My Number One: Kasha & Knox

by Ross, Janice

  Tea bit her lips shut for as long as possible, until she could hold it no longer. We filled the room with a sound that had been lost for what seemed like ages.

  “It’s getting late. I need to run out to the store. Can you wait for the contractor, Tea?” I spun in circles, not even sure of what was needed.

  “No, you stay. I’ll go.” Tea grabbed her purse en route to the door. I couldn’t even object before a text came through requesting a list of items.

  I sat still with my thoughts. They were strong, powerful, but the deafening silence of 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning gave me a sinking feeling. Being all alone was a normal thing for me, yet the early morning events now made me realize this wasn’t something I desired at all. Saying as much in a brief text to Knox, I held the phone in the palm of my hand then wrapped my fingers around the device. My forehead pressed onto my arm as I awaited his reply.

  Something caught my attention. A shuffling sound from beyond the back door grew nearer. I froze, and then looked up to see a tall, shadowy figure trying to peer through the window. Luckily, sunlight didn’t filter into the kitchen well enough to expose me sitting there. Moreover, the curtain was too opaque for him to see through. Doubt ripped away at my insides. My mind revisited the words I’d used two years ago to convince Knox that I didn’t need reinforced glass. Now dipping my head, I mouthed a silent thank you that he hadn’t listened. But then the door handle shook.

  From the front of the house, Tea called out, “Kash, why aren’t you—”

  I mouthed a quick shut up, swatting in her direction. Since Teagan’s words had been offered from a good enough distance away, the potential threat lingered on the opposite side of the door. I waved toward the back door with my right pointer and held up my left palm. The room almost seemed to swallow me up as I tried to steady my racing heart. This was a difficult task, especially since the house had already been invaded upon earlier that day.

  Tea appeared at my side, with a pot in hand. Whereas I preferred to reason through most situations, Tea thrived in survival mode. She came into my life a savior, so the title remained hers for all eternity. I couldn’t help but stare at her in amazement, until she forcibly pulled me up from the seat and held me behind her.

  “But—”

  Tea swatted away my words. As the realization of the situation fell down on me, I felt the need to run out of the house to a safer location. Anywhere, just not in this house anymore. I didn’t know who this stranger was, and didn’t care to be in his way. Whether this had to do with Erika or Van, I had no desire to wait around. But my bold friend was the last to concede so easily.

  The door was kicked open. We hadn’t been able to ready ourselves for it because the noise and entrance happened simultaneously. Sunshine flooded the room along with a cool, stale air. The intruder’s height extended to the top of the doorway, and he even had to duck low when rushing in. I was dumbfounded, flushed over by terror and shock. I wanted to run, to fight, to scream and do anything possible to reclaim what was mine. But I couldn’t. When circumstances arise, we never truly know how they will play out. I just folded.

  “Who the hell—” Tea began before swinging the pot wildly at the guy. The first attempt breezed past him as she’d barely tried, then she stretched out a leg and connected with his groin.

  I froze in place, right on the inside of the path leading to the hallway. I trembled. My mind said one thing, yet my body didn’t react. Not only was I stunned by the fierce actions Tea used to take him down, I was suddenly overtaken with my own bout of anger. Though initially frozen in place, when the man gripped onto the top of Tea’s hair, I leapt at him. I plummeted into his gut head on, the pungent scent of gasoline swarming around me. His fingers lost their hold on Tea, and together we punched, and scratched, and kicked ass. This time, Teagan didn’t save me. This time, we worked as a team to take down the giant.

  ~

  Knox

  ~

  From the outside of the house, a cold, chilly air swarmed out to run all over me. I was beyond angry, beyond mad, and beyond pissed off. It was one thing to manipulate me, but Kasha should have no part in this. What was, is and will be, revolved around the situation Erika and I had created. To think that she would come at someone that meant the world to me, set me in a zone. My insides were raging pits of hell that were ready to blast out and burn anyone brave enough to cross my path. I blamed myself; though there was more than enough blame to go around.

  “Erika!” My vocals pulsed against my throat. My senses put me in a funky mood. There wasn’t an ounce of light flowing in. I blinked and squinted to adjust. “Erika, get down here.” The words echoed back to me. A light pulsation crept along my temples when I walked through the first room, then headed up the stairs to the bedrooms.

  She had to be here, waiting for me to come home. Besides, the Malibu was parked outside. In a short period of time, Erika had made me a part of her life. In turn, I’d opened up my damn world for her to capture.

  “Answer me,” I called out, a little less angry. Her flowery scent smacked me in the face. It wasn’t a lingering one, yet a very present aura. She was here, had to be, just waiting for me to come at her. After stomping from one room to the next on the first floor, I climbed the staircase. As my feet touched the top flight, I heard movement. The master bedroom was positioned up front, with the guest room in the back. I took the wide, monster-like steps. For having worked so hard for this, the pressure pulsed in and throughout me. Pushing open the door that had only been slightly set, I found her sitting Indian style in the center of the bed.

  While I got ready to toss out the words, her reply came at me hard. “What?” Bold, wide pupils searched me out. Long, dried-up streaks trailed down each side of her face. The lights were off, but she’d adjusted the blinds just enough for me to see the frown lines etched across her forehead. I wasn’t a cold, insensitive bastard. I cared about her enough to admit I felt bad. Seeing her hurt tugged at my heart. I recognized that the only way I’d be able to change things would be to forget Kasha. I could do anything but that.

  Erika’s chest shook. Her struggle was visibly painful, with fresh tears racing down. She made tight fists. And I could imagine how badly she must’ve wanted to beat the shit out of me.

  “You were supposed to . . .” It broke my heart when the words got caught up in her throat. Quick, deep breath rushed through and through. “You promised to take care of me.”

  “Erika, I didn’t mean for things to end up this way.” I wasn’t running game on her, nor was I trying to lessen the effects of what I’d done.

  “You’re an asshole!”

  “Two things.” I held up two fingers and moved closer to the bed. Yes, I’d hurt her, but we had more to discuss than the move I made last night. She violated Kasha.

  “You left here last night. You spent the fucking night out.” Erika paused and exhaled before continuing on. “One epic fuck-up on your part!” She stood, then approached me like I was her prey, with a slow, beastly execution. But me, turn and run? Not nearly. I’d sacrificed my life to make her happy. Imagine that, a stranger I’d barely known at the time.

  The throbbing in my head was insistent. My emotions had the effect of stripping away the anger and exposing the vulnerabilities. I felt like shit over the level of distress she showed, but there was more to this discussion than my infidelity.

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “But you did!” With less than a foot now between us, Erika leapt at me. Her fists crashed into my chest. “I hate you!”

  The more I tried to settle her by grasping for her hands, the quicker she moved. There was no way I would manhandle her, so I didn’t push or become forceful. She had every right to be angry and lash out. This was normal. The other stuff, not so much. But this, this I welcomed as a punishment. After she slapped and kicked and tried to bite, she fell into my arms. I held her there, close.

  “Erika,” I said in a gentle tone. “I’m wrong. I’m the first to admit it, but
you—”

  “Me?” She shoved at my chest, only to take one large step backwards. “Me?” With bent elbows, she thumped on her chest. “I’m far from being naive enough for you to turn this shit around on me.”

  “I take responsibility for spending the night out, but that’s off the subject for now.” This time I approached her. This wasn’t a matter of arguing or fighting. “I’m sorry for hurting you, but that shit you pulled this morning . . .”

  The words, the declaration, the potential question hung in the air, clinging between the two of us. I wanted to move past the shitty stuff, straight to the meat of the problem. If I could truly get her to see where our relationship might’ve been heading, based on how we’d come together, just maybe I could make things better. I searched out understanding. I held out hope. I willed her to be reasonable with me. My eyelids drifted shut. If only I hadn’t let things get this far. With her within arm’s reach, we were close enough to comfort each other for how we’d both allowed this thing called “us” to spiral out of control.

  “Please, Erika.” I sought out something, anything to let me know she doubted what we both knew to be unrealistic.

  Nothing close to tenderness. Nothing close to humility.

  The girl who’d been broken only minutes earlier now wore a plastic stare. With arms hanging at her sides, her lips formed a thin line that ran from one of her cheeks to the other. Our gazes connected in a daring hold. Her eyes were wide, bold even; while I squinted.

  “I messed up.” I wasn’t the type of man to avoid owning up to his shit. Responsibility was perhaps one of the first adult lessons I’d learned. “I care about you, Erika, but I’ve been in love with Kasha from the minute I met her.” Instead of making an effort to justify things one way, I tried approaching things in a different way. She fought me and was angry, but I still needed to address the episode at Kasha’s house. Although it burned me to set her straight, as vivid images of Kasha’s terror played through my mind, I hoped that in first laying out my issues and taking blame, we’d be able to work out what was wrong. “I do care about you, honestly.”

  “You care about me?” Erika mumbled, turning away to stroll toward the window. “You love her?” The words deepened.

  “Yes.” I knew it was a cold way to respond. Shit, believing that I could fit Erika into my life was a dumb-ass mistake to begin with. Now I had to fix this situation in order to get on with things. The person who had always been, but who was steadily becoming the most important person in my life was taking shit over my screw up.

  “Where does this leave us?” Erika’s fingers passed over the top of her hair, almost like she was forcing my words into her mind.

  “Honestly, would you want to marry a man that’s in love with another girl?”

  She turned, I followed. Erika needed to understand this was very real for me. Hurting her was inevitable. But I wouldn’t shy away; I had to make it stick. “I feel like shit over this.”

  “You are shit.” Erika walked from the window.

  The insult provided my in to the rest of our conversation. “I can accept that, but on to what you did.”

  “Unlike you, Knox, I’m not owning up to shit. I did nothing.” Erika stepped past me with her head straight ahead.

  “Even if you didn’t do the deed, you’re the mastermind behind it. Don’t try to underestimate my reasoning skills.”

  “Never, my love.” Erika looked back and winked.

  I followed her from the guest bedroom. By the time I walked into the room we shared, Erika had removed my oversized white tee shirt. It spread out on the carpet. She now wore a large smile, bright glare and pointed nipples.

  “Get dressed. We need to—”

  “Do you think I’m letting you go, Knox Jackson?” Erika dropped to her knees in front of me.

  Less than thirty minutes ago, I had sworn an undying love to my friend. So why did I now feel an aching desire as my manhood flexed beneath my clothes? On any day, I couldn’t convince himself that Erika wasn’t desirable. She was a goddess from head to toe. And although I wanted anything but, when her fingers unhooked my pants, I didn’t stop her. Even when she used her teeth to nibble at my hard-on through the boxers, my eyes lay shut.

  “You’re mine,” Erika announced with clear intentions. She reached into the boxers. Her fingers wrapped around my stiffness, cuddled it, claimed it as her own.

  I exhaled. I knew what she was capable of, especially with those lips and that damn tongue darting out for my erection. “No,” I mumbled.

  “Yes,” Erika replied. “Yes . . . Yes . . . Yes.”

  I trembled, flushed with a sickening color.

  “Ummmm.” Her affirmations didn’t ease up until she managed to snake my flesh between her lips. She took to calling out my release, like all was forgiven; like pleasing me was her sole purpose in life.

  But it wasn’t.

  My eyes shot open when the tip of my cock hit up against the back of her throat. Kasha’s face flashed before me—her gentle eyes, succulent lips. A stinging force touched at my heart.

  “Damn!” I reclaimed what belonged to me . . . to Kasha. It was the one thing I’d promised her for hours on end. I staked claim on her body; she treated mine as her own. “Damn,” I repeated. How could I allow myself to get trapped this way? I pulled, tugged and fought to get decent again.

  Decent, I mulled over the significance of the word. The full-length mirror hanging on the wall only made me regret being in the skin I was in. This time, the gloomy feel of regret didn’t only rest on me. I wore the face of shame.

  “You spent the night with her, but I could’ve had you if I’d wanted to.”

  I had no intentions of giving in to Erika, yet those words and my reaction put me in a mood.

  I swiped my arm at her words. Even tried to convince myself that nothing would’ve happened, though I’d allowed things to get this far. In spite of her denial, I knew what she’d done. Erika came from a dark world of less than upstanding individuals. The guy Kasha had seen fit the bill for Erika’s old crew. Yeah, old crew with an asshole for an ex.

  “Stay away from her.” I refused to make eye contact. My head hung low to my chest. “You and whoever did that shit to her house.” I moved slowly up the hallway then down the stairs. In the distance behind me, I heard furious cackling.

  “You’ll be back, Knox,” Erika assured me. The warning punched me in the gut. I was a second away from doubling over. That’s what happens to shitty people who get drawn into complicated situations. I let the air flow from my lips and heard Erika’s warning once again. This time, I turned to see her perched at the top of the stairs, still completely naked. “And I’ll do whatever it takes to get what’s meant to be mine.”

  I shook off the words and prepared to shut the door. Her feet pounded the entire way down the steps. From directly behind me, Erika continued with the insanity. The last set of words clung hard: “You’ve got too much at stake to ever let me go.”

  I paused on the top steps. The sentence flashed through my mind. The words were foreign for Erika, but caused sharp pain to ride down my neck. Part of me was curious enough to turn around and ask her to explain; while another part wanted to forget it altogether. Perhaps I’d pursue it further when I came back for some things. I didn’t know for sure. I was nowhere near paranoid, but a realist. Those words, that threat however, held significance. For now, I needed to pull away from everything that had taken place within those walls. This was my house, but Erika had nothing of her own. I’d taken her away from every- and anything she once knew. So I, unfortunately, had an obligation to look out for her.

  That’s it.

  I loved Kasha. “Yes, Kasha,” I affirmed out loud once behind the wheel.

  Just then, the phone buzzed. I reached for my pocket. Empty. A light flashed from the floor of the truck at the same time. Before my fingers could reach it, the buzzing ended.

  Five missed calls from Kasha. Coupled with the nudging up and down my neck, my sto
mach churned.

  “Kash?” I called into the line once the return call was accepted.

  “Where the hell are you, dude?” It wasn’t her voice.

  “Who the hell are you and where’s Kasha?”

  “If you cared so much, your ass would’ve answered the phone sooner.” The female blew loudly into the line. “Look, it’s Teagan. The asshole came back. You need to get back here now, Knox.”

  I didn’t need convincing. My attention turned to this new pursuit.

  ~

  Kasha

  ~

  “We fought him off!” Salty tears dripped into my mouth. Oh my God, did I do something wrong?

  “Where’s your boyfriend? Was he here?” The same midget cop from earlier now cornered me. He smirked and leaned closer.

  “Your buddy’s a total jerk,” Tea spat out at the other one.

  “Tell me something I don’t know,” the guy replied, followed by a wink.

  I didn’t miss the exchange, especially when my bestie returned the wink. Taking hold of Tea’s elbow, I led her away from the guys inside the kitchen. I didn’t stop until we stood just at the front foyer. The entire house contracted around me. I was out of sync and hella out of place. It no longer felt like I belonged here, or like it belonged to me.

  “What the hell, Kash?” Tea scolded loud enough for them to hear. Someone laughed. I’d bet anything it wasn’t the by-the-book cop.

  “You’re not seriously flirting with that guy. Are you, Tea?” The back of my hands flew up on my hips. Just like she wanted to play my protector, I wanted to be her common sense. “Please tell me you’re not.”

  “Why not?” Tea replied matter of factly. Her eyes formed large bowls, with wide eyelashes that flapped like all was well in Lala Land.

  I bit on the insides of my cheek to keep from laughing hard, from making any kind of noise.