by Ross, Janice
“Let me love you, Kasha Davies.” He nibbled on my stomach, around my navel and continued to drift lower. “Let me in,” he mumbled, pulling away enough to allow the words to carry.
“Knox . . .” I called out through a heavy exhale. “I love you.”
His head lifted just enough for him to catch my gaze. There was a hint, a shine radiating from his pupils. “Kash, I plan on showing you just how much I love you.”
“What about—”
“I swear, Kash, there’s no one else and nothing else.” As he assured me, he started lowering my body to the light peach linoleum tile. “It’s me and you here on out.” He didn’t wait for a reply. Knox shredded my cotton tee and placed a multitude of kisses down my stomach. I encased his head between my palms.
“Don’t ever let go, Knox. Promise me. Promise.” Waves of emotions shot throughout every inch of me when in a frenzy Knox lowered my jeans. Although his hands pushed down the material, his mouth massaged my triangular treasure. He tickled at my clit before feasting on my womanhood with a spiteful passion that called out everything that should have been his all along. He attacked me in beast-like resolve. I wanted to give it all with no regard for anything else. I forced my hips forward only to pull him in for a healthy feast.
“Knox!” I screamed. “Knox.” His name felt incredibly natural tumbling from my tongue. My insides flushed over with energy from every and all parts both secret and public. I shoved my hips forward into his face, while my fingers gripped onto his wild hair. Quite a long time had passed since I’d last experienced any of this. I had forgotten what real pleasure was. But this was much more than simple joy.
“Five years,” Knox mumbled against my slit. His words traveled up to my core before racing back down again.
Five years was a long time to have such passion bottled up. I honestly never thought I’d ever be so lucky to give myself away, just for the sake of love.
“Ahhh!”
I let go. For the emotions that had been locked away for most of my life, I set aside the walls. Between the passion that Knox fed to the peekaboo region buried on the inside of my flesh and the influx of bittersweet pain over finally letting go, my truth was finally able to manifest all at once. And so I sobbed. I fought it out. He called forth my orgasm with fierce lips. I no longer controlled things. He did. I obeyed his command and released.
Knox then placed me on my feet in order to remove the rest of my clothes. He didn’t move to undress, nor to remove his shoes. His sole focus landed on doing what was needed to satisfy me and only me.
All the while, I maintained a low sob. Knox’s hands reached up to touch my face. I leaned and allowed my head to rest against him. He took the time to gently massage at the moisture that drenched my cheeks.
“Knox . . .” I nibbled into his palm. “I don’t want to be without you.” This time, I boldly reached up for him. My legs felt right around his waist. The roughness of his clothes should’ve made it uncomfortable to continue, especially against my nakedness. But I didn’t care. We’d spent a tremendous amount of time staving off our love. That was no longer an option. We pressed on to a new era, a new life, a new love in the here and now.
Knox
~
Kasha was more beautiful than I could’ve imagined. I’d seen her before, but never like this. She had the perfect little nose, beautiful pink lips, and a gorgeous smile that held me close. But her body, shit. Her hair carried a refreshing scent, I needed more than a little. She lay naked, spread wide across my chest after hours of us exploring each other. I think it had’ been more than three to be exact. She was exhausted to the point of gently snoring. Her lips were barely parted as the air rushed out. I woke up with a heavy feeling weighing me down.
My situation wasn’t an easy one, and would be even more difficult to get out of. When I’d decided to take on Erika, I’d been confused, in a devastated state. Kasha had brought me back to a time of my past, when loyalties ran deep and hard times even deeper.
The thing I’d tried to keep hidden came back. I shook my head and exhaled. Living in the present with the girl of my dreams, I trailed my fingers along Kasha’s shoulders. Her skin was soft, perfect. I slid lower, positioning her petite frame over mine. She fit perfectly on top, in all the right areas. Days like this were meant to live on. I didn’t want to leave, but knew I could only stay so long.
“Kash,” I exhaled to the top of her hair. My breath was warm, blowing out a heavy, passionate fire.
Kasha stirred in response. Her lips came crashing down on the meaty part of my chest. She went on to trail kisses after kisses across and up, until our lips collided.
She was no longer my innocent Kasha. She no longer held back. Most importantly, she believed I was now hers. How did I know? In the way she kissed me wholeheartedly. She opened up for me, in return, I wouldn’t and couldn’t disappoint her. When she spread her legs in preparation to mount me, my arms snaked around her hips. She shot straight up, arched her back, took me in and rocked wildly.
Kasha moaned. She tossed her hair. Her palms gripped and squeezed at her breasts as they fit fully into each palm.
“Promise me,” Kasha cried out. Her question hung wide out in the air. “I need to know . . . that this isn’t just a thing for you, Knox, because . . . ummm, it’s not just a thing for me.”
I thrust my hips up to meet her downward grind. We fed off the passion, the hunger. “No negativity. I’ll make it better. I’ll fix this.” I allowed her muscles to massage my flesh. “I promise.” For me it was much more than a promise, it was my vow to Kasha. No matter what, I needed her. Erika would have to understand. She had to, God, she had to. This night I gave away my heart, my soul . . . my all, and there was no getting them back.
An hour later, I stood at the side of the bed to watch over the only girl my heart would ever love again. She’d moaned a few times, even clawed and giggled in her sleep. The lights were out and a subtle shine from the moon had sprinkled in drips of hope. I walked over to stand in the moonlight, then took a moment to run fingers through my cropped hair. A looming feeling rested in my gut, a hint for what was sure to come.
I had been able to convince myself three months ago that taking Erika as my wife was the right thing to do. I thought I was doing the right thing. I needed to believe we could be, that I could protect her. I got torn up, confused. In an attempt to protect her, I screwed things up. Erika needed to believe in a love that quite possibly had never taken root. I led her on. Being able to show love to someone like Erika wasn’t difficult. She’d been through a shitload of loss in the past.
As much as I didn’t want to add to her hurt, I needed to stay true to myself. I could no longer move forward with Erika. If I was forced to continue, I’d never be able to forgive myself and would never be able to let Kasha go again. So I’d be a cheating bastard.
“Damn,” I mouthed, throwing my fists into the air. If there was some way to go back in time, I’d make the trip. The past always seemed to loom in my present, and knowing now that Kasha had loved me all along, I wouldn’t have wasted the years. Or better yet, I’d only go back as far as the first night I’d met Erika and learn my lesson from there.
“Damn.” I stepped off and away from the bed, then bent forward to pick up the clothes from the hardwood floor. I paused to look down. The shine from the moonlight stretched across the room. It trailed along the floorboards. I knew every inch of this house. The renovation was our summer project two years back. The memories were still potent as I breathed in the silence and reminisced over our time together so far. And for once in my life, I looked forward to a fulfilling, doubtless future.
~
Kasha
~
“What’s wrong?” I mumbled before scolding myself for saying something so naive. The problem was the fact that he must’ve felt like shit over us. As much as I didn’t want to acknowledge Erika, she was a very real part of his life. In acknowledging her, however, did that mean my claim on Knox was bas
eless?
I rolled closer to his firm, muscular chest. My ass backed to his groin while our bodies blended perfectly together. In return, Knox squeezed my upper body. He pressed me even closer while providing a bearish hug. With our lower bodies already attached to one another, he lapped his legs over the top of mine, then crisscrossed at the bottom. His bulge grew against me. Damn near melted into him and got wet all over again. Correction: wetter.
“Kash, the only thing I’m certain about is you . . . this . . . us.”
I could feel the pounding of his heart blending with the vibrations of my own. It was the perfect massage to counter the topic.
“Erika’s gonna hate me,” I whispered as my lips pressed into his forearm. The scent of our mated bodies made me crave him inside me all over again. The arms I was already growing accustomed to tightened across my biceps. He kissed the tip of my ear, nibbled and ran his tongue around the edge. Knox’s hot breath pushed me to the brink of reasoning. A tingly sensation flushed through me. How could something so subtle cause such a reaction?
“Are you friends? This—” he began before gently thrusting his hips forward “—this is my issue, not yours.”
“I know, but I’d never get over a guy, specifically my fiancé, dumping me for some other chick.”
“Let me worry about that.”
But how could I not care? His words hadn’t soothed me. I knew he meant well, but I had just screwed another chick’s guy. To make things worse, I couldn’t say I wouldn’t do it again.
“Look at me.”
Without hesitation, I turned around and maintained our proximity. I then arched the top half of my body away from him. His gaze was a familiar one, though for the first time in all these years, I now recognized it as true adoration, hunger, need, longing . . . love.
A low buzzing sounded off in the distance. Our stare intensified. A distant light provided just enough of a revelation. His chest contracted deeply to my chest. I studied his movements away from the bed. When he recovered his slacks from the floor, he took out his cellphone and glanced at the screen before returning it to the pocket. As soon as he got cozy with me, it went off again. I didn’t wait on him to step away from me. I loosened the grip, since I’d just wrapped my fingers at his sides. Instead of forcing me to tighten my hold, he allowed me to let him go and reluctantly stood up.
He had to know who was calling. The reaction, after it lit up in his hand, didn’t shift much. His hand went right back inside of his pocket and came out empty. When Knox refocused back on the bed, on me, he took a deep breath, recovered the phone and answered, “I’ll get there in a couple of hours.”
This time I sat up in the bed, suddenly feeling detached; not from him but myself. I hadn’t spoken with Ma in about two months, since she was taking a journey of self-discovery on some remote island in the South Pacific. I could hear her words, even saw the anger forming on her face as she scolded me. Thank God she didn’t know about Knox.
He leaned his head to the wall and used his right fingers to massage his temples. Knowing him the way I did, he had to be uncomfortable. With the distance between us, since he was at the opposite side of the room, I cringed when the electronic sound carried through the room like before.
Neither one of us reacted more than to stare at each other. I’d just given myself to him, knowing damn well he was taken. What the hell would I say? Then the ringing stopped. Five seconds later, there was the zigzag texture of its noise against his clothes. An additional five and he yanked it back out.
“I’ll talk to you when I get—” Knox listened. I listened to him listening to the girl he should’ve been with now. My heart pumped harshly. “I’m not arguing with you, Erika. We’ll talk when I get there.”
I could imagine Erika’s anger. Hell, being the other woman, I felt it for her. My eyes stung for how wrong this was, though love was never meant to feel wrong.
“If you need to go—”
“I’m not going anywhere, Kash. I fucked up. I should’ve never gotten to this stage with Erika. We, you and me—” Knox paused to swipe his hand to and fro “—should’ve been together all along.”
My mind became captured by a sinking feeling over his words: the confidence and the connection I felt to Erika as a female. I needed to put distance between us, flee this situation. Even the slightest escape would help. “I’m gonna get some juice.” Before Knox could object, I leapt up from the bed to rush out of the room. I wrapped a royal red throw around my shoulders, it cascaded down my limbs. It had been leisurely thrown across a bone-colored, winged wicker chair. I came so close to stumbling over the top of the armrest.
Shit! Damn!
I stretched up on my toes to run for the kitchen while regret sunk low inside me. I literally saw myself as shit. A sea of doubt flowed through my mind. In my quest for some semblance of satisfaction, I started to regret what I had just done. But there was no one near to promise me it would be okay because my conscience would never lie to me.
The house was silent, with the exception of a motorcycle in the distance. A motorcycle wasn’t the norm for my block. Can’t say any of my neighbors owned a bike. And if anyone were to make a turn into my development, it had to be with purpose, especially in the early hours.
Honestly, Kash, who cares?
I tossed my head. My hair whisked around my face. The kitchen floor was cold and though I’d wanted to get away from the drama in my bedroom, I was suddenly ready to embrace the fire all over again. This situation had me going through the motions, running hot and cold, even doubting what I knew to be wrong as right. But could it be right?
As I prepared to return to Knox with a slew of questions about us, I noticed the clothes I’d worn, the ones he had removed. They were still in the foyer, tossed on the ground. For all the doubting, I inhaled and smiled. My imagination took off with images of areas we’d left clothes. I even envisioned how we’d come at each other. Oh Knox, I wanted to cry out. Leaning to reach for the articles in the dark, I heard the motorcycle rev up. The sound drew closer, then closer as if it was coming at me. My heart raced. At umpteen o’clock in the morning, who the hell would be playing around on a block that was filled with retirees?
Pressing to the stained glass door, I tried to peer out through one of the tiny spots that hadn’t been filled in with frost. The seconds dragged on with nothing to see, in spite of the darkness still looming on the other side of the door. Then I heard footsteps threading up what sounded to be my driveway—heavy, determined steps at that.
I parted my lips to call out for Knox, but the words never came. Instead, I rushed toward a window on the left side of the house, right off the living room. The lights were all turned down, from inside the house to the outdoor floodlight. And from the angle I was gazing out of the window, the streetlight at the opposite curb revealed very little. Leaning away to look behind me, I considered going to get Knox because whatever this elusive figure had planned, there was no telling. But then there was absolutely nothing. Silence resumed until it was as it had been when I’d first left out of the bedroom. I no longer even heard the bike. The damn footsteps had come up the pathway. I wasn’t losing my mind, was I?
Then . . .
BOOM! Glass escaped inward, raining past the foyer further into my home. One second the glass was intact, the next it lay in ruins.
“Help!” I cried in words and terms. “Help!
“Kash!” Knox’s called out.
“No, don’t come here!” I warned. There was no telling if the culprit remained on the steps. The last thing I wanted was to risk Knox’s safety, even with me teetering with fear on the edge of the sofa. But then I heard the bike rolling up. Footsteps started up once again, though quicker this time. I peered back out of the window to see the back of a lanky guy dressed in full black. He pulled a helmet over the top of a black baseball cap, then hopped onto the front of a bike. His accomplice was much smaller and reached lower, about midway up his back. The person wrapped their arms around the guy.
Van hadn’t crossed my mind in ages. Could he have found me, after all these years? I never went back to South Florida, not even Port Saint Lucie. I thought of him very little, in hopes that he returned that simple favor. I was certain he’d never been convicted for his crime. Yet I hoped he knew I wasn’t one to rat anyone out, because I hadn’t. I only wanted to be left alone. Well . . . at least by him.
“Kash! Kash!” Knox’s call grew louder. I hadn’t even realized he’d come out. For now, from the corner of my eyes, he appeared to pace in and out of the foyer. “Did you see anyone?”
I exhaled. Bending my elbows, my fingers instinctively wrapped against the sides of my head. I blinked my eyes closed, imagining the violator. I replayed the image of the guy, as Van’s profile settled in my mind. Can’t say it was him. Couldn’t have been Axel either. But who, if not them?
Knox’s palms landed on my shoulders. The throw had fallen around my lower body. My nipples poked out, not with desire, but fear.
I heard Knox speaking, forming what might’ve been sentences, but it was foreign. The words ran together and made very little sense until he shook me.
“Kash . . . Kasha.” He pulled me to his chest. He’d only managed to throw on his gray boxer briefs, otherwise, he was like before. Lips passed along my forehead, my lips, even my fingers and palms. He mumbled promises to protect me, like he knew of my demons.
He didn’t, and couldn’t ever know.
~
Knox
~
Practically every last vein in my head pulsated. The throbbing only grew worse and worse. If Kasha had been hurt, there’s no telling what I would’ve done. She was everything to me. Hell, her safety shifted to the top of the line. She cried nonstop. Her tears soaked up my chest, my arms. I’d gotten her to stand up, but she wouldn’t let me take her into the bedroom. We needed to do something, anything to fix this.