What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy)

by Lisa Suzanne

  “No. I’m not. This Julianne thing has fucked with my head. I was doing fine until she called.”

  “You’ll get back there, man.”

  “That girl from Friday got me past it, and now I don’t have her. I don’t have Jules. I don’t have anything.”

  “You’ve got California, bud. At your fingertips.”

  I took a deep breath. “Thanks, man. I know I’m being a fucking pussy with all of this girl talk.”

  “Don’t. We’re in this together now, and I’ve got your back.”

  Dan headed to bed a little while after that since he had to get up for work the next day, and I fucked around in my room for awhile with my boxes, ultimately working on setting up all of the components for my television.

  I needed some fresh air, and a walk sounded nice.

  I headed to Skips since it was close and they had beer. I still had a dull headache from my hangover, but nothing helped cure those better than a good rally.

  I took a seat at the bar so I could watch ESPN on the big screens. I was never really one for sitting in a bar by myself, but for some reason, Skips felt good.

  The waitress from the night before sidled up next to me and took a seat at the bar.

  “Hey, handsome,” she said in her sultry voice. She wasn’t wearing her Skips t-shirt, so I took it she was off the clock.

  “Hey, yourself,” I said.

  “I was hoping you’d be back.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah. I’ve seen your friend in here, but you’re new.”

  I nodded. “Just moved here yesterday.”

  “Well, welcome. I’d love to initiate you to this town.”

  “I would love to be initiated.”

  She grinned, and she was really pretty. She had green eyes that lit up with her smile, and her blonde hair looked natural and hung in a long, straight curtain down past her shoulders. She was wearing a white tank top and jeans shorts, and the ensemble was doing things for me. I thought about spilling my beer on her shirt just to see what she had hidden underneath that white top, but I restrained myself.

  I finished my first beer and she called over the bartender to get me a second, ordering herself one, too.

  “I’m Travis.”

  “Tracy,” she said. “Do you live close by?”

  I nodded. “Right up the street. You?”

  She nodded, too. “The apartments just north of here.”

  I smiled at her. “Me, too.”

  “Well isn’t that lucky?”

  “It could turn out to be.”

  “You play pool?” she asked.

  “A little.”

  “I’ve got a deal for you.”

  “Oh?”

  “You beat me, I pay for your drinks. I beat you, I take you home to my apartment.”

  “Sounds like a win-win for me.”

  She leaned in close to me, and I could smell the flowery scent of her perfume. “Oh, it will be. Trust me.”

  Damn. My night was turning around.

  After the painful conversation with Julianne, Tracy was a much-needed distraction.

  We headed to the pool tables, each with a fresh drink in hand, and she racked the balls.

  “Ladies first,” I said when she looked up at me as if to decide who was going to break.

  She pocketed two solids on her first shot, and I had to admit I was already impressed. She sank another two and then it was my turn.

  I pointed with my stick to the pocket I was aiming for, and I knocked in three before scratching by sinking the cue ball.

  She easily dropped in another two, so she had one left plus the eight ball.

  I had a lot riding on this. Drinks paid for by this fine young lady or a trip back to her apartment.

  I was really enjoying San Diego so far, even though both my conversation with Jules and my night with the mystery woman were still on my mind.

  She missed her last solid, and I caught up quickly. We each had one left, and then I made a fatal error and put her last solid right into the pocket.

  She easily sailed the eight ball into the corner pocket she had pointed to, winning the game.

  She skipped over to me and threw her arms around my neck, planting a noisy kiss on my lips.

  Did I mention how much I was enjoying San Diego so far?

  I threw a few bills on the bar and she grabbed my hand and led me out. We walked up the street to her apartment. Mine was on the fourth floor on the west side of the building, facing the beach. Hers was on the second floor on the east side in a different building.

  In the back of my mind, I thought it probably wasn’t a good idea to hook up with the first girl I met in San Diego. Especially because she worked at my new hangout and lived in the same complex as me.

  But those thoughts were blown to hell when she slammed the door shut behind us and threw her arms around my neck again. I gripped her hips in my hands and lowered my head to hers, and our lips met.

  She was a good kisser, and she was cute and fun and flirty, but she didn’t have the wild, exotic edge I had experienced only days before. I couldn’t help the comparison that crept into my mind. She didn’t have what I was looking for, but she was warm and willing.

  “Trace, is that you?” I heard another woman’s voice yell into the hallway.

  “Yeah,” she yelled back, her lips still glued to mine.

  I heard footsteps approaching, and then the same voice said, “Oh, sorry.”

  I broke apart from Tracy and glanced up. Dark hair met my gaze as the woman looked down at the floor to give us privacy, and my heart quickened in my chest at the sight of her dark hair. It was cut in the exact style as the gorgeous woman’s hair. When she looked up, my heart rate returned to normal.

  It was odd that a woman who held such a minimal resemblance to my mystery woman should have such a profound effect on me. I chalked it up to the beer and figured I’d be fine come morning.

  “Sorry, didn’t know you brought a guest home.”

  “This is Travis. Travis, this is Kim, my roommate.”

  “Hey, Kim,” I said, trying to abate the awkwardness of the situation by pulling my hands from Tracy’s hips and reaching out to shake one of Kim’s.

  “Nice to meet you.” Kim was pretty, too, but even from this distance I could see that she had self-esteem issues. She didn’t carry any air of confidence about her, and she seemed shy and reserved. Confidence was a huge turn-on, maybe even more so than actual looks.

  “Did you need something, Kim?”

  “It can wait until morning.”

  “Travis, do you mind giving me a minute?” Tracy turned her attention back to me.

  “Not at all.”

  “You can go hang in my bedroom. Second door on the right.”

  I obeyed her command and walked to her bedroom. It was very girly. Almost sickeningly so. She had a hot pink comforter and pictures of princesses adorned the walls. I vaguely wondered how old she was, because this room looked like it belonged to a twelve-year-old, not to a seductive waitress who picked up patrons from her bar.

  I sat on her purple desk chair and waited for her to come back, trying not to feel like a dirty old man for the second time that day.

  I glanced around the room and saw lots of pictures. Collages of group photos where Tracy was puckering her lips like a duck were on just about every spare surface of the room. I never understood that pose on women. They thought they looked hot when in actuality they looked pretty stupid.

  I pulled out my phone for something to do while I waited. I had a text from Bill asking how my trip was, and one from my mom reminding me that I hadn’t made contact yet that day. I texted her back right away and let her know that I returned the U-Haul and was getting settled in. A second text from my mom informed me of Julianne’s accident, and I wrote her back and let her know that I already knew about it. I also had a text from my sister, just checking in and letting me know my nephews couldn’t stop talking about how much fun they had at my parent
s’ pool over the weekend.

  Ten minutes later, Tracy walked in. She was carrying two bottles of beer, and I immediately liked her more for bringing me alcohol.

  She pressed the bottle into my hand, and I gulped most of it down with one long swig.

  She moved to straddle my lap, but, unfortunately for us both, the moment was ruined. I cooled down when her roommate had interrupted us, and her princess bedroom was enough to bring me from midnight back to six.

  “I need to get going, Tracy.”

  She puffed out her bottom lip and pouted at me. Fucking pouted. Like a two year old in her Disney princess bedroom. The whole scenario was just… weird.

  “Why?”

  “I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow.” That was a flat out lie, but she didn’t need to know.

  “Why really?”

  “I’m just getting over a breakup. I can’t get back into something.”

  “I don’t want anything other than a fun night.”

  “Then I have to be honest with you. I can’t do that with Fiona from Shrek staring down at me.”

  She giggled, and it was endearing. “Not the first time I’ve heard that one. My daddy pays for my apartment. He decorated like this on purpose so I’d be too embarrassed to bring boys over.”

  “Didn’t work?”

  She took the beer bottle from my hand and then set hers down, too.

  “Most guys get past it when they see these.” She lifted that white tank top over her head and released her glorious breasts from her push-up bra, and suddenly I didn’t give a shit about Fiona’s judging eyes.

  My body responded to hers, and I was back at midnight. She moved to straddle me again, and this time, I let her. Her fingers dove into my hair, tangling around and tugging lightly as one of my hands found her hips and the other found her breast. Our mouths met in the middle, and she moaned into me as she gyrated on my hard dick. She sucked on my bottom lip and then nibbled gently. I groaned at the feeling, and then she pulled my shirt off over my head. The feeling of her bare chest against mine was fantastic, and I leaned down to take one of her pink nipples in my mouth. She screamed out, and I was momentarily reminded that she had a roommate, but if she didn’t care, then I didn’t, either. It wasn’t my roommate that I’d have to get up and face in the morning after a very loud sexual encounter.

  I stood up with her wrapped around me and deposited her on the bed. Taking the top, I hovered over her, still kissing her as one arm supported my weight and the other moved to graze her skin.

  “So, Tracy. How far do you want to take this?” I murmured against her neck.

  “Oh God. I want you, Travis,” she managed, her voice hoarse.

  I flipped her over and took the bottom, pulling her on top of me. She arched back and bounced her breasts around, and then she pumped up and down over me a few times. She looked good from that angle, but, then, what woman didn’t look good when she was half naked and straddling me?

  A flash of the mystery woman’s face passed through my mind, and I froze for a second. But then Tracy pulled me up so I was in a sitting position. She took my head in her hands and kissed me good and hard, like she was kissing away the memory of Gorgeous, and then she shimmied down me and traced the outline of my erection through my jeans.

  But Tracy’s kiss couldn’t eliminate my memory of the woman I’d never see again.

  It also didn’t eliminate Jules from my mind as an image of her face flashed through my mind, too.

  What was I doing here? I was hooking up with the first woman I met in San Diego, and I wasn’t in a place where that was a smart idea. I was lost, shattered over two different women for two very different reasons, yet I was in a third woman’s bed.

  Let me rephrase that: I was in a third woman’s pink princess bed.

  And then Tracy undid the button of my jeans and reached in, and all coherent thought left my brain for a moment as I went for her shorts while she worked me over. She backed out of reach, stroking me with the absolute perfect amount of pressure.

  This wasn’t her first rodeo.

  She increased her speed and then slowed it down, and everything she did brought me closer to the edge. I went flying over it into oblivion a few minutes later, and then she sat up and took off her shorts. She was wearing a black thong, and I slapped her ass cheek. Hard. It was there and peachy and waiting for me.

  She yelped and then took off her thong, and she settled into the bed next to me. I leaned up over her and kissed her, trying to keep it slow and tender. I believed in equality, and I wanted to get her off, too. But I was just so damn tired, and now that I was done, I was freaked out by the animated princesses staring down at me again, not to mention the warring images of Jules versus the mystery woman that wouldn’t stop floating through my mind.

  I knew that kissing Tracy slowly would speed along the process of getting her off as it had proven to have a high success rate in the past. As I worked to pleasure her, I wondered if the two of us would get together again. It was convenient for both of us, and if we had chemistry, I couldn’t see much wrong with the occasional hook-up.

  Except for the fact that I knew that I would never feel the depth of feelings for her that I had for the other two women on my mind.

  I was momentarily distracted by the green princess on the wall behind Tracy. If this was going to happen again, it would have to be at my place.

  I drove my fingers in and out, setting a rhythm, and her breathing quickened as she got closer to the edge. I pulled my fingers out and rubbed her magic button, and when I leaned down and ever so softly bit her nipple, she cried out in pleasure and then fell apart beneath me, squeezing my hand between her legs as she came fiercely.

  She grinned at me, and I smiled back, collapsing back on her pillows.

  “Well. That was fun,” she said.

  I nodded.

  “We’ll have to do it again. Soon,” she murmured, and then she kissed my forehead and stood up. She washed up in the bathroom, and I stood up and pulled on my jeans and my t-shirt. I was just putting my shoes back on when she emerged.

  “You don’t have to go,” she said.

  But I did. I wasn’t one to hang around after a hookup, and if this was going to happen again, I had to set the precedent.

  Besides, Fiona would never agree to a coed sleepover.

  “Yeah, I do.” I pulled her into me and kissed her by way of apology, and then we exchanged numbers.

  I almost said, “Next time, we do this at my place,” but I stopped myself. I didn’t really want some entanglement, especially not with a girl who worked at the bar I was going to be frequenting and who lived in my apartment complex. It was easier to take off when I was the one doing the leaving. Besides, I reasoned, she had told me that she just wanted a night of fun. And fun had certainly been had. So I left it at that and walked the short distance to my apartment.

  On Tuesday afternoon, I was unpacking more of my boxes when lunchtime rolled around. I thought about going to Skips. What if Tracy was working? Would she take it as an indication that I wanted something more? I didn’t, but I did have a hankering for a cheeseburger, and Skips was the closest. I took it as a good sign that she hadn’t texted me yet; that meant that she wouldn’t be a clinger, and hopefully she had meant what she said the night before: “I don’t want anything other than a fun night.”

  I covered the short distance to Skips in a few minutes.

  Four women sat at the table by the door, and it took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the dark bar after being out in the bright sun. I pulled off my sunglasses. Some men rested sunglasses on top of their heads; I didn’t, because I didn’t want to mess up my hair. Some guys put their sunglasses in the neck at the back of their shirts; I didn’t, because I thought that looked douchey. So I stuck my aviators in the v-neck of my t-shirt as I threw on my confident swagger walk and headed to the bar, pretty sure that I could feel the eyes of the four ladies by the door on my ass.

  I sat in the same seat I had been in t
he night before and remembered when Tracy had walked up to me. It had been a fun night, but I knew it would never amount to anything more than just a string of fun nights with her. And I was cool with that, as long as she was. The bartender came over to take my order. He looked more like a bouncer than a bartender. “Hey dude, you’re back again?”

  I smiled. “Closest place to my new digs.”

  “Welcome. I’m Max.”

  “Travis.”

  “You go home with Trace last night?”

  I nodded, a little weary to be discussing this with him.

  “She’s a sweet girl.”

  “Yeah.” I wasn’t sure where he was going with this conversation.

  Lucky for me, he dropped it. “What can I get for you?”

  I placed my order and watched the basketball and golf highlights on ESPN while I waited for my burger, and a text from my dad buzzed through. Hey pal. Thinking about you.

  I smiled at my dad’s text. He was the poised patriarch of my family, typically devoid of emotional outbursts, but I knew he was concerned about me.

  Hey Pops. Thanks. Doing well so far. Excited about work tomorrow.

  Good. You will have your hands full.

  For some reason, an image of Tracy’s breast filling my hand the night before popped inappropriately into my mind at that moment. And then it was immediately replaced by an image of Gorgeous and her perfect breasts filling my hands. I realized later that one person didn’t pop into my mind in that moment: Julianne Becker. I felt the progress of baby steps.

  Ready for it. Thanks for everything.

  You bet, kid. Take care of yourself and text your mother. She’s worried about you and driving me crazy.

  I chuckled as the bartender set down my burger. “Enjoy,” he said.

  CHAPTER 6

  After lunch, I decided to take a walk on the beach. I hadn’t been there yet despite the fact that I’d been living in San Diego for over thirty-six hours. I paused on my way out the door to send a smile in the direction of the four ladies who still sat in their booth, and I heard a squeal erupt from their table when as the door slammed shut behind me. I grinned as I stepped out into the sun and pulled my aviators from the v-neck of my shirt and threw them on, feeling pretty damn good about myself.