finally told Kiki about that. “That’s okay. I don’t want you to.” She stood shakily.

  Kiki watched her go, almost satisfied. But what each of them wanted was only part of the dilemma. As the man had said, he had a job to go to. And that simple fact was going to break Liv’s heart in two this time.

  For the first time in her life, Kiki faced a problem she admitted she might not be able to solve.

  Liv watched Hunter escort Vicky into the Connor at half past six on New Year’s Eve. He had made dinner reservations for seven o’clock, so they’d have a drink first in the Spirit Room. Vicky was primed for being included in such a grown-up night, Liv thought, things inside her softening. She’d bought her a new dress for the occasion—red, of course, a whisper-soft velvet A-line with long, demure sleeves. She wore white hose and black patent-leather flats and pigtails—she’d been partial to the style since Hunter had given her the nickname.

  How would Vicky cope when he was gone?

  “You’re doing it again,” Kiki murmured from beside her.

  Liv glanced at her. It was a measure of her love for her friend that Liv would even consider being seen in public with her. When Kiki was dolled up, Kiki was devastatingly beautiful. Tonight she wore an austere black pantsuit with huge gold buttons on the jacket. The jacket flared just a little at her hips and cut low at the top, showing a hint of cleavage. It was chic and sleek. She needed no other adornment. Her hair was an onyx waterfall, her features just chiseled enough to be perfect.

  “What do you mean?” Liv murmured.

  “You’re foisting your own worries off onto your daughter again,” Kiki said.

  Liv hung back a little to finish this before they joined Hunter and Vicky. “No, I’m not. Why would you say that?”